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I hate myself I hate everyone everyone. Fuck the world Im going to kill my self at 30 I’m worthless and tired of trying
2023.06.04 20:07 Throwaway10100100010 I hate myself I hate everyone everyone. Fuck the world Im going to kill my self at 30 I’m worthless and tired of trying
I fucking hate everyone no one gives a fuck about me. my job makes me more miserable every “friend” pushes me away like I’m trash every girl says they don’t feel a connection I’m tired of tryin tired of living Iv never had a girlfriend never felt loved i have been miserable my entire fucking life
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to mentalillness [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 20:06 mightbeathrowaway70 Can I do something to make sure someone does not become a therapist?
okay this might be a long post but I would like to know if I could do something about this girl I know. To be frank this girl is obsessive and a pathological liar. I outted her back in high school only to her, her brother and my close friend at the time knew because they were the ones who helped me figure out that she lied about her dad having cancer for at that point 2 years. I would like to make it clear, it was about once a week give or take that she was crying over her "dying father". I tell her that shes lying and all she did was not talk to me and that was that. A few years go by and we are all in college and her best friend (we spoke semi often after high school) spoke to me how she was upset because it was like she became a different person and how they had not have been talking as much. I said "well you know she is a bad person right?" and explained to her how she lied about her father. The girl calls the liar about this and at first she doesnt admit it but eventually caves in and says that she lied and chalked it up to other issues she had. They stop talking and now my friend gets prank calls, text messages and other petty garbage. I get a few prank calls but my friend is getting most of the problems (i would like to mention the girl who lied denies that she never prank called us, which is a lie). We bring parents involved and shes lying the whole way through and is shaking and red in the face, kept cutting me and my friend off while explaining our points. Reguardless, its over, nothing changes and no one besides the old best friend and her boyfriend knows about her dad not ever having cancer. Come a few months later prank calls AGAIN. stupid and dumb yes but at this point i have not spoken to this girl neither has my friend or any one for that matter and she decides to start with the prank calls again and for a few weeks this goes on for. she made the mistake of calling me in which i record the whole thing and call my boyfriend. so i text her best friend that she lied about her dad having cancer and that she is crazy. she then texts me saying how she never prank called me and yada yada, and is super angry i told her friend. she then keeps texting me saying how this is over and we should be grown ups blah blah. she sends me 19 text messages where i respond to zero and says how she is going to get a harassment charge against me and my friend, she said that my friend should watch her back (WTF? THIS GIRL DIDNT DO ANYTHING????) regardless the prank calls stopped and I am back at square one. why is this all important? this nut job wants to become a child therapist. this obsessive nut job should not be near anyone. she manipluated everyone around her, does childish stuff like prank call, and makes you feel like ur the crazy one when shes the manipluator. she goes to therapy herself and obviously hasnt gotten far but i need to know is therre somehting i could do to make sure she doesnt become a therapist??
TL;DR: manipulative, pathological liar, obsessive-nutcase wants to become a child therapist when she should not
submitted by mightbeathrowaway70
to askatherapist [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 20:06 Savings-Dirt-1854 I Think I’m Falling for My Best Friend
I know this isn’t the place for relationship advice, so I’m not asking for any. Just wanted to get this off my chest.
I met her back in college, and we've both since graduated. We got really close her last year there, and I told her that I had feelings for her. Twice, actually. She said that since she was moving 2 hours away and about to start a new job, she told me that it wouldn't be a good idea. She later texted me and said that she just saw me as a friend. This was several years ago, and while we still remained good friends, we drifted apart due to distance and being in different places in our lives.
We recently reconnected at a mutual friend's wedding, and have seen each other several times since then. If possible, I think we're even closer now than when we saw each other almost every day. My young, male brain has since had some time to mature, and I've realized that I don't have to constantly try to interpret things. We've been texting several times a week, and it's rare that we go longer without some form of communication.
When we're on long car rides, we use each other for entertainment. We'll ask each other questions that don't have answers, and they'll end up being 3+ hour talks. We've talked about almost everything, and even give each other career advice. We have more inside jokes than I have with even some of my better guy friends. And if it helps, my mom adores her.
Now, I don't know if anything is different this time around or not, and I think I'm too worried about reading into things to try and talk to her about this. When I leave her after a visit, it genuinely feels like I'm leaving half of myself there with her. She's the only person I've wanted to wait for, and I don't even know if things will ever go in that direction. But for now I'm content to just live in the moment with her.
Thanks for reading my sappy post. Good luck out there, soldiers.
submitted by Savings-Dirt-1854
to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 20:06 Throwaway-Eel02928 Gym recommendations in Angeles City?
Planning to work on my fitness real soon pero I can't find a good gym na sa tingin ko pasok standards ko! Hopefully affordable pero willing to pay more than the usual amount if the place itself it worth it naman.
Requirements that I'm looking for:
- Mismo sa Clark or near SM Clark since I live there
- Clean!!!!!! Always sanitized yong equipments sana
- Clean and functional CR, I'm thinking na I'll shower right after kaya they have accomodation sa CR
- Safe and comfortable for ladies
Also, I haven't been inside a gym since the pandemic. Any tips/suggestions for someone like me na gusto magkeep to herself and ayaw maka-encounter ng too friendly people? lol
submitted by Throwaway-Eel02928
to Pampanga [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 20:05 Melodyp0nd7700900461 Missing my Dad’s memorial
Please do not repost. I don’t want my sister to see it.
Relevant background: my parents divorced when I was an infant. My Dad remarried his affair partner, had a couple kids and moved to another state all before I was five.
He died last year and my sister asked me write a eulogy. I didn’t give this to her because I have no desire to hurt her. But I feel like I need to say it.
Its been a year since my Dad died and in many ways I feel as numb as I did that day. The last year I have found that I neither miss him more or less than I did while he was alive.
I think of him often and sometimes pick up the phone to call or text. Usually its about food or music. How to cook this cut of meat or ask him the name of that mix he used for shrimp boils. Or I hear pink floyd, rush or nine inch nails. There are songs forever tied to my father that will bring back memories of my childhood.
