As table setting, I haven’t listened to MBMBaM in three years, give-or-take, so I have no clue what the modren era (😎) of the show is like. However, I have been hate-listening to a movie podcast enough that I’ve actually turned a corner into liking it, so I feel spiritually ready for this. Plus I’m a little drunk, which has never been a bad decision for anybody ever.
0:00 - I’ve always kind of disliked the intro, especially the “cool baby” part, and sadly that has not changed with time.
0:20 - First time hearing the new theme song, which is fine if a little twee for my taste. I weirdly hate how they deliver the “1, 2, 3, 4” up top, but that’s just nitpicky. We can’t all be DeeDee Ramone, you know?
1:10 - Introductions. Travis introduces himself as “noted intellectual and middlest brother”, and Griffin just says “…And I’m Griffin… McElroy”. I didn’t laugh, but I did actually find that slightly funny, so I’m optimistic for how this goes.
1:35 - Justin has invented a new game that he wants to play called “Simply the Guests” where he tells them who guested on a celebrity’s podcast and they have to guess the celebrity. Travis points out that the title is a touching tribute (to Tina Turner, he clarifies a few seconds later) and there’s a bit where Justin and Griffin pretend not to know she died that Justin interrupts with a parody song. Is this too soon? I can’t tell, but I also only get my celebrity death news from Simpsons memes.
2:31 - I’ve had to pause and restart enough times that I’ve realized how shitty the web player is, since I have to click like three times before it registers as being on the page and actually trying to play instead of just highlighting the button, and if I try to click the 15 second rewind button it usually skips to the ~11 minute mark right above the button. However, I refuse to actually download the episode because if I do that, Jesse Thorne wins.
2:58 - Justin only has one round prepared, but expects it will take longer than they expect. Griffin rightly questions if it’s actually possible to play this game based on the information that will be provided. Travis says that sometimes when he comes up with a game, it’s like when you start off at level 1 fighting Sephiroth and die, but it just takes you to a cutscene and is all part of the game. I’m struggling to think of games he’s come up, which is maybe a metaphor for how I never finished FFVII. Justin says it should be easy if their heads are on a swivel, and 50-50 if they’re half paying attention.
4:30 - Justin is giving the guests in order as they’ve appeared: Billy Ray Cryrus, John Carter Cash, Billy Bush, Albert Pujols. Griffin laughs and makes a joke about how his head is on a swivel but it hurts, and I’m shocked and a little disappointed that it wasn’t a joke about how one of the greatest Cardinals of all time has a name that’s pronounced “Poo Holes”.
5:00 - The next guests listed Adam Carrolla, Clint Black, and Gary Busey. Travis incorrectly guesses Blake Shelton. Justin says Katie Couric was the next guess, and Griffin’s postulation of Kevin Sorbo is apparently pretty close.
6:10 - Dr. Drew is the next guest. Travis asks if they would be willing to guest, and Justin says he likes to think they’d have a nice long talk about it. Griffin guesses Randy Quaid. Justin neither confirms nor denies, but instead finishes listing the guests - Sharon Stone, Martin Short, Mike Lindell (the MyPillow CEO), Jim Brown, and Anthony Fauci. I actually kind of like this game, because what the fuck?
8:40 - Justin says he’ll give them an episode title for any celeb mentioned. Travis picks Sharon Stone, who covered “Pandemics, Social Justice Movements, and Animal Actors”. Griffin picks Pujols, who covers “Baseball, Downs Syndrome, and Living the American Dream”, and asked if there were other baseball players on the list.
10:05 - Justin admits he skipped Jimmy Morris because he didn’t know who that is. I didn’t either, but I have the power of Google and in the time it took him to explain why he was skipped, learned that he starting playing for Tampa Bay Devil Rays when he was 35 and The Rookie was based on him.
10:30 - Travis and Griffin discuss “Sorbo adjacent” celebrities and Justin scolds them for not talking to each other, saying that’s what a podcast is and that he’s trying to do a podcast. To paraphrase a joke from Jon Gabrus, it’s three straight white men talking, we already know it’s a podcast.
11:30 - Travis suggests Dennis Quaid, since he has a strong connection to baseball and Christ. Griffin agrees and Travis is in fact correct. Ironically, that means that Jimmy Morris was probably the most helpful clue, since Dennis Quaid starred in The Rookie. Justin offers a bonus for naming the show, and says it’s something with “Dennis”. Griffin accurately guesses “The Dennissance”.
13:45 - Justin mentions Morris was the titular rookie, and claims that people forget Dennis Quaid. They discuss the Quaid siblings a bit and advise Dennis to get back in the podcasting game.
15:15 - First question of the episode: “My boyfriend and I were looking for a bar before your Columbus TAZ show and walked by one that looked empty and not our vibe, but it had tinted windows so it was hard to tell. We walked to another bar and inside the door person flagged us down and said someone was looking for us. We were already inside this other bar when the woman who was working at the first bar said she saw us looking in and said “Please come into my bar - we have cheaper drinks. We were confused and startled and decided to stay at the bar we were already at, but we weren’t sure if we regretted it because this person went to the effort to chase us down half a block, cross a busy street, went through a revolving door to get to us. Also, the drinks at the bar were expensive. Should we have gone back to the other bar instead?” - Confused in Columbus. Not to brag, but I’ve been to a lot of bars in my lifetime and can say with some confidence this didn’t happen.
16:05 - They immediately answer that, no, they should not have gone back to the other bar. Travis accurately points out that weird pursuit aside, if they have that little business then 100% of the focus would be on them. Griffin thinks they would have had a tremendous amount of power and would get their drinks immediately, and the bartender might have cool stories. They discuss how bad the design of this bar is that it’s impossible to see inside, both because they crave attention and so that someone will notice in case they go missing.
18:45 - Travis says if he ran a restaurant across from another restaurant, he would go up to patrons at the competitor and try to lure them away. Apparently Tom Green did this with pizza delivery as a TV show, and Justin thinks he would have Shark Tank’d it if it was a viable option.
19:36 - Travis says Tom Green would’ve probably called it “Shart Tank”. I laughed out loud.
20:00 - Griffin says in Austin they basically have to have barkers for the various bars given the amount of competition for foot traffic and Justin thinks they should just go for hyper-local advertising.
21:00 - Travis offers Griffin an investment opportunity, claiming he needs angel investors. Justin is incensed that he isn’t offered the chance, and Griffin says it’s because he has no money but maybe his “crypto shit’s gonna pay off some day”. Justin says he doesn’t have “crypto shits unless I’ve been eating cryp-tacos” (Griffin pitches crypto-salsa) and that Superman hates cleaning up Krypto shits.
21:44 - Travis points out that Superman named his dog after a thing he hates. I swear this had to be a Seinfeld joke at some point, since the two things I know about Jerry Seinfeld are (a) he loves Superman and (b) he’s not funny. Actually, I know a third thing, which is that he dated a 17-year-old when he was 38. Anyway, fuck that guy.
