Hello there, I hope this is the right place to put this, otherwise mods, feel free to delete.
I (29, NB) am married to my husband (32, M), and we've been together for upwards of 10 years, though I only found out about his crossdressing when we moved in together about 5 years ago. After stumbling on some of his porn on his phone a couple years ago (captions. And I wasn't snooping - the photos happened to be right next to prospective home photos, so I swiped into them on accident), I confronted him, mostly because I was shocked and surprised. For whatever reason, I hadn't really figured him for the casually-browse-porn-on-the-phone kind of person.
Anyway, we discussed it (this was about 3 years ago), and he told me that he basically used porn every day, and had been since his teen years, which I wasn't okay with since it was hurting our sex life. He said he would try to work on cutting down his use. In parallel, I knew he'd occasionally cross-dress, but really only when I was out of the apartment. I didn't think the two overlapped at all. Over the course of time, I found out/discovered/he'd tell me that he would use a variety of pornographic materials, mostly captions, erotica, and hypno.
Flash forward a year or two, and he asks me if it's okay if he starts shaving his armpits. I told him I was in no position to tell him what to do with his hair, but I will admit that I was a little bit surprised, and as I asked where this was coming from, I essentially went really deep and asked him if he thought he would ever transition, to which he said he didn't know. I told him to consider therapy so he could talk to someone about his thoughts and feelings (I've gone myself weekly for the past 3 years), and he's gone maybe a handful of times, but never stuck with it. Gender has come up in conversation every now and again since, and the most recent conversation, he told me that he'd tell me if anything changed in how he wanted to present his gendeif he had any big revelations about himself, but that he "didn't expect that to happen"
Today, while we were driving, we were going to listen to music in the car from his phone. He was the one driving, so I figured I would be the one to open the music app, but he refused to let me and insisted he open it himself while actively driving, something I'm not too keen on anyways since neither of us text and drive. It was very active hiding behavior, so while I try really hard not to pry, I couldn't help but glance at his 2 other open apps, one of which was a webpage that, with a quick Google (the googling done later), I determined was ultimately referencing a pornographic sissification MtF game.
So I called him out (I told him that all I had seen was the word "breasts") and gave him a very clear out and said that he could've just said, "it's porn, leave me alone," but instead he doubled down and said that he "wasn't looking at porn," and that he was being cagey because he "doesn't remember what he had pulled up on his phone, and sometimes it's surprises" for me.
I'm non-binary myself, and this situation is a bit complex because I'm exclusively attracted to masc-presenting folks, and have told him as much. However, I've also told him that if he WAS trans, I wouldn't want to prevent him from living his life and being someone he wants to be. I've also volunteered that he could crossdress around me if he wanted (it'd be less weird than always hiding it like he usually does), but he's never done that, and when he's dressed up when I'm not home, he's always made sure to be changed and have any make-up removed before I can see him because he's told me that he doesn't feel comfortable dressing up in front of me. Of course given all this, as far as I know, no one else on the planet besides my therapist knows he crossdresses.
What I need help with is some advice on if/how I should talk to him about this, and how entrenched this is. It's been a part of his life for the past 15 years or so, and he was using porn every day for several of those years. If it's genuine gender questioning, I want to give him space to explore that, but if this is actually porn addiction, I want to establish clearer boundaries and impress importance on this. I also don't want to prevent him from indulging in the occasional fetish since we're both kinksters, but a) I don't want to be involved in feminization play and b) I don't want his kinks to negatively impact our relationship in the short or long term.
Advice would be very much appreciated!!
Tl;dr, my partner has been using sissy porn for a long time and I'm not sure whether it's gender discovery, harmless fetish, or full addiction, and how to talk to him about it without shaming him and to get him help (if needed).

I am looking for someone who would love to explore this beautiful world together. I want him to be happy and smile most of the time. I Love listening music and a nature. I believe in true love. I enjoy cooking as well and would love to learn new recipes I’m looking for someone I can talk to daily. Let’s share life stories, make each other laugh and emotionally support one another.
I’m home alone and in need of someone. don't expect anything on here... i just chase here, and hopefully someone who appreciates me... I’m lonely I’ve been single, so it makes my craving for connection and companionship that much worse. I miss having someone to talk to and share things with the intimacy that comes from sharing milestones and events and holidays together is a special kind of intimacy, one that I absolutely need in order to be happy
If you're old enough and think that you can handle a woman like me, hit me up if you wanna have some fun cause I'm just waiting..