Every year I came down my Dad made sure to spend one weekend with just me. We often went to a little oceanfront town. We would see the gator farm, ripley’s museum, and just spend time together.
One year we went to the beach and stayed in this two level motel across the street from the ocean. It was pouring rain.
Dad had this little propane cooker. I don’t know what to call it and he filled it with water, spices and shrimp and we drove across to the beach. He planted it in the sand and turned it on. He came back in the truck laughing and soaked. He turned on Rush. Tom Sawyer blasting as we watched the storm over the ocean.
One of my favorite memories.
We weren’t close after I became an adult. In many ways he was a stranger to me. When I was asked about things we remembered about Dad a few things came to mind instantly.
I remembered a bunch of things going to Sams Club, Publix, how ridiculously early he got up, how strong his coffee smelled and was. Nights in the yard as he fried, grilled and shucked. Shucking along with him and eating fresh oysters.
He had an oyster guy that we bought them straight from his trunk. There was a shrimp place where they were bought in large quantities. Poured out on a stainless steel counter covered in ice. Hooters and chicken wings.
He used to fry wings all the time. I remember once when i was probably nine where I decided i was grown and didn’t need to eat the kid wings and could do the spicy ones. They were so hot! I remember my mouth on fire and my stepmom scolding him. Not really sure what he did to them to make them that hot.
I remember boiled peanuts that took him days. Oysters Rockefeller and these other ones that were dry and I am not sure what he did to them.
I’m certain my love of food and cooking came from him.
My sense of pride and stupidity in the name of pride came from him too.
I remember when i was a teen and we were in this mall or flea market at a hot sauce stand. Dad was trying stuff but this guy kept acting like I couldn’t handle heat. Dad said I could and I tried several. This little dot of sauce on a toothpick. Until i came to one that was too much. I didn’t react and said that one was good and what was next.
Dad said that’s enough his mouth was hot and he wanted to get lunch. We walked away and were just out of sight of the guy. He told me “you can react now” and i started panting and swearing and he was laughing. We went to this bar, that had gator nuggets, i forget the name, for lunch.
I also remember now how much crown and beer he drank. How he smelled of them both often. That day was no different.
I remember how tall he seemed. How his laughter could fill a space and make you laugh too.
I saw him eight weeks out of the year. We talked weekly when we still paid for long distance. I’m not sure that he would have been more present in my life if he lived closer. Maybe.
He was never at doctors appointments even though i had a childhood illness that had me see them often. I’m not sure he fully understood that stuff.
He was never at any of my major life events. Except high school graduation. I remember that.
He was at neither of my weddings. To be fair I eloped the first and he was hospitalized the second. He walked my sister down the aisle and had the dance with her. I wish that didn’t make me jealous or sad to remember.
He barely knew my daughter and knew none of those quirks that make her amazing.
He knew his other grandchildren. Except the youngest whom he actually met for the first time a week or so before he died. She was three or four then. That makes me happy for them both. Still a little sad.
He didn’t know my second husband at all but I wish he had gotten know him. That makes me sad too because really my husband wouldn’t have known the man I remember.
But what occurred to me most as I write this was thst none of these memories are recent. I didn’t really know him.
My stepmom left him due to his addiction issues when I was in my late teens.
I didn’t really fully grasp those issues. My siblings and she dealt with them because they were there and I was not.
My sister picked him up off the floor and tried to get him sober. I didn’t.
I knew only what we talked about and back then when he was spiraling we talked a lot about things that I didn’t want to know. He was in a really dark place.
A place that landed him in hospitals and half way houses and homeless. He nearly died due to medical issues not drugs multiple times. I’m sure more times with the drugs.
There were large gaps of silence on both sides for years.
In my early twenties before it got very bad for him he decided not to talk to me because I was no longer Christian. That lasted a little over a year. After I had spent a year talking him through his divorce.
When I turned 40 he sent me a six page long hand written letter asking why we had no relationship and how he wouldn’t be around forever. He took no responsibility in it.
After that i tried to reach out monthly at least. He almost never reached out to me. I still have his texts. He never said anything about the wedding photos I sent him. Not even you look beautiful or congratulations.
When we talked it was all surface level. Long ago did we stop talking about deep things. I would tell him about work or my kid or the dumb dog.
I miss him but the him I miss has been gone for over twenty years if he ever existed at all. I’ve been mourning that man for a long time. His body has finally been put to rest for a year now.
For the last year I have struggled with my lack of grief but today i think I finally understand . My Dad had been dead to me for a long time. My father died a year ago.
submitted by Melodyp0nd7700900461
to TwoHotTakes [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 20:05 Secure_Character2339 NG Decision Deadline Coming Up
Want to get opinion on a new grad offer (Jan 2024). Have a deadline for a new-grad position at one of the big quants for TC 250-300k recurring in Chicago. I have never been there and only have a few days left to make the decision. I've never lived away from home, but the best CS jobs there are probably only around TC 100k, although COL is cheaper.
- Chicago seems like a cool city from what I have read
- Lots of room to increase TC at company
- Well-known and well-respected firm
- Lots of office perks
- Salary better then I ever could have imagined with my resume
- Bad WLB (probably 50-55 hwk)
- Strict in-office policy (No WFH allowed)
- Internet says bad things about crime in Chicago
- No friends or family in 500mi radius
- Higher COL will eat into higher salary
- Salary seems much lower then levels.fyi suggusted it would be. If I got lucky enough to get at another firm could potentially get a better salary and by accepting now I give up that possibility
- Non-compete means cannot switch easily later
Has anyone made the move to Chicago for a salary in that range and what has your experience been? Is the city a nice place to live? Is it worth giving everything up to move there for that salary? Obviously it's a high salary but still the thought of moving away from all friends and family for bad WLB makes me hesitant. Also I have a deadline soon and once I accept I cannot keep interviewing without big risk (Quant is a small industry and word gets around so no reneg). Also the offers seem to be on the better end of what is possible with FAANG where WLB is also a lot better.