21:50 - Travis pitches having a long stretch of connected bars by buying all the existing bars and knocking down the connecting walls. Griffin and Justin point out that’s essentially the Disneyland model, and Justin mentions the Goofy sour balls.
21:51 - I Googled “Goofy sour balls” and thankfully it was a real candy. Griffin indignantly says that they stopped making them and that “Goofy took his sour balls away”. Travis says “He washed them” and they ignore him. I laughed out loud again, man’s really winning me back. They continue on this riff, making more and worse versions of the same joke.
24:07 - Question 2: “I’m enrolled in summer college courses. In one of my classes, a guy in front of me likes to stretch backwards over his chair with his eyes closed. His head basically ends up right on my desk and he will breathe in my face. I’ve had to move my laptop to stop him from laying on it. Am I the weird one for staring at the guy as he disrupts all my belongings and my personal space? He does it more than five times a class. It’s very awkward and makes it hard to focus on the lecture. Should I say something? Help me brothers, how do I stop this stretching bandit from stealing my peace of mind?” - Cramped College Co-Ed in Canada.
24:57 - Justin has an immediate suggestion. I assume it’s the actual solution, which is to say something like an adult or just switch seats, but nope, it’s the old chestnut of put some jelly on it. Griffin suggests surprise massage. Travis clarifies that they’re definitely ignoring the “excuse me, could you not do that” option, which Griffin confirms because it’s not very funny. This takes me back to when I used to regularly listen, since part of the driving force for me stopping was the sheer number of questions that could be solved by two seconds of slightly awkward conversation. I totally get it, social anxiety is a bitch and I’ve absolutely been there, but the lack of funny kinda stems from the question. They all agree, and Travis suggests adding broken glass to the jelly.
26:57 - Griffins goes back to the massage suggestion, with “dual percussive massagers”. Justin suggests hovering over them and saying “There’s my sweet boy” and Travis suggests a “little kiss on the forehead” which, thankfully, they immediately shoot down. Still, I’m uncomfortable.
28:00 - Justin points out that, if someone actually followed the advice they give, the problem would be solved, it’s just a question of consequences. There’s some more discussion of the Quaids but my spirit is a little broken and I can’t bring myself to rewind to accurately transcribe any of it.
29:43 - Money Zone: Travis says, “Well Justin,” and Justin misidentifies him as Griffin. So far, hardest laugh of the episode. The ad is for Zocdoc, which Justin mispronounces a lot. I assume any service that advertises on a podcast is actually just a money laundering scheme, medical stuff doubly so, but it does remind me that MaxFun podcasts are the only ones where I can tell the ad copy was done in a single take with no edits. I admire it, in a way.
32:45 - A MaxFun ad for “Just the Zoo of Us”, which is apparently a podcast where they rate animals on their “effectiveness, ingenuity, and aesthetics”. It kind of worked on me, which is to say I’m debating the merits of getting a Zoobooks subscription as a childless woman approaching her thirties.
33:30 - A MaxFun ad for “Feeling Seen”, where the editor likes to play the game of taking a sip of coffee anytime the guest says how good a question is, how smart the host is, or cries unexpectedly. I cannot stress enough how much this makes me not want to listen. I don’t even have anything snide to say, I’m just genuinely put off by it.
34:19 - Griffin introduces the Wizard of the Cloud: How to “Talk Nerdy” to someone, which is meant to help you talk to the “cute nerd in your science class” by becoming more adorkable to them. Justin and Travis are disgusted by the word “adorkable”, which feels like a real split with their brand of appealing to mid-2010s Tumblr users.
36:00 - Travis points out that this article presupposes that nerdy people only want to be seduced with nerdy things, and will shun all other romance. The original pickup line is “Are you a carbon sample? Because I definitely want to date you. If you’ve seen The Big Bang Theory, you already know science and physics nerds are the best” Travis punches it up with “I’ve got a theory that we should Big Bang.” Currently he’s batting a thousand for me.
36:55 - Wikihow asks “Can math be sexy?” They talk about how sexy 8 is and Travis makes a 69 joke, so I retract my previous statement. There’s a gross astronomy-based pickup line saying “Do you mind if my comet enters your solar system” and “Hey, nice asteroids”. Mercifully, no “Can I touch Uranus?”
38:30 - More bad pickup lines, now about computers. Apparently “You’re hotter than the bottom of my laptop” is a good come-on. The video game lines are equally impressive, and Wikihow recommends that distracting gamers away from their games is easier said than done. These are more sexually charged than before, but no more clever.
43:30 - We’ve arrived at Star Wars. Wikihow says “Jedis are tough nuts to crack, so you may need to use the Force to woo them effectively.” It’s been a while, but I’m fairly certain Jedis aren’t allowed to fall in love and that’s kind of a whole thing with the prequel trilogy. Also, are we not doing phrasing anymore? Cuz Jesus, they should take a second pass at that.
43:46 - Wikihow suggests several “Yoda-approved pickup lines”, and they do some bad Yoda impressions like “pull down some trim, you will” and “wet, you will get”. This is apparently a thing they’ve done before called “Clipping Yoda”. Justin makes a “something something something, I thought they smelled bad on the outside” joke.]
46:08 - They discuss the very limited situations when the suggested “I find your lack of nudity disturbing” is acceptable, then move on to the Lord of the Rings lines which are equally questionable. Travis brings up the theory that Frodo doesn’t know Legolas’ name, and now I wanna rewatch LotR.
50:09 - Justin suggests coming up with their own lines, which results in “You make me feel like John Rhys-Davies in Sliders, cuz I wanna climb in those holes” and Griffin looking up “nerd movies”.
51:40 - Question 3: “My bank has been advertising a home ownership service to help folks buy and sell homes. I usually ignore them, but this time they’ve been offering a chance to win a flattop grill package with a $100 gift card to a very expensive butcher. I’ve been really wanting to get my dad a new grill. Brothers, I have no way of buying a house, let alone sell one. They’re contacting me, trying to help me buy a house. How do I explain to them I’m only entered to maybe win the grill and have no interest in the service?” From the Poor Hopeful in B (?).
53:00 - First of all. Second, they suggest the asker (a) admits they were only in it for the grill or (b) saying they have a budget of $750 for a furnished home. It devolves into a riff about Bobby Flay and pitches for “Flay Bobby Flay” and “Bob Bobby Flay” to see if he floats.
56:15 - Plugs for stuff and the end of the episode.
Closing Thoughts: I actually enjoyed that, although with a lot of stopping and starting to write this. Also anyone who likes Clipping Yoda may also like Action Boyz, because pedophile Yoda is a surprisingly rich vein to mine. I don’t think I’ll ever actually pick up listening again, since I have about 280 episodes of Off Book to get to first and this whole recap has made me really contemplate my mortality, but I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it

