Scottsdale chiropractor arizona pain & posture

shoulder pain after pleurisy

2023.06.04 08:09 a-sigh-lum shoulder pain after pleurisy

23F. Had pleurisy in November. ER thought it could be pulmonary embolism from vq scan, but pulmonologist, hematology, and PCP don't think it was a clot. CT and xray were clear. Stayed on Eliquis until May. Also take singulair for Aspirin-exacerbated respiratory disease. No other history besides asthma/allergies/nasal polyps, sinus surgery, and IBS. (No family history of clots). I do vape & occasional marijuana use. I work from home and I'm not particularly active so I doubt this is an injury.
My pleurisy manifested as intense left shoulder pain. It started as an ache on the right side of my neck and got worse and switched to left shoulder over 3 days - at that point it was extremely painful to breathe or move my chest. Of course, now I'm no longer having the breathing pain or pleural rub 6 months later. But my shoulder pain keeps coming back. Last week I woke up with a dull ache that turned into pain whenever I moved my chest/shoulder. When it first came back a few months ago, I made an appointment with my PCP. By the time I got in, my pain was gone. He said he thinks it's muscle pain and suggested a chiropractor. I never saw the chiropractor. When the pain came back last week I went to urgent care. They gave me a sling, steroids, and a muscle relaxer. It did seem to help and was gone in a few days again.
I'm not sure what to do. To me, it seems like there's a connection with my pleurisy - or whatever it was - and this pain that feels so similar. I think it's going to keep coming back and I'm uncertain about seeing a chiropractor when it seems to stem from my lungs. I'm looking for any advice or ideas of what this could be & what I should do. The entire experience since November has been insane and I don't know what to think with my Drs not even knowing if I had a clot or not.
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2023.06.04 03:38 T360diesel how do i fix my rotator cuff through strengthening exercises? preferably by BW movement, resisitance band, and dumbells

For context Im a 16 year old male who has been lifting for 3 years. During this time about 8 months to a year ago i started having pain in my shoulder near my rotator cuff. Upon research i've concluded its probably because of poor sleep posture which I have now fixed, but even with this improvement i have pain and mobility loss in my rotator cuff. I have talked to my parents about getting it fixed and I will eventually go to an apointment for it, but for now how can i strengthen and gain mobility in the rotator cuff joint, muscles, tendons & ligaments through means of a resistance band or bodyweight or dumbells.
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2023.06.04 01:40 Crazy_Distribution15 Stinging sensation in my upper: back, neck, & shoulders?? (+ Google is not being helpful), pls help.

F15, i’ve always considered myself a relatively ‘healthy person,’ as I eat healthy & also work out everyday. (ie: lift weights, push-ups, sit ups, etc.) Plus, I’ve always had a high pain tolerance, as well as decent posture (tho admittedly, I only started improving it cuz of this).
However, during 7th grade, I started experiencing this inconsistent stinging sensation, (usually in my upper back, shoulders, & neck). For instance, I’d be sitting at my desk at school, and constantly be stretching, or fidgeting, & doing everything in my power- to briefly subsidize the pain. Then one day, while I was fidgeting in pain, I heard this loud “crack” noise, (as if someone had cracked their knuckles, but it’d been 10x louder and in my neck). Ngl, it took everything in me to not go full ‘Sailor’s mouth’ then and there. Tho knowing I was already leaving school early that day to go to a doctors appointment, I said nothing.
To illustrate, I couldn’t sit, lay down or do anything to make the pain tolerable. But when I went to the doctor’s appointment explaining my predicament, the doctor basically said: “I don’t know, use a heating pad.” (a warm blanket thing that goes behind your neck)
So I did that, and to be fair, the pain did start to go away after 3 days, until it was finally back to normal. (and by normal I mean the stinging sensation in my upper back, shoulders, & neck).
Now, I’m in high school and it’s gotten really bad again. I’ll be sitting in class and genuinely can’t even read a book cuz it hurts too much. In response, I make up as many excuses as possible to leave my classes, so I can find 1 of those: ‘1 person only bathrooms,’ and lie on the floor (yes I know it’s gross), and while it only helps a little bit, it’s so far the only thing that works at least a tiny bit.
(+ I also experience these sharp pains in my: arms, legs, feet, hands, and jaw. Tho they don’t happen as much and are more sharp, compared to the irritable pain I’ve been describing, so I don’t think they’re related…)
Idk. I am confused, and Google is telling me I either have prostitute cancer, or a minor cough.
So I’m asking Reddit. 🦧
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2023.06.03 22:53 julie_sparks Trigger finger, sore joints, burning/aching pain at base of fingers. Any advice?

Hi everyone I’m F 23 and I am currently re-suffering from trigger finger. At just age 13 I had my right hand operated on for pretty severe and stubborn trigger finger. It gradually came on and started as just mild soreness and eventually became trigger finger. We tried everything: physical therapy, shots, stretches, chiropractors, splints and nothing worked. Now about 10 years later my left hand is now having issues and it seems to be more painful and coming on more suddenly. At this point in time my left hand is experiencing stiffness & soreness in my middle finger and ring finger right at the top two joints as well as trigger finger. In addition to this I’m feeling a weird achy and burning feeling at the base of all my fingers (unfamiliar with this feeling). The trigger finger has not returned in my right hand but I do experience mild discomfort in my joints and at the base of where my fingers meet my palm.
I’m not even sure if this is arthritis or if this resonates with something any of you have experienced. I don’t want to prematurely return to a hand doctor for surgery and now that I’ve got this issue in my left hand im concerned. I’ve been tested for auto immune diseases (just some general test that checks for multiple), I was tested for RA @ 13yrs old and it was negative. I do have autoimmune hives which I was just diagnosed with this year and was told this now increases my risk for developing other issues. Any advice or thoughts are greatly appreciated, thank you!
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2023.06.03 19:11 Beneficial_Hat9499 i think i got diagnosed a few days ago and i'm kind of freaking out

it's probably gonna be super long, but i'll be really grateful if someone stays till the end, because i'm freaking out and i could use a voice of reason. so i (20) went to the doctor on thursday because i wanted to get orthotics for my flat feet that i've had my whole life. it turns out it's not even flat feet but "pes plano-valgus" and it's caused by my joints being too loose.
i can do swan fingers and my joints crack all the time, but i can't even do anything impressive, so i never thought i was actually double jointed. like, my elbows and knees straighten more than they probably should, but it's not to the point where it's even noticeable.
but the doctor just looked at my joints, posture, moved my thumb around etc and she was immediately like "you have hypermobility". except, she didn't even use the medical term for it, she just said "you are a jelly" and then she kept referring to it like being a jelly was a medical condition. but she was also really chill about it. she said some people are just like that and i'm gonna be this way for the rest of my life and it's genetic. and half of my immediate family is the same way as me, so that checks out.
when i left, i was like "yeah, i'm a jelly, so what". but then, i started reading about it, and i figured she must've meant hypermobility or eds or something. and when you read about eds online, it seems like a pretty serious thing, so it kinda freaked me out. especially because i have raging hypochondria.
i've never felt bad or anything. like, i was never in enough pain for it to be concerning. my lower back and inner thigh hurt sometimes, but i know it's bc of how i walk. i have a really stiff neck which always feels like i have to crack it but can't, but i have anxiety so i assumed that was the reason. i've never dislocated anything. i fractured my leg at 2 and my forearm at 8, and that's it. i did taekwondo for 6 years as a kid, and i never had any injuries. i've never even been particularly weak. i could never do pull-ups, but i always thought i was quite strong otherwise. like, it's been 6 years since i quit taekwondo or did any sports regularly and i'm still strong enough to ski or play squash once a year and stuff.
when i started reading about eds i found out a lot of my symptoms fit the description. like, i've always had low blood pressure and a pretty high pulse. i often get dizzy. i look super young. i have ibs and dry eyes. but my grandma and aunt (both on my dad's side) have had the exact same symptoms their whole lives and they're also super healthy otherwise so i always assumed it was just the way we were.
but knowing that it's an actual condition kinda freaks me out, especially because, as i said, i have really bad health anxiety. i got my orthotics and some foot exercises to do, and the doctor also told me i need to take 4000u of vitamin d every day to strengthen my joints, and i got a set of exercises to strengthen my core for better posture, and she said it like i had to do those exercises 3 times a week for the rest of my life. and she was like "you absolutely can't wear vans anymore" and she gave me exact instructions on how to choose shoes.
first of all, i'm very wary of taking medication, and twice the recommended amount of vitamin d seems like a lot. can anyone confirm if it's true? like, what's gonna happen if i don't take it? and can you overdose on it?
secondly, i absolutely don't trust myself to keep up a work out routine for the rest of my life. i hate working out and getting tired. the only sports i really like are table tennis and skiing, but i don't have the means to do them regularly. i also have a shit ton of mental health problems and i'm probably neurodivergent, which makes it extremely hard for me to stick to a routine. will i mess up my joints completely if i don't work out? do you think walking every day, correcting my posture, and exercising very occasionally is enough? also, do you have any tips on how to stay healthy without working out much? like, would going to a chiropractor help?
and then, do we really have to be so cautious when it comes to footwear? because the doctor recommended some types of shoes to me and i find the vast majority of them hideous. i can deal with wearing the right shoes until my feet are fixed, but it seems really depressing that i'll never be able to wear the shoes i really like.
and one more thing is that my mom (48 yo, can also do swan fingers, looks young, her joints crack) had arthritis as a kid. she says it went away, but she still has a lot of health issues. she's had uterine prolapse and she says her joints have started to hurt a lot recently. so she most definitely has eds or something similar. based on your experience, do you think it's likely i inherited my grandma's milder kind of hypermobility? i mean, my mom has had issues since she was a child. i would've found out already if i was the same way as her, right?
i know most of these concerns are something i should've talked to the doctor about, but i figured it'd feel more reassuring to get opinions from other people who actually live with hypermobility and have had similar experiences.
anyways, thank you so much for reading till the end, i'll be super grateful for any responses!
submitted by Beneficial_Hat9499 to Hypermobility [link] [comments]

2023.06.03 13:03 FelicitySmoak_ On This Day In Michael Jackson HIStory - June 3rd