submitted by Secure_Character2339
to csMajors [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 20:04 Desperate_Bad_2489 mystery microorganisms appeared overnight?? HELP
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I found two new groups of living somethings in my nearly-cycled 75g this morning- honestly clueless as to how they got there and what to do about them. I haven’t seen either before today and they have me very anxious.. I’ve been researching for hours in a minor panic attack, it seems that i’m dealing with Copepods (but they’re good?), which are too minuscule to get a decent picture of, and moth fly larvae (i borrowed a picture off of google after matching it to what i have). The copepods are hopping around on the glass and over the substrate, the worms are sticking heads-up from the substrate. I have a few patches of mulm that also appeared out of nowhere a few weeks ago, that the worms seem to be hanging out by/in. There have never been any living inhabitants in this tank up until now, plants included. Only thing in there is about 2-3 inches of sand. I have two subadult axolotls i intended to move into this tank once it finished cycling, so i’m looking for ways to kill off both without severely damaging my brand new bacteria colonies. If that’s not possible, there is nothing currently living in the tank, so i’m open to any sure-fire purging options. What can i do to remove these invaders as effectively as possible and ensure they won’t come back?? Do i need to strip the tank and start over? Are either of them dangerous to axolotls? submitted by Desperate_Bad_2489 to Aquariums [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 20:04 JustinC87 Experiences using a Cat s22 Flip for 4 months
I just wanted to give everyone an update into my dumbphone journey. I bought a Cat s22 Flip back in February off Ebay for around $130 dollars. Some thoughts thus far:
Overall, I really like this phone. It has managed to get me from spending around 3 to 4 hours a day on my phone to around 10 to 20 minutes (assuming I don't listen to music on it). While I can go online, I rarely do, except when I need to do so when I'm out running errands or something. This has also resulted in my spending less time in general on computers or internet. I've refused to put any social media apps on the phone, so I pretty much just use it for phone calls, a few texts, and music listening. Battery generally goes a day and half before a charge, which I'm trilled with.
As far as downsides, the camera basically is crap. Better than nothing, but still crappy. I've compensated by buying a point-and-shoot digital camera. Another thing I don't like is that when you hit the speaker button, closing the flip phone calls the call to terminate. I feel this could be an easy fix. Texting with the phone's default system sucks as does the T9 download. However, voice-to-text is an easy work around. While it means I send fewer texts, I'm more likely to make a phone call, which is probably a better thing for social relationships. Additionally, I still haven't figured out how to listen to music on a web browser without keeping the phone open. But that's really a small issue.
As I switched to this phone, I read Cal Newport's Digital Minimalism. I feel like this phone is perfect for those who wish to follow that book's guidelines. So, in short, this is a great phone for those who seek less reliance on their phones, but also need smart capabilities for jobs, etc.
Anyone else have similar experiences with this phone? It hurts my heart that it's been discontinued. I feel with a few minor tweaks and a better ad campaign, the Cat s22 Flip could be a great phone for those seeking to minimize smartphone/internet addiction. I know there is a whole segment of folks out there who remember life before the internet and want to regain control over their lives (basically older millennials like myself). Seems like a missed opportunity.
submitted by JustinC87
to dumbphones [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 20:03 AutoModerator [Download Course] Bill Walsh – The Objection Box Family (Genkicourses.site)
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2023.06.04 20:03 gh0stlight NFH that needs a tactic approach. HELP
When I first moved in, my next door neighbor seemed really chill. However since he found out I’m a member of alphabet community, he started threatening me with his gun and blasting his ghetto ass music from dusk til dawn -not exaggerating. His music has been playing basically non stop for almost three years now. I’ve called the rental agency to do something about it after sending them recordings of the loud music. They stated that they would like to do their own recordings, and so they did -multiple times-. They left their recording device for me to record whenever the music is loud. However for some reason my neighbor knows and keeps his music off. When the recording time frame is over he plays his music even louder and longer. Last year I had the pleasure of listening to one song straight everyday for the entire year on repeat up until I was staying at my moms for the weekend and I felt anxious because I’m not used to peace and calm anymore. Working and studying at home is THE actual worst.
I’ve contacted the police and they told me they couldn’t do anything about the threats and excessive noise since I need proof. My neighbor is smart enough (i live in a cul de sac) to turn off the music when he sees a police vehicle driving up. I’m desperately looking for another place to live, however in my country (NL) it’s nearly impossible. Until then I need a solution for this madness. The municipality, police and rental agency are clearly not an option.
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to neighborsfromhell [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 20:02 BritneyDelMercury I need advice on how to become healthy again and free of abuse
I want to ask here because some other ask reddits seem biased towards the men in relationships no matter what. My family has a predisposition towards seeing the flaws in my behavior every time I come to them for help. And I really just mean my mother and sister, they are all I have for family outside of my bf of 8 years. My main concern is that he is always yelling at me and talking over me. I ask him to stop and he doesn’t. Furthermore he claims he’s not yelling. He often asks me why I won’t answer him when he’s trying to come up with a plan for something and I tell him it’s because I freeze when people yell at me. He just goes on to say that it just infuriates him that I don’t answer him and that’s why he yells. Then he’ll go back to being “nice”, and notice I’m not acting the way he wants me to because I’m shook up. I tell him it’s because of what happened. He’ll tell me he already got over it and I should to, and that I just always want to start a fight. Then I shut down again, if I keep trying to communicate my feelings he will go back to yelling at me. If I cry he becomes insanely angry and irritated. My cat was in the EMERGENCY room last week and I was extremely miserable about it, and crying non stop, my cat almost died. He was so mad that I was crying because he told me crying won’t solve anything. Occasionally he will push sex on me by guilt tripping me until I feel like if I say no then something bad will happen. To make matters worst, I told my sister and she told me that it was partially my fault for letting that happen and that I need to take responsibility of my situation. So now I’m lost and wondering if I’m really just sensitive about everything. The difference between myself and my boyfriend is we both have childhood trauma but I actively work on trying to heal through therapy and medication. Unfortunately I have given up on therapy as much as I need it. I have government insurance and I keep being appointed inexperienced and overworked therapists who don’t specialize in any particular field. I need to pay for good therapy at this point. As for him, he refuses to try therapy at all and blames his family, stress, work, money issues and more specifically his father for his behaviors. He uses weed to cope and if he doesn’t have it I know it’s going to be a long day/night. He’s like Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde with and without weed.