So, I’m writing this on my phone because I figured I should share my experiences. I’ve shared one already but I figured I should share more as I have had quite the run-ins with some odd things in the woods of the Pacific Northwest.
I live in Oregon, but I do tend to travel on my off time in the wilderness, despite my run ins I love the forest, nature, and all I just tend to be much more careful now.
This first story takes place in my home state. I have a buddy who is a park ranger and he shared me a story of his own. He works at Crater Lake National Park and was patrolling one of the trails that was reported by hikers who said they heard a bear in the area. He went out with a tranquilizer to move the bear out of an area that was close to a campground. He was walking as usual when he felt eyes on him…he began to hear movement in the woods, and he shouted out “anybody out there?”
No response.
He got his tranquilizer ready and proceeded toward the noise. But as he approached, he heard another noise behind him.
Now he was thinking, “Oh no there’s more than one out here.”
Not sure what to do he prepared for the worst but then to his relief it was two deer. He sighed in relief thanking God that he wasn’t going to be mauled that day. But suddenly he noticed blood on one of the deer’s antlers and next to it behind the bushes it came out of was the carcass of a black bear. The two deer just stared at him and returned to feasting on the bear. He wasn’t sure what to do, tranquilize them or risk being a victim? He decided it was best to take the shot and hit both. They didn’t even budge and just walked off into the forest.
He reported the dead carcass of the bear and just had a team remove the remains. Still gives him the Chills thinking back to that day.
The next story was when I went on a fishing trip with a friend in Washington.
We had set out to fish along this river that was calm that day.
We caught a few fish and even some crawdads. I love seafood so I wanted us to stay out longer to catch a few more fish. My friend ended up taking a nap while I continued to fish. All was well but I suddenly noticed something in the distance, something dark moving along the river. I thought it was some sort of log that was stuck and got free and was floating along the river, but its movements didn’t appear normal. It would move back and forth getting closer and closer. I began to get nervous; I can’t really explain why it just felt like I needed to get away from whatever this thing was.
I turned to my friend who was still asleep and heard a splash.
I looked back and the thing was just gone. I looked around wondering where it went, and I saw it. Perched on top of a tree, I thought it was a cougar, I grabbed my binoculars for a closer look, and it was crouched but was tall, lanky and had milky white eyes but covered in black feathers and wearing some sort of animal pelt. I felt a sudden sense of dread and fear I never felt before. I looked back to my friend to wake him but before I could I heard another splash and saw it was back in the water now headed to the boat. I said “F this “and then turned on the motor and hauled ass out of there. My friend woke up yelling at me and asked, “What the hell are you doing?” but I didn’t respond. When we got to the loading dock, I anchored the boat and told him to get in the truck and he protested about leaving the boat and I said, “We will get it later get in now!”
The car ride back I explained everything, and I saw how pale he got. He’s part Native American and explained to me that what I saw was a Skinwalker.
This next story takes place in the Canadian Wilderness. I was on a hunting trip with my buddy who has a cabin in Canada deep in the wilderness, off-grid type of deal. It was the beginning of winter so the snow wasn’t so bad to where you just couldn’t move. He had this goal to get a mountain lion. So, we headed out to a ridge where you could see out to a clearing where he said he saw this specific mountain lion every year. It always came to the same spot, maybe its home was nearby I don’t know. So, its nighttime, and we had a small fire going, I went to go take a piss when I noticed something or somethings… 3 humanoid figures were in the clearing, I quickly put the fire out, and my friend told me “Dude why did you do that?” I told him to shush, and we observed the 3 beings. The thing was this was way out in the middle of the wilderness, there’s absolutely no way that anybody else knew about this spot. Also, the 3 figures looked human, but I could tell they were much taller than normal and their arms, skinny and just moved unnaturally. They were circling something, but I couldn’t tell what exactly. Then one of the figures stopped and looked directly at us. We rushed to cover and didn’t really know what to do. So, we decided to not sleep that night and have our rifles ready just in case. The following morning, we went down to the clearing to see what those figures were circling and sure enough we saw footprints much larger than a normal human and the beheaded mountain lion that my friend wanted mounted in his cabin so badly but now not so much…
This story still comes across my mind to this day. Me and my buddy from our hiking club were going on a hike one day, it was a beautiful hike along a river, and we were looking for places to set up camp. We saw a campground with food and trash everywhere and at first, I was upset that someone just left this much of a mess here. But the longer I looked around the weirder things got…Their trash bag was still hoisted up on a tree branch but ripped open, the food was still there and if a bear or another animal got to the food, they would of ate everything. Also, there tents were still set up, but ripped as if from the inside, clothes still around and even 2 pairs of boots. The whole campground looked as if whoever was there was immediately in a rush to get out of there and just left all their belongings, not even bothering to take their shoes. The hairs on my neck stood up and both my buddy and I decided that we should call it a day and just hike back to the car. I reported the incident to the forest rangers, but they said they weren’t aware of anybody camping in the area and did not receive any reports from the area. Still freaks me out thinking what could have spooked these people so bad they left their tents, not even bothering to use the zipper and leaving their clothes and shoes behind.
This next one comes from a solo hike. I was doing a 3-day solo trip somewhere in Washington near the Canadian border. I was literally way out there no facilities or normal campground. I was just hiking along, and dusk was approaching, my campsite was already set but I just went for a stroll when I thought I heard a child’s voice calling for help. I thought it was my imagination, but I heard it again. I began to follow it and then I saw the child. He looked dirty; clothes still intact but his back was facing me. I called out to this kid, and he turned around but before he could speak, he was pulled by someone or something down on the other side of this hill. Then I heard a loud crash as if a metal down shut. I ran to where I saw the kid and saw nothing but the same clothes, he was wearing neatly folded and his shoes right next to them. After a few minutes to no avail, I made my way back to the campsite gathered all my things and headed back. I went to the forest ranger station and told them about what I saw. Never found out if they found that kid or not.
Now this story comes from my close friend in Oregon, but this happened in Washington. So, I was hanging out with my friend who has pretty much grew up in the outdoors all his life and I asked him what his most creepy experience in the woods was. He told me he didn’t have a lot of experiences like that aside from hearing weird things at night when he went camping. But, this one time he was out hiking with his dog, they usually are a pair for hiking with friends but this time he was out hiking with just his dog in the deep woods of Washington on a trail that had very little traffic, like you wouldn’t expect to run into anybody. So, his dog is off leash, roaming a little in front of him and as they come to a corner the dog just stopped and his hair stood on the back of his neck, did a single bark moved up one step and then just ran behind my friend, not behind his legs but down the trail behind my friend, about 25 yards behind him. My friend pulled out his firearm and aimed forward, considering this was an area where black bears are he thought maybe his dog saw a bear but after a few minutes he didn’t find anything, no animals, nothing. His dog refused to go near him even after he kept calling for his dog. He eventually left the trail with his dog and got back home in one piece. But he said he never saw his dog act like that, his dog and he have hiked plenty, and his dog has been spooked before, but he never acted that way and he would always come back to my friend even when spooked.
This last story I have for now occurred when I was hunting with my buddy in Washington. The area still had trees but was on the dryer side with us being closer to the desert.
We had a deer blind set up near a clearing and scanned the area for some deer when we noticed a big elk with a couple of doe. They were grazing and we just watched since we didn’t want this deer.
What was odd though was the weather began to get rainy and fog rolled in as evening was approaching. We noticed that the elk began to showcase defensive behavior, going back and forth making grunting noises and huffing as it began to set up a defensive area around the doe who were now cowering in a small area. Kind of like “Back up these are mine” This elk was staring at the tree line, and we thought, “oh shit maybe it’s a bear”. But to our surprise it wasn’t, it was another elk. We got a little excited thinking we were about to see these two elk go at it to see who gets to take the herd of doe home, but I stopped once I put it together. Why did the doe seem so afraid then?
Then I saw another elk and another and another all just staring at the protective elk.
But then to our shock all the elks began to stand. On two legs.
Now sometimes deer will do this as a protective or displaying behavior of superiority, but these elk were not.
The protective elk began to show more aggression attempting to scare them off.
My friend whispered to me. “What the hell is this, I’ve never seen this before in my life.”
My friend has been hunting for over 15 years from Alaska all the way to Colorado and parts in the East coast. A seasoned man who didn’t scare easily but I could tell this freaked him out.
The group of bipedal elk just stood there and then they all bolted towards the Elk and the elk charged them at the same time. Managing to impale two of the elks but he was outnumbered, and the elks didn’t use their antlers but began to bite the elk with what looked like jagged sharp fangs.
It was horrible. They then they circled the elk and just looked up to the moon and made these god-awful gurgling noises
It looked like some sort of F’d up ritual.
We decided that we should leave and began to grab our things to leave. I’m positive that we were too far for anyone to hear but I sweat as soon as we moved one of the deer stopped and looked right at us.
And that’s when we nopped out of there, we ran all the way to the truck hoping we didn’t run into those elks or whatever the hell those things were. I have seen deer display hostile behavior but never like that.
We were rushing to throw our stuff and sped out onto the dirt road. We got about 1/4 a mile away when we noticed a giant log blocking our path that wasn’t there before.
My friend said: “dammit we have to move it”
Luckily, we had a chainsaw in the back, and he cut some of the log away so we could move it. But God those logs were heavy, when we got to the last of the log my friend said, “help me move it!” I joined in, and we both lifted the last of the log out of the way out we noticed something on the road. It was one of those deer. Just standing looking at us. We backed up towards the truck my friend not even caring to grab the chainsaw and I swear it opened its mouth and said “hhe hhe-hel-help me moo-move iiiit”
It was distorted but sounded exactly like my friend.
We just ran to the truck from there and we hit the gas and this deer just ran towards the truck and hopped on the front and then the top of the truck and I’m just shitting bricks at this point and attempt to grab the shotgun from under the seat when my friend says “hang on” and just hits the brakes hard and this deer just goes flying off the truck and he quickly speeds around it .
We stayed at a hotel after driving 2 hours straight back to civilization.
Honestly, I believe deer just have some messed up ways, but I really don’t know what they were but I’m positive they weren’t deer, I don’t know what they were.
Part 2
I figured I’d mention this since I didn’t add it to my previous post.
These experiences I had forever changed my perspective on the woods and I questioned whether I should ever step foot in the woods again. I don’t know why I attract these experiences but part of it motivates me to keep going to share what I see.
This other story was a time I went out with a friend to explore. We were in the backcountry just exploring and I suddenly saw this weird structure. My friend decided we should check it out and we saw this stone-like structure covered in moss and it must have been there for decades. What was weird though it had this rectangular structure that had a door, the door was perfectly preserved as if someone just installed it. No rust on the door handle or any weather damage, it’s like it came fresh out of the store.
I went to get a closer look and I was about to try to open the door when my internal gut feeling was screaming to me that something was wrong and we should not be here, and extreme sense of fear flooded my entire being and my hair on the back of my neck stood up.
My friend told me “What’s wrong?”
I told him “Maybe we should just go”
And he said “we can’t just leave now let’s at least see what’s inside”
Just as I fought my fear off and went for the handle the door began to creak open and I felt something was just VERY wrong, and I think my friend just instinctively knew we had to run, and we just got the hell out of dodge.
We returned with more people and armed to the teeth to try the door again.
But we couldn’t find the structure anywhere despite me marking this area on my map before we even attempted the door.
I always wondered what would have happened had I opened that door….
This next one I was camping with my old roommate, and we were enjoying the night and headed to bed soon after our fire was put out.
Around 3 am I had to piss so I went to the tree at the edge of our campsite
I heard movement after I finished and thought it was my friend having to do the same as me. A few feet away I gave him the okay hand sign and he gave it back
But the way his fingers moved just looked …wrong
I thought maybe I was just tired and headed back to my tent.
The following morning, we made breakfast and I mentioned to him how I drank too much the night before and don’t like having to piss at night but at least I wasn’t the only one who had to go.
My friend looked confused by that last part and said “what do you mean only one? “
I told him: “you don’t remember? We went to pee at the same time.” Then I showed him the okay gesture that I gave him last night to jog his memory and he just told me: “dude I didn’t get up at all last night…”
A chill ran up my spine and I just played it off that I was dreaming.
I don’t know who or what that was last night, we never saw anybody out there and I checked around the campsite after breakfast for footprints, saw mine but nobody’s where I thought I saw my friend the night before.
This next one is like the previous one, but I was camping with my girlfriend at the time. We had a great night doing you know couple of things and then in the middle of the night I had to piss. Did my business at a nearby tree, and then I heard my girlfriend calling my name, in the woods. I figured she had to go to and just wanted to have some privacy. Maybe she needed toilet paper and forgot, as I went to the tent to grab a roll, I heard her call my name again then said help me.
I thought about going over to her but went to grab the roll anyway because I didn’t want to go out there then she tells me she needs the toilet paper. As I opened the tent, I just stood there surprised, my girlfriend was sound asleep still. So, who was calling my name?... I heard my name again but louder and my girlfriend's voice saying “COME HERE NOW”
I just decided to go in the tent, and just laid there silent, not sure what to do. I didn’t hear anything for the rest of the night and passed out after the surge of adrenaline just put me out.
I didn’t tell my girlfriend about it, and just told her we had to cut the trip short because I forgot I have a paper to write.
This Last one happened in 2019. I took a drive on a forest road about 45 mins in. Parked near this trailhead and took off to the trail.
I was admiring the flora and fauna and just going on a normal hike when I noticed my vision completely changed as if I was looking through prescription glasses that weren’t mine. The vegetation changed and it was daylight when I was hiking but now it was dark as if sunset just passed.
This happens almost instantly. It was like I was in a completely new environment.
I then felt something graze my shoulder, it was a hairy arm, like the one you’d see from an ape or Bigfoot, and it was about to grab me, but I managed to take a step back, and I just see the hand grab where my neck would have been. I felt this sudden sense of dread and just began to backpedal and after a couple of steps, my vision went back to normal. The sunlight returned as well as the flora and fauna. I just saw a fuzzy-like outline in a circular shape in front of me from where I just stepped out of, and it eventually disappeared the more steps back I took.
I just stood there completely shocked about what just happened and came to my senses as my internal red flags were going off and I just turned around and ran to my truck and got out of the area. I never had this happen to me before and it thankfully hasn’t happened since. Since this happened, I have never gone hiking alone again.
To end this off, I just want to add that I enjoy the woods and nature it is full of beauty and wonder. But there are things out there…things even the natives knew to stay away from. There are things out there, that don’t care about you, or that you have families, or loved ones. I still go out to the woods, but after that last experience, it took me a long time to get the courage to go out there again. I never go out for solo hikes anymore, and if I can’t go with someone, I always take my dog. Thanks for hearing my stories and I’ll be sure to share any future experiences I have.