Working on a fan fic; Record of Ragnarok: Redirected. Rather than Zeus building the roster, Set requests permission and gets approved. Using his connections, he builds a different roster and sets up Ragnarok to be 13 Fights themed around games, with special rules for each round save for Round 13.
The Games;
Red light-Green light
Bulls-eye
Snowdrift
Quickdraw
Make-believe- Heroes
Protect the Flag
Make Believe - Setting
Build
Ring-out
King of the Mountain
Wrestling
Make Believe - Villains
Bonus Round - The Fighters are not revealed until they enter the arena.
Fighters for Humanity Fighters for the Gods
Romulus Futsunushi
Saint Germain Hephaestus
Vlad Dracul Tepes Marduk
Paracelsus Lugh
Li Shuwen Dionysius
Leonardo Da Vinci Nuada
Tadakatsu Honda Takemikazuchi
Ghulam Butt Indra
Arash Batara Kala
Samson Tyr
Georgios Baldr
Johannes Lichtenaur Michael
????? ?????

Sun, Jun 4 - at Rochester FC
Stream Link: https://www.youtube.com/@rochesterfcminnesota/streams
Rochester FC (0-3-0) has played only one game since we saw them last, losing 2-0 to Green Bay Glory at home on Wednesday. It was another valiant effort by Loons keeper Coco Alcade to keep her side in the match. She made 8 saves on the night, not conceding until the 63rd minute and then getting beat on a cheeky chip in the 90th. While generally stouter defensively than fellow expansion side RKC, Rochester still finds themselves being generally dominated in their matches. They were outshot 27-7 by Bavarian in their opener and 19-9 by Green Bay. We all know what happened in their previous match versus Aurora.
Rochester should have defender Lindsey Birch back from injury (she started on Wednesday), but it shouldn't help matters too much. They continued to look a step too slow and an inch too short against Green Bay, and when you pair that with their incredibly thin roster it continues to be a recipe for a long season. Rochester has only 20 players on their entire roster -- only 6 have played for a DI team and 6 of them are either still in high school or have yet to take the field in college.
Coach Lukic, having seen Rochester's shortcomings in the opener, is opting for a heavily rotated 18 in this match. (See https://www.modular11.com/match_details/31818/2 for details.) There will be no Hansen, no Nguyen, no Stone, and no Langdok. All three Rapps are in the 18, but none are in the starting lineup, and if all goes well, we should see both Kelsey Kaufusi and Bayliss Flynn get their first time on the field at some point. Rochester is still seeking their first goal of the season and I would expect Aurora to have a great chance at keeping a clean sheet again, but it may take a little more effort for the offense to find its scoring groove in this one. At any rate, it should be more interesting than the home game against RKC.
RostePlayer Notes: https://drive.google.com/file/d/19HIvJPCVgRfD2ABmARRVgtSyM7YntX-4/view?usp=drive_link
Prediction: Hopefully the offensive pieces in the lineup continue to find more rhythm, but it likely won't be as explosive as other matches have been so far this season. I'm prepared to be pleasantly surprised, but I'll say Aurora wins 3-0.

The Release Notes for 2023 Season 3 have been posted on the iRacing Forums!
Find them posted here:
https://forums.iracing.com/discussion/42721/2023-season-3-release-notes-pre-release-version#latest
​
Or read them below!
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2023 Season 3 Release Notes [Pre-Release Version]

This is the iRacing 2023 Season 3 Release! This release contains both content and upgrades for 2023 Season 3, which officially starts on June 12th! This season update includes three new cars: Cadillac V-Series.R GTP, Ligier JS P320, and Porsche 911 GT3 R (992). iRacing also expands its track offerings to include MotorLand Aragón (7 configs) and Willow Springs International Raceway, as well as a new 2023 Cup config for Chicago Street Course.
Our Dirt Taskforce has completed their work on the Dirt Refresh Project shared with the community back in February, and we are excited for you to experience the fruits of their labors. The Spotter System has received a Race Control-focused set of updates and new calls that will liven up your racing and keep you better informed about what is happening on the track and in the race. New challengers approach - you will now have the ability to add AI Opponent Rosters to your Hosted Sessions that utilize the Heat Racing format! We are excited to announce we have been investing time into saving you time, loading time to be precise, and this Season Release includes a first phase of loading optimizations that should get you into the driver’s seat just a little bit faster. Willow Springs International Raceway is proud to pioneer a new 3D Foliage System that automatically populates the environment with grasses, shrubs, and other creations of Mother Nature. USB Audio Hot Swapping is now fully enabled and supported by iRacing for all of your headset and speaker needs. A new Graphics Option has also been added which controls the display of all cockpit obstructions instead of this parameter being car setup specific.
The New Damage Model has been put into practice on eleven additional cars. And last but not least our AI Drivers have mastered eight new cars and twenty-four new track configurations. Welcome to iRacing 2023 Season 3!
Season highlights include:

• Cadillac V-Series.R GTP
• Ligier JS P320
• Porsche 911 GT3 R (992)
• MotorLand Aragón (7 configs)
• Willow Springs International Raceway
• New Track Configuration: Chicago Street Course - 2023 Cup
• Dirt Racing Refresh Project
• New Spotter Calls and Updates for Race Control
• Hosted Session AI Heat Racing
• Phase 1 of Loading Time Improvements
• 3D Foliage System
• USB Audio Device Hot Swapping
• Cockpit Obstruction Removal Graphics Option
• New Damage Model for 11 Vehicles (Cadillac V-Series.R GTP, Dirt Late Model (ALL), Ligier JS P320, NASCAR Truck Series Trucks, Porsche 911 GT3 Cup (992), Porsche 911 GT3 R (992), and Renault Clio R.S. V)
• AI Racing for 8 Cars (Aston Martin DBR9 GT1, Cadillac CTS-V Racecar, Cadillac V-Series.R GTP, Chevrolet Corvette C6.R GT1, Ford GT GT2, Ligier JS P320, Porsche 911 GT3 R (992), and Radical SR10)
• AI Racing at 24 Track Configurations (Autodromo Nazionale Monza - GP without first chicane, Junior, and GP without chicanes, Chicago Street Course - 2023 Cup and Prototype, Circuit of the Americas - East and West, Irwindale Speedway - ALL FIVE Configs, MotorLand Aragón - ALL SEVEN Configs, Nashville Fairgrounds Speedway - Mini, New Smyrna Speedway, Twin Ring Motegi - East and Oval, and Willow Springs International Raceway)
• Hundreds of new and optimized official iRacing vehicle setups

Visit our 2023 Season 3 features page here: https://www.iracing.com/seasons/2023-s3/
Full 2023 Season 3 Release details are below.
​

iRACING UI:

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Hosted Racing

• The Create Starting Grid functionality and button are now disabled whenever both Heat Racing and AI Opponent Roster are selected for an Event.

AI Racing

• AI Drivers have completed an extensive training course for participating in the Heat Racing format!
• - - Heat Racing is now available for Hosted Sessions using AI Rosters!
• - - This is a brand new feature implementation for both AI Racing and the Heat Racing format.
• - - - - It is important to note that this feature is only available for Hosted Racing events at this time. AI Drivers still need the support of real humans in their Sessions or artificial chaos would surely ensue.

Tracks

• All Track location information has been standardized and updated. All Track locations are now identified by: City, State/Province, Country.

Leagues

• Fixed an issue where the names of AI Drivers who won League Series Sessions were forgotten when viewing the League Season Schedule.

Paint Shop

• A new sponsor, Maconi Setup Shop, has been added to the Paint Shop!
• Fixed an issue with a missing font for the Stock Car Pro Series Class Cars.

​

SIMULATION:

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Windows Support

• With the release of iRacing 2023 Season 3, the Windows 8.1 operating system is no longer able to successfully launch the iRacing application.
• - - Microsoft officially dropped support for Windows 8.1 on January 14th, 2023. As a result of this, it is no longer compatible with our software, and it will fail to launch.
• - - If you need help installing or running iRacing on Windows 10 or 11, please contact Customer Support here: https://support.iracing.com. Customer Support cannot get iRacing to work on Windows 8.1.