I usually spend hours alone in bed with this pit in the ball of my stomach and I just feel utterly hopeless. Or I just sit in one place frozen. I don’t have any access to anyone or anything anymore. It’s not like he made it that way though, it just happened slowly I don’t know why. Every time I get a job I have a panic attack the first day. I used to be able to work and handle life better, I don’t know what happened.
I have nothing but my 3 cats. No job. No money. No friends. Little family. Estranged relationship with my father far away. The only silver lining in my life is a free college program I’m taking right now that is so hard to focus on because of what is happening right now. My mom said I can move into the house she lives in which isn’t even really her house, though she pays the bills. Unfortunately she lives with her emotionally abusive boyfriend, and two squatter addict relatives. It was my grandparents house, and they have both passed away. I would have to live in the room my grandpa recently passed away in and move everything out. It is not an ideal situation, and I don’t even know what to do. I technically have a car, but my boyfriend has taken it over. It would be a struggle to get it back, and it’s an old Volvo that’s always falling apart. One last thing is that I’m terrified of shelters because of my childhood and that is not an option for me, I’d rather live in a car. Typing this all out makes me feel like such a loselost cause. I can’t see a way out. But maybe someone here can see something I don’t.
submitted by BritneyDelMercury
to AskWomenOver40 [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 20:02 lnconsi Finding a flat ASAP
Hello everyone, apologies for the throwaway and absolute state of my post, in need of advice.
I've (26M) been looking to rent/mortgage a flat for ages, self employed and made about £20k/year for the last 2 years and have around £25k saved. I've never fully committed to getting one because I don't really know how, my mum would say I won't be able to because I'm self employed and my income is a bit inconsistent over the months, and my mental is pretty bad. I spent months looking on websites but I only messaged once and when they didn't reply I got in a bit of a downer about it and haven't bothered since.
About 3 months ago I got shafted and I've had basically no income since then.
A bit under a week ago I had an argument with my brother and mum where I was living which devolved into them being extremely abusive, so I left and am now living with my sister which isn't ideal.
In the last week I've made a CV, started applying for jobs and spoke to counselling agency and should have an appointment soon hopefully, but both my sister and I want me to move out asap and going back to my mums wouldn't preferred.
How easy would it be for me to rent my own flat in / around Glasgow considering I've had no income for 3 months? Can I just pay 6 months up front or something? I don't think it would be hard for me to find a job, which I want to do along with my self employment. Should I just try on spareroom instead? I would rather have my own place but I'd rather give my sister her house back more she's really upset about it all too.
Thank you very much.
submitted by lnconsi
to Scotland [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 20:01 45ujt445y515 What should i do what would you do
I'm (25f) sick of dealing with my family and juggling with problems and pleasing everyone My parents want to help my sister (29f) who betrayed us, but by doing that they screw me and my chance to have a house to live in and a brighter future perhaps, she left in the midst of a pandemic to another country with a boyfriend who has been dating and breaking up constantly throughout her college years, she left my parents, my disabled 16-year-old brother totally dependent on my mom, my husband, and I on our own to survive when she was the only one left with a job and she left us because of her desire to have a family with her ex who cheated on each other, she humiliated me in the bank in front of everyone who was there, while we did a procedure that suited us all so we wouldn't be homeless even though there was no food, we asked for a loan to be able to pay the rent of the house and not be On the streets with a child who has to sleep with a machine that helps him breathe, my sister took off and left me in charge of the debt that I still owe to the bank in the name of both of us but since she was not in the country, They charge me and insult me and she made a new life, luckily my husband managed to get a job a couple months later when the gov let people open again, and he had to go from one city to another 5hrs from home and he visits me when he can and so do I, we made sacrifices cause we needed to survive, but hes now the one that pays everyone's expenses out of love cause we are pretty close he decided so and It is not fair for him to support my family, that is the children's job, I mean, my sister and I, I am still finishing my studies and work half time, I only have one year of internship left to graduate and work and support my family, my husband does want me to finish my studies, hes scared that if something happens to him how would i be left behind defenseless and its always been my dream to graduate and break the cycle of my family, my sister does have a university degree my parents paid some and with scholarships too, from the country we came from (we live in another country, not the one where I spent my childhood) since shes the older i couldnt go to university when i was younger, she did not want to validate her degree when she arrived here to get better opportunities (we have dual born citizenship in both countries, the one where we live now and where she went to and where we spend our childhood) and only went with boyfriends and traveling with them and got jobs as a cook half time istead of engineers jobs cause she is.
Everyone contributed at home before we lost our jobs due to the pandemic and we still haven't been able to recover, my husband was upset by my sister's betrayal (me too) and for being ungrateful because it was with our money that we paid for her plane tickets and we took care of her expenses for months without asking for anything in return and with the promise that we would help my mother and brother when they get here and have a bright life, when my parents and brother arrived instead of being of help she gave the debt to my parents and they are so stupid that they accepted pay it for her, shes done many things shes so problematic when shes home we fight so often when shes gone we barely fight maybe months without fights, i cant list all shes done it would be too long (this is already long), my husband is upset and does not want to see her nor in paintings, she is prohibited from coming back or he wont pay rent as long as shes there.