something of a breakdown
And a series of illusions
When the connection was cut off, I realized how sad I was
I hope this night will not be long
I have firewood and a disc from the cold
Tomorrow
Buy a package online
And write to capacity on my chest
Fed up with you soft fingers
-
Pine forest
And a shadow
And a friend dispersed over the years
What bad luck
Young and still practicing grief and blame
Fight his words, every moment a woman
Now he loves a woman
Ask him where you are
-
I broke down crying
Tuck the air under my pocket
I turn my face to the walls
The doors just blur
And the windows are a sacred altar
Pigeons do not sing
And the horizon swallowed the light
-
counting
for you
and dismounted
outside silence
And I emptied the sound
Because you come back with an echo
to dissipate
as the dimensions of the range
The bishop has no grief, no restrictions, no beautiful adobe structure
*-
I get close to light or dust
take a shower
Submissive proximity
Closer to home and farther from heaven
Nostalgia is a country growing in my chest
It grows and extends upward to the horizon
became a lot
minimum
In order not to fragment like a galaxy like mirrors
My heart is the moon
*-
scanned paper
And a free basket of songs
breadth of need
They occupy corners
They set up a soft leaf bazaar
They run behind red lights
They caress your windows
They escape from the exhaust
sidewalks
Hug them and sing to them
\*
https://aqelayash.blogspot.com/2023/06/sidewalks.html
​
Nostalgia sidewalks

So, after waiting around 30 years to finally play Spelljammer, I got pretty excited about creating a character! I love Ravenloft and wanted to make a dhampir because Iam a huge Angel fan and a dhampir detective would be pretty cool to play. I started the background for my character but somehow I couldnt stop writing, lol. I wanted to make her a deep character, blend elements of Angel, Buffy, Frighteners, and Sixth Sense into her Dhampir College of Spirits Bard but also find a way to get to Wildspace from Bararovia, no easy task,some say impossible. I wrote this story and hoping for any feedback, I really like it and I hope you do too, tell me what you think!
ZAPADA At a very young age Francheska, was a music prodigy. The music that came from her violin was uncannily haunting and tranquil at the same time. As she got older, Francheska played her music at The Blood On The Vine Tavern, In Barovia. One night, a handsome admirer came up to her after her set and had her truly mesmerized. Francheska never felt like that before with anyone but something about him made her soon become enthralled in his presence. After talking for a few minutes, Francheska followed the man outside and continued to the back of the tavern. There they passionately embraced, totally consuming each other’s bodies. As their love making commenced, the admirelover of Francheska protruded his large fangs that glistened off the night’s blood moon, and tried desperately to gain sustenance from her exposed neck. Suddenly, vampire hunters led by Erasmus Van Richten intervened and attacked the monster. After fighting for most of the evening under the moonlight, the fanged foe was finally vanquished. The vampire hunter leader drove a wooden stake through the undead creature’s heart and watched it turn to ash. A few months had passed and Francheska started not feeling like her usual self. She would quit gigs early and head home to rest, she knew something was wrong and terrified about what it might be. In the coming months she became a recluse as her stomach started to grow. Francheska was pregnant and the father was the undead fiend that tried to end her life. She contemplated every day about what to do? Finally, she decided to put the baby up for adoption. She prayed the priests at the church would know what to do with it, perhaps even drive whatever “demons” it may have, out! Francheska wanted the baby to live a full life, something she knew she could never give it. On the evening baby Zapada was born, Francheska loved her from the very first minute she looked at her. She was amazed by Zapada’s beauty even though she was a dhampir, a child of a vampire. Francheska was deeply ashamed of how easily she was took control of by that monster and the guilt of having to let little Zapada go. The decision was very much a struggle for Francheska but ultimately she knew it was right. The church was located just outside of town near Tser Pool, not far from a Vistani Camp. The next morning she brought Zapada to the priests at the church and told them her story. They accepted the dhampir and promised to watch over her. Francheska wept as she left the church, leaving the most important thing in her life. She took a few steps back and handed the priests the second most important thing she ever had, her violin. She told them, “One day, please give this to her and tell her that this is all I can give, and that I’m sorry I couldn’t give more.” Francheska left the church and never returned. Many years had passed, and though dhampirs do age, it’s at a very slow pace. Zapada outlived all The Priests that took her in and the ones that replaced them. She looked around 25 years old but in reality she was over 200 years old. She grew up a wild child who loved casting illusionary magic. She knew about that night under the blood moon when she was conceived, and why she ended up at the church. She also knew, she was neither a true child of the night or the prey they fed on, she was something different. Though Zapada didn’t have the constant bloodlust as her sire, she did have a dhampir hunger that would occasionally occur. The first time she felt it was twelve years ago. She had an odd, visceral hunger; even though she just finished a big meal. Not sure what to do or why she felt that way; she decided to try to sleep it off. While asleep, the hunger had revamped itself into a vivid, horrific, and intense dream. In that dream, violent and murderous acts were committed, all through the bloodthirsty eyes of a vampire. Zapada watched him attack and gain sustenance from unsuspecting victims all throughout Barovia. One of his victims was a woman, who Zapada believed to be her mother, due to her similar looks and having her same violin being held in the vampire’s hand. Other victims included: Frightened women, men who desperately begged for mercy, and children with unheard cries. When Zapada awoke the next morning the hunger was gone, but all the sadness that her dream brought stayed with her. Deep down she knew, evil things walking around like that vampire had no place in Barovia and needed to be stopped! Zapada spent the next dozen years hunting the undead and other creatures of the night. She had some close calls but in her heart she knew it had to be done and never regretted risking her life to protect the innocent. After walking home to her cottage one night, a ghost passed by and asked for her help. He had a faint blue glow that outlined his body. He introduced himself as Stockwell and said “ Two weeks after I met my demise and became whatever I am now, I stumbled upon you staking a vampire with one hand and using your other hand to cast a Fire Bolt Spell on another. I thought wow; she could be the one that could help my family! So I followed you every day and saw you doing what you do best, slaying bad guys! I have to say, I’m very impressed!” Somewhat disturbed by the fact that he was watching her for weeks, Zapada nevertheless heard him out. Stockwell explained that his corpse had been stolen by a necromancer and he is controlling it to do many evil things while under the guise of him. “This framing has caused a lot of danger to my family and it has to stop! Everyone is trying to kill my family for revenge and justice but they are innocent!” Stockwell exclaimed. “The Necromancer is getting away with all of this and my family is suffering, please help!” Stockwell continued. Zapada wanted to do something and knew that she had the skills to do so. Stockwell was a major political official before he was assassinated by the necromancer while coming home in his carriage two weeks ago. There were no witnesses or any evidence that a crime even happened. Many of the villagers just assumed that Stockwell was alive and murdered townsfolk because he wanted revenge for losing the election. That evening, Stockwell brought her to the temple where the necromancer and his corpse were. Zapada stealthily crawled through the half open window at the temple and proceeded to the basement. There in the darkness, with the slight glow of ritual candles, the necromancer stood over Stockwell’s corpse and spoke unintelligible. As the necromancer finished speaking, the once still corpse started to move! Zapada moved quickly to the necromancer and made her first strike count! She pulled out her violin from its holster on her back and strummed a Thunderwave Spell. The necromancer flew back around 10 feet from the burst of thunder that was laid upon him and smashed his head against the wall. The ritual the necromancer conducted no longer was active and Stockwell’s corpse stopped being animated. Zapada then casted a Charm Person Spell on the necromancer as he laid injured on the ground against the wall. While under the spell, she told the necromancer that it would mean a lot to her if he walked to the jail and turned himself in; he did just that. Zapada went to Town Hall to speak to The Burgomaster and explained to him all the facts of the case. The Burgomaster was very close to Zapada for many years. He was one of the few people outside of the church, who knew Zapada’s true lineage. Many of the villagers would be willing to kill her if they knew she was a spawn of a vampire. Upon hearing the necromancer’s scheme, The Burgomaster informed the village of the ruse that was played on them. He also reclaimed Stockwell’s corpse and gave him a proper burial. Stockwell’s family came out of hiding and started to live a normal life again. The necromancer awakened from being under control of the Charm Person Spell while in jail, and vowed for revenge! Over the next few months, word got around about Zapada and how she helped Stockwell clear his name, posthumously. Ghosts throughout Barovia sought out Zapada’s help for their unjust deaths or other situations from their past lives that could use her assistance. With all the new cases, Zapada along with her weasel familiar she named Chicklay opened up an investigation agency and became gumshoes. Zapada spent lots of time with her ghost clients and solved many cases for them. She became very fascinated about the reasons for why and how they stayed on this plane after their death. She also wondered who or what made that decision? She spent months studying the subject, learning as much as she could. As she got further into her studies she felt it would be just a matter of time until she had a major breakthrough in her research. Then early one morning, she was awoken by a humming sound coming from the living room. Zapada walked into living room and there she would be visited by someone who would change her life forever! An orange mist appeared as a man walked through it wearing a top hat and shuffling a deck of cards that spewed energy from them. A portal that shared the same shade of orange stood directly behind him as we walked closer. “Zapada, the dhampir detective, I see that you are doing well for yourself these days!” The slender looking man said. I’ve been watching you through my home amongst the mists and noticed all the research you’ve been doing lately. I thought; why not give you a hand with your studies! With all the vermin and vile fiends you’ve been eradicating from this plane, it’s the least I could do; very good job by the way Zapada!” He added with a less than sincere tone. “First off, who are you and what are you doing in my home?” Zapada asked with a confused look on her face. “I am with The Powers Of Ravenloft. In this domain, we see all, we control all; well we find a way to control all, sometimes we get some help. That’s where you come in Zapada! With all your demon slaying, you’ve made our job so much easier! The evil has been eradicated in record numbers, and Barovia is a nice place to live once again. To thank for all that you’ve done, The Powers of Ravenloft want to offer you a Gift!” “What kind of Gift?” Zapada asked. The man reached in his pocket and handed her a piece of paper. “This paper shows you what you need to do and what you need to find the answers you are looking for with your ghosts. This Gift is a once in a lifetime opportunity for you, do you accept it?” “What if I say yes, what will happen?” “Like I said, you will learn more about the afterlife and the planes, more than you ever thought. The Powers Of Ravenloft won’t cause you any harm, we want to award you!” “Well, if that’s the case, I might have to take you up on that offer.” Zapada replied with a smile. “Is that a yes, then?” The man asked. “Yes, I accept! I mean, why not, you promised no harm.” “Great, that is wonderful! “Though, I only said that The Powers Of Ravenloft wouldn’t harm you, not that you wouldn’t be harmed!” The man grinned as he tipped his top hat and vanished into the portal. As the portal closed up, the paper Zapada was holding soon disappeared; it was merely an illusion! At that very moment Zapada started hearing voices! Little did she know, by accepting that “Gift”, doors to the many spiritual planes were opened! She seemingly became a magnet for thousands of unseen Whispering Spirits making their way through those doors in search of peace and/or answers. Pleads for help entered Zapada’s ears throughout the day. They came as faint whispers only to be heard by her! Months had past and Zapada eventually learned how to drown out the Whispering Spirts’s “white noise” while she worked on a case or went to sleep. When she had the time, she would look into some of the most urgent requests that came her way. Most of the Whispering Spirits were thoughtful of Zapada and were very patient about being heard. A lot of them helped her with her cases by providing spells along with other abilities. Occasionally, there were some Whispering Spirits that were loud, demanding, and very impatient with Zapada. They would cause harm to her if she didn’t help them right away! From extremely loud screeching that deafened her for a short while, to an intense fear that completely overtook her, some spirits had no bounds to be heard. Zapada understood that the “Gift” she accepted brought upon hardships that she wasn’t quite ready for. Through balance, mental strength, and determination, she got stronger and overcame those hardships. The ruse that The Powers Of Ravenloft pulled to distract her frrom keeping Barovia safe and to help the helpless, failed! One night at the detective agency was a very personal night. A case was brought to Zapada by a young girl. She explained that she was with her mother walking near the Svalich Woods when a man appeared about 30 feet away. Her mother walked away from her and to the man. They held hands and vanished deeper into the woods together. She mentioned that she tried yelling for her mother, but she didn’t answer back. Zapada knew she had to take this case, it felt deeply personal to her. While roaming the woods where the young girl’s mother disappeared, Zapada heard some talking. As she walked a little further she saw a male vampire kneeling on the ground about 10 feet away. A woman who matched the mother’s description was lying on a sheet, appearing to be asleep or dead. “Sorry to interrupt your fun there guy, but I think it’s time to for you to go bye-bye! Besides, you’re not the prettiest thing and I’m sure when she wakes up she’s gonna have some major morning after regret!” Zapada Viciously Mocked the vampire. The insult intertwined with a spell, sent psychic damage to the vampire and he fell to the ground. Knowing she didn’t have much time before he got back up, she had to think fast! Zapada quickly reached in her bag and grabbed a card from her Tarokka Deck that was given to her by a Vistani friend from long ago. Zapada used the fortune telling card as a Spiritual Focus Item and proceeded to warm up her vocal chords. She then belted out an intense Shatter Spell as the vampire was slowly getting back to his feet. Thunderous waves of sound bested the vampire’s fortitude as he tried desperately to flee. Zapada grabbed another card from the Tarokka Deck. This time she channeled a Spirit Tale and combined it with her bardic studies, becoming “The Tale Of The Runaway”! That tale transported Zapada to the vampire’s location. Now in close range, Zapada unsheathed her sharpened longsword and decapitated the fleeing vampire, turning him to ash. At that same time, a deafening sound crippled Zapada. The wrath of a Whispering Spirit had caused temporary deafness. Suddenly, Zapada felt someone grab her back; it was the child’s mother! She had become a vampiress, sired by the foe Zapada just slayed. With the vampiress’s exceptional strength, it was hard for Zapada to swing around her sword; she was in lots of trouble! Around that same moment, a voice came from the woods, “Mother stop! What are you doing?” The vampiress turned to see a young girl. Zapada did not hear the child’s voice and was slightly confused about why the vampiress left her. One thing Zapada knew though was she was now free to make an attack on the vampiress. Zapada turned around casted a Shocking Grasp Spell on her. That spell spawned a powerful electrical shock, which burned half of the undead fiend’s body to a crisp! She then grabbed her wooden stake and stuck it through the vampiress’s charred heart. As Zapada looked up, she saw the young girl who came to her office staring at the pile of ash that was once her mother. She said in a very emotional tone, “Momma why did you go with him, and why did you leave me?” Zapada understood her pain in many ways; for she too thought those questions about her own mother. Rain drops fell from the sky, and blended into the tears that ran down both of their faces. Soon after, they walked to the one place Zapada knew would take care of the young girl. As they arrived at a large wooden door, a priest with a concerned look on his face opened it. Zapada spoke as she held back tears. “Good evening father, I have someone that can use your help very much.” “Of course young lady, please come inside, out of the rain!” the priest replied. Zapada promised the young girl that she would check on her from time to time and apologized for what transpired earlier in the evening. Zapada turned around and walked home under a bright full moon, as her sadness reflected in the puddles as she passed them by. The next morning, The Burgomaster was on his way to Zapada’s agency to tell her some urgent news. Around the same time a man dressed in all black and carried a silver cane, walked in the door and presented a case to Zapada. She desperately wanted to forget the night before and this was her chance to do that, she thought to herself. The man explained to her that he saw a group of kids being taken by vampires and were heading towards the mists near the Vistani Camps. Normally, Zapada would do a thorough assessment on all her clients. She would usually cast a Detect Thoughts Spell to stop frauds, or possible ill intentions of clients. Due to her intense need of making amends from the night prior, she bypassed everything and left with the man in search of the missing kids. The man in black drove her in his carriage to the area where he said he saw the incident happen. It was a somewhat nice carriage; though there were some red stains near the driver’s seat. It smelled very much like blood but Zapada didn’t think too much of it. She got out of the carriage with Chicklay in her back pocket, and told the man to stay at the carriage. As she wandered through the high grass and heavy fog, The Mists Of Ravenloft got thicker and thicker. All she could think about was to save the kids before their fate would be the same as the poor mother from the night before. As she walked further, she eventually came upon a familiar orange mist and a portal. Suddenly, she felt a hard blow to her back and it made her fall against the portal. The man in black was there and delivered the hard blow with his cane; though he wasn’t the same person as before. A Disguise Self Spell must have been used to hide his true identity; it was the necromancer! Zapada used all her strength not to get sucked into the portal but the might of it kept pulling her closer. The necromancer looked at her and said, “The Dark Powers Of Ravenloft haven’t been too happy with you. They told me they tried shutting you down a while back. Somehow though, you’re still here! They came to me in jail and made me an offer, more like a “Gift” actually. All I need to do is help get rid of you, once and for all! In return, I’d get power unimaginable! Of course I agreed, because honestly I’m not too fond of you and I always get my revenge!” The necromancer let out a sinister laugh and followed that by saying, “With you out of the picture, this town will bleed, and the dead shall rise!” He then casted a Lightning Bolt Spell at Zapada, hitting her in the chest. The force from that sent her completely through the portal. The portal vanished, and The necromancer walked back to the carriage. As he opened the trunk to put his cane in it, legal pages with name Stockwell flew out and littered the road. Back at Zapada’s Investigation agency, The Burgomaster arrived and frantically looked for Zapada but she was nowhere to be seen. He left her a note that said “Somehow, the necromancer escaped from his cell this morning and could be out to get you! Your help is urgently needed to stop him! We believe he will destroy all of Barovia! Please when you read this, meet me at Town Hall and we’ll discuss what we can do to save Barovia from this menace!” As Zapada fell through the other end of the portal she landed on a wet, hard floor in a very crowded and loud place. The people inside looked very different form the people in Barovia. Zapada knew she was not in her domain anymore! She winced from the burn on her chest that the necromancer’s spell gave her, and looked around. She then gazed up in the air and saw this huge flying eye staring at her with a mischievous grin. Not knowing who or what this monstrosity was, she attempted to draw her long sword. The huge eye in the sky looked at her and said “Ha ha, no need for that young lady, we’re good people here. The name is Luigi and this is my tavern. By falling out of a porthole and face planting yourself on my floor instead of just using the front door, makes me think, you are new here?” Luigi said laughing. At the same time a cold beer was making its way through the air towards Zapada by a telepathic beam that originated from Luigi’s eye. “Welcome to the Rock of Bral, your “somewhat” friendly oasis in Wildspace. I’m sure you’re going to have a heck of a time here!”