Race Servers

• Race Server capacity has been expanded to allow for nine different car models to be present within a Session.
• A user’s average lap time will no longer exclude laps that had been labeled as “invalid”.
• Fixed an issue where some Open Practice Race Servers were closing early due to inactivity.
• Fixed an issue where track temperatures were changing wildly if the Session was restarted (via AI Racing controls for example).

Loading

• Some adjustments have been made to how video memory resources are loaded.
• Some car loading algorithms have been optimized.

Dynamic Track

• The manner in which the dynamic track algorithm was calculated on surfaces has been improved, particularly along outside track edges.
• Fixed an issue where the visual display of some dynamic track data including dirt, marbles, and rubber was not functioning correctly on some track segments.

Race Control

• The algorithm for generating race splits based on car classes has been improved slightly.
• Short Parade Laps are now available for use at the following additional track configurations:
• - - Barber Motorsports Park - Full Course
• - - Brands Hatch Circuit - Indy
• - - Canadian Tire Motorsports Park
• - - Charlotte Motor Speedway - Roval, Roval - 2018, & Roval Long
• - - Circuit Park Zandvoort - Grand Prix
• - - Circuit Zolder - Grand Prix, & Alternate
• - - Daytona International Speedway - Oval - 2008, Road Course - 2008, & Moto - 2008
• - - Hockenheimring Baden-Württemberg - PEC - Outer
• - - Indianapolis Motor Speedway - Oval - 2009, Open Wheel Oval - 2009, Road Course - 2009, & Bike
• - - Long Beach Street Circuit
• - - Mount Panorama Circuit
• - - Phillip Island Circuit
• - - Talladega Superspeedway

Qualifying Scrutiny

• The Qualifying Scrutiny system has been adjusted to better handle cases where cars needed time to get up to speed after leaving their starting location.

Dirt Racing

• A variety of updates as a result of the Dirt Refresh Project have been enabled!
• - - This project enlisted a focus group of developers, vehicle dynamicists, and testers who did a deep dig through everything that makes our Dirt Racing tick, and they’ve emerged with some sweeping improvements and updates.
• - - Dirt track parameters as a whole have been updated, including:
• - - - - Racing dirt properties at all levels of wear and wetness
• - - - - Dirt height variance, depth, and hardpan behavior
• - - - - Track wear parameters
• - - - - Tire rubber accumulation
• - - - - Dirt displacement from tires
• - - - - The formation of track roughness and perturbation
• - - - - The progression of dynamic track data has been updated for all dirt tracks
• - - All Dirt Racing tires have been updated with some of the following improvements:
• - - - - New wear rates based on the hardness and wetness of the dirt racing surface
• - - - - Dirt displacement parameters
• - - - - The manner in which tires calculate their contact on undulating dirt surfaces has been improved.

AI Racing

• AI Drivers have completed an extensive training course for participating in the Heat Racing format!
• - - Heat Racing is now available for Hosted Sessions using AI Rosters!
• - - This is a brand new feature implementation for both AI Racing and the Heat Racing format.
• - - - - It is important to note that this feature is only available for Hosted Racing events at this time. AI Drivers still need the support of real humans in their Sessions or artificial chaos would surely ensue.
• AI Drivers are now fully trained and capable drivers for the following new vehicles:
• - - Aston Martin DBR9 GT1
• - - Cadillac CTS-V Racecar
• - - Cadillac V-Series.R GTP
• - - Chevrolet Corvette C6.R GT1
• - - Ford GT GT2
• - - Ligier JS P320
• - - Porsche 911 GT3 R (992)
• - - Radical SR10
• AI Drivers have memorized and are ready to race for the gold at the following new tracks and configurations:
• - - Autodromo Nazionale Monza - GP without first chicane, Junior, and GP without chicanes
• - - Chicago Street Course - 2023 Cup and Prototype
• - - Circuit of the Americas - East and West
• - - Irwindale Speedway - ALL 5 Configurations
• - - MotorLand Aragón - ALL 7 Configurations
• - - Nashville Fairgrounds Speedway - Mini
• - - New Smyrna Speedway
• - - Twin Ring Motegi - East and Oval
• - - Willow Springs International Raceway
• AI Drivers have graduated from yet another season of advanced education classes. Training for 2023 Season 3 included the following programs:
• - - Kinesthetics for Preventing Pace Lap Panic
• - - [PHY-220] Drafting Speed Predictions
• - - White-Knuckle Door-to-Door Racing: A Retrospective
• - - Fast Cars Beware: Slow Cars
• - - Slow Cars Beware: Fast Cars
• - - AI Program Upgrade IV: Reaction Timing (Class: Pistol Shrimp)
• - - Danny S.’s Pre-School Seminar: Left-Hand Makes the “L”!
• - - The Technical Know-How Overlaps for GTP & Rocket Ship Piloting
• - - SuperTravel SuperProgram 2023: SuperSpeedways
• - - Lessons from Slot Car Racing on Racing Lines
• - - Tire Compound Connoisseur Magazine (Spring ‘23 Issue)
• - - Brake Pad Dissection - a Science Lab Qualified Course
• AI Drivers have improved their driving skills with the following vehicles:
• - - NASCAR Cup Series Next Gen Cars
• - - NASCAR Trucks
• - - BMW M Hybrid V8
• - - Dallara P217
• AI Drivers have improved their driving skills at the following track configs:
• - - Atlanta Motor Speedway - Oval
• - - Bristol Motor Speedway - Dual Pit Roads & Single Pit Road
• - - Canadian Tire Motorsports Park
• - - Daytona International Speedway - Oval
• - - Detroit Grand Prix at Belle Isle
• - - iRacing Superspeedway
• - - Talladega Superspeedway
• AI Drivers and their cars are now immediately removed from the world at the end of a Session. For safety.
• Fixed a handful of AI System issues including:
• - - Fixed an issue where custom Paint Schemes were not appearing on AI Drivers in Replays.
• - - Fixed an issue where AI Drivers could lag up to several seconds after the green before hitting the gas for standing starts in Hosted Sessions.
• - - Fixed an issue where AI Drivers could incur gain-time penalties while they were being towed back to their pit box. We don’t know what they were doing to Race Control staff to earn them, but it should be fixed now.
• - - Fixed an issue where multiple “Pitting In” notifications could be received.
• - - Fixed an issue with the display of AI Driver names on the Entries tab for Replays.
• - - Fixed an issue where AI Drivers appeared to be using the incorrect dive plane for the Dallara P217.

New Damage Model

• The New Damage Model is now active on the following additional vehicles:
• - - Cadillac V-Series.R GTP
• - - Dirt Late Model (ALL)
• - - Ligier JS P320
• - - NASCAR Truck Chevrolet Silverado
• - - NASCAR Truck Ford F150
• - - NASCAR Truck Toyota Tundra TRD Pro
• - - Porsche 911 GT3 Cup (992)
• - - Porsche 911 GT3 R (992)
• - - Renault Clio R.S. V
• Some New Damage Model system code has been reorganized to make future development easier.