Guess who got cheated on and lost her job in the country that she returned to and now she asks her parents for help? Exactly my sister, she wants to go back and live where she once abandoned us and I don't contribute money and she wants to make use of it now that she needs it. She first told my mom she would only stay a week shes going to another closeby country to work (already unacceptable) guess who told my mom today that the friend who was waiting for her in that country bailed now she cant go and will stay in this house, sHe wants to go back and start over because she has no one where she left (obviously because she abandoned her only family) and my parents even though my husband supports us even though he shouldn't he doesn't want my sister back so much that he once told me that if she came back she would stop paying the rent and he's right, you can't argue with him, but my parents would rather risk living on the street than let my sister learn life lessons, and with that they screw me because I too would be homeless and I need to graduate I only have the internship left that I start in september and I started to learn how to put oashes to support us when i dont go to uni or study, when I have free time to be able to earn some money and help pay for my university and expenses but I will not be able to graduate and finally have a better job and live with my husband calmly and have my family, I would have to leave my family and I love them so much I have no other and they are really good but they cannot leave my sister be and they tell me that if it were me they would do the same for me but they do not see that they are fucking his other daughter directly and his handicapped son for helping another daughter, they can't support themselves, they don't have nearly enough income, not even to support for one person, 4 is already a joke, which would be counting my sister, we have lived on charity, they cant keep up with this fantasy and Besides, I have resentment and anger I don't want to live those times again I don't want to see my sister's face shes been always a problematic person in my life and out of love and family unity i tried to work our relationship and forgive and move on but im too tired go keep on this fight and for what?, my heart hurts but I am in a very important moment in my life I have eaten shit since I was a child I have lived in poverty ive been mistreated repeatedly I want to be able to have a good life even if it is for just a moment before I die.
I dont know what I want to do, just let it all burn let my parents tell my husband, ill play dumb like i didnt know and dont get involved let em tell him their great idea to let my sister back in cause shes in need knowing my husband (also i dont want her back) dont wanna take her in for all shes done or help my parents built a case and see how he reacts and see if he doesnt kick us or them out and deal with my marriage, cause I cant just please everyone nor myself i lose no matter what, it truly makes me feel like a villain and breaks my heart at the same time What should i do, im also tempted to just write to my sister asking her to desist of coming here shes just bringing trouble my whole mood is ruined
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2023.06.04 20:01 Improvised_1 Ex (27M) reached out to me (24F) after 4 months of no contact. I'm not sure how to approach this?
I broke up with my ex 3.5 months ago and we were together for about 4 months. The reason for the breakup was due to me being busy with life and traveling back and forth so I felt like I didn't have enough time. He took the breakup well enough and we haven't talked since. Reflecting back, I also felt afraid of getting close in romantic relationships; we did start to become more physical near the end and for some reason it just freaked me out inside. I'm not entirely sure why. I don't have too many experiences with being in a relationship.
He was a great boyfriend. Our values aligned super well and we could always talk about anything. He had a great job, was attentive, planned great dates, and super caring (in the good, not the overbearing crazy way). I never felt tremendous sparks but I did feel some level of attraction. Some part of me feels like I ended it too early and another thinks I'm just not ready deep down for a relationship or the timing isn't right. We did click so well together, even from a friend standpoint.
He reached out to me over text and asked to catch up over coffee. I think I will meet up with him but do I bring up the past? Should we just be friends and see where this goes? It's like my brain is fighting against itself - It would be nice to be in a relationship but I also feel weird when in one. He's also such a good person, I feel bad for hurting him and don't know what to do moving forward. I may be overthinking all of this, what if he really just wants to be friends and catch up?
TLDR: Ex reached out to me to catch up. A part of me is thinking to try again and another part of me is hesitant because I feel weird about it.
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2023.06.04 20:00 RiverWitch812 What's the 30+ roommate environment like in Cbus?
I'm a single woman in my mid-30s with a dog and a full time job that covered all my bills until recently. My annual raise this year was 2% and my expenses have all gone up 10-20%
I've been living alone for years and I love it. But economically, it's no longer feasible.
I want to know what I'm up against. My question is, am I embarking on an impossible journey by looking for another grown adult who has their sh*t reasonably together? My ideal roommate would be a person over the age of ~27 with a dog or cat who would get along with my dog who would go in on a decent apartment in a decent area.
In this economy? Surely there's SOMEONE out there in the same boat as me. But I don't want to submit an add only to get laughed out of the forum. Anybody have any advice or ideas?
submitted by RiverWitch812
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2023.06.04 20:00 Atargatiseridani Almost there Folks! One advice for newbies in September
I have exactly 25 days to finish my PGCE and I can't wait. Its been rough, busy, crazy, most of the time felt like I tripped on something 2 weeks earlier and still tried to get my balance back. For the last 6 months. :)
for everyone else who will read this at the beginning of your 1st and 2nd placement- listen to this advice, because it may save your life.
My 1st Placement was a wonderful school, with amazing teachers, a team, atmosphere. My mentor was a crazy guy who was hovering 1m above the ground all the time because of the energy he had. i went in the first day and I said: 'I may look like a woman but I'm a tough soldier. Please treat me like one. If I fuck up smth, you have to tell me, don't wrap it up in cotton candy. If I do something good, I need to hear it. Nothing in between.'. 'Deal!' he said and kept his promise. The placement was a breeze, he was an amazing mentor and I will always have him as my main teaching inspiration. For out-of-control reasons I had to finish my 1st placement on my own, I was trusted by other teachers and was teaching on my own, with an observer in the room, getting flying colours and excellent formal observations from all sorts of different teachers. Finished my 1stP on the green, with an excellent opinion.
They said '2nd Placement may be a shock to the system. You have to start everything anew, new building, new people, new kids, even the loo is different, THAT'S NORMAL, wait it out. It can never be the same and you have 50/50 chances it will be worse.'
With this thought, I went on to my 2nd placement. Not as an experienced teacher but still as a half-baked newbie - I realised something was terribly wrong on the first day of my teaching. First week, of observations, only was raising my hair but Monday was a shock. My new mentor, a woman this time, has presented herself as a friendly and easygoing person and that's how I took it. I was observing her lessons, naughty kids, her screaming at them, and kids not listening to her at all.... I thought 'It's just a phase, wait it out'.....