On This Day In Michael Jackson HIStory - June 3rd
1972 - "I Wanna Be Where You Are" by Michael enters the Billboard US Hot Soul Singles Chart, where it will make a 12 week run for the #2 poisiton.
1972 - "Got To Be There", the 1st solo album by Michael, enters the UK's Top 50 albums chart, where it will peak at #37 during a fiveweek run.
1973 - "Lookin' Through the Windows" by The Jackson 5 on the Motown label hits the Billboard music charts at #94, where it peaks at #7. It remains on the chart for 33 weeks.
1979 - The Jackson perform their Destiny tour at Carolina Coliseum in Columbia, South Carolina. They give a press interview at the Carolina Inn
1990- Michael collapses while dancing at his Westwood condo known as 'The Hideout'. He is taken to St John Hospital of Los Angeles around 9pm where he is treated for chest pains.
He gets visits from the whole Jackson family (except LaToya, who sends him a dozen black roses) .Elizabeth Taylor also visits him. She had been in the hospital undergoing treatment for a near fatal bout of pneumonia since mid April.
“According to his physician, he is in stable condition and appropriate tests are being conducted", nursing officials said in a prepared statement.
1992- At the Tavern On The Green in New York City, the One To One award is given to Michael by the Operation One to One organization in charge with creating better living standards for young people, for efforts committed to helping economically disadvantaged youth. Michael attends the Operation One To One Honors dinner with friends Elizabeth Taylor and Donald Trump.
1992 - Crystal Cartier filed a $40 million federal lawsuit against Michael Jackson, Sony Music Entertainment, MJJ Productions and Epic Records. She alleged that she originally wrote and recorded "Dangerous."
In February of 1994, a Denver Federal court jury ruled in Michael's favor
1995 - The Hollywood Chamber of Commerce rejects Michael's application to cover up the famous 'Hollywood' sign with the word 'HIStory' to promote his new compilation album
1997 - Michael Jackson plays the Mungersdorfer (now RheinEnergieStadionStadium) in Cologne, Germany, to an audience of 60,000 on the HIStory World Tour
2005 - Trial Day 67
Michael goes to court with Katherine, Joe, Janet and LaToya.
Michael was greeted outside court by hundreds of chanting fans. He arrived with his parents and his famous siblings - Janet, LaToya, Jermaine, Tito and Randy. They waved to the fans chants of “Michael is Innocent!”
Defense attorneys completed their closing arguments, labeling the Arvizo family liars and con artists trying to pull “the biggest con of their careers”.
"They are trying to take advantage of Michael Jackson," said impassioned defense attorney Thomas Mesereau. "They are trying to profit from Michael Jackson. They think they have pulled it off. They are just waiting for one thing - your verdict."
"What they are trying to do to Michael Jackson is so harmful, so brutal, so devastating if you have any reasonable doubt about the double-talk, the lies, its over. You must acquit Michael Jackson," he told the 12 jurors.
Mesereau spoke about the American system of justice and said, "We have the best system in the world and ladies and gentlemen I'm begging you to honor the system. You must acquit him."
He accused prosecutors of trying to "dirty up Michael" because they lack the evidence to prove their case.
"The witnesses are preposterous, the perjury is everywhere," Mesereau declared. "None of it works. The only thing they've had is to throw dirt all over the place and hope it sticks."
He added: "If you look in your hearts do you believe Michael Jackson is evil in that way? Is it even possible? It really is not."
Mesereau then played excerpts from a video in which Jackson denies any sexual impropriety and said that he had “never been betrayed or deceived by children.”
The defense attorney conceded that Jackson had been lax with his money and had let the wrong people into his circle. But, he said, the singer was not the “monster” the prosecution were trying to depict and that he was not guilty of any crime.
Afterwards, prosecutor Ron Zonen delivered a brief rebuttal. He sought to answer the question of Jackson’s motivation for the crime asking, "Why would Mr. Jackson do it? Because he could This child was in love with him. This child would do anything he said."
Zonen reminded jurors of the past allegations made against Jackson saying that this was necessary in order to “see the total picture”. He claimed that Jackson was “in love” with his 1993 accuser and added that the current accuser is a “clone” of the boy in that case.
After both sides rested for the last time, Judge Rodney Melville ordered the eight women and four men on the jury to begin their deliberations. He gave them a 98-page book of instructions.
The Judge told Jackson that he could stay at Neverland during the proceedings but requested that the attorneys remain within 10 minutes of the courthouse in case the jurors had any questions.
These deliberations are the final stage of an ordeal that began 14 weeks ago. During this time the jury has heard testimony from over 130 witnesses.
A verdict was expected early next week.
Court Transcript
While Jury deliberations take place, the whole Jackson family waits for the verdict at Neverland.
2008 - Michael has dinner with Thomas Barrack Jr, chairman and CEO of Colony Capital LLC, at the Las Vegas Hilton's Verona Sky Villa.
2009 - Michael goes to Culver Studios with Prince, Paris & Kenny Ortega, where he shoots “The Drill” 3D
He also, once again, goes to Dr Klein’s in Beverly Hills.
2013 - Jackson v AEG Trial Day 22
No Jackson family member was at the courthouse.
Paul Gongaware
AEG cross
Putnam asked Gongaware if MJ was comfortable with all the show dates. "Yes, I went through all of the dates with him," Gongaware said. Bugzee, the tour manager, had a big calendar on the walls, Gongaware explained, saying they changed the dates of the shows four times. The jury was shown an email in which Gongaware worked with a staffer to create a calendar to show Jackson. He wanted colors changed. He wanted the calendar to be changed so that it reflected Jackson's show dates and off days differently. Gongaware email:
Figure it out so it looks like he's not working so much
As to the email, Putnam asked if he was trying to fool Michael:
"No, I was trying to make it clear, trying to get it just the way I wanted it," Gongaware responded.
After changing 4 show dates Gongaware said Michael was comfortable with it. He would do 8 shows in July, 10 in August, 9 in September. There would be no shows in October, November and December, resuming with 10 shows in January, 10 in February and three in March. No back-to-back shows. Gongaware said the O2 Arena had a previous commitment in Oct-Dec of 2009 and they could not have the concerts.

Putnam: "Was this a rigorous schedule?"
Gongaware: "No, not at all"
Gongaware recalled that on the HIStory tour they did 10-12 shows per month, from country to country, but this one would stay in London only. Gongaware said he wasn't concerned with Michael's age. "He seemed great to me," he said, and this was stationary show, didn't have to travel.
The reason Michael wanted to delay the 1st show was he wanted more time to rehearse in the O2 Arena where the show would take place.
He said Michael and Kenny Ortega would decide the rehearsal schedule. Gongaware explained Michael didn't have to attend rehearsals, since it was not part of his deal. He said they never require an artist to rehearse. "I didn't have any expectation," Gongaware said regarding Michael rehearsing. He said he's never seen a requirement for a musicial artist to rehearse & that during the HIStory tour, Michael didn't rehearse but nailed it. "When it was game time, he would show up," Gongaware explained. For instance, Gongaware cited an outdoor concert in Bangkok in high heat, humidity.
As to the email Gongaware wrote about calling Michael lazy, he said he used unfortunate choices of words, Michael didn't like to rehearse.
Talking about the elements of the show, Gongaware described what they wanted to do for the opening of the show. He said Michael would be dressed up in a LED suit, like a television, flashing on him brief movie about things that happened in history. Michael would be lowered down onto the stage. He called the LED suit a "Moon man" suit, but Ortega called it "Light man." Putnam showed a presentation of how the LED suit idea would work. Footage is not on This Is It documentary because it was early stages of prep. Gongaware said the 1st idea was to make Michael float from the audience, but they couldn't make it work. So they decided to lower him down onto the stage. Gongaware said the big screen on the back of the stage was 3D capable. The audience would be given glasses when they entered the show. The 3D songs would be Thriller, Earth Song and Smooth Criminal. "He wanted to do biggest, best show ever, live show," Gongaware said
Putnam showed email chain from Ortega to Gongaware asking to make a deal with choreographer Travis Payne. Answer from Gongaware:
This is not AEG money, it's Michael's money so it takes a lot of time to get approvals
Defendants were trying to establish a pattern that all the money spent was actually Michael's money, not AEG's, just like with Dr. Murray
At one point Gongaware said he learned from Michael about a doctor named Murray. "He came to me and said he wanted his personal doctor on the tour". Gongaware said he suggested to Michael to get a licensed doctor in London who would know the lay of the land, in case of need. "This is the machine, we have to take care of the machine. I want Conrad," Gongaware said Michael responded. I think what he meant was his brain could create it but his body had to deliver the show every night

Putnam: "Were you surprised he wanted to take his doctor on tour?"
Gongaware: "No"
Putnam: "Why not?"
Gongaware: "He had doctors before"
Gongaware said other artists take doctors as well, so he was not the only one and it didn't surprise him. Gongaware said he's been on tour before where an artist had chiropractors, but couldn't remember being in one with a doctor
Putnam: "Did you worry Michael might have a health issue?"
Gongaware: "No"
Putnam: "Why not?"
Gongaware: "He seemed fine to me, had a physical and passed"
Gongaware said the suggestion for a London doctor was due to the cost; paying a doctor full time was much more expensive than hiring a local doctor. Gongaware said Dr. Murray treated Michael for about three years before 2009. He knew the doctor was from Las Vegas but said he was in LA. Gongaware said he then called Dr. Murray to work out a deal. Gongaware testified he didn't have Michael's direct phone number, would go through Michael Amir Williams, his personal assistant, to reach him. Gongaware called Murray on behalf of Michael saying the singer wanted to take him to London. "What do you want to be paid for that," Gongaware asked. Gongaware said he thought Dr. Murray was expecting his call and was aware of the desire to take him on tour. "He said he would need $5 million," Gongaware recalled. "He said he has 4 clinics to close, would lay off people, needs $5 million for that." Asked by Putnam if Murray's price was reasonable: "It was ridiculous," Gongaware said about the amount asked. "It was a lot of money for something like that and Michael could not afford it." Gongaware said he responded that it wasn't going to work" He said this was the first time he spoke with Dr. Murray. After that, Gongaware said he told Michael Amir and Randy Phillips what the doctor had asked. He also told Frank DiLeo. Gongaware said a lot of people who wanted to work for MJ asked for huge sums of money, thinking he had a lot.
Putnam: "Would you be doing this if Michael had not asked you?"
Gongaware: "No"
Putnam: "Did you contemplate bringing a doctor on tour?"
Gongaware: "I didn't think he needed one, we didn't have one in History, he was fine"
"He was Michael's doctor, Michael wanted him. That was it," Gongaware said.