Auto Fuel

• Spotters and Team Members may now control their driver's Auto Fuel state.

Spotter

• The iRacing Spotter System has received some updates to help make it more accurate and dynamic. It is now better able to read Race Control events as they occur on the track, and a variety of new Spotter Calls have been added:
• - - Car in Front/Behind is Pitting
• - - Faster Car Approaching
• - - Gaining/Losing the car in front
• - - Leader Change
• - - Leader Lap Time
• - - Leader is Lapping You
• - - Session New Fastest Lap
• - - Your Personal Best Lap Time
• - - Time Remaining in Session 20/10/5 Minutes
• - - Settings for these new messages have been added to the “[SPCC]” section of the “app.ini” file.
• - - - - These messages will only play if “Chattiness” is set to MEDIUM or HIGH, and they are turned on in the “app.ini” file, which they are by default.
• A new “Silence” function has been added for the Spotter.
• - - In the Sound Options Menu, users can bind a key press that will interrupt and stop any current spotter message and temporarily disable future messages for a short duration. The duration of the hush may be adjusted via the “hushDuration” variable in the “app.ini” file, found in the “[SPCC]” section.
• “Leader Car” calls now returns the leader car in the same class as the player car. This means all spotter messages pertaining to the leader will now reference the leader in the same class as the player, instead of the outright leader.
• - - Messages include:
• - - - - Leader is pitting now
• - - - - Leader is at Start/Finish
• - - - - You're catching the leader
• - - - - One lap to win (if you are the leader car)
• Both Italian spotter packs have been updated and improved!
• - - Many thanks to Renzo A. Olivieri and Marco Arcidiacono!
• The Race Laps remaining spotter message logic has been updated.
• Fixed an issue with the fuel spotter calls when the pit entry location was dramatically different from the Start/Finish line location.

Graphics

• A new Graphics Option has been added: Hide Cockpit Obstructions.
• - - This option hides several visually obstructive elements from the world, including: Halo, A-Pillar, and Rock Screen.
• Vehicles that utilize the New Damage model have had their car model format adjusted to reduce video memory demands.
• Improved the accuracy of steering angles for viewing your opponents’ cars’ wheels.
• Adjust brake light exposure on some cars to try to prevent them from turning white when viewed from a distance.
• Updated the system which processes the hiding and displaying of halos for Replays.
• GGX blended dirt texture shaders have been improved.
• SpeedTree lighting has been updated.
• The graphics Option for SpeedTree self-shadowing has been removed.
• - - The visual benefits were minimal and the processing needs were demanding.
• Tooltips have been added for SSAO parameters.
• A new SDK for SpeedTree has been integrated.
• Fixed an issue where the reverse and unseen sides of some SpeedTree faces were being rendered, wasting processing time.
• Fixed an issue where distortion particles were not rendering properly unless they were inside the car.
• Fixed an issue where motion blur would trigger whenever the garage was visited.
• Fixed an issue where motion blur was appearing at different amounts on different parts of the same car.

3D Foliage System

• A new environmental graphics feature option has been added to the graphics options menu: Foliage!
• - - The new Foliage system procedurally generates 3D foliage of an appropriate biome type at specified tracks. Foliage may include grasses, shrubs, boulders, cacti, flowers, and other small environmental assets. 3D foliage has no impact on driving or physics, but should decorate the world much more realistically.
• - - In the Graphics Options menu, there are several levels of detail that may be selected for use by the 3D Foliage System which can customize your visual experience and your rendering performance. You may also select to disable the system entirely.
• - - With this release, only Willow Springs International Raceway has been seeded by the new 3D Foliage system so far, but Mother Nature always finds a way to spread!

Visual Effects

• Lighting for particle effects has been improved.
• The PopcornFX SDK has been updated to the latest version.

Audio

• Audio Hot Swap support has been added to iRacing!
• - - Forgot to plug in your headset before the race starts? iRacing now detects your device when it's plugged in, even during a race. If you've selected "System Default" from the sound options, audio automatically moves to the new device when the default changes. If you have selected a specific audio endpoint, it activates once it's available.
• - - Runtime audio device switching is now supported. When the default device is selected, a new default device can be chosen in Windows, and the Simulator will use the new device. If a specific device is selected, it will be used in the Simulator when it is activated in Windows.
• - - - - disableWindowsCoreAudio=0 When enabled (1), this option disables any Windows Core Audio integration (native windows audio).
• - - - - disableAudioDeviceChangedEvents=0 When enabled (1), this option disables dynamic audio device changing.
• - - Please note: Audio Hot Swapping is enabled by default.
• A new Audio Options setting has been added which allows you to assign a System Communication Default Device.
• A new audio option, “ambientMusicDisabled”, has been added to the “app.ini” file.
• - - 0 is the default value. Setting this parameter to 1 will disable all environment music that is normally played over the PA system while in the Simulation.
• Dynamic brake sounds have been rebalanced.
• Audio for load transmission on a variety of cars has been improved.
• The engine audio for all Pace Cars has been adjusted and optimized.

Environment

• New color and texture variations have been added for a variety of parked vehicles found around the tracks.

Interface

• Enhanced the right-click pop-up menus on the Session/Replay screen, and the Driving screen, to provide the option for private messaging (PM-ing) an individual user, the current driver of a car, or a car's entire Team (which includes a driver's spotters/crew in non-team sessions).
• - - Existing Admin/Race Control operations applied to a car that would have PM-ed someone on the team have been updated to message the whole team, instead of just one team member.
• - - Manually PM-ing a car number using "/#N", with N being the displayed car number, including leading zeros if shown, will now PM the whole team.
• - - To PM just the team member that's currently driving the car, use "/#N@" (add the @ symbol immediately after the car number). If the team's car is in its pit stall but the driver has gotten out of the car, that user is still PM-ed. If the team's car is not even in the world, no PM is sent when attempting to message its current driver, and you will be informed of this.
• - - - - To prevent receiving duplicate messages, if you would receive a chat message you sent because the target includes you (you're on the target team, you're the target team's driver, or you're talking to yourself!), you only receive the message due to being associated with the target of the message. That is, the message is not separately echoed directly back to you.
• - - You can continue to manually PM an individual using the existing mechanism of specifying their name after the "/".
• Text chat responses to Race Control Admin commands now identify the targeted entry with the team name and car number, instead of the name of the driver. In non-driver-swap events, the “team name” is the driver's name.
• An option for the units selection has been updated to “English (USA)” for clarity.

Camera

• A new highest option level, “Ultra”, has been added for Motion Blur.
• Fixed an issue with Driver View Pitch/Roll chassis effects so that when the view is locked to the horizon the car can now roll farther without the camera following the position of the car. This should help reduce motion sickness in VR if you use this feature.
• Fixed an issue for whenever a car’s center-of-mass left the camera frame, all motion blur on the car was lost.
• Fixed an issue where the focus of the camera was getting unwanted motion blur for cockpit cameras.
• Fixed an issue with motion blur on cars when using multiple displays.