Idk why i do this, this person always gatekeeped me from having actual friends, now that I'm 25(m) with literally no close friends, i talk to her when i feel down, and what she does is always gaslight me saying "you should have done that instead of this" "it's your own fault" like any of this could help me. when i retaliate saying this is not helping and she should stop blaming it for something which is already done. but no she won't stop. unless i get angry and she'll say you get angry easily.
for extra context: She was so nosy that friends circle started abandoning me. she'll call my friends to extract information about what I'm doing in school, who was my current gf back then. i mean so much nosy that people started to distance away from me. when i was child she would scold and beat me if i went to my friend's home for lunch for his bday party, she'll give reason like what if someone poisons me. i mean why would someone poison me. With time i became socially awkward now spend most of my time at home. i don't like to go outside. and now she screams why don't you go outside. I realised she was a narcissist after declining all the job offers to stay at home (i was being manipulated) and work from their. now it's all hell here and I'm secretly trying to leave this place as soon as I land a job somewhere else or earn ample enough I'll move out as soon as possible. Half of my personality is ruined and i know i won't be normal again. but i hope someday I'll get out of this miserable life. thank you anyone who have read this far.

something of a breakdown
And a series of illusions
When the connection was cut off, I realized how sad I was
I hope this night will not be long
I have firewood and a disc from the cold
Tomorrow
Buy a package online
And write to capacity on my chest
Fed up with you soft fingers
-
Pine forest
And a shadow
And a friend dispersed over the years
What bad luck
Young and still practicing grief and blame
Fight his words, every moment a woman
Now he loves a woman
Ask him where you are
-
I broke down crying
Tuck the air under my pocket
I turn my face to the walls
The doors just blur
And the windows are a sacred altar
Pigeons do not sing
And the horizon swallowed the light
-
counting
for you
and dismounted
outside silence
And I emptied the sound
Because you come back with an echo
to dissipate
as the dimensions of the range
The bishop has no grief, no restrictions, no beautiful adobe structure
*-
I get close to light or dust
take a shower
Submissive proximity
Closer to home and farther from heaven
Nostalgia is a country growing in my chest
It grows and extends upward to the horizon
became a lot
minimum
In order not to fragment like a galaxy like mirrors
My heart is the moon
*-
scanned paper
And a free basket of songs
breadth of need
They occupy corners
They set up a soft leaf bazaar
They run behind red lights
They caress your windows
They escape from the exhaust
sidewalks
Hug them and sing to them
\*
https://aqelayash.blogspot.com/2023/06/sidewalks.html
​
Nostalgia sidewalks