Putnam:" Did you think about checking the doctor?"
Gongaware: "No"
Putnam: "Why not?"
Gongaware: "He was Michael's doctor"
" I'm not going to tell Michael Jackson who his doctor should be," Gongaware explained. "It wasn't my place to say who his doctor was going to be," Gongaware said. "It was his decision."
Gongaware said he doesn't think a doctor's financial situation has anything to do with being an ethical doctor. Gongaware said it never crossed his mind to either do a background check on Dr. Murray or to suggest to anyone to do it. "I just expect doctors to be ethical, the financial side of their lives shouldn't have an impact on their medical decision," Gongaware opined.
Gongaware said he never did a background check on anyone he hired and had he done one on Dr. Murray, it would've been out of the ordinary.
He also said he never considered performing background checks on Jackson's makeup artist, a choreographer who worked one-on-one with the singer or Kenny Ortega, the tour's director. "I didn't see the need for it," he said.
Dr. Finkelstein, a friend of Gongaware, said a doctor should charge $10,000 a month for the tour work. But Dr. Finkelstein would've done it for free, since he was on the Dangerous tour before and had a lot of fun
The second call about Dr. Murray came from Michael Amir Williams saying they were going to need to get a deal done for the doctor. Gongaware said he heard Michael in the car saying "offer 150, offer 150." Gongaware understood that to be $150k/month. Gongaware called Dr. Murray, said he was authorized to offer him $150k a month. He said Dr. Murray responded that he couldn't do it for that. Gongaware told him the offer came directly from the artist and Dr. Murray responded: "I'll take it" Gongaware said Michael approved the amount of compensation. "Michael told me offer 150," Gongaware recalled. "And that's what I did." Gongaware inquired from Dr. Murray how he would get a license in London and the doctor told him not to worry about it. They talked about Dr. Murray's request for a house in London, and the doctor said he would need a three bedroom house. Gongaware recalled Dr. Murray saying he would probably need an assistant and some equipment, but no details were given at this point. After the call, Gongaware said he let Michael Amir Williams know what the result was in a May 6th email: Done at 150k per month, per MJ. He needs about 10 days to wind down his practice then he will be full time
Asked why he had negotiated with Murray, the AEG executive replied that he was "instructed to by Michael Jackson." Gongaware said there was no other reason for him to deal with the doctor. Marvin Putnam asked Gongaware why he didn't tell Jackson he couldn't take Murray on tour with him."Because he could if he wanted," Gongaware said.
Gongaware said he passed Dr. Murray on to Timm Wooley, never had any other conversation with Dr. Murray about him possibly going to London.
Putnam: "Do you have any understanding as to whether a contract with Dr. Murray was executed?"
Gongaware: "One never was"
Putnam: "Did AEG pay Dr. Murray any kind of money?"
Gongaware: "No"
Gongaware said Michael was ultimately responsible for his own health:
"I think everyone is responsible for their own health and well being. He was a grown man with the capability to make decisions regarding his health and medical care"
Putnam showed Gongaware a frame from the This Is It film in which Jackson's manager, Frank Dileo, was sitting in on dancer auditions. Dancers auditions took place at the Nokia Theater on April 13, 14 & 15. Michael attended the last day and made the final decision, Gongaware said. He said Ortega wanted to film the audition to use fresh footage on The cost for crew to shoot the audition was very high, so Gongaware bought a couple of cameras and used his own crew to shoot the rehearsals. He said he wasn't sure what he would use the video for, but thought the website would be a good platform.
Gongaware said during the period at Center Staging, Michael was good, engaging, didn't think there were any health issues or was using drugs
Gongaware said the media in the UK was going wild with gossip about Michael Jackson. "They just lie about things." The Sun claimed Michael had skin cancer on his chest. "It was sport over in London," Gongaware said about stories on tabloids. Gongaware testified about emails in which UK press agents working on This Is It sent him tabloid reports on Michael's health. Gongaware said he urged the press agents not to respond. He wanted Jackson's performance to speak for itself & silence skeptics.
Gongaware on 5/27/09:
The Kid is healthy and rehearsing every day. He was still there at dance rehearsals at 9pm last night when I left. Our redemption will be when he does his shows, that makes all of this build up so damn sweet. We don't have to sell tickets, so we can just sit back and prove them wrong by just doing it.
Gongaware said he was not concerned
"If there was something going on, if he had cancer, we would've heard about it."
Michael Jackson rehearsal venues:
  • Mar 28- Center Staging
  • May 27- Forum June 23 - Staples Center
  • July 13 - O2 Arena
Putnam also asked Gongaware about an incident Karen Faye testified about, that she heard him yelling at Michael's assistant one day. The incident occurred while This Is It rehearsals were happening at The Forum in LA. Faye claimed she heard Gongaware yelling about Jackson being late to a rehearsal and told his assistant to get him there. "Never, never happened," Gongaware said, shaking his head.
Putnam went through a chain of emails about tabloid reports in the UK regarding Michael. In one, it said Michael had asked AEG to reduce the number of shows by half. Gongaware said that such a discussion never happened. Gongaware testified he woke up to one gossip headline pretty much every day. His idea was simply to ignore the tabloids. "An amazing show would be the answer", Gongaware said
Gongaware on 6/5/09 in response to Sunday Mirror Query:
"We can only make this work, of course, if MJ puts on the best show of his life. I'm here to tell you that be will. I have seen it for myself. Last night he ran 9 songs with full band, singers and dancers. Sang every one, he was amazing, captivating, riveting. And he's just getting started. Taking it one step further. When people realize that bulls**t the press has been, they will be in receptive mood for the truth Hey look. No skin cancer. He's just a good dad, loving raising his kids. His art and his craft are paramount. A gentle, loving man who does care about people
"The shows were going to be spectacular," Gongaware said. Putnam showed a clip of Michael in front of a green screen with 11 dancers, who would become 11,000. Gongaware said Michael was great at this point
Regarding email Phillips sent Gongaware directing to remove Michael's "skeletal" scenes Gongaware said he didn't take anything out of the movie.
Putnam: "Did you remove anything from the movie?"
Gongaware: "No"
Putnam showed a clip from This Is It with the making of "Thriller 3D" and Jackson wearing red jacket.
Putnam: "Did you try to alter in anyway how Mr. Jackson looked, appeared?"
Gongaware: "No"
Gongaware said he didn't remember any of the footage been removed because of how Michael looked. "We just let the footage speak for itself"
The mini-movie of "Earth Song" a bulldozer would come out from a ramp in center stage.
Putnam: "A real bulldozer?"
Gongaware: "I wish, it would've been cheaper, but it would have crushed our ramps"
Gongaware said they had to build the bulldozer like a prop. It would appear at the end of the song on stage. "I think the live audience would be just captivated by it," Gongaware said about the little girl running after the last plant on Earth song.
End of the show would be 3D animation. An airplane taxis up, door opens, Michael entered the plane. The airplane door closes, Michael would actually take an elevator down and out of the building, but the plane would take off over the audience
Gongaware said he didn't know if anyone was responsible for Michael's nourishment. Tour would be demanding and exhausting
Gongaware said he met Dr. Murray once at MJ's Carolwood house and ran into him at The Forum during rehearsal. There was a meeting scheduled to discuss Michael's nutrition with Randy Phillips, Kenny Ortega, Dr. Murray, Michael, Gongaware and DiLeo.
Putnam: "Do you recall anyone in that meeting ever telling Dr. Murray how he should be treating Michael?"
Gongaware: "No"
Gongaware said he didn't have any medical training and wasn't qualified to tell Conrad Murray how to treat Jackson
Gongaware said neither Dr. Murray nor Michael talked about the treatment he was receiving. The meeting was about nutrition & vitamin therapy. Gongaware said he had no idea Dr. Murray was giving Michael Propofol and first heard of the anesthetic after Michael died. Gongaware said Dr. Murray was really engaged in the meeting, seemed like a very intelligent guy and wanted to take care of Michael very much. This was the first time Gongaware met with Dr. Murray. He said there were no signs of Michael being poorly treated by the doctor. "Michael was engaged in the meeting, attentive, seemed happy we were having this meeting," Gongaware opined. "He's a doctor, he'd know better than anybody how to treat his patient," Gongaware said about Dr. Murray.
As to Gongaware's email saying AEG, not Michael, paid Dr Murray he said he was mistaken. "We wouldn't pay his salary, we'd advance Michael's money". Gongaware said he didn't remember writing/receiving the email, but never denied he did it.
As to Michael being habitually late, Gongaware said the singer worked on his own schedule, did things his way
Gongaware said his understanding was that Michael hired a trainer of his choice, Louis (Lou) Ferrigno: "I made the deal with him (Ferrigno). He was supposed to be paid a certain amount of money per session" He didn't elaborate on fee, how many times he worked with Michael. Putnam showed an email from Travis Payne, he suggested a massage chair to be put in Michael's dressing room.
As to Bugzee's email saying MJ needed cheeseburgers, brats and beers, Gongaware said Bugzee was joking, Bugzee cared very much for Michael. Gongaware testified he didn't recall having any concern about Michael's health/using painkillers as of Monday 6/15/09, 10 days prior to his death
Gongaware was asked about several emails that have been shown before, including messages related to MJ missing rehearsal on June 19, 2009. The executive was on the East Coast for a family wedding, but responded to one message questioning why Murray wasn't at rehearsal. Gongaware email:
Take the doctor with you. Why wasn't he there last night?
He then explained his thinking to the jury. Gongaware:
If his patient is having a problem and he's sick, and he's his only patient, it seemed like he should be there
Gongaware said on 6/19/09, he was out of town. "This is the day Michael had chills at rehearsal and was apparently sick," Gongaware recalled. "If the meeting was going to be about what happened that night, the doctor should be there," Gongaware said.
Gongaware said he believed Michael wanted to go on tour. He said he doesn't remember anyone talking about pulling the plug on the shows.
Putnam: "Did anyone tell you at this point that Michael needed a drug addiction specialist?"
Gongaware: "No"
Putnam: "Did anyone tell you they were concerned with the care Dr. Murray was giving to Michael?"
Gongaware: "No"
Gongaware said that on 6/20/09 he did not think Michael's health was deteriorating.
With last questions of the day, Putnam asked Gongaware if he was concerned about Jackson's well-being. He said "Yes"
Court Transcript
submitted by FelicitySmoak_ to MichaelJackson [link] [comments]

2023.06.03 01:24 Fabiann_02 can you possibly solve this or provide insight? (Long) (Very interesting case)