Controls

• The automatic parking brake that holds a car still when you come to a stop will now fully apply itself anytime the car comes to a stop, rather than waiting for the user to hold the brake pedal down once stopped. This should help prevent cars from accidentally rolling away when you come to a quick stop but fail to fully engage the brake pedal.
• The Reset Button now prevents users from putting you into the car if your steering wheel needs assignment. Doing this now will take you to the Controls Wizard and allow you to assign and calibrate your driving controls.
• The test for XInput devices has been simplified.
• Fixed an issue that could cause some joysticks to fail to calibrate properly if the previous calibration was similar enough to the new calibration.
• Fixed an issue in the Options screen where the inputs (shifter, wheel, etc) would not respond if a button was held down on a wheel.

Force Feedback

• When calibrating a wheel, iRacing now checks that your selected maximum wheel angle and Force Feedback status match what we expect based on your detected hardware. A notification will appear if these do not match.
• - - This is an effort to detect common errors with certain wheels, either that do not have the correct drivers installed or that have a maximum wheel angle set to a very low value by default. If you receive this notification, or need help setting up your racing wheel, please reach out to Customer Support.
• iRacing will now try to automatically detect your racing wheel’s maximum force, and adjust the wheel force slider accordingly. This is used to help us safely and automatically calculate the force levels to send to your wheel. We can't always know how your wheel is set up, so this may be an overestimate of your maximum force level. This is the safer guess, but in some instances it may limit how strong of a force you can request from the simulation. In those cases you can turn off the “auto-mode” and manually set your wheel’s peak value, if known.
• Improved the force auto tune button so that it takes the wheels maximum force into account. This will lighten up the auto tune as the wheel force increases.
• - - There is a new scaling parameter in the “app.ini” file, “autoForceFactor”. This value defaults to 0.5, and allows you to adjust the aggressiveness of the reduction. Setting “[Force Feedback] autoForceFactor=1” will remove all reduction, giving you a 1:1 force output. Setting it to 0 will effectively always give you 6 Nm of peak force at the wheel. Any value in between will blend between these two extremes. The default value of 0.5 should be a good value for most users.
• A mappable button (Ctrl-A) has been added to apply the Auto Force adjustment found in the F9 Black Box.
• For the Auto Force Feedback peak force detection, data collected when the car is out of control will now be suppressed. Also, data collection will be paused for several seconds immediately after an incident. The goal is to make this system more stable and consistent, even if you wreck.
• For Force Feedback, a safety check has been added to detect if the wheel jumped in position (ie: we lost/gained communication with the wheel). If a communication interruption is detected, Force Feedback will be suppressed momentarily for safety.
• A new slew rate limiter filter that is controlled via the smoothing slider is now available in the Force Feedback options tab.
• - - This filter limits the rate of change of the force feedback signal so your wheel can't accelerate beyond a fixed value. In essence it smooths out the large jolts while leaving the rest of the signal alone. A value of 25% will have almost no impact on your regular driving, while softenting out curb or wall impacts, and a value of 75% will smooth out most rumble strips and make curb hits almost invisible. If you find that you have to turn down the FFB forces below the level you would like because the jolts from curbs or accidents are too large, then try turning this filter up instead. Try a value of 50% to start, and turn it down to 25% if you feel it is too much.
• - - - - You can go back to the old boxcar filter via the “[Force Feedback] smoothingFilterType=1” entry in the “app.ini” file.

Replays

• Chat messages and incident point accruement are now saved and viewable with Replays.
• Fixed an issue where custom Paint Schemes were not appearing on AI Drivers in Replays.

Telemetry

• Live brake line pressure (LFbrakeLinePress) has now been zeroed out and will no longer show a value.
• - - Disk based brake line pressure is still available (LFbrakeLinePress), and now has any ripple from the abs modulation included in its value.
• - - A new BrakeABSCutPct value has been added to the disk based telemetry that shows the percent of brake force reduction being applied by the ABS system.
• Driver suit, body, face, and helmet type ids have been added to the session string.

Official iRacing Sporting Code

• A variety of updates have been made to the Official iRacing Sporting Code, including:
• - - A new section 6.8.3. has been added which describes the correct behavior for Starting from Pits.
• - - Restructured the paragraphs describing Rolling Starts for improved clarity for both Oval and Road racing.
• - - Better explained how multiclass cars grid, and defined what starts a multiclass race.
• - - License Class images have been updated.
• - - Identified that Joker Laps may not be used for time-based competitions at Rallycross Tracks.
• - - A reminder has been added that it is unacceptable for suspended or restricted Members to use alternate accounts.
• - - Identified that nefarious tactics may also not be used during Races, and removed a poor example of nefarious behavior.
• Review the latest version of the Official iRacing Sporting Code here:
• - - https://www.iracing.com/iracing-official-sporting-code/

(I also posted this in /vegaslocals. If reposting here isn't allowed, I apologize, and feel free to take down).
Hey Everybody!!!
I just want to keep you in the loop on what’s going on with Oakland A’s owner John Fisher’s request to have the Nevada Legislature give him up to $380 million in public funds for a new stadium. The Legislative session ENDS MONDAY, which means that they will ram this through very quickly in the next 48 hours or so or call a special session.
NOW IS THE TIME FOR YOU TO SPEAK OUT!!!! I have put together a fairly well-documented argument below demonstrating that this is a bad deal and Fisher is a terrible partner. Please share this post and information as widely as you can! Most importantly, contact members of the Legislature and BE HEARD!!! Be sure to tell them that you live in Nevada!!!
Contact your Assemblyperson and State Senator!!
Assembly contact info: https://www.leg.state.nv.us/App/LegislatoA/Assembly/Current
State Senate Contact info: https://www.leg.state.nv.us/App/LegislatoA/Senate/Current
If you would like, you could use or modify this sample letter which contains URL links supporting the claims.

Dear Senator or Assemblyperson [Last Name], I am writing to express my strong opposition to the proposed public funding for John Fisher's baseball stadium in Nevada. I believe this project should be stopped for several reasons: Lack of transparency: Fisher and his team deliberately released funding details at the last minute and scheduled the only public hearing on Memorial Day evening, during a Golden Knights playoff game, limiting public awareness and participation. This is a shameful subversion of democracy and I hope you had no part in it. Neglected education system: Nevada ranks 49th out of 50 in educational attainment. Our focus should be on improving public schools, not funding a billionaire's stadium. Unrealistic economic projections: Expert analysis discredits the claim that the stadium will attract an additional 400,000 tourists, which, even if true, would only be a 1% increase on an annual basis. A Stanford economics professor expressed his belief that Fisher’s Stadium will result in the equivalent of a few hundred, permanent, long-term jobs. Fisher’s economic projections are detached from reality and unreliable. Fisher's history: His track record with the San Jose Quakes, another publicly funded stadium venture, raises concerns about his commitment to investing in player payroll and creating a competitive team. Fisher owns the Quakes. After he was given a public handout for a stadium, he did not change or competitively fund his soccer team. Troubled partnerships: Mark Davis of the Raiders, who shared the Oakland Coliseum with the A’s, has expressed frustration with Fisher's management group. MLB owners are also frustrated by doing business with Fisher. Nevada should expect to have the same experience if we proceed. I urge you to oppose public funding for John Fisher's stadium. Let's prioritize transparency, education, and responsible use of public funds for the benefit of all Nevada residents. Thank you for your attention to this matter. Please consider my perspective as you make your decision. Should you require further information or have any questions, I am available to discuss this issue. Sincerely, [Your Name]