Monday morning, my first lesson, my mentor never had any time for me during the previous week so I didn't even know if my own laptop (''the school wasn't borrowing anything for strangers'') was working with their projectors... She was just finishing her 1st lesson, kids were packed and pushing on the door, and she was still screaming over their heads... I silently went in through the other door, with a smile, my laptop, my resources... and she screamed: 'HOW DARE YOU STORMING INTO MY LESSON WHILE I'M TEACHING??? YOU WILL NOW WAIT OUTSIDE UNTIL I SAY YOU CAN COME IN!'. I did, like a puppy with a tail between my legs. After she has finished and allowed me to come in, it was already 5 past, by the time I set up my laptop, 10 past and Y10 were waiting outside. I was flushed, blushed, stressed out.... After the lesson, she wrote 35 negative remarks starting from: '10 minutes late, not prepared for school requirements, quiet, intimidated, low self-esteem....'' I was crushed, since that day, all other days were just worse- telling me off for 'not planning for YouTube not playing due to school firewall', ''fiddling with HDMI connectors'' (at some point I had 7 because you never knew which one will work today), telling me off for printing, for not printing, for changing her lessons, for selection of photographs for my own task.... She was stealing my breaks, winging my weekly meetings, dropping last-minute changes on my head, and demanding 48hrs to send my lessons to, while not being able to tell me what was I supposed to teach 12hrs before (shared groups). I thought - ITS NORMAL< WAIT IT OUT. February was a nightmare, March was a living hell. Just before Easter, she told me she was leaving - 'I hate teaching, hate those little fuckers, hate school.'. She knew all the way she was on her way out and just hated every moment. Including me. And I was the punching bag for her frustrations. I was an inch from reporting her to my training provider... but I WAS STILL PLAYING THE GAME OF MAKING IT WORK> Stupid cow, I was.
Easter came and went. Because I never reported problems, my new mentor said I was 'intimidated and scared', and had a lot of gaps and lots of things to catch up with. THEN I said what my last 2 months looked like and for my new mentor, suddenly everything made sense. She has put me on Amber to ''help me''. Amber turned into Red when my training provider got involved in 'taking care of me'. Still, by this time I was a confident teacher, getting solid rapport with students, always perfectly organised and planned with the knowledge they called 'strong and exceeding expectations'... still on red. I felt like I was unlearning, making other teachers happy but not myself, I was teaching for them not with them, some of the teachers were falling asleep at the back of the class, so caring for observing the lesson. None of them wanted to see lesson plans, some would be giving me my formal feedback 2 weeks after the lesson....
In the meantime, I got a teaching job and the school was crazy about me. I offer combined science on top of my native subject so they were over the moon. And so was I.
Until I finally said to myself 'What the fuck is going on?!' I felt like everybody to cover their backs was calling me 'inept' to justify the fact I was abandoned in my training for 2 months. Starting from my 3rd mentor, and finishing with my other mentors on different levels. They made me amber and then red to cover in paperwork the fact I was not getting value for my money and they were trying to help. So I told them EXACTLY what was going on there, on the school and dept level.
And finally, someone had a brilliant idea- they moved me over to my forever school to finish my training there... and that was a game changer. All my skills and passion for teaching were there all the time!
Now- ADVICE - IF IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT - IT'S NOT RIGHT. Don't try to march through the mud, don't pretend to be a hero, and don't smile through the tears. Go back to your provider and say it as it is as soon as it feels awkward. Don't put yourself at risk of losing training, self-confidence and skills, risking failing your course. If you feel it's for you, no one can take it away from you! It's your hard work that matters, determination and passion. Don't leave it to a chance!
I got my justice in the end and like I said, we are almost there. I'm happy I will never have to put my feet on the threshold of that school again, despite some rare teachers that were wonderful, the majority were just pretending they were working in a 'good school'. BTW, a school that went down to 'RI' over the winter.
Good Luck Peeps and see you in and ECT boat!
submitted by Atargatiseridani
to PGCE [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 19:59 ratchet2323 I'm contemplating suicide because I'm a 23 year old virgin (male). Need help
I will graduate from college this year and I still have zero romantic/sexual experience. The vast majority of people start fucking daily at 16 and needless to say, at 23, most people have triple digit body counts so I guess I'm simply too ugly to date/fuck.
Btw I'm fit, shower every morning, take good care of myself, dress well, have a good social circle and social life overall, and despite all this I'm still fucking single. Should I wait a few more years to see if some woman will find me attractive enough to fuck me or should I just kill myself?
Also I believe that looks are everything when it comes to dating/sex. I believe that average/unattractive men will never have romantic relationships/sex lives. I'm doing my best to improve my looks (grooming, dressing well etc.) but I guess my face is the issue. I have constant thoughts of suicide every single day, there is a gun range near where I live and I'm afraid I might go and shoot myself in the head.
submitted by ratchet2323
to Healthygamergg [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 19:59 CobaltIgnus [M4A] The Dragon Devil. (1x1 Chainsaw man Rp)
[M4A] The Dragon Devil. (1x1 Chainsaw Man Rp.)
As of late I've been itching to do a Chainsaw Man Rp, and am currently searching for detailed partners to do a OC x CC RP! I am currently I'm searching for someone to play Makima for me. So if you're interested just shoot me a message! Here are a few extra notes before messaging me.
- I am over the age of 21, and therefore you do need to be over 18. I just don't feel comfortable rping with anyone younger.
- I only rp on Discord, as I find it much easier to manage things there instead of here on Reddit.
- I am always happy to listen to your ideas, so please don't hesitate to share any and all you have with me! Even if its one you may think aren't good, I'm always happy to work with you to make it work. Below is the general idea I had for my OC, and I hope you like him!
The Dragon Devil
Hanzo Sano was one who was scorned by the devils that infect the world, a terrible ordeal that didn't manifest in the form of great hatred but instead in terrible fear. A petrifying fear that caused him to seek out locations where Demon's weren't common, and if one were to ever show up near where he lived he'd pack his things up and leave immediately. A young man on the constant run from the wretched monsters that brought death and chaos into the world.