First and last post here!
This may be a long read, but I truly, truly appreciate it if everyone would stick around and add their insight to this.
Background: 21 male, 5'10, Caucasian (Scottish, Slovakian, French) Location: Canada
I have 2 sisters, 2 nephews, and 1 niece, which is important to factor in, and I'll explain why briefly.
When I was just little used to light up bright red only on my face and neck typically only in stressful or public situations (terrible social anxiety), it wasn't itchy, just hot and red and I would sweat a lot. According to my mom (54), she used to get the same thing in front of people but eventually grew out of it.
Now regarding my niece and nephews, they also get red in the face and have trouble regulating body temperature but not due to any type of anxiety, as it stands we could call it idiopathic and it resembles Lupus or maybe rosacea however - my oldest nephew also has some skin problems and my youngest often gets fevers and hives from many things but treats it with things like advil.
The above is important in MY case I believe because when I was around 13 I was put on 20mg of cipralex (2014), in October 2019 (17) I went into anaphylaxis for the first time due to amoxicillin which I took due to sinus congestion (mom also has chronically) and I had it lying around from a previous infection, the anaphylaxis scared me into not taking any medication so I abruptly cut down my cipralex and for some reason believed I wouldn't need them anymore.
After doing this, I one day woke up with the most severe depersonalisation and derealisation anyone could ever have alongside a gross number of other discontinuation symptoms which lasted over 3 months and eventually subsided after reinstating 10-15mg of the same medication, the most IMPORTANT part of this is I had developed Tinnitus and anisacoria after this AND I couldn't take the meds anymore because I developed symptoms of seratonin toxicity so I had to get off all together and just deal with it.
Fast forward to 2021-2022 and now things are serious, my body is behaving terribly since I've changed things up and it's worth mentioning that the rash / redness I used to only get on my face and neck had began to progress down to my chest and eventually to my legs but it's not itchy and only happens in the sun, in stressful situations/ conditions. That's the least of it, I began getting constipated by almost ALL foods and chicken and rice were my only tolerable foods (until they weren't), I wasn't getting rashes but it's like I developed this hypersensitivity in the signals from my stomach, it began feeling tight and caused me to be severely constipated for over 33 days (not exaggerated), my blood sugar was 1.3, you could say I was intolerant to almost everything but not allergic.
This is where things got weird, at this point I've seen almost all of the BEST specialists in Canada and been to the best hospitals which costed me a lot of money that I just happened to coincidentally have (now I don't) and a lot of time, as I mentioned I had been extremely constipated UNTIL I received saline solution VIA IV injection overnight, I got home a day later and had the most excruciatingly painful poop ever and it was disgusting - I know it was from the saline IV because this happened more than once and that was the only thing I was issued other than the mix of vitamins (Please explain this if possible!)
Now, I got the blockage out and still continued to have serious issues and kept myself near the hospitals (in Toronto), I had more needle holse in my arm than any addict ever (painful) due to the amount of blood work done but now I was down to 98 lbs from 184 (I was kind of overweight prior to all of this) and I had given up so I decided (f it, I'll have what I want) and started to intake calories again by what I thought was healthier (Boba, cauliflower bites etc) than what I used to have thankfully toronto had these options.
Anyway, this is what leads us to the most current circumstances/ situation - everything I ate / eat lots of carbs, sugar or fibre my body temperature increases and I get really gassy, my veins dilate massively, I become lethargic, low blood pressure and I have a red face BUT when I take things like vitamin C, D, Zinc, Dandelion, Burdock Root, Reishi (yes I taught myself natural medicine because I had to), the symptoms reverse BUT I get this 'tight' feeling in my stomach which is why I describe the whole hypersensitivity thing because I can feel almost everything. I get the tightness, the gas gets trapped, and my body temp decreases.
Now I'll give a brief on the important tests I've done due to suspicions I and few doctors had about specific diseases: HATS(tryptase and genes), MASTOCYTOSIS(c-kit), POLYCYTHEMIA VERA (jak 2), LEUKEMIA (bcr-abl), MYELOPROLIFERATIVE NEOPLASMS(calr), PORPHYRIA, ANEMIA (MANY TYPES), C3, C4, CRP, INR, ANTI DNA, LEUKOCYTES, PROTEIN (urine), IMMUNOGLOBULINS, THYROID ANTIBODIES AND FUNCTION, DOUBLE STRAND ANTIBODIES, RHUMATOID FACTOR (10 >14), VITAMIN D,MRI'S, CT'S(brain amd stomach), ECHO'S, ULTRASOUNDS (of everything), ALLERGY SKIN TESTING, SERATONIN(urine) and maybe more that I didn't see.
The results that were 'positive' and stood out + dates discovered:
•Thyroglobulin antibodies >184 (2023) •Thyroperoxidase antibodies >135 (2023) •C3 >89 (2021) •Bilirubin >30 (2021) •Albumin >53 (2021) •Urate >192 (2021) •Between 2021-2022, at my worst, I had consistently low wbc and neutrophils, whether from malnutrition or something else. I'm unsure •Sinus arythmia (2021) •Slight pericardial effusion (2022) •Head CT w/o contrast >scattered bilateral white matter lesions on brain? (2021) •Renal / Abdominal ultrasound >Mild hydronephrosis (2021) •Cardiac / Abdominal ultrasound >Trace right pluerual effusion, pericardial effusion, hydronephrosis (2021) •Spinal x-rays and mri's >consistent disc degeneration (2019-2023) and idiopathic thoracic scoliosis. •Endoscopy and colonoscopy >Clear (2022-2023) •Abdominal CT with contrast >jujenum distention and embelical hernia (2023) •Swollen lymph nodes in my neck simultaneously to rash (2023) •Idiopathic scoliosis (2014) •Undigested food in stool (2020-2023) •Heat rash from the sun (2020-2023) •Dermatographism (Childhood - now)
Very few food allergies or allergies all together. Dad had Graves disease Mom's mom has hashimotos Mom gets bumps from the sun Nephews get frequent fevers and hives (unexplained currently) Other nephews have red cheeks and nosebleeds frequently Niece has red cheeks frequently and is insensitive to extreme cold or heat My oldest sister has non celiac gluten intolerance Younger sister has bipolar and systemic Cystitis No other info
Test I've NOT had: TNF-A plasma levels Il-1 through il-6 Skin biopsy Bone marrow biopsy
I've ran my own dna test from 23 and me through several third party companies and didn't find anything serious or relating other than what I've already been diagnosed with (ectodermal dysplasia) which Noone else in my immediate family seems to have - I've been over my family history as much as possible and nothing alike OTHER THAN my mom, sister, niece and nephews have somewhat similar symptoms EXCEPT FOR the odd stomach sensations like the tightness or the joint problems.
For context, the ONLY drug use history: Smoked Marijuana when I was 13 a few times Drank hard liquor a few times between the ages 13-16 (bad, I know) and regularly drank red wine for a while when I was 17 prior to the reactions. I also want to mention that I had some very, very hard environmental circumstances during my childhood years that were out of my control as well, which contributed to the 'anxiety'.
Through all of this, I had many doctors blaming anxiety, even sending me to see psychiatrist when in reality I was a scared kid - this started when I was 18 (mostly) and I have no reason to make anything up AT ALL, this has been a long, uncomfortable, near death for a while, isolating situation. I'm dying to know what's going on and I haven't given up, I've had one person be there with me through the entirety of this and they know good and well it's not like me, all of that just made things worse but I understand.
I used to be into modifying cars (i had 4 already), boxing, weight lifting, bmxing, jogging, etc.
Yet people still thought I simply went mad.
The ONLY relief I've had through this is when I did strict carnivore diet, had the sedation for my colonoscopy AND when I ate a Scotch bonnet pepper - it relived everything for about 30 seconds (oddly) and I kid you not, I'm not sure the mechanism behind these things but they're which makes me think it's neurological? Nothing has remissed me to my old self completely.
I've also taken several different medications, including (mostly under the suspicions of mast cell disease) •Prednisone •Diphenhydramine •Famitodine •Ceterizine •Compounded cromolyn Sodium •Compounded hydroxyzine •Aspirin •Alka seltzer A few more I can't remember None of which provided relief and had rather strange side effects such as clicking in my jaw and tight stomach. +Meditation, Chiropractors, Accupresure etc.
Main symptoms: •Gassy 24/7 no matter what! •On empty stomach (after colonoscopy prep, for example). My stomach was burning but no gas. •Increased body temp on an empty stomach (100+) •Increased body temp (external), lethargy, shortness of breath, diarrhoea(at worst) typically from carbs even healthy ones, caffeine (dark chocolate & green tea), empty colon, external heat and now from almost everything. •'Tight' stomach sensation or squeezing from specific substances / supplements and decreased external body temperature. •Bones or joints popping / cracking too much •Tinnitus •Unequal pupils size (anisacoria)
NOTE: I become lethargic / fatigued and weak when my body temperature increases and my veins get larger.
When I take/ took said supplements (vitamin D, C, Zinc , Reishi, Turkey tail) My finger nails actually used to go purple at the same time my stomach felt tight and my body temp decreased and gave me some energy.
NOTE: My joints have been consistently popping and cracking more frequently than before, too, regardless of my nutrition or supplements.
As you can probably tell, I'm pretty desperate for ideas, I am / was supposed to have my whole genome sequenced and be reffered to a geneticist weather or not that's actually happening but until then, I need to hear from the community what I can do, I don't think I can get to the U.S either if that's even necessary.
I'm not here pity, I'm just messed up from all of this and appreciate any ideas from any individuals.
My ideas (neurological / hypothalamic disorder? thyroid disorder? Increased TNF? Metabolic acidosis?)
Thank you very much for reading this far and taking the time to think over this if you have! I really appreciate it!.
The only 'good' that has come from this from my perspective is that I learned an abundance about body functions, natural health, psychology, and I was capable of making a few books out of it. None of it has been easy and I wish I could feel 'normal' again, I don't care if some doctors disbelieve me anymore, I know it's hard to figure out due to clean looking tests but I couldn't be more serious.
submitted by Fabiann_02 to AskDocs [link] [comments]

2023.06.03 00:16 Timely_Bridge1 Chronic pain question

The post I’m making is honestly on a complete whim due to my lack of understanding of the skeleton and structure of the body. I’ve had chronic lower back pain in general and in the si joint, ql tightness, it band tightness, hip/glute tightness and sciatic pain that has been undiagnosed and still under investigation. I have had full neck to lower back imagery in the form of mri’s and have been seen by a rheumatology specialist, sports and medicine specialist and most recently spinal surgeon to try and understand what could be causing the pain and has been completely inconclusive. I’m a 26 year old male, who was fit and healthy before the pain began and have flare ups that render me unable to even move my legs whatsoever without excruciating pain and have been admitted to hospital and had trips to A & E around 4 times now due to pain. I have been under the care of multiple physiotherapists, one that was extremely knowledgable and was not able to progress to even a worthwhile amount to keep doing it due to the flare ups causing so much lasting pain. I have also seen lots of different people like chiropractors, osteopaths and stuff too. Anyway the reason for the post is to just get some understanding on what this new symptom COULD be or linked to potentially or if it could just be nothing whatsoever. I have developed a pain that I thought was a spot or sore spot for some time but didn’t think anything of it but earlier today I was pressing into the area and noticed it was extremely tender, almost a burning pain like if you had a bruise or a really sore pimple. The area it’s located in seems to be to be either the clavicle or the section that is named the Manubruim. I did take some photos of it for a better understanding but due to my lack of knowledge on how Reddit works and rules in certain subreddits I wasn’t sure if it’s allowed. If it is allowed, if somebody could tell me the way I can I’d really appreciate that so I can get a better understanding of what the actual location I’m talking about is. All in all, I’m trying to find out if that location of pain could be linked to any condition or literally anything that could begin to explain my chronic pain symptoms, such as a stress fracture of a certain place I didn’t noticed etc.
Thanks for any help.
submitted by Timely_Bridge1 to AskDocs [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 21:07 LearningTree101 Is forced birth of non-viable babies a Biblical concept? If Love is the fulfilment of the law, how is forcing people to give birth to non-viable children loving?

I would like to initiate an open and honest conversation about this heated topic in this world. It seems to me that Bible implies in so many places that God knows you even in the womb and even before!
Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations"
Here God is basically saying to Jeremiah that he has been set apart even before the womb to play the role as a prophet. God is all knowing and has set apart some people for a specific purpose. I believe Apostle Paul also implies that he was set apart from his mother's womb ( Galatians 1:15 )
Genesis 4:1 "Adam made love to his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, “With the help of the Lord I have brought forth a man.”
Here it seems to imply that creation of a new life is a co-creative process with a man, woman & God. I believe the same sentiment is echoed in Genesis 29:31 "When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless" - Here Leah becomes pregnant because God has "enabled" her.
Amos 1:13 "For three sins of Ammon, even for four, I will not relent. Because he ripped open the pregnant women of Gilead in order to extend his borders"
Here God doesn't seem to be too happy about pregnant women being ripped open.
Bible also says "Thou shall not murder" but also Bible does provide a lethany of reasons as to why it's okay to take a life, reasons many in the modern world might not deem as a reason enough to take a life. Example: In Deuteronomy 13-20 - For lying about her virginity, a woman is to be stoned to death by the men in the community.
Let's fast forward to the present modern times. We can know a lot about the baby in the womb.
Non Viable Babies:
A florida woman was forced to give birth of a baby born without kidneys. The family couldn't afford to travel. The baby died within hours
An Arizona woman was forced to give birth to a baby with alobar holoprosencephaly, the baby died within 44 hours.
A Texas woman was forced to give birth to a baby without parts of the brain and skull formed.
These women were forced to give birth because of the state laws. I don't know if anyone here has been pregnant but the mother forms an emotional bond with the baby and then is forced to give birth and then experience the death of the baby they are holding in their hands. Let's also remember these people are also forced to bear all the medical bills. These women and everyone around and involved were basically told this is being done for God. Is it tho? Does God want this? And if you tell these people that God is love, are they going to believe you? The athiests have a saying regarding forced birth of non-viable babies: "The cruelty and pain is the point of their religion" - Slapping a huge medical people onto those who can't afford to travel to another state does seem cruel, does it not? How does any of this bring glory to God?
I brought up the forced birth of non-viable children to my church and one of the elders said "The suffering of these women is a small price to pay for millions of lives saved" - Have humans exalted themselves to the point where we get to decide who gets to suffer in the name of God? Are we not asked to manifest God's love on Earth? When Jesus healed the cripple on the Sabbath, nobody was happy for the cripple. All the religious folks were busy trying to figure who to blame and whose fault it was! I believe Jesus did what he did to expose the lack of love in those who claimed to represent God.
So how do you reconcile God's knowing you in the womb and even before the womb and also forcing women to go full term and give birth to babies without organs and body parts?
submitted by LearningTree101 to Bible [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 21:04 morrisseysbaby how do i attend concerts/festivals with AS?