Long term partner wanted!
Hi! I’m looking for someone who actually enjoys role playing! Not just skipping over a story to get to the dirty scenes! I like a build up of a good story before anything like that happens. I like someone who is detailed (more then 3 sentences!) and response a decent bit!I like to roleplay first person pov.
These are the 3 plots I’ve been really into lately
Werewolfxhuman (possessive male character)
Your the alpha of (whatever tribe you want it to be) Having a mate is a big deal, people respect you more especially when you bring an heir into the world. People have been doubting you lately because it makes you seem immature and a party animal. You were for sure that you had no mate, you looked everywhere. Until you saw me. 9/10 mates aren’t human. You are at a club one night and I’m their, you instantly knew I was your mate.
Plot 2
Strangers
I was on the run, I did nothing wrong besides the fact I think I killed my husband. He was a cop back home, a very abusive and drunk one at that. The night I left things got bad, I thought he was gonna kill me. I hit him over the head with a vase knocking him out. I grabbed my emergency bag that I kept hidden and left. I ran and ran until I got to a bus station. I went to a tiny town that I didn’t even know what state it was in. I cut and dyed my hair, changed my name from Hailey to Alexandria (Alex for short) I began working at a dinner. I bought a small old house in the middle of the woods with money I had saved up. I bought everything in cash so I couldn’t be traced. Little did I know my ex husband was fine and on the lookout for me. I met you at the dinner, you were a regular. You flirted with me here and there but it was nothing more. We end up getting close but in reality I’m not who I say I am.
Best friends little sister
I’ve grown up around you my whole life, you are practically another another brother to me. I had just started my freshman year in college and things took a turn for the worse. I was at a party one night and not so good things happened there. When they were done with me, they then dumped me on a random person lawn. My parents made me come home and take the rest of the year off. Since that night I haven’t spoke, I became mute. You and my brother are in school together a state away. You both are coming home from the summer, I haven’t seen you since my senior year. My brother came home for a week when everything happened. My parents are hoping with you both around I’ll finally come out of my shell a little since the assault.
Enemies to lovers
Your a single millionaire entrepreneur who's been offered the marriage of the daughter of a famous seasoned businessman, who is looking to revive his dying business and exploiting his daughter to do so in a forced arranged marriage upon here, but I’m a rebellious soul, not the one to submit easily or to submit at all, little did I know,I met the match I’ve always saught after in my mind. one who is open minded for a adventurious life and to break the taboos, one who's willing to show who he really is and lower his guards to the one they truly trust and cherish.
Please comment or message me if interested in any of these! Or we can come up with our own plot!

something of a breakdown
And a series of illusions
When the connection was cut off, I realized how sad I was
I hope this night will not be long
I have firewood and a disc from the cold
Tomorrow
Buy a package online
And write to capacity on my chest
Fed up with you soft fingers
-
Pine forest
And a shadow
And a friend dispersed over the years
What bad luck
Young and still practicing grief and blame
Fight his words, every moment a woman
Now he loves a woman
Ask him where you are
-
I broke down crying
Tuck the air under my pocket
I turn my face to the walls
The doors just blur
And the windows are a sacred altar
Pigeons do not sing
And the horizon swallowed the light
-
counting
for you
and dismounted
outside silence
And I emptied the sound
Because you come back with an echo
to dissipate
as the dimensions of the range
The bishop has no grief, no restrictions, no beautiful adobe structure
*-
I get close to light or dust
take a shower
Submissive proximity
Closer to home and farther from heaven
Nostalgia is a country growing in my chest
It grows and extends upward to the horizon
became a lot
minimum
In order not to fragment like a galaxy like mirrors
My heart is the moon
*-
scanned paper
And a free basket of songs
breadth of need
They occupy corners
They set up a soft leaf bazaar
They run behind red lights
They caress your windows
They escape from the exhaust
sidewalks
Hug them and sing to them
\*
https://aqelayash.blogspot.com/2023/06/sidewalks.html
​
Nostalgia sidewalks

something of a breakdown
And a series of illusions
When the connection was cut off, I realized how sad I was
I hope this night will not be long
I have firewood and a disc from the cold
Tomorrow
Buy a package online
And write to capacity on my chest
Fed up with you soft fingers
-
Pine forest
And a shadow
And a friend dispersed over the years
What bad luck
Young and still practicing grief and blame
Fight his words, every moment a woman
Now he loves a woman
Ask him where you are
-
I broke down crying
Tuck the air under my pocket
I turn my face to the walls
The doors just blur
And the windows are a sacred altar
Pigeons do not sing
And the horizon swallowed the light
-
counting
for you
and dismounted
outside silence
And I emptied the sound
Because you come back with an echo
to dissipate
as the dimensions of the range
The bishop has no grief, no restrictions, no beautiful adobe structure
*-
I get close to light or dust
take a shower
Submissive proximity
Closer to home and farther from heaven
Nostalgia is a country growing in my chest
It grows and extends upward to the horizon
became a lot
minimum
In order not to fragment like a galaxy like mirrors
My heart is the moon
*-
scanned paper
And a free basket of songs
breadth of need
They occupy corners
They set up a soft leaf bazaar
They run behind red lights
They caress your windows
They escape from the exhaust
sidewalks
Hug them and sing to them
\*
https://aqelayash.blogspot.com/2023/06/sidewalks.html
​
Nostalgia sidewalks

something of a breakdown
And a series of illusions
When the connection was cut off, I realized how sad I was
I hope this night will not be long
I have firewood and a disc from the cold
Tomorrow
Buy a package online
And write to capacity on my chest
Fed up with you soft fingers
-
Pine forest
And a shadow
And a friend dispersed over the years
What bad luck
Young and still practicing grief and blame
Fight his words, every moment a woman
Now he loves a woman
Ask him where you are
-
I broke down crying
Tuck the air under my pocket
I turn my face to the walls
The doors just blur
And the windows are a sacred altar
Pigeons do not sing
And the horizon swallowed the light
-
counting
for you
and dismounted
outside silence
And I emptied the sound
Because you come back with an echo
to dissipate
as the dimensions of the range
The bishop has no grief, no restrictions, no beautiful adobe structure
*-
I get close to light or dust
take a shower
Submissive proximity
Closer to home and farther from heaven
Nostalgia is a country growing in my chest
It grows and extends upward to the horizon
became a lot
minimum
In order not to fragment like a galaxy like mirrors
My heart is the moon
*-
scanned paper
And a free basket of songs
breadth of need
They occupy corners
They set up a soft leaf bazaar
They run behind red lights
They caress your windows
They escape from the exhaust
sidewalks
Hug them and sing to them
\*
https://aqelayash.blogspot.com/2023/06/sidewalks.html
​
Nostalgia sidewalks

Overall, had a really fantastic experience at the San Diego leg of the Re:SET concert series.
Cons/Things that could be improved:
1) there were plenty of Porto-potties but they were all in one area. I mean, the space itself isn’t that big so I guess this wasn’t that big of a deal but having bathrooms on the west side as well would have been nice.
2) more food options please. The food to bar ratio was like 1:7. There were 5 different food vendors and a plethora of bars.
3) the stage could have benefited from having some side screens like the Mojave Tent but this is more of a “would be nice to have” as I had a really good view. boygenius used the available production really well meanwhile Clairo started with the some visuals but then they kind fizzled towards the end. Would have like to see a tiny bit more effort with the visual production.
Pros/Things I Loved:
1) im not a major audiophile and maybe someone who is would disagree but I thought the sound and acoustics were great. Could hear all the vocals and all the instruments. I was about 30 feet to the right of the sound booth and could see and hear clearly. I don’t think there was really a bad spot in the crowd.
2) getting in and out was super easy. I took a Lyft in and was dropped off around 6:30. Security was chill and no line to get in. I didn’t have a bag or anything and didn’t get a pat down. Just standard metal detectors. Today, I wore sterling silver jewelry and if that didn’t set on the metal detectors, I don’t think a vape pen will either (didn’t have one on me and I’m sure that’s what others are most concerned with). Left a little early to beat the crowd and I was pretty hungry. Took the trolley out to Mission Valley, got food, then lyfted home. If you’re driving, I highly recommend the trolley. Park at a nearby station that has park and ride and trolley in. Super convenient, save yourself the stadium parking rate
3) the overall vibe and atmosphere today was pretty fantastic. A lot of that may have to do with boygenius being today’s headliner and I think tomorrow will be way busier and more crowded but all in all, the crowd was great. I skipped boygenius at Coachella because I already had tickets for this and even though I’m not a huge fan (i like them for sure but I wouldn’t say I’m a stan by any means) I loved hearing their fans sing along to every word. It was really special. I didn’t encounter one rude person whatsoever. Everyone was super polite and used their words when navigating the crowd. Didn’t encounter excessive talking.
4) the stage being in the south side, facing north, made for a truly picturesque scene with the nearly full moon rising overhead. Truly was a breathtaking view.
Overall rating: 4/5. And really the only reason it’s not a 5 is that it still feels like the price is steep for what we got. A 3 day pass should have been about $200-$250 not $300. But I think they did a really good job overall with the set up and sound. And I really hope Re:SET continues in the future past this month. I think it really is a great concept and I hope people continue to support these endeavors
Other tip: it got a little chilly in the valley there. I didn’t find myself shivering or anything but I wouldn’t have minded a jacket or flannel. And I wasn’t paying $70+tax for the Re:SET jacket.
If you’re in or near SD and don’t have plans tomorrow, definitely recommend coming out for tomorrow’s lineup.