Though his efforts to avoid the Devils of the world were quite extensive. It would eventually put him in the very jaws of one. Moving out of the city, once he noticed the frequency of Devil attacks increasing in cities he choose to move away to somewhere more Urban. Not even a day after the move he encountered the Dragon Devil, but instead of freezing in fear and becoming another meal to the fearsome beast something changed within him.
All the fear, the terror, the trauma melted into pure unyielding rage. After going through such extensive lengths to avoid demons, uprooting his life again and again, giving up any semblance of a social life just so he could live away from them, and in the end the wretched Devils just continued to follow him. Though he can't quite recall the events that transpired during his fight for survival against the Dragon Devil, he does remember one thing. Devouring its heart.
submitted by CobaltIgnus
to discordroleplay [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 19:59 No-FreeLunch Life would be so much better if I was 80 years old
2023.06.04 19:58 Renskol (30M) Experiencing my first mental health burnout after partner (29F) experienced psychosis
To keep this as short as possible, I’ve been together with my partner for 5 years. Within the first 5 months of us initially dating, I was told by her family that she has schizophrenia after a mental health episode. Since that initial diagnosis, I learned a lot about the triggers, treatment and being involved with her medical appointments to best support my partner. I was positively supportive knowing the positive prognosis provided by my partners psychiatrist. There were no warning signs ever since this event, other than a timeline for when she can come off medication.
We have travelled overseas, interstate, lived together and planned our future keeping in mind of our other goals and ambitions. My partner is my best friend and by far has changed and enhanced my life to the man I always wanted to become. We are fully aware of committing to marriage and a family life with each other.
In September 2022, my partner was burnt out from a heavy work and life schedule. As I have witnessed people go through psychosis before, I knew this was a warning sign. To cut it to the chase, and keeping the people involved very minimal for reputational reasons, my partner went missing for 3 days. I was awake the whole time, documenting and keeping a low profile to find her with her parents. Whilst working with the police with the evidence I had gathered with her parents, we were able to find her in the middle of the night with the police officer and her parents advising to restrain her, and obviously not to hurt.
It did break my heart to see her in the state she was in, saying things such wanting to break up with myself. The police officers at the time did not obtain communication from the station I was liaising information with, making it slightly more difficult and more public attention with some citizens believing I was attempting to assault my partner despite being in front of her parents. Her parents did comfort myself, and I had kept the people including her closest friends informed.
My partner was in a psychiatric ward in hospital for approximately 3 ½ Weeks, with the hospital allowing no visitors during this time. When my partner was discharged, agreeing that being with her parents for a short time during the recovery period was the best way to handle our jobs and for her to receive attention and treatment.
Unfortunately, with her parents agreeing, she was let out far too early and was on the spectrum such as wanting to drink and party. My partner does not drink nor goes out to parties, clubs, raves, or events however I have always been open for her to do what she wants to do. The day after my partner was discharged, she had bricked her phone making herself non-contactable with no friends or people knowing where she was.
Following her parents and the advise from the CATT (Crisis Assessment & Treatment Team), they were on the search for herself again after unable to locate herself. During this time, she did advise one friend of hers of going to an event and did not tell anyone else of her actions or motives. With much concern, and herself making contact with myself she was aware of what happened, and her parents had dropped the concern with the CATT team.
On my end on this same night, she had advised a few of her friends with one advising what she was saying and claimed I abused and controlled her. Knowing straight away that this was false, struggling to think of an example, we later broke up with a nonsense break-up whereas I was still focused due to our shared responsibilities. Her parents advised that with time and medication, that hopefully she would be able to think more “clearly”, and with her parents advising myself that she was physically hitting them during this time.
After hearing about the claims, unfortunately she had gone public on social media posting the claims and sharing videos of our text messages with no evidence of her claims. Being afraid for my career, and her long-term friends starting to question if I was genuine – I was blocked by her friends, and communication had stopped. A few people did show me the misinformation posts spread about myself that led into a 2-month window. I was contacted by the CATT team after the 2-month window being advised that she had relapsed, so I supplied any information I was given to give herself the best support. I did not post on social media on any forms about my private life or relationship, outside two group chats on a high-level advising about the bizarre content that was posted outside the slander.
I was advised by the CATT team and my psychologist to keep the police aware of the misinformation due to cancel culture, with evidenced supplied as I was cut from all communication from her family and friends. No formal report was filed however I was advised to have all communication blocked for my own safety. During this time, I was experiencing worry for the future by having to re-evaluate life, I had significant family and friend issues, a few unfortunate deaths and my mental state had burnt out completely. I did not have any time off from work during this whole period.
After New Years, my partner had reached out to my parents and later to myself. I was startled at first and worried, however she was talking completely normal and realised of her mistakes, actions, and her personal journey. I was treading lightly out of fear and being cut out of communication, until the conversation mentioned that she was not on medication, she rushed a decision and was hallucinating believing that I was “evil” along with her parents. What had sold myself was that I still loved my partner, and she loved myself however with her protective friends and the slander posted, they had advised her not to contact myself.
Fast forward to the present day and she was correct, with me being involved in her new program with a new team including additional psychological assistance. I was identified to be a carer, with no issues and a definitive timeline of events. The re-diagnosis was stress-induced psychosis, with herself addressing issues. We agreed that we will be back together, however I was still caught in the rift of my issues with family, friends, grief, and my career and other income streams having significant issues.
I was living a double life for a few months. I had told my family of what happened and what I want out of life. I just wanted to have everything back to “normal” again. I did not realise of how mentally unprepared I was, keeping in mind that multiple factors did contribute to burning out. My family was very concerned at the time but realised later that I was doing what made myself happy.
As we’ve picked up our plans where we had last left off, my partner at times does not remember the damage caused by herself with my family trying to protect myself. I’m heading to Europe in a week for a holiday with friends as an escape/break from reality, with us moving back in together upon returning.
Although the answer is obvious, I am struggling to return to my “normal” self, as I’m combating both her friends and my family being concerned about myself from the past slander. I am recovered from the event however there was a lot of decisions and actions that was said, with her friends claiming that I have too many “red flags”. These “red flags” have not been identified, characterised, associated with an example or a trait for me to identify and improve upon myself and our long-term relationship.