I recently, finally, got my diagnosis after years of pain. attending concerts & music festivals has always been an important part of my life, & I’m wondering if anyone has any advice/insight on how I can attend these shows while managing my symptoms.
since I just recently received my diagnosis, I haven’t really begun any serious treatment. when I look up ways to manage my symptoms, everything mostly just says “stretch, mind your posture, use pillows”. I am doing all of those things, but I am going to need more than posture & pillows for concerts. I went to a show last night, was literally on my feet for a mere two hours, & I cannot walk today.
I have read that back braces are more harmful than helpful (is that true?), so I don’t really know what my options are. I’m pretty much stuck with “anti-inflammatories & PT” until my next Rheumatology appointment in July.
do I consider getting a wheelchair? I can’t even walk two miles without having serious pain for a couple days. I have a trip planned in September. how am I supposed to keep myself mobile without being in pain?
submitted by morrisseysbaby to ankylosingspondylitis [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 19:00 Day-Delicious-761 Office Chair Seat Cushion $40.88, FREE FOR AMAZON USA PRODUCT TESTERS, DM Me If You Are Interested

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2023.06.02 17:17 Kittylover11 Tongue ties and “bodywork”

I just had my second baby, he is severely tied like my first. My first’s tongue was basically fused down. Neither were able to transfer milk. I was somewhat skeptical of tongue ties causing so many issues until we went through it all with my first and also found my husband was never released. He had his tongue tie clipped as a toddler due to speech issues but it didn’t address the tight frenulum. He had his released last year after discovering the tension caused a neck posture that compressed a disc leading to degenerative disc disease (among many other issues!) This is seen in his X-ray before and after (he no longer has compression, has a better posture and no more debilitating pain from bulging disc.) needless to say, I now recognize the issues they can cause.
While I believe in ties, I’m still really skeptical about “bodywork”. Like most of Reddit, I’m super anti chiropractor… With my first we had a really rocky journey through Kaiser. Our ped/lactation consultant did refer us to an OT for feeding therapy as they noticed issues with coordination. I also went outside of Kaiser to an IBCLC because I wasn’t getting any help from the Kaiser LCs. She was adamant we do “bodywork” pre and post release. Because I was willing to try everything to get past triple feeding/constant pumping, we took him to a local chiropractic office to see a woman that specializes in bodywork for infants with tongue ties. Needless to say, I’m not convinced her light touches for 2 minutes a handful of times did anything. So for this baby I opted to just see an OT.
We just had an appointment with the new OT at Kaiser for baby #2 and she shared she has a tongue tie she’s looking to get released. She’s going through the same process my husband went through which involves myofunctional therapy. This makes sense to me because an adult can do the exercises to strengthen muscles. It’s basically physical therapy. When I asked her about “bodywork” I was hoping she’d be on the same page about it being somewhat of a scam. My SIL is a PT and they seem to be very anti chiro/“bodywork”. But she surprisingly seemed to be for it. She gave me some movements to do to “unwind baby” and said it’s similar to when you stretch and twist you arms back and forth to release tension in your back.
I really don’t know what to believe. I guess I do believe the ties cause tension. But I’m not sure “bodywork” really releases that tension. I’d argue the procedure to clip the tie releases that tension?
I’ve searched the sub for this topic and saw mixed results. In the tongue tie support group on FB everyone is screaming about the importance of “bodywork” but it seems they confuse it with physical therapy type exercises, and of course it’s a crazy fb mom group.
I know there isn’t a ton of research on ties… but is there any evidence anywhere on releasing tension in infants with ties?
submitted by Kittylover11 to ScienceBasedParenting [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 15:51 SuccessfulPen6539 Office Chair Seat Cushion - Intelligent Sedentary & Crossed Legs Reminder Gel Memory Foam Cushions for Back,Coccyx,Tailbone Pain Relief... For USA 🇺🇸... Price $35.88... Inbox me

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2023.06.02 15:47 maskgirlnft Michael Breen - Taming That Cheeky Ol' Monkey-Mind

Michael Breen - Taming That Cheeky Ol' Monkey-Mind
Michael Breen - Taming That Cheeky Ol' Monkey-Mind
Michael Breen - Taming That Cheeky Ol' Monkey Mind Learning to become mindful, to be able to let your mind rest, to discover inner peace, presence & resources you never knew existed is something that you can learn. In fact in many ways it is more of an intentional unlearning of the pattens and mental mind chou that keeps you stuck, unable to fully tap in to your potential.
Mindfulness can happen in a single breath.
It's a joy that is open to you, when you choose the right method. Not every system of mindfulness is suitable for everyone.
Taming That Cheeky Ol' Monkey Mind will show you a profoundly simply way to tame your mind.
With as little as a few minutes of intentional practice a day, you can quickly make dramatic leaps in your ability to quieten your mind, silence inner drama so you can bring 100% of the awareness on to yourself and the present moment.
Through practice you will develop the ability to have perfect clarity of thought, capable of transforming whatever situations you face. Have better relationships with yourself, loved ones and others.
To come to know yourself in a way you have never experienced before.
You'll find your mind free to be totally at peace with whatever is arising, without trying to manipulate or change them or run away from them.
Where your mind doesn't continually feel the need to spend time focused on the past or rushing to the future.
But can simply be present in the now - so you can enjoy more, live more and transform your life.
If that's something you'd like to learn how to do, then you'll want to get this training.
Inside this 95 minute training you'll learn: Quote: What mindfulness really is. This super easy and powerful insight makes mindfulness really easy to do. Discover how to access a mindful state intentionally and with ease. Free of jargon or complex 'mindfulness' rituals! What really is going on that causes you to feel worn down, compressed or perturbed and what to do about them, so you can let your mind-body rest The fascinating interplay between attention and perception that you didn't know about and how the Weber–Fechner principle impacts how you experience what your mind-body is attending to at any moment How by practicing Michael's simple process for mindfulness frequently, you can free up huge amounts of energy that normally are wound up and expressed as stress and tension in the body Discover how you can have much more 'bandwidth' to be present in the moment that you are in... and not find your mind wandering and distracted The critical difference between mindfulness and awareness that many people get wrong and which gets in the way of developing mindfulness Realise powerful insights on mindfulness that can instantly leap frog your ability to become mindful in any moment If you've ever wondered what exactly you are trying to do, to experience mindfulness, this training will clear things up greatly How to 'debug' and unclutter your mind - so your mind and senses can rest Discover how much 'stuff' you have already on your mind and how you can develop the habit of dehabituating stress triggers quicker than you thought possible Let Michael show you how you can become more here and more present using simple mindful processes that both novice or seasoned meditator can apply for great results How you can discover your patterns of thought and energy that create loops of distraction, unease and tension Get out of stress traps by refusing to accept parasitic self-paradoxes that are sold...There’s nothing quite like the pain of vainly trying to solve an unsolvable riddle! 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Michael's going to show you the super-easy way to develop real mindfulness that works like Why the payoffs for developing mindfulness are far in excess of the costs... once you approach it so that it becomes easy and accessible ... which Michael will teach you in this training How to release your mind from the stress response so you can be at ease with as little as five minutes training twice a day What gets in the way of be able to experience mindfulness When mindfulness is NOT an appropriate solution to chronic problems How so much of mindfulness has become a 'thing' in the West and how our expectations get in the way of blocking mindfulness from occurring Why you are not studying 'the way' of mindfulness and why you need to be clear about exactly what you are seeking... (Michael shows you how easy mindfulness can be) Why you don't need to spend '50 years' to become mindful! How you can use your mind to calm your mind and your body to calm your mind How you can use your environment to calm your mind What to consider when evaluating mindfulness protocols so you know if they are right for you Why so many mindfulness programs fail to create mindfulness... and actually induce stress and frustration! How everyone has several areas in their life where they already experience mindfulness (even if they don't know it) ... and how you can rapidly leverages these resources to access mindfulness with ease Why you don't have to close your eyes or mediate to become mindful. (Thankfully this program doesn't try to force you to only one way to become mindfulness.) How to create the opportunity for mindfulness in everyday areas of your life... so you actively engage a mindful state when you want or need Getting out of stress traps by refusing to accept parasitic self-paradoxes. There’s nothing quite like the pain of vainly trying to solve an unsolvable riddle that you set for yourself… and then pretended you had nothing to do with it… Hear Michael share the 'practical advantage' mindfulness helps him in business, conflict and with loved ones Let go of a a very common cultural trap that hundreds of millions have bought in to and what you can do to rid yourself of it forever frees you up to be more at ease Simple mindfulness exercises Michael learned from Buddhism, acting school and therapy that anyone can do to... this one cool exercise literally shifted my own experience of the moment - creating a sense of 'forever now' When you develop the ability to access mindfulness in any moment you are freed up to let others "do their dance" without getting sucked in to drama Counter-intuitive insights like why intentionally counting or holding your breath can get in the way of developing mindfulness Mind hacks: Hear one of the coolest mind-hacks that came from Buddhism about which posture habits to use to quickly calm your mind down or increase your energy How you can use the meta Model as a tool for spiritual enlightenment and freedom so you liberate yourself from the noise that abounds and projected at us from all areas of modern society Discover over a dozen different simple and highly effective 'mindfulness' practices that you can use The one resource Michael recommends if you want to go deeper in to mindfulness based approaches in a way that is highly practical and science base
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2023.06.02 12:24 rx7fbguy Sciatic nerve - Will I have to live with this?

Hi all,
I've had lower back pain for years now and in the past 3 years of so I started seeing chiropractors and physios who told me to twist my hips forward, as in to try and correct anterior pelvic tilt.
Well, everything only got worse and sometimes I was in agony and couldn't walk. I also developed sciatic nerve feeling down my right leg which is really concerning.
Then I went to a different chiropractor someone recommended to me and he told me that because I had a disk that is minorly budging, I should not be twisting my hips forward at all and that is the weakest position for this injury. He said that my hips need to be in a neutral posture or twisted back rather than forward.
This dramatically helped and after a few weeks pushing through the pain, I started to feel relief and make progress. This was brilliant and now I'm much more functional with occasional flair-ups.
I don't feel like I'm making much progress anymore since the initial progress and I still have the sciatic nerve feeling and sometimes it's really bad. I really want to get rid of this more than anything because it really hinders me and I want to stop this before I get older.
I don't do any specific posture exercises now but would be more than open to it. At the moment I just gym but I don't squat because of my lower back/leg.
Does anyone have experience with this? Would love any advice to help me move in the right direction.

submitted by rx7fbguy to Posture [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 06:01 DropWatcher New Friday Day: June 2nd, 2023





Bold songs drop at midnight
Songs in bold came out at midnight
* means not on Apple Music or Spotify
Sorted by Spotify Monthly Listeners

Old Drop Watches

Full Calendar

submitted by DropWatcher to hiphopheads [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 10:39 rtw33193 MRI Results for L5-S1! Low key nervous from it

I got my MRI results back and don't meet with a PA at a Neuro place in a few weeks.