Victory, a tight-knit community mainly comprised of newlyweds.
The men go off to work, and the women stay home to cook and clean. At the end of every day, the men come home to loving wives and hot dinners waiting for them, and whatever the man of the house says goes. It seems perfect….too perfect.
When James went to sleep one night, he was holding down a dead end job, living in a crappy apartment, and his love life was non-existent. When he woke up the next morning, he was in bed with a woman who claimed to be his wife, he lived in a beautiful single-story house, and his job was one of much admiration.
Naturally, he was skeptical of this new life. While it did seem to qualm all his grievances, he knew that there was something that didn’t feel quite right.
One day, on the job, he learns a terrifying truth, one that shocks him to the core and opens his eyes to the true horror of Victory. The community that was supposed to represent freedom and luxury is, in reality, dark and oppressive.
However, as he tries to break free, he becomes an outcast, and those around him seem to suffer as he tries to claw his way out. In the midst of it all is his wife, obsessed with keeping him here, no matter what it takes.
———————-
And that’s the synopsis!
Essentially I want to do a “be careful for what you wished for” story, and I figured the setting of a recent movie featuring one of Hollywood’s rising starlets would be an ideal place to get it going.
If this story interests you, please DM/chat me to discuss kinks and limits.
Detailed and long-term players get priority.
I hope to hear from your soon!

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Skeeter had made an error. Not a big one, but one that did have significant downstream effects. He'd assumed that he could visit enough of each planet to give a sort of general feel to each one's character in three or four days, but it was looking more and more like he'd have to extend the stay at Corvian Home for at least a weak. He could scarecely remember being so excited by making a mistake. In most respects, Corvian Home was wildly different from Terra. From its many small islands to its ever turbulent storms, to its mediworld gravity, it was unlike any place found on Terra. It still baffled him that the xenos thought Terran gravity was heavy. The way in which it was similar had to do with the wide verity of culture, which made getting a general sense of the place a tad more difficult than planets with a more unified culture.
So, he had to ask Captain Vexkeed to extend the stay, which wasn't cheap. Additionally, it required the refund of any unsatisfied passengers who were on more time-sensitive journeys. However, it turned out that the majority of the passengers had apparently viewed the voyage as a "Sneaky Cruise," which made Skeeter laugh until he couldn't breathe when Captain Vexkeed told him. Likewise, when he told Suzie and Ivan, they found themselves completely overcome by mirth. Kip on the other hand couldn't see the humor in it. This, of course sent all three adults into the throes of hysterical laughter, which only further perplexed the boy.
The inscrutable, to Kip, Terran sense of humor aside, it turned out that apart from paying a fee to extend the journey and maybe five or six refunds, there was very little adjustment in terms of the We Bring Friends from Afar to Joyous Meeting making drastic changes to her manifest. Which was amenable to Skeeter's bank account, and his conscience. In any case, it let him fill out the itinerary with a wide variety of events from the local sporting events, to seeing interesting geological formations or particularly treasured vistas, to attending musical theater, to restaurant hopping in one of the larger cities with a conveniently cosmopolitan makeup. Even better, all of the things toxic to Humans, Doggos, and Lutrae were also toxic to the Corvians, so the risk of accidental poisoning was almost nonexistent.
"We actually discussed this in class last week," Kip was saying as the shuttle shook in the storm winds, "once a group went to a new island, the storms cut them off from the original group, except for the very few traders brave enough to fly in… well, this."
"That so?" Skeeter prompted genially.
"Yeah, for the most part I guess people would just float along with whatever everyone else thought, but I guess that's true for most places. Except, since they were separate and all, they didn't all go along the same currents, and so even islands that are pretty close can be crazy different."
"That, and it is ruining the landing shots," Ivan grumbled as he kept the camera trained on the trio.
"Well, back home rain's a good thing!" Suzie exclaimed exuberantly.
"Rain makes rye," Skeeter rejoined.
"Rye makes whiskey," Suzie laughed.
"You mean industrial disinfectant or emergency stomach purging doses," Kip said flatly.
"How'd you find out about that?" Skeeter asked.
"Greg George mentioned it in his book. He dumped so many doses in a glass that any sane person would think he was trying to poison someone with the fumes."
"Oh, I loved My Side," Suzie said, "It had always bugged me that the Lost Boys never got a fair say."
"Wait, isn't he a hero? He talks like you guys almost worshiped him…"
"It's complicated," Skeeter said, "I served on a ship with one of the Lost Boys once, Stephen the Line. It was hard to not be in awe of him. Hard to remember that behind the deeds was a man just trying to serve like me."
"Oh…"
"Were you discussing more about Corvian Home in the classes?" Ivan asked before the silence could turn cold.
"Oh, sure, lots. Like on this one island there's a big festival where they celebrate the harvest of these huge nuts, and then there's this island where they have 'Imitation plays,' where Corvians try to mimic exactly how the plays sound from other races. Tutor Brixvee showed us a video of one they coppied from the Star Sailors, and it was pretty cool."
"Do you figure she had lessons on Corvian Home since she knew we were headed here?"
"Of course," Kip said with a bitter scowl, "she's full of dirty tricks like that." His hosts couldn't contain their mirth, not that they tried all that hard.
Later that day, the intrepid travelers were in the throes of a local festival. They had surmised that it was probably related to local folklore, as various icons and masks were featured heavily, but the press was so active and exuberant, that not even the Terran implants could keep up, slaved as they were to the Terran compads with better translation matrixes than even the local networks. Therefore, three out of the four friends found themselves swept up in a feathered fury of dance and rough song, to their ears anyway, while the only clue to Ivan's immense pleasure at the experience was his swiftly wagging tail. Which the locals had no idea was the unconcealable tell that his exterior coolness was in fact, a complete sham.
The festivities seemed to show no sign of abating as night fell over the city sheltered in a rough and rocky crown from the storms of the sea, so in order to get a good night's sleep they were obliged to catch a local shuttle ride between islands to find a slightly less festive town to bed down in, and Suzie took the opportunity.
"So I hear Y'all's planet name isn't what anybody calls it," she said impishly to the shuttle pilot.
"INDEED, ahem, indeed. We know that you mammal-peoples, and the reptile-peoples, and the water-peoples, cannot do it."
"Come on, give us an example," Suzie said in that challenging, teasing way that made Skeeter both cringe and love her.
The pilot laughed, or at least Skeeter thought he, or maybe she? At least Skeeter thought that the pilot laughed, whichever sex they were. He had a hard time with regular Terran corvids, let alone these giant bird people that reminded him of the former. Then said piolet of undetermined sex made a weird clicking noise in the depths of the throat and said, "That is the name."
"I can see why y'all think folk can't do that. Hey Skeeter, why don't ya give it a shot?"
"No," he said flatly.
"Aw come on, it's their planet's name, you should at least try," she said with that wry smile she had that made promises. Promises that he had a very difficult time resisting for… reasons.
He then made a right proper fool of himself trying to replicate the sound by clicking his tongue in various ways before giving up and just saying, "I'm stickin' with Corvian Home."
After making a right proper fool of himself, the other passengers obliged to laugh at him, and Suzie turned on Kip saying, "Your turn."
Kip shot her a sullen look.
"Aw, c'mon, you gonna let these folk just laugh at Skeeter all by his lonesome?" she chided.
Kip downright pouted at her.
"Coooome oooooon," she taunted.
Realizing that she wouldn't quit unless he gave in, Kip also made a mockery of himself trying to replicate the throat clicking sound to the delight of all and sundry. "Shut up," he mumbled as he laid his ears back.
"Ivan?" she asked of her final victim.
He clicked his tongue once, and when Suzie gave him a pout he said, "That is as much as I am trying."
"Now you try," Kip shot at her.
"I know my limits, unlike you boys," she laughed to Kip's indignant sputtering.
Meanwhile, Jerry was having a less festive time. Instead of happening to land on an island that happened to be hosting a festival for one reason or another, he had purposely chosen the center of finance for his outing. He'd had a relatively uneventful series of meetings with financiers, entrepreneurs, and shipping guild heads, and various other parties interested in securing access to new markets for their various trades. It was all very productive, and very boring, and not for the first time he felt a stab of regret for the last time that he had interacted with Skeeter.
Even still, it was a satisfying day. There was a lot of troubling mentions of debts though. Jerry was no stranger to the lending industries of various planets of the CIP, and even had some Republican contacts in that realm, those who could stand his needling of the Republic's systems, but nobody he knew ever said anything about "debt masters" or "clan debt." Troubling indeed, but he chalked it up to clunky translation. Even CIP systems could have trouble with new languages, and he just knew that Republican datapads were inferior. They had to be, of course.
Still though, there was something about the references that bothered him. Something furtive behind the eyes of the avian people who spoke of either concept. Then, there was the fact that only those who were obviously startup businesspeople would speak about them, never the financers. Very troubling indeed. He resolved himself to investigate the matter if he could make the time the next day.
The following morning, the intrepid travelers went on the only "heavyworlder safe" zipline tours available on the planet, which just so happened to be in the heavily forested canyons and followed paths through the foliage designed to simulate danger. Skeeter and Kip found it thrilling, but Suzie found it merely pleasant while Ivan was actually bored by the thrilling experience. The man was pleased with getting a shot of kip chanting breathlessly, "Let's go again, let's go again, let's go again, let's go again!" Wile Suzie was more pleased to have sneakily captured a shot of Ivan's unamused expression as he sped along on the pullies.
"Sure, why not?" Suzie had said to Kip.
To which Ivan said, "Because is boring."
"What?!" Kip nearly shouted.
"You take ride in boarding torpedo, and you will be understanding then."
"The real answer to why not is I already booked a nature walk. There's this island where there's like this bowl formation full of flowers. It looks amazin'" Skeeter explained to Kip's dismay.
Meanwhile, Jerry was exhausted. He'd reshuffled the meetings so that he had mere moments between them to prepare, but he was good at his job, so long as his counterpart wasn't a Republican, and could get the proper contact details to the correct people for whatever the other party hoped to accomplish, so long as it was legal, and it all was. It was therefore by mighty effort alone that he had a scant two hours in which to seek out the information he sought before he would have to retire to sleep, or else be completely useless the next day.
He took snagged a gravcar and told the cabbie, "Take me to where you and the lads go for a spot of drink, or whatever the legal intoxicant is around here."
The cabbie gave him a one eyed beady stare and said, "Are you sure, mammal-people? The places we go are not the high class places, by the storms."
"I'm sure, I'm sure. I might not look it these days, but I came up from w working family. My dah still makes fun that I lost my calluses."
The cabbie blinked twice and raised his crest. Jerry had no idea whether that was a good sign or not, but the blue plumed cabbie lowered his crest and blinked again saying, "Sure, mammal-people. I will take you there, but do not cause the fights or my clan will have share of the debt."
Jerry thought about pressing the issue, but something about how the cabbie's feathers had puffed out and still weren't lying flat convinced him that social lubricant was the needed thing. "What is the preferred intoxicant?" he asked.
"We smoke an herb. It usually does not work for mammal-peoples, so you might not have the fun you look for."
"I see, we also have some intoxicants taken this way, do you draw the smoke through water first?"
"Yes, do you mammal-peoples do this too?"
"It's called hookah, and has a long tradition in several of our cultures. Or bongs, which have a somewhat younger tradition, as history is measured."
"Maybe then you will get the happy haze and no fights will be started, mammal-people."
"Maybe, maybe. I'm just after a good banter, and the banker types are too stuffy."
"You are right, you are right, debt masters do not laugh when you joke, they charge you more interest!" the cabbie laughed, and Jerry fell silent.
At the, well, Jerry would call it a hookah lounge, Jerry found that the lads about avoided him and shot him suspicious glances, and also found that apart from a relaxed feeling in his limbs, the smoke had no effect on him. It was a pleasant feeling, and he could maintain it by taking a draw from the hookah every two minutes or so. It seemed that was a prodigious rate of smoking though, for eventually the suspicious glances turned to those of curiosity or even grudging respect. Jerry surmised that despite his rather drab coloring, they knew an expensive suit when they saw one.
Eventually, a clearly intoxicated Corvain stumbled over to his table and sank down on one of the cushions, "Why do you smoke so well, mammal-thing-people?" he slurred.
"I am used to a much stronger herb, and this makes me simply feel good. Does it not feel good for you?"
"'Course it do. Can't smoke as much."
"Wondering anything else?"
"You a Sneaky?"
Jerry thought about correcting the error, but another glance at the state of his conversation partner dispelled the notion, so he said, "Yes, but I am not very stealthy."
"It's just what people call you… dunno why…"
"I'm not botherd, I know the reason and it's funny."
"Funny?"
"Yes, do you know it?"
"Ish a meme."
"The first one of us that the Star Sailors met was mistaken for a pet, and they named him Sneaky."
That, as planned, brought forth uproarious laughter from the intoxicated Corvian who confided, "That's the kinda thing people-things get bristly about."
"I know, people-things get brislty about all sorts of things. Like the bankers, they won't tell me what debt masters are."
"They own clan debts."
"Clan debts?"
"You know, the debts you clan has, from like way back."
"Do you mean to say you were born in debt?"
"Sssssure, isn't everybody? Well, not rich people-things I guess, but ever-peoples I knowed."
"And these debt masters, they merely collect the interest?"
"Mostly."
"Mostly?"
"If you're not… if the job doesn't pay… erm… they so like tell you to do stuff."
"Involuntary servitude," Jerry said coldly.
"Yeah, that. The hatchlings get that rough."
"Explain please," Jerry said with cold intensity.
It seemed that the intensity of Jerry's gaze or maybe the soft quality of a hammer that his voice emulated, gave the Corvian some degree of sobriety as he stammered, "Yes-yes. The erm, the uh or-or-orphanages. The hatchlings there have no parents to provide for them, so the debt masters have them do something useful."
Jerry was very close to becoming a very dangerous man as he asked, "Are the debts of these children for sale?"
"Y-y-y-y-y-yes?"
"Where does one go to buy debts?"
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First of all. You found me Darlin’. One of your followers followed me. And tagged you in one of my videos I made on my own page that I wouldn’t speak out on about faith and you went HAM when I went into your live to find out who you are! Second.. one time I got annoyed about your boxes because Matt was notorious for interrupting and not letting anyone speak, so I left your box.. cute how you spun that tho. Third.. I met Chris through Jakes live. I met Jake through your lives. I never spoke to him before he went live himself. I just knew him as the poor kid you’d call to save you from yourself. So tell me again how I manipulated him when he came out all on his own to speak on you. I had nothing to do with that! Fourth.. you are not worth 800 posts on Reddit. LoL get over it… there were 2,000 people in that sub that talked shit about you. And none of them would have talked about your weight if you weren’t so full of yourself with your “look at my perfect body, never been to a gym a day in my life” then you gained a bit of freshmen 15 when you moved to Florida. For someone who claims she wants to gain weight you sure are pressed when you did. What number are we on? Fifth I think… speaking of numbers I’ve been working out… I’m down to 510lbs. Woot woot. Sixth.. why are you worried about Jake bein mad at you for asking about him, when you didn’t give a shit when you outed his business on your drama stream this morning. Blaming everyone for ruining his life. Sugar pie.. you don’t have amnesia? But you forget when he called out all your lies on his own live stream you ran to Jess’s parents and dogged the shit out of your son… what exactly do you think that helped strengthen? It certainly wasn’t his marriage. Let’s end this on a seventh… a year ago. I woulda been hard pressed over your words. I mean hard pressed. I’d probably gone live. Talked some shit. Got banned. Gave you some more content for tomorrow and we woulda played that game all weekend. But the only “FACT” of this matter anymore.. is that you are so completely irrelevant to me it’s actually funny at this point. So instead of going live. Imma write you this little letter knowing you can’t stay away from reading it. Mary, you are self destructing! Legit destroying your own family, name, reputation, health.. all the things. You are responsible for it. Get help. Anyone who watches you, knows that 99.9% of the crap the comes out your mouth is a lie. The scary part is, you’ve been doing it so long you’re starting to believe some of them. Kinda like your psychogenic illnesses (I know big words. Google it sweets). I have not gone live, or spoke on you in a hot minute. Because again… you’re irrelevant..I’ve literally even lost the desire to watch you from a troll account, (yes I did that.. you do that.. everyone does that.. Don’t act like it’s only me or a new thing) when you go on your little binge outs.. it’s old. It’s boring.. people are tired of your drama. I know you’re fighting hard to keep it alive. But you’re failing. Cause even the people you talk about are caring less and less. Chris, myself even Jacob have all moved on.. you should too.. I’d like to end on this note… I talk to Jacob on the daily.. rarely is it about you.. I mean VERY RARE! But on that off occasion, I have certainly encouraged him to speak to you if he’s feeling it in his heart.. Dear.. he has no heart for you.. I don’t even mean that in a “dig” kind of way.. I mean that in a if you have ANY HOPE of EVER speaking to that young man again… get your head out of your ass and stop! Stop speaking on him.. stop blasting his business you’re getting second hand and not all the facts of.. stop SELF DESTRUCTING. Stop spending your days collecting enemies and screenshots. Maybe focus on your health and happiness. Start begging your family to forgive all the shitty things you’ve done to them. One of them MIGHT bite the sympathy bar and let you back in. And the ones that don’t.. reflect on the actions that caused you to lose them. As far as me.. you can talk about me. My weight, my mothering, my relationship (that’s going on a year now thank you) my friendships, whatever tickles your fancy and feeds your drama dragon for the day.. I don’t care. Cause it can only bother me… if I let it bother me. And guess what… I don’t let it. I’m happy.. I have a beautiful family.. a man that literally worships me and treats me how every woman should be treated. A home I work my butt off for and a full life.. off of social media. Step way from the virtual world Mary. You’re sucked in.. figure out a way to get out before it’s too late. Too late is approaching quickly.