Feel free to modify, expand or use as-is. You can also write your own letter too. I'm just trying to make this as easy as possible for everyone so that we are HEARD!
TLDR Bullet Points For Big Argument Below:

• Oakland A’s owner John Fisher, and team President Dave Kaval, strategically released details about stadium funding to minimize public awareness and participation. They released the legislation on Friday of Memorial Day weekend and the only public hearing was on Memorial Day during the Golden Knights playoff game.
• Fisher and Kaval failed to even show up at the Memorial Day hearing, demonstrating a lack of accountability and a disregard for public concerns. They have never publicly answered any questions.
• The prioritization of funding for a sports stadium over public education in Nevada, particularly the Clark County School District, is concerning.
• Economic projections presented by Fisher's lobbyists are questionable and disconnected from reality, as experts have pointed out.
• Fisher's history with the San Jose Quakes of Major League Soccer raises doubts about his commitment to investing in a competitive team with public funds.
• The low payroll of the A's compared to other MLB teams suggests a strategy of minimizing expenses for greater profitability.
• Mark Davis, owner of the Raiders and A's shared the Oakland Coliseum, expressed personal animosity towards Fisher and his management approach. Other MLB owners have expressed similar frustration about doing business with Fisher.
• Elected leaders should consider these concerns and prioritize the needs of the community over the interests of wealthy individuals.

PUBLIC FUNDING FOR JOHN FISHER’S STADIUM MUST BE STOPPED!!!!
1. They Don’t Want to Hear From You
Fisher and Kaval strategically waited until the 11th hour to release details about the handout. From USA Today:

The A’s, their cadre of lobbyists in Nevada and friendly politicians and tourist officials are doing their best to hide the sausage, introducing, finally, legislation for state funding of myriad projects on the Friday night of a holiday weekend, and then offering public discussion on the evening of Memorial Day. Pretty slick! And it sounds like Gov. Joe Lombardo’s signature would be waiting.

The only public hearing on giving away hundreds of millions of dollars occurred on Memorial Day. And not just on Memorial Day — it was in the evening during Game Six of the Western Conference Finals where the Golden Knights punched their tickets to the Stanley Cup Finals. A hearing at 4:00 AM on Christmas morning would have received a higher profile and greater public scrutiny.
They didn’t want you to know about the hearing and your opportunity to be heard. And if, by chance you did hear about it, they didn’t want you to be able to show up and be heard. They are not very subtle about their preference to not hear from you, the unwashed masses.
Guess who else wasn’t there? A’s owner John Fisher and President Dave Kaval. I am not making this up. They didn’t bother to show up to the Memorial Day hearing. They want us to give them hundreds of millions of dollars, but couldn’t be bothered to show up at the hearing and answer questions themselves? Where were they Monday night? What was so important they couldn’t be bothered to show up for a public hearing to answer questions in public? Fisher and his army of lobbyists have had weeks to meet privately with lawmakers behind closed doors. Are you telling me Fisher couldn’t give us regular folks two hours in public?
2. What Are Our Priorities?
There’s no way to sugarcoat it. Nevada, and in particular the Clark County School District, fail to provide adequate public education. Nevada ranks 49th out of 50 for educational attainment. Of the 50 largest metropolitan areas in the United States, Las Vegas ranks second worst for schools. This is unacceptable, yet real education reform is never a priority for the same politicians who are willing to pull the Memorial Day/Stanley Cup Playoff hearing shenanigans for Fisher.
If our elected officials can turn on a dime to hand out hundreds of millions of dollars to a billionaire for a sports stadium, why can’t they act with similar urgency for our disastrous public school system?
Our failed public schools, especially CCSD, are the most significant impediment to economic growth and diversification. The number one reason companies and individuals are reluctant to relocate to Las Vegas are our terrible public schools. If we want to create economic growth, we need to fund and fix our public schools, not build another billionaire a sports stadium.
3. The Numbers Don’t Make Sense. They’re Basically Fraud.
Whenever a billionaire asks the public to finance his stadium, the ask is always accompanied by a series of fantastical economic projections. If you watched the Memorial Day/Stanley Cup Playoff hearing, you saw a powerpoint presentation made by Fisher’s hired lobbyists. The numbers presented by Fisher’s lobbyists aren’t simply slightly embellished, they are disconnected from reality.
First, there is the claim that Fisher’s publicly funded stadium will bring an additional 400,000 tourists. John Mehaffey breaks down this non-sensical claim in the Nevada Independent:

The 400,000 number seems inflated to me. The A’s host 81 baseball games per year. This projection assumes 4,938 tourists at each game that would otherwise not be in Las Vegas. Considering only one American League market is within a reasonable driving distance, most of these tourists would fly to see their home team. Many or most of these tourists would go to two or three games in a series to justify this travel. If the average number is two games, that puts 9,877 visitors in the stadium per home game. If those fans go to an entire three-game series, that number is 14,815. If the 1.8 million locals attendance prediction is accurate, and visiting fans tend to go to a series as opposed to just one game, the A’s project that they will sell out the stadium's 35,000-seat capacity every home game. If visitors go to only two games, that is 90 percent of capacity. That is a bold projection for a team that was last in attendance in 2022 and at the bottom so far in 2023, especially since no MLB team comes close to selling out all its home games. The lack of flights makes 400,000 new visitors seem impossible Most teams that would visit the Las Vegas A’s stadium are in the American League. Most are in the east where nonstop flights to Las Vegas are scarce. For example, I found five or fewer nonstop flights per day from six of the other 14 American League cities. Four of those six teams had home stadium attendance below 20,000 per game in 2022. It’s hard to imagine that 10,000 or 15,000 fans will fly across the country for a series when that is around the average attendance for the 81 home games in their own cities. Some displaced fans may be within driving distance, but the point is one that needs to be considered. Las Vegas would need dozens of flights per series that don’t exist to accommodate this prediction.

Mehaffey also points out that Miami, which recently built a publicly financed stadium, also has 40 million visitors a year, just like Las Vegas. However, the Miami metro is substantially larger than Las Vegas. “In 2022, the Miami Marlins averaged 11,204 per game. A market with a much larger metro population that posts similar tourism numbers does not come close to the A’s projections. There is no reason to think Las Vegas will be different.”
Stanford economics professor Roger Noll agrees with Mehaffey that the attendance numbers Fisher projects are not credible. From USA Today:

“Baseball is different than the NFL,” Roger Noll, professor of economics emeritus at Stanford University, tells USA TODAY Sports. “This notion that of those 162 baseball games, I've got to see those three that are between the A's and the Royals in Las Vegas - it's just nonsense, right? It's not true, it's not going to happen. “That's the fundamental reason why economists, when they do research on the impact of sports teams, typically find that the effect on local incomes and employment is slightly negative.”

But what about job creation?

Noll says the hours that stadium workers put in – for 81 games a year – computes to roughly 15% of a full-time job. “So the 500 people who work at the stadium on game day, you got to multiply that by .15 to get the number of full-time equivalent jobs, which means it's less than 100. Wow,” says Noll. “You know, $1.5 billion to create less than 100 jobs, right? Wow.”