L5-S1: Large left paracentral disc extrusion, with extruded disc fragment measuring approximately 13 x 19 mm, resulting in moderate spinal canal stenosis with complete effacement of the left lateral recess and contact/compression of the transiting nerve roots. Mild right and moderate left neural foraminal narrowing.

Back story: Summer of 2022 I was at my gym doing hurdle hoops and I jammed my back pretty bad when I landed. I literally was in shock and started crying from the pain. Fast forwarded and I started feeling pain in my hips so I was going to a Chiropractor and paying out of pocket so I stopped. In December of 2022 I went to my doctors office because I was having bad leg pain and turns out it was sciatica. I wasn't about to see my regular doctor and the doctor I seen just gave me some type of meds and said I can see a PT if I wanted ... I said well yes this isn't normal. The sciatica was bad with a lot of calf cramps, numbness and the pins & needle feelings. I got to PT for 2 months till March 2023 for trigger point issues they said ... had relief for awhile but the sciatica didn't go away. Went to my normal doctor for blood work and I mentioned everything that happen so she said I need to get a MRI done. I just got the results back a few days ago. I mean how bad is this? I don't have a picture of the MRI right now I have to pick up. I'm going crazy over here.
submitted by rtw33193 to Sciatica [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 10:02 Civil-Chipmunk9240 Unlocking the Benefits of Chiropractic Care

In a fast-paced world filled with various stresses, maintaining optimal health is of utmost importance. Chiropractic care offers a holistic approach to wellness by focusing on the relationship between the spine and the nervous system. In this comprehensive guide, we will explore the world of chiropractic care, shedding light on its benefits and providing valuable insights into this alternative healthcare practice.

What is Chiropractic Care?

Chiropractic care is a healthcare discipline that emphasizes the diagnosis, treatment, and prevention of musculoskeletal disorders, particularly those affecting the spine. Chiropractors believe that many health problems stem from issues with the nervous system due to misalignments or subluxations of the spine. By applying manual adjustments and other non-invasive techniques, chiropractors aim to restore proper alignment, relieve pain, and promote the body's natural ability to heal itself.

How Does Chiropractic Care Work?

Chiropractic care is based on the principle that the body has an innate ability to heal itself when provided with the right conditions. Chiropractors use a variety of techniques to address misalignments in the spine, such as manual adjustments, spinal decompression, soft tissue therapies, and lifestyle counseling. These treatments aim to remove interference from the nervous system, allowing the body to function optimally and promote overall health and well-being.

The Benefits of Chiropractic Care

Chiropractic care offers numerous benefits for individuals seeking natural and non-invasive healthcare options. Here are some of the key advantages:
Pain Relief: Chiropractic adjustments can provide effective relief from acute and chronic pain, particularly in the neck, back, and joints. By addressing the underlying cause of pain, chiropractic care focuses on long-term solutions rather than simply masking symptoms.
Improved Mobility and Flexibility: Chiropractic adjustments help restore proper alignment and range of motion in the joints, enhancing mobility and flexibility. This is especially beneficial for individuals with conditions like arthritis or sports injuries.
Enhanced Sports Performance: Many athletes and sports enthusiasts turn to chiropractic care to optimize their performance. Chiropractic treatments can improve biomechanics, prevent injuries, and promote faster recovery, allowing athletes to perform at their best.
Boosted Immune System: Misalignments in the spine can disrupt the nervous system's communication with the immune system, compromising its function. Chiropractic adjustments help remove these interferences, allowing the immune system to function optimally and better defend against illnesses.
Stress Relief: Chiropractors in Sunshine Coast not only focuses on physical well-being but also addresses mental and emotional health. The adjustments and therapies used in chiropractic treatments can help reduce stress, alleviate tension, and promote relaxation.

Common Conditions Treated by Chiropractors

Chiropractors are trained to diagnose and treat a wide range of musculoskeletal conditions. Here are some of the most common conditions that can be effectively addressed through chiropractic care:

  1. Back Pain
Chiropractic care is highly effective in treating various types of back pain, including lower back pain, sciatica, and herniated discs. Through spinal adjustments and therapeutic exercises, chiropractors can alleviate pain, improve spinal alignment, and restore function.

  1. Neck Pain
Neck pain is often caused by poor posture, muscle strain, or underlying spinal issues. Chiropractic adjustments can target the root cause of neck pain, relieving tension, improving mobility, and reducing discomfort.

  1. Headaches and Migraines
Chiropractic care can provide relief from chronic headaches and migraines by addressing spinal misalignments that contribute to these conditions. Regular chiropractic treatments may reduce the frequency and intensity of headaches.

  1. Joint Pain
Chiropractic care can help alleviate joint pain caused by conditions such as osteoarthritis, rheumatoid arthritis, or sports injuries. Manual adjustments and therapies can improve joint function, reduce inflammation, and promote healing.

  1. Sports Injuries
Athletes often turn to chiropractic care for the treatment and prevention of sports-related injuries. Chiropractors can provide customized treatment plans that include adjustments, soft tissue therapies, and rehabilitation exercises to promote healing and prevent future injuries.

  1. Posture Issues
Poor posture can lead to various health problems, including back pain, neck pain, and reduced mobility. Chiropractic care can help correct postural imbalances through adjustments and corrective exercises, promoting proper alignment and reducing strain on the musculoskeletal system


Chiropractic care offers a holistic approach to health and wellness by focusing on the relationship between the spine and the nervous system. Through manual adjustments and other non-invasive techniques, chiropractors can alleviate pain, improve mobility, and enhance overall well-being. Whether you're seeking relief from back pain, recovering from a sports injury, or aiming to optimize your overall health, chiropractic care may be a valuable addition to your healthcare routine.
submitted by Civil-Chipmunk9240 to DigitalPeoples [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 06:10 uppercervicaljoe12 Hot or Cold: What Works Better for Pinched Nerve Pain?

Hot or Cold: What Works Better for Pinched Nerve Pain?
Did you hurt your neck while having too much fun at the amusement park? Did you go overboard in your Yoga class and end up with a pinched nerve along your lower back, leg, and toes? Have you canceled so many plans with your family and friends because your nerve pain persists despite trying various remedies?
It can be pretty frustrating to go back and forth with nerve pain. Thankfully, you can address your concerns with the help of simple and natural remedies like hot and cold therapy. You must also look into correcting an atlas subluxation with the help of Upper Cervical Chiropractic. Learn more about these three options to combat your pinched nerve symptoms as you read on.

Hot or Cold Therapy: What’s The Best Option for Compressed Nerve Roots

If you love taking advantage of home remedies for pain, chances are you have already explored hot and cold therapy. After all, it’s an old-school remedy that can provide significant relief, especially for mild symptoms. But have you ever wondered which of the two works best in alleviating searing or shocking nerve pain?
According to many patients, cold compress or ice packs work wonders for cases with visible inflammation. Here are a few reasons why this happens:
  • Cold temperature constricts the blood vessels in the exposed area, reducing blood flow and improving the sore and tight feeling you experience.
  • Ice therapy also comes in handy in reducing nerve activity, especially in areas affected by the compression problem.
  • A cold compress or ice pack can lower skin temperature, increasing cell resiliency (this plays a role in tissue repair and helps the body cope with stress caused by injuries).
As a rule of thumb, use cold packs to help ease your symptoms in the earlier days or weeks. Doing so can help diminish the discomfort you experience. After the searing, burning, or shooting sensation gradually subsides, and the soreness visibly improves, you can apply heat using a hot compress or spend a few minutes in a hot tub.
Heat can help heal nerve pain in several ways. For example, it can speed up tissue healing along damaged body parts after a traumatic injury. Additionally, it can have a soothing effect if you no longer have pain and tenderness.

Go Beyond Hot and Cold Therapy for Nerve Pain Relief

While cold and heat can work wonders for your nerve compression pain, sometimes you’re better off addressing the most likely root cause of your symptom: an atlas subluxation.
Have you experienced falling off a bike or getting injured in the neck or head during a brawl? Are you an athlete who frequently suffers from a concussion or whiplash during training? Did you serve in the military and suffer from neck or head trauma?
If you’ve tried countless remedies for pinched or compressed nerves before but saw little to no improvements, it might be best to have your atlas and axis bones checked by an Upper Cervical doctor.
After all, injuries from the past can have long-term impacts on your health, such as compromised posture, nerve compression, recurring headaches, and balance problems. The sooner you can figure out what’s wrong with your atlas and axis bones, the quicker you can restore your body’s homeostasis and improve your general well-being.

Resolve Atlas Subluxation to Enjoy a Pain-free Life Starting Today!

Nerve compression and atlas subluxation can wreak havoc in your life and health if you don’t act quickly. It’s time to finally break free from the grasp of both conditions with the help of an Upper Cervical doctor. Feel free to use our Upper Cervical doctors’ directory to find the nearest office in your city. This way, you can schedule your appointment and have your neck bones thoroughly assessed by a board-certified NUCCA, Atlas Orthogonal, Orthospinology, Knee-Chest, Blair, Toggle, or EPIC Upper Cervical Chiropractor.
submitted by uppercervicaljoe12 to backpain [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 00:36 rmonkey100 Think I may have Gastritis?.. similar symptoms & any tips??

I (Male) Since about November started getting pain in my upper left quadrant, right below left breast/top ab/top ribs. Which felt muscular, and also pain in my left side back in the same spot. I initially thought it was because of my new computer chaiposture... but I always sit straight which was weird. The right side is fine
I got a new chair but the pain still continued.. sometimes back and left upper ribs at same time, or one or the other. And generally after sitting long periods, getting up and been in bed etc would relieve pain.
I put up with it for a couple months of constant pain when sitting, and then I tilted my chair back one click so reclined slightly, this seemed to immediately relieve the pain and for a few months it was pretty okay
but in the last 6 weeks it's flared up again in the same spot on my front left and back, and now the pain is near constant and in all settings, not just sitting long periods. the front pain literally feels like its muscular on the ab/ribs and when turning or stretching a certain way it can get worse like a sharp pain.
Sometimes when sitting i'll feel that area on the front left start almost throbbing/tingling in just a small patch. It seems to be right where the esophagus meets the stomach.
I've always through it was musculanerve pain due to sitting but its gone on so long now in the exact same spot that I started looking further, and reading on here have found alot of posts from people with literally the same symptoms in the same area on the body & all turned out to be gastritis..
I am scheduling a doctor visit finally to get it looked at and hopeuflly diagnosed but so far symptoms seem consistant..
Have people had the same kind of symptoms and what tips do you have to try eleviate the pain?
Cut out certain foods and drinks etc?.. I am very active and go to the gym every morning to lift weights and do cardio which I think does help as in the morning its at its mildest.
submitted by rmonkey100 to Gastritis [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 00:13 africagal1 Knee Pads for Weak Knees and to help me stand properly

Hey guys,
Not sure if this post will make sense but it can't hurt to ask. I'm currently working with a physio/chiropractor to fix my forward head posture. One issue I have, is that I have weak knees. My core is weak, and I always have the urge to lock my knees while I'm standing. When I'm just standing and really aware of my posture, my knees feel so weak. I know it will take time to fix this over all, but I"m curious has anyone ever bought something for their knees? Idk like a knee brace or something. In the past I tried to go to physio therapy only for my knees but that didn't' work because ultimately my knee pain is also caused by my overall bad posture so I was just trying to cure a symptom and not the cause. Thank you :)
submitted by africagal1 to Posture [link] [comments]