Hello! I am a 30y old, married, no kids, but planning for 1 in next 2-3 years. We operate on combined finance (separate bank accounts, but merged monthly excel tracking). Both of us are salaried, and income increases at an average rate of 8%-10%.
Total Monthly Income (Including deductions, excluding tax): 3.3L (330k)
This excludes annual bonus of 2.5-3L, and RSU stocks of 7L
Planned Expenses:

Rent	25,000
Groceries	10,000
Cook+House help	7,000
Dining out	5,000
Phone/Internet/TV	2,000
Electricity	1,500
Subscriptions	1,000
Fuel	1,000
Travel/taxi	5,000
Misc.	5,000

This turns out to about 62,500 → rounding up to 65,000.
Add to this vacation, home visits and gifts → another 4l a year
We are currently in a decent 2BHK (rented), and purchasing a 3BHK at 1.3 cr (initial 20% down paid, EMI yet to start, under construction, 1cr loan).
We currently do not own a car, but plan to have one (Tata Nexon or equivalent ~ 15L) maybe in 2-3 years.
Because of the home EMI, and saving up for closing cost and interior (required in 1.5 - 2 years, stashing in RD), current savings/investment are on the lower side: 80k-1L spanned across EFP, NPS, MF, FD/RD. We have mostly depleted our emergency fund for the downpayment, and our parents are currently serving that role. They are (reasonably) financially independent (pension).
We currently have about 1.1cr across all our investment & savings, excluding house and other depreciating assets. We have been working for about 8 years.
FIRE expectations:
We would love to get into FATFIRE. We want to inflate our living a bit, go on more vacation and hopefully own a luxury car (Audi/BMW, but this one is more of a good to have). I did some basic calculations for normal FIRE and found in 15y, about 10cr should be fine. How much do we actually need for FAT FIRE and is it achievable in 15 years? If not, Is it achievable in 15 years if we start freelancing at that point and expect to earn 50k (50k at 15 years from now, not inflation adjusted 50k of now) per month?
Please let know if I missed any important information.