4. Grossly Underfunded Payroll
The total payroll for the 2023 A’s is just $59,630,474, just 37% of the MLB average payroll of $116,112,414 and just 17% of the highest-spending New York Mets ($345,474,042). To provide context, the highest paid players in the league, Max Scherzer and Justin Verlander, will each make $43,333,333. Verlander’s salary, by itself, is 72% of the entire A’s roster!
This meager spending is by choice, not necessity. It’s a strategy that works. From Sports Illustrated:

The A's were a top-5 team in 2022. Not on the field. The A's finished with a 60-102 record, second-worst only ahead of the Washington Nationals. On the spreadsheets though, they netted $62.2 million according to a report from Forbes. The only teams they finished behind were the revamped Seattle Mariners who made the playoffs for the first time in two decades, the San Francisco Giants, the Boston Red Sox, and the Baltimore Orioles who had a Mariners-esque upswing and an A's-esque payroll.

When the A’s do develop talent, they quickly jettison those players to avoid paying them their true worth on the market. As Review-Journal columnist Ed Graney explained, when Fisher’s A’s have experienced success, the response has been to break down the team and sell off the parts. Graney concluded: “John Fisher is an owner with deep, deep pockets who (incredibly) has always acted in a way that he can’t afford to hand out exorbitant contracts to his best players. About him, an overwhelmingly popular opinion is that he simply doesn’t want to.”
Why do this? Wouldn’t a competitive team generate more revenue? In Major League Baseball, there is a revenue sharing agreement among the franchises, intended to help smaller markets field competitive teams. Fisher uses revenue sharing, and dumping talent, to be one of the most profitable owners in baseball. From the New York Post:

At least a few rival MLB club owners are annoyed at the Athletics for conducting a major fire sale to enhance their bottom line soon after being added as a new revenue-sharing recipient in a vote by owners. “The idea of revenue sharing is not to make money, it’s to field a competitive team,” one rival owner complained Thursday during the owners’ meetings at MLB headquarters in Midtown. “That money is supposed to go toward player salaries. [The A’s] took the money and put it in their pocket.” Yet another owner, also upset that the A’s didn’t use the money to buy new players, but instead did the opposite and sold three major stars and drastically cut their payroll, referred to the franchise generally as “a mess.”

Fisher will not fund a competitive team in Las Vegas if we give him a stadium handout. That would destroy his very profitable business strategy. Why would he do that? The payroll of the Las Vegas A’s will be 30th out of 30 MLB teams, just like the Oakland A’s.
5. History Repeating: Quakes Publicly Funded Stadium
There seems to be some hopeful thinking that if we give John Fisher a stadium handout, he will increase the A’s payroll to become more competitive. A’s President Dave Kaval stirred excitement when he insinuated that the franchise would bankroll a World Series championship team with a new stadium in Las Vegas. “But with more revenues, we want to turn a playoff team into a World Series team. That’s why we’re fighting so hard for a new stadium, whether it’s in Las Vegas or Oakland,” Kaval told the Review-Journal.
Many people, including our elected officials, want to believe this, in good faith. It would be awesome to have a Las Vegas MLB franchise win a World Series!
This isn’t Fisher’s first rodeo with a publicly funded stadium. Fisher is also the owner of the San Jose Quakes of Major League Soccer. From an Associated Press article in the May 25, 2006 Salinas Californian on public financing for a new Quakes stadium: “The Quakes won MLS championships in 2001 and 2003 led by former star forward Landon Donovan but attendance slid to an average of just 13,037 fans last season.” Sound familiar?
So what happened? Did Fisher increase player payroll once he obtained his publicly financed soccer stadium?
From the San Jose Mercury News:

Out of the 29 MLS teams, the Earthquakes rank 21st in guaranteed player compensation and base salary, both on a per-player and teamwide basis. The Earthquakes’ average salary came in at $434,079, nearly $100,000 lower than the overall average salary for an MLS player ($530,467). San Jose’s total spending ($13.022 million) comes in at more than $2.8 million below the average team spending across the league (15.822 million). It’s a continued trend for the Quakes, even after they moved into the state-of-the-art PayPal Park in 2015. The Earthquakes have consistently ranked in the bottom half of the league in spending, per Spotrac, even as the MLS has continued to add new expansion teams over the years. Earthquakes spending rank in MLS by year · 2015 (20 teams) — 15th · 2016 (20 teams) — 11th · 2017 (22 teams) — 16th · 2018 (23 teams) — 19th · 2019 (24 teams) — 19th · 2020 (26 teams) — 17th · 2021 (27 teams) — 24th · 2022 (28 teams) — 22nd · 2023 (29 teams) — 21st That has been reflected in on-field results, too. Since the Earthquakes moved into their new home, they have never finished a season with more wins than losses — the closest they came was in that first year, at 13 wins, 13 losses and eight draws.

Nevada should expect Fisher to act in the future as he has in the past. His business strategy is clear: spend as little as possible on player payroll regardless of venue. If Nevada gives Fisher a handout, nobody — nobody — can act surprised when his miserly payroll does not change.
The Raiders and A’s shared the Oakland Coliseum for decades. Aces and Raiders owner Mark Davis is very familiar with what it means to “partner” with John Fisher. Davis did not hold back when he spoke with the Review-Journal:

“I won’t forget what they did to us in Oakland. They squatted on a lease for 10 years and made it impossible for us to build on that stadium,” the Raiders owner said in a phone chat Thursday afternoon, referring to the stadium the A’s and Raiders once shared, the Oakland Coliseum. “They were looking for a stadium. We were looking for a stadium. They didn’t want to build a stadium, and then went ahead and signed a 10-year lease with the city of Oakland and said, ‘We’re the base team.’” … Davis was asked if he could envision an environment where the Silver and Black would cross-promote with the green-and-gold Las Vegas Athletics. “Not with that management group,” Davis said. “I just have, again, a lot of personal animosity toward the front office. But with a new management group? Absolutely.”

Mark Davis did business with John Fisher for decades. Davis knows Fisher. Nobody in Nevada has done business with Fisher as much as Davis. Davis’ reaction to Fisher, basically unfiltered instinctual revulsion, should be a massive red flag to our elected leaders who are being plied with sweet nothings by Fisher’s hired guns.
Sources:
“A’s Stadium Math Doesn’t Add Up.” The Nevada Independent, May 30, 2023. https://thenevadaindependent.com/article/as-stadium-math-doesnt-add-up.
Graney, Ed. “Graney: A’s Penny-Pinching a Reason for Las Vegas to Reassess.” Journal, March 18, 2022. https://www.reviewjournal.com/sports/sports-columns/ed-graney/graney-as-penny-pinching-a-reason-for-las-vegas-to-reassess-2547852/.
Gutierrez, Ana. “Nevada Ranks as the Second Least Educated State in America.” KLAS, February 17, 2022. https://www.8newsnow.com/news/local-news/nevada-ranks-as-the-second-least-educated-state-in-america/.
Jenkins, Bruce. “MLB Has Punished Other Owners. Why Is A’s John Fisher Getting a Pass?” San Francisco Chronicle, June 3, 2023. https://www.sfchronicle.com/sports/jenkins/article/john-fisher-mlb-oakland-18130516.php.
Katsilometes, John. “Raiders Owner Rips Oakland Athletics’ Likely