2023.05.31 23:30 JonathanRedding Ghost Word Pt. 2

Continued from Pt. 1, which can be found at:
Pt 1:
WARNING: This story contains depictions of non-consensual sex and gun violence.
Lyle found himself on foot, the valise at his side, the night air crisp and noisy. He realized he was ravenous. No surprise there, he hadn’t had anything to eat or drink in twenty-six hours. The late evening traffic was brisk around the campus, and as he passed a roving pack of students Lyle realized it was Thursday night*. Thirsty Thursdays*.
In keeping with ancient tradition, the majority of undergraduates avoided Friday morning classes at all costs, preferring to begin their weekend revels on Thursday nights. Lyle followed his feet. He imagined power emanating from the briefcase at his side, thrumming up his arm. He felt, for perhaps the first time in a life of shrinking uncertainty, boundless.
And it felt extraordinary.
Somewhere inside of him a notion was forming that he did not dare articulate. But he followed his feet. The easy ebb and flow of walk signals, the pleasantly cool night air, the passing chatter, even the occasional car-horn—which in the past had never failed to startle him, jittery as he was—seemed buoyant and agreeable. The night was his. He realized he was sloping gently downhill, as he followed his feet. He realized he knew exactly where he was going. He found himself before O’Flaherty’s Pub, with its sandwich-board blaring LADIES NIGHT 1/2 WELL DRINKS -- TRUST ME YOU CAN DANCE in electric pink loops. It felt only natural to step beneath the awning, swing wide the knotted mahogany door, and enter the din.
The ham-hock manning security—probably a redshirt lineman in his off-season—turned toward Lyle on autopilot, one hand reaching out as a question formed on his lips, lemme see some ID. Lyle made no attempt to reach for his wallet because he knew the inevitable would happen when the bouncer took in his face, which he did a half second later. A tiny beat of recognition flickered and was gone, and the bouncer turned away. No need to card the old dude. Good luck navigating the vicissitudes of adult life, you Mongoloid, Lyle thought. The jag off had a Black & Mild tucked up behind one ear, Lyle felt an insane urge to snatch it off his head and break it in half. He did not do well with the pretend authority of chunky, dead-eyed adolescents.
But I’m not here for him.
Lyle wove his way into the evening crush with the delicate, shuffling little steps he always used in crowds. By fits and starts he made his way deeper, deeper, winding toward the back bar, the one with the full-length mirror. That was her favorite. O’Flaherty’s had a Crosley jukebox, wood-paneled and coin-operated, reaching for vintage but stuffed to the gills with Bluetooth and wi-fi and digital memory and whatever else. A woman’s voice was booming out of it, an empty pop ballad gussied up by her big, operatic sound. Lyle tried to think of the singer’s name, but couldn’t. He squeezed into a narrow gap at the back bar.
Darby was flirting as she mixed a rum-and-coke for a gawky, dough-faced kid in a flat-cap and a Harrington jacket. On the few occasions he had come out on Darby missions, Lyle had stayed well back from the bar, waiting for drink service at one of the small cafe tables lining the billiard room. But tonight, he wasn’t here to watch.
Darby handed off the drink and caught sight of Lyle. He winced—he could read the surprise, even discomfort, on her face. But she was tending bar, and she was quick on her feet, and she rearranged her expression into a smile. She held up a finger—*one sec—*to which Lyle nodded, as she took flat-cap’s (father’s) Amex back to the register and opened up a tab.
Lyle enjoyed watching her walk. Enjoyed looking at her from the back, or in profile. He usually saw her face, in class, big brown doe eyes and very pale, freckled skin. A shade away from clear, he had heard her joke once, to James, as she had invited him to touch the roadmap of blue veins on her inner arm. That had enraged Lyle—the sudden, unwelcome image of James with those long creamy legs locked over his waist, his long, slow thrusts.
Because he restrained himself from ogling her in class, it was a pleasure to come to O’Flaherty’s during her shifts and watch her as she worked. Darby was not the first of what Lyle thought of as his “favorites”. Every year or two there was a fresh, irresistible young thing, for him to think about, alone, late at night. One of the unspoken perks of professordom was the constant influx of eye-candy, of short skirts and long legs and high asses and pert young tits. In his mind’s eye it was an endless profusion of imagined aureoles, of wondering about their panties—boy-briefs or frilly little whatsits or g-strings or none at all—and even if Lyle never slept with them there was an intense eroticism in holding power over these girls he could never have bedded in his own college years. In pushing that term paper over the failing line and waiting, deliciously waiting, for them to come to his office hour and plead. Only Darby’s work was reasonably competent, so even that grimy thrill was denied him.
Darby finished up with the register and came over, the pale of her neck stark against her tight black t-shirt. O’FLAHERTY’S was printed on it in green, the name stretched to accommodate her bust. Her hair frazzled at the temples; she’d been working hard.
Just a little dirty, that’s how I like you, he thought.
“Dr. L! We missed you today, thought maybe you caught the gunk. You all right?” Darby beamed her big smile at him, a gift of the gods (and of immaculate orthodontics).
“I’m fine, Darby, thanks. Just a communication mix-up. I’m sorry you all waited.”
She kept smiling, seemed to be waiting for more. He didn’t give it to her.
“Well—can I get you anything?”
Lyle hesitated, trying to think of a manly drink, something urbane and—professorial.
“Scotch-rocks. A double.”
Darby continued to stare at him, expectantly. “Any… particular poison, or-?”
Lyle glanced up, made a show of studying the bottles arrayed behind her. He knew nothing about scotch. Stupid. He settled on Johnnie Walker Black, and Darby poured his drink.
Lyle realized his heart was racing. Darby set the drink in front of him and he downed half of it in one swallow. He managed to keep his face neutral as the liquor seared his throat.
“This is a—little bit of a departure, for you, huh?” Darby indicated the scotch.
She must have known he heard her but she raised her voice anyway. The music had changed to a British pop group with a lot of electronic undertones, trying to sound haunting.
“The scotch,” she said. “Don’t you always order lemon drop martinis? When you come in?”
Busted. Two bright red circles appeared high on his cheeks.
“You know, it, it depends,” he replied. “Depends on my mood. And you—you make a hell of a lemon drop martini, here.”
Fucking idiot, he thought. They make the same Goddamn lemon drop martini as everybody else and she knows it.
Darby was smooth, though. Graceful. She rolled right past it. “I wondered why you never came over and said hi.”
“Well I don’t want to, you know, be a bother. You’re working. It’s always busy. And I’ve been coming here for years, off and on. You get used to seeing students out on the town. I try to give them their space.”
“Oh.” Her smile reappeared. “Well I’m glad you came over. Let me know if I can get you anything else?” She was already angling away.
“How was class today?” Lyle didn’t want to let her go. She glanced down the bar, she had customers waiting.
“It was great, really great,” she hurried her answer. She was giving him the brush-off. “James did great. He’s an awesome teacher. Awesome guy.”
“You know, I’d been meaning to ask you, about James…” Lyle leaned in, conspiratorially. Darby’s smile was faltering, but courtesy won out and she leaned in to hear.
“Are you fucking him?”
Darby recoiled, as though he had spit on her.
“Do you laugh at me, when you do it? When you fuck, do you laugh at the scabby, horn-dog professor?”
Darby’s breath hitched in her chest, she looked like she was about to cry. She took a step back. She looked down the bar, and then past him—toward the door.
Bouncer, he thought. She’s looking for the bouncer.
“I think you need to—” she began.
Then Lyle said the Word. The alien Word, meant to be moaned, easy as pie, really, when you thought about it, how the sounds flowed together. The Word that meant libido.
Darby froze. Her pupils flickered, Lyle saw, they constricted down to pinpricks, and then dilated as wide as they could go, swallowing the puppy-dog brown of her irises. Her face went slack. That wide, expensive smile vanished, and her mouth hung slightly open.
“Moisten your lips, Darby,” he said.
Her tongue slid out, pink and supple, and she obeyed.
Oh, my God, she OBEYED.
Lyle’s penis twitched in his pants, he realized he was painfully erect, his balls aching. He realized he had been, had been since—since I said the Word—since he had her and a cruel, savage sense of triumph shook him, he felt his pulse hammering in his veins, he felt like standing up on the bar and—
ROARING I want to ROAR at this dewy twat and all her imbecilic peers—
But instead, he took his cock firmly in his hand, through the cheap fabric of his Ross trousers, squeezed himself, and said—
“What are we going to do with you, Darby?”
Lyle fucked her in the alleyway behind O’Flaherty’s. That meant hurrying more than he liked, the dumpster provided cover but the blocks surrounding the campus were too well policed. It was all right, though. Now that he was armed with the libido-Word, the next time could be more leisurely.
He took her in. All of her. The small, surprisingly dark nipples, nothing like he’d imagined. The fine, black hairs on the nape of her neck, the peach fuzz of her freckled low back, her inner thighs. Her panties were white briefs with green stitching, they were covered with tiny frogs. He tugged them down, and nuzzled her there. He left hickeys, on her ass, her mons. Her smooth, exquisite young cunt.
Lyle took her from behind and saw the groggy confusion in her dilated eyes, the amazement*—*and through that the pleasure, the unsuspected, unwanted, violating pleasure that jolted moans out of her.
Lyle sucked her neck, bit it, hard enough to sting. She gave a tiny mewl as she came, and her spasm triggered him also. Lyle buried himself to the hilt in her, finished in her, and felt—
Like a king. Like a GOD.
They stayed there as the minutes stretched out, panting, still joined. He savored her, until his own tumescence vanished, and he slipped out. Lyle patted her derriere.
“Get dressed and get back to work, Darby,” he said. “We don’t want you to get in trouble.”
She jerked her head, drunkenly, from side to side, as though she were trying to shake water out of her ears. Lyle breathed deep, in through his nose, the fine scents of the city. Fried food nearby, probably the Thai joint catty-corner to the pub. He stood and admired, as Darby tugged her frog-panties back up those long pale legs.
“I’ll see you in class.”
Darby stared blankly at him as he took up his suitcase, turned, and strode into the night.
When Lyle opened his eyes the next morning, he was only mildly surprised to discover that he felt no guilt at all. The sun streamed in, the world was up and running, coffee was calling, and by God he felt fine.
He sat up in bed, stretched. He glanced at the alarm clock, that hateful sentinel, now toothless—10:27AM. The mattress was bare, beneath him. He’d never washed the sheets. Puddled on the floor were yesterday’s clothes. He resisted the urge to tidy them up. Later. He padded to the bathroom and went about his ablutions, brushed his teeth, took out his shaving kit. He had used the sleep-Word on himself again, last night. After.
After! He let the memories wash over him. Her smell: the tang of sweat, bar-odors, the undercurrent of peach soap. The taste of her! And then the feast, afterward. He had followed his nose to Great Elephant Thai, wolfed down a plate of kai thot, fried to a crisp and dripping oil*.* It may have been the finest meal of his life.
And he had had such dreams! Dreams of Darby, and of favorites past. Dreams of fucking and of wealth and of slights avenged and of respectful, deferential looks, dreams of voices falling silent when he entered a room, of every eye on him. A song lyric drifted into his head, something from his childhood, a favorite of his father’s one long summer, repeated ad nauseam on the fourteen-hour drive down to Savannah.
Twenty years a’crawlin’… were bottled up in Tommy… he wasn’t holding nothin’ back, he let ‘em have it all…” Lyle sang, full voice, into the morning. A stupid grin spread over his face, as he wicked away the last patch of Barbasol, the careful spot right over his Adam’s apple, and rinsed his razor. He took a long look at Mirror-Lyle, looked into his eyes. He almost always avoided a close examination of his reflection, force of habit, but today he was a new man, and he wanted to take that man’s measure.