All of Savathun’s Truths and Lies so far
In each of these, two are truths, and two are lies.

Insight

• Savathun is in control of Io, Titan and Mercury
• The Witness returned Mars from the Void
• The Guardians will soon learn to move planets
• The Taken King will return

Catalyst

• The Enigma is one key to defeating the Witness
• The Witness seeks the Final Shape, which is nothing
• The Last City is not the last city
• The Witness will build its army on Mars

Pact

• Osiris is dead
• Savathun is dead
• The Witness created the Darkness
• Your Destiny lies beyond the Solar System

Choice

• The Traveler will leave
• The Traveler will fall
• The Traveler is not the only one of its kind
• The Hive are not the last to be chosen by the Light

Thanks u/Luke-HW for putting this^ together.

Insight:

• Savathun is in control of Io, Titan and Mercury Honestly seems unlikely as we have personally put The Witch Queen into a very nice retirement home that doubles as an urn. Her Ghost is still alive yes but Titan came back while she was still in her new 1 bedroom.
• The Witness returned Mars from the Void. Again, still unsure. Why take it away in the first place just to return it? Does this have anything to do with the truth/lie in Catalyst? Why is Void capitalized?
• The Guardians will soon learn to move planets So are we moving the actual celestial bodies of planets in RoN? Or did someone or something else force Titan and Mars out of The Witnesses grasp?
• The Taken King will return As of last week it seemed pretty obvious that this would have been one of the two lies. But here we are with the living body but dead mind of The Taken King. He has, in a way, returned. There's always another secret.
  

  Catalyst:

• The Enigma is one key to defeating the Witness I may be jumping the gun a little bit but I find it hard to believe that the, tutorial to crafting, legendary, sub-par for it's weapon type glave is anything close to a key to defeating The Witnesses, unless of course the real ~treasure~ key was the ~friends~ weapons we made along the way.
  
• The Last City is not the last city Seems like an obvious one, Neomuna has been discovered and brought (arguably) more questions than answers. But here it is none the less.
  
• The Witness seeks the Final Shape, which is nothing Seems likely enough to me. Calus was promised, more or less, to be the last thing The Witnesses destroyed in the universe. (Calus is the Final Shape confirmed) *The Witness will build its army on Mars Does he even need an army? I mean, he uses Disciples as pawns because he can't be everywhere at once himself but both Rhulk and Calus where fucking raid bosses. And they're just the ones we know about. So is he training new disciples on Mars?
  

Pact

• Osiris is dead On God, if Osiris is a meat puppet again I will personally [REDACTED] in Savathun's ashes.
• Savathun is dead Yet another with too many meanings. TECHNICALLY whoever was rezzed is no longer Savathun, similar to how Crow is no longer Uldren. And even then, if she still is Savathun she is again TECHNICALLY dead, as her Ghost hasn't rezzed her.
• The Witness created the Darkness Nope. Have pretty solid confirmation that The Witnesses is just it's controller, not it's creator.
• Your Destiny lies beyond the Solar System Roll credits she said the name. But in all seriousness what happens after we either beat or get beaten by the darkness? Probably help the Cabal and Fallen take back their home worlds right? Or go beat up the Vex

Choice

• The Traveler will leave Traveler traveled. It left the last city, but it's still in our system. How far does something have to go to be considered "left"?
• The Traveler will fall Sigh notice the very obvious use of the word "fall" and not "die" or "perish" so if the traveler either plops itself down somewhere or Fucking dies this could be true.
• The Traveler is not the only one of its kind We got lots of pyramids and only one ball. For all we know there may be millions of pyramids and travelers out there doing their own thing. The Witness is the one with problems against the Traveler, for all we know the Darkness would rather just be vibing.(tbh I hope this one is a truth)
• The Hive are not the last to be chosen by the Light Hey why not. Cabal and Fallen aren't our enemies anymore (excluding certain factions) and if hive, our undiplomatic 100% for certain enemies can be revived, why couldn't our new homies. Imagine a Cabal phalanx using a titan shield or a Fallen vandal popping spectral blades. (yet another I hope to be a truth)

I'm conclusion, Savy loves her double meanings and I need a 20 pack of crayola because my head hurts. Any and all help narrowing down answers would be most appreciated, and thank you for your time.

Hey, and uhm, I'll you folks some context I guess,
I wanna start off by saying that my Girlfriend is the most amazing, kind and beautiful person ever. And I wouldn't trade her for anything/anyone
Now, after having said that, you might ask yourselves: "Than why the f*ck did you cheat on her?!". And... With this comes a very simple explanation, I love attention. When I was younger I never got any from both parents, since my parents divorced when I was 3 and my died when I was 7, and my mom mostly because she just didn't have time for a child, she just wanted to have a care-free life which my grandparents always sponsored, hoping she would sober up some day.
But all of that isn't the point, just context to as possibly why I did what I did. And trust me, I'm not trying to shove the blame on my parents, or my home-situation, not at all. What I did is absolutely horrible, and I wanted to tell her, but I was always too scared, I didn't want the only person who didn't just like me for my height to leave me, and I would've told her, but someone else (the person I cheated with) went out of their way to tell her, and later that day I receive a call that goes: "I know about blank... Why... Why didn't you just tell me..?".
I never thought that someone else except for me would have to tell something so heartbreaking to my Girlfriend about myself.
And before you all go jumping to my throat, the point also is, I see blank more often, since they're part of a friend group, and my Girlfriend lives in a completely different Province from mine. So I just wanted close attention. And I regret it all.
Before my Girlfriend found out, I wanted to break things off with blank, because I felt guilty, very guilty. I didn't want to continue that.
And now, after talking about this with my Girlfriend (which went surprisingly civil, another reason I love her, even if she's crying her eyes out, she stays calm) She told me that for now, we're over. And I totally understand and respect that. But, she also said that she'll see in the future if and when she'll give me another chance.
And now in conclusion: why did I write this post? I need advice. I don't know what I'm doing, and what I should do. I need help with finding a way to gain her trust back little by little.
And for anyone who is furious right now, you can't call me something I haven't called myself 4 feet away from the mirror, so don't bother
I'm also sorry for any wrong punctuation, as you can see English is not my native language-

obviously there are already several threads in here about coffee table books; i'm specifically looking for books that are also colorful or graphically impactful.
a few examples include: The Book of Disquiet (Fernando Pessoa), Play With Your Food (Joost Elffers), Graphics From Everyday Life in the DPRK (Nick Bonner), Theatre of Apparitions (Roger Ballen), and Hot Banana Fudge (Aya Takano).
b&w and neutrals are fine, though i'd prefer those feature a funny drawing or some kind of visual "pop."
i'm open to all subjects, genres and stories, and i plan to read any i add to my wishlist -- so i'll preemptively pass on anything that's boring on the inside, no matter how good it looks.
both home decor and browsing for books this way are fun hobbies for me, so hopefully my specificity isnt weird. thanks!

Sober Song #3
God of Wine - Third Eye Blind
This song is just a little bit on the nose, with overt references to alcohol and getting clean. In the first week of sobriety, I could acutely remember that feeling of taking a drink and then waiting for it to “permeate”, drawing me into the numb, fuzzy place that would end in passing out and “canceling the day”. I remember being at a recovery meeting once and describing the initial feeling of drunkenness as “the drop”. I REALLY missed the drop. It was a “siren song of madness” that I knew would just perpetuate the vicious cycle. Past attempts to stop drinking had ended with letting the God of Wine back in and taking yet another solid knockout punch on the chin.
Every time I started over, it seemed impossible. Where was I even supposed to begin? The God of Wine was always sitting there in the corner of my room while I was going through that early sobriety insomnia when the brain is still pumping out the chemicals it thinks it needs to counter the depressant of alcohol.
The reference to a car and going farther than you want to go represent two things to me. One is just the slippery slope that is drinking. Nobody ever looks at an alcoholic and thinks they’re going to go that far themselves. Nobody expects it to get that bad. The other is all the times I got behind the wheel of a car when I should not have. I was very lucky and never hurt myself or anyone/anything else. But had I hurt someone, there would have been no taking that back. Each time you take the risk, it could be the time when you are going to go too far and you can never get back from that new and terrible reality.
The last verse of the song makes me think of looking through a window to the past at the person I was before. Under the influence of alcohol, I had no chance of giving that person any of the things they were searching for. My past self would be looking back with such disappointment and sadness. But if I stick to sobriety, I can eventually be a future version of myself who once again understands the things I used to hope for.
​
Every thought that I repent
There's another chip you haven't spent
And you're cashing them all in
Where do we begin to get clean again?
Can we get clean again?
​
I walk home alone with you
And the mood you're born into
Sometimes you let me in
And I take it on the chin
I can't get clean again
I want to know, can we get clean again?
​
The god of wine comes crashing through the headlights of a car
That took you farther than you thought you'd ever want to go
We can't get back again
We can't get back again
She takes a drink and then she waits
The alcohol it permeates
And soon the cells give way, and cancels out the day
​
I can't keep it all together
I know, I know, I know, I know
I can't keep it all together
And the siren's song that is your madness
Holds a truth I can't erase
All alone on your face
​
Every glamorous sunrise
Throws the planets out of line
A star sign out of whack, a fraudulent zodiac
And the God of Wine is crouched down in my room
You let me down, I said it, now I'm going down
And you're not even around
And I said no no no ...
​
I can't keep it all together
I know, I know, I know, I know
I can't keep it all together
And there's a memory of a window
Looking through I see you
Searching for something I could never give you
And there's someone who understands
You more than I do
A sadness I can't erase
All alone on your face
​
Just for today, tell the God of Wine, 'No'. IWNDWYT <3