With a lack of support from her closest friends, choosing to hide away from us, and her younger sister attempting to ruin our relationship with more slander. I am at a point where I do not know how to make healthy actions, whilst I find comfort in ignoring that particular time period on a mental level. I am struggling between chasing my own happiness, whilst on pilot mode and meeting my financial responsibilities being the bare minimum. I have never personally experienced burnout before with such self-diagnosed symptoms including:
• Headaches, unable to eat and physically vomiting water.
• Self-imposed social limitations and not interacting with friends due to no longer feeling aligned with certain values and social mantras.
• Mental factors such as decreased productivity in all aspects including putting my PhD studies and start-up business on hold. I no longer have the same level of passion for my main workplace, with internal politics affected my growth opportunity and income. I do have mortgages to pay off, causing financial stress.
• Body stress factors such as experiencing a lower auto-immune system, including having COVID for the first time, and the flu and tearing my forearm putting myself out of physical exercise for 3 months.
I have actively been speaking to my psychologist, and knowing the feeling of depression from past experiences, we had identified that this is not depression with no medicine to be prescribed to myself. As I know this is a messy situation and with my partner also not knowing why I am taking so long to adjust, I am at a point where I am self-aware of my issues and problems and also traumatised from the experience however I need to move on with my life and make positive life amendments.
As this is my first burnout, does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle my mental health but also be attentive to my partners mental health and to move forward with life?
• My partner and I have been together for over 5 years, I was aware and told she has/had schizophrenia.
• Over the years, we never experienced a single symptom or episode. We are both happy with our plans for our future including marriage, kids etc.
• My partner and I lived together, travelled internationally and domestically. We were both happy with no signs of concern from her family or mine.
• In September 2022, my partner experienced burnout and psychosis for three days. She was found safely and with a minimal group of people who knew details.
• My partner was admitted in a psychiatric ward in the hospital for 3 ½ weeks with zero outside contact, and when she was discharged. She stayed with her parents after being discharged with her mum to look after her.
• My partner went missing the day after being discharged with the hospital and her family asking myself to find her. My partner had bricked her phone and was uncontactable and developed an obsession to party and drink, being opposite to her personality.
• My partner after coming back to her parents advised a few of her friends, with some approaching myself with herself claiming that I “abused and controlled” her.
• Following the advice of her parents, we wanted to give her time to re-adjust however we broke up with no logical reasoning.
• As we had finances shared, I had to be civil and logical with herself whereas she was partying away. She posted slandedefamation on social media publicly regarding the claims with no evidence and a lot of concerned family members and friends approaching myself. She had also physically assaulted her parents during this time.
• My partners closest friends believed the defamation/slander and wanted to protect herself, whereas I was advised to report everything to the police for safety reasons. I understand her family and friends concerns however I was cut from communication.
• My partner had relapsed 2 months later, with the same CATT team contacting me to provide information, in which I did to provide her the best treatment. During this time, her father and I remained in contact out of mutual concern.
• I was experiencing worry for the future by having to re-evaluate life, I had significant family and friend issues, a few unfortunate deaths and my mental state had burnt out completely. I did not have any time off from work during this whole period.
• After New Years, my partner contacted my parents to get in contact with myself. She was not on medication nor has schizophrenia. She admitted that rushed she rushed a decision and was hallucinating believing that I was “evil” along with her parents. What had sold myself was that I still loved my partner, and she loved myself. I want things to return to “normal”.
• My partners new diagnosis is stressed-induced psychosis, in which was more evident with underlining unaddressed childhood traumas she had to face. We agreed to be back together, wanting to ignore this experience as it was more of a self-discovery journey.
• I am happy deep down. I am struggling between chasing my own happiness, whilst on pilot mode and meeting my responsibilities being the bare minimum during this first experience of burnout in all aspects in life. Notably my family experiencing issues, friend issues and support, career issues through internal politics causing financial stress, and my body is physically reacting to the stress.
• I am unable to get out of this pattern for months, and I have been having professional support. I will be in Europe in a week for a holiday.
As this is my first burnout, does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle my mental health but also be attentive to my partners mental health and to move forward with life?
Thanks All 😊
submitted by Renskol
to mentalhealth [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 19:58 rocketinspace I really love scenes that show the full extent of Hal's willpower
2023.06.04 19:58 Randabar I went unmedicated and my intrusive thoughts came back in full force. Help!!!
I stopped taking my ssri about two weeks ago. Told my psychiatrist I wanted to discontinue medication services last Thursday, the 1st of June. I was just so fed up with taking medications that felt like they didn't help my depression/anxiety. I can never wake up at the same time and I never remember to take meds at the same time so they barely work. But today I came in from having a smoke and sat down to play video games and I started having violent thoughts. Smashing my controller into the TV, hurting my cat, hurting my gf. It was so bad. The worst it's been in 4 years. I've been medicated for longer than that.
They were at the forefront of my mind. I couldn't focus on my game or even my phone. It was so bad. And I asked my girlfriend for the room because that's where the ac is and I needed to be alone. And she just sighed. Because she was playing her game, so I just left and layed down in the living room. And I just cried. It was so scary because I had no where to go to be alone. No room to myself. Cats in the living room, kittens in our office, and my gf in the bedroom. So I just had to push my cat away and curl up into a ball.
I don't know what to do anymore. I can't just run and hide whenever they come. I have a job! I literally have to go take care of my client in three hours and I don't know what is gonna happen. I just don't know what to do. I hate taking medications. I haven't even taken my hrt in like a month. It just feels futile when I can never take them at the same time or even every day.
I couldn't even take my ssri at night cause it gave me insomnia. What can I do? I feel like if I go unmedicated my intrusive thoughts are gonna be worse and worse but everything out there causes insomnia and has to be taken at the same time every day. I can't do that. I'm just at loss.
submitted by Randabar
to mentalhealth [link] [comments]