Everyone… considered him… THE COWARD OOOF… the COUNTYYYY…”
Something else surfaced, then, in his memory, something that cranked the wattage down on his smile. He didn’t get all of it, just a glimpse, like a dorsal fin rising above the water. He had dreamed of more than power and sex. There had been something else. Lyle had a vague red recollection of tangled depths and faceless figures. His mind offered up a fleeting image of a crumbling stone structure, of keening wind and squat pillars; and of a great broken vault overhead, through which could be seen a blasted sky.
Lyle charged his phone as he brewed up a fresh pot. It had run out of juice somewhere during yesterday’s festivities, and when it finally powered up again it began to vibrate against the Formica tabletop in his dining nook. He ignored the first two pulses, but the phone insistently continued, not with the regular rhythm of an incoming call, but rather the inconsistent bursts of message notifications trickling in from the cloud. He tapped the touchscreen, and saw he had seven missed calls: one from a colleague, yesterday; and six from James, each one with a voicemail attached. The most recent of these had come just twenty minutes ago.
Lyle sipped on his coffee as he retrieved the briefcase from beneath his bed. He sat at his dinette and removed the fascicle, easily finding the rigid page. He opened it, and this time the new Word was waiting for him below the first, long entry: the entry corresponding to the letter “A” itself. This Word was angry, Ks and Zs, a hornet-word, serpent-word. Lyle looked to the white space, where the definition would arise. He pricked his forefinger with the tip of a steak knife and squeezed out two droplets of blood.
der zorn
Lyle sipped. Lyle thought. Greek, then Latin, now German. Was it moving forward in time? He wondered again about those first shapes he had seen, in the library. The more he tried to remember the more he doubted they had been in Greek. Something older, maybe. Phoenician syllabary? He would likely never know. But the Words were changing. The book was changing.
And there was this: both of the—*spells, they’re spells, let’s cut the shit—*both of the Words it had given him so far had been…
“Intuitive,” he said finally. “Useful. Like it knew.”
Lyle took down the last foil sleeve of blueberry Pop Tarts from his cupboard. Pauper’s breakfast, he thought, but not for much longer. He searched through his contacts until he found the number for the Chancellor’s office. He thumbed the little blue phone icon beside it.
Lyle had just started boxing up his things when James burst into his office, perfectly symmetrical face distorted by fury, his generous features made ugly. Ah, the righteousness of youth. James took in the dense sheaf of Staples boxes, waiting to be folded; took in the bare walls, the stacked diplomas and photographs.
“What the fuck is this?” he demanded.
“Emergency leave,” Lyle answered with a dismissive wave. “I’ve had a family crisis. I’m afraid I have to attend to it. Professor Chole will be taking over my workload for the remainder of the semester, I’m sure she’ll be in touch—"
“What did you do to Darby? What the fuck did you do?” James spoke with the husky, quaking tone of pure adrenaline. He was just barely restraining himself from lunging across the desk, Lyle realized. He took the younger man in with bemused calm. He let the moment stretch out.
“Therese called me,” James continued, the words throttling out of him. “Darby’s roommate. She came home last night, she has—bruises, all over her, little, little *bites—*she won’t speak, she just sits there and cries, but she said your name. It’s the only thing she said. What did you do to her, Lyle? Did you rape her?”
“Dr. Hereford,” Lyle replied.
James craned forward. “What?”
*“*You don’t get to call me Lyle.”
Lower, now, almost a whisper: “Tell me what you did to her.”
“I made her come,” Lyle said. “And she fucking loved it.
James did lunge then, he screamed and he leapt across the desk, coming down on Lyle in a tangle of thrashing limbs and rabbit punches, the two of them toppling Lyle’s chair, compressing awkwardly into the tight space between desk and wall. James kicked hard off of the gray metal drawers, managing to end up on top. His hands found Lyle’s throat and began to squeeze. Lyle felt himself constricting, felt the energy draining out of him, pinned, as he lost oxygen. He noticed the curds of spittle at the corners of James’s snarling mouth. He started to see spots in the periphery of his vision, and as he slapped ineffectually at James’s face he thought am I going to die here—?
Lyle dug down for the last of his strength. The Word chose me. This wasn’t the end. Couldn’t be the end. He extended his leg as far as it would go, and used the distance to drive his knee, hard, into James’s crotch. A grunting exhale was propelled out of the younger man*.* Lyle pulled back to do it again; James squeezed his thighs together to block, and when he did, he compromised his balance. He took one hand off Lyle’s throat and thrust out his arm to catch himself as be began to roll, allowing Lyle to draw in a long, ragged breath.
Then Lyle spoke the Word.
The der zorn-Word.
The word that meant anger, that meant rage, that meant WRATH.
“Son. Son, you’re bleeding, let me—let me help you, come on. Son, it’s gonna be okay, come on, now— “
The campus policeman approaches James like a dog that might be rabid, that slow hunched posture with arms wide, except for the policeman it’s only one arm because his right hand is flush up against his service weapon and his thumb snaps the little thumbsnap and it’s a very small noise but it’s so loud in James’s head and he shakes it, his head, does James, from side to side, in herks and jerks, like a dog that might be rabid, now, like there’s water in his ears and he’s trying to shake it out, is James, and the policeman is coming on and speaking in clear precise syllables that explode behind James’s temples, clusterbomb-words, and the cop is speaking but he’s hearing another voice, is James, and it’s Lyle’s voice, it’s Dr. L’s voice, not Lyle never Lyle, and Dr. L’s voice is saying snakebit you’re snakebit she fucking LOVED it and James touches his own face now and it must be true because there’s blood on his face and when he blinks his blink is heavy and liquid like he just dropped Visine in there but the thing is but only but except it’s blood and he’s bleeding from the eyes, is James, and now the policeman is right on top of him saying “son what happened can you hear me respond if you can hear me” and James hears the exploding words all right and he blinks and blood oozes from the corners of his eyes and the cop is changing now, in the blood, his face is BOILING and now it’s Darby’s face on the policeman and she opens her mouth and her head cranes back and she’s ruined inside OH FUCK SHE’S RUINED INSIDE SHOT HERSELF SHE SHOT HERSELF SHE’S SHOT and now it’s DR L IT’S DR L SCREAMING SNAKEBIT SNAKEBIT SNAKEBIT—
James rears back and head-butts the campus cop as hard as he can, the smooth acne-less center of James’s forehead connecting with the soft cartilage of the policeman’s nose. A sick crunch echoes in the lobby of the Humanities building, a young woman close enough to hear it vomits on the floor, it is the first puking incident of the day but not the last.
The cop recoils with a sick moan, in his surprise clapping his hands to his shattered nose; in that moment James bellows, an awful inarticulate animal sound of hate, and yanks the policeman’s service piece free of his holster.
The handful of rubbernecking students freeze as James shoots the policeman in the face.
The policeman’s name is (was) Lou, the students know, and he is (was) genial and well-liked. A silent second passes in the lobby, and then the screaming begins.
James dips down and pulls two spare clips out of Lou’s belt. He pockets them. When James looks up, he doesn’t see fleeing students.
He sees Dr. L.
A gaggle of Dr. L’s. A school, a clutch, a murder. He sees laughing Dr. L’s running in every direction, diving behind furniture, breaking for the street or hurtling into the stairwells. One Dr. L dives behind the reception desk. James starts after him on wooden legs.
When he reaches the desk, there is Dr. L beneath it, a cell phone in his hand, cackling. James shoots him in the stomach. Dr. L keeps right on laughing, howling with it now, whatever it is must be hilarious, a real knee-slapper, then James remembers its him, Dr. L is laughing at him so James shoots him again, shoots him so he’ll stop but there are so many more
Lyle Hereford, Ph.D., rested his browning forearms on the wrought iron railing of his third-floor balcony. He looked out over the Gulf of Mexico. The breeze was warm and gentle, suffusing, but it no longer calmed him. He took no notice of it. He was lost, as he was always now lost, in thought.
The one, lone thought.
It had taken a little less than two weeks for James’s horrific shooting spree to drop out of the news. The demands for GUN CONTROL NOW (or, conversely, for guns in every classroom) receded and were shelved for the next go-round. Politicians took to the field and unfurled their heraldry for the usual pro-forma skirmishes. Then, mercifully, a Cabinet official fucked somebody he really shouldn’t have and the national discourse (such as it was) barreled off, like a dog chasing a ball that its owner had only pretended to throw. As to why a handsome, popular, well-adjusted student should suddenly snap and murder sixteen of his fellows? The theories ranged from medically reasonable (an inoperable tumor which could not be verified via autopsy, as James’s brains had been removed by the responding tactical unit); to the paranoiac (James had been the subject of a Manchurian Candidate-style CIA/NSA/Acronym-of-your-choice experiment gone horribly wrong); to the Occult (the Devil made him do it).
Lyle had enjoyed that last one.
What Lyle had not enjoyed was that some of the conspiracy theorists, and even some of the legitimate press, had mentioned him by name. He had disappeared, after all, on an auspicious and chaotic day, to manage a crisis no one could verify involving a family no one could find. It had not been difficult to remain ahead of any enterprising investigators, though. Not with the Words.
And there had been so many more Words. Words in French and Finnish and Russian and Spanish and Mandarin. Words that meant envy and silence and fear and blindness and, perhaps the most potent yet, a Word that meant stupid. Lyle had employed that one against a statie who pulled him over as he crossed the Louisiana line, coming through Vicksburg. The guy had been six-two, maybe two-twenty, with sharp, curious eyes sunk deep in his skull. Lyle hadn’t liked the way he had looked at him, so he used the Word. Now the statie—*Edmonds was his name, Trooper Edmonds—*was six-two, two-twenty of drooling simpleton, probably staring at a wall somewhere in the nearest brain injury ward and driving the resident neurologists absolutely bugshit.
By the time Lyle made it to a quiet, lazy town on the Cajun Riviera and decided to set a spell, he had traded in his Acura for a Beemer and was carrying close to a hundred and twelve thousand dollars in cash. He had also acquired a 9mm Ruger and a shotgun with a pistol grip (the dealer had called it a snake charmer just before Lyle killed him).
None of that matters now, though.
All that mattered was the Word. Which, he had come to realize, was the last Word.
Because the book was alive, of course, had always been alive, Lyle knew that. Hadn’t let himself come right out and say it, but he knew. It had slept, maybe, possibly, until he woke it, with his touch, with his blood, but if it slept, it woke up thirsty*.* The book was always ready with the next Word, the next thing he would need. The book was collaborating with him. It was dancing with him, and at first he had thought he was the one leading, but now he knew better.
Lyle felt it. Felt it—pulling on him. All the time. Felt it in the room behind him, pulling, knew that he would go back in, sooner or later, go back in, and open the book, the book that has been leading him. Knew that he would open its hundreds of pages, because it was longer now, because it had grown, because it was three inches thick and the front plating had vanished and it wasn’t pretending to be a dictionary anymore.
He knew that he would open it and on every single page, centered, would be a single Word, the last Word, the Word that he will say, that he must say, sooner or later, and under it swirling in blood, blood that must be the book’s own, the final explication, the final command, the final meaning, and God, oh God, Lyle was afraid, because the last Word was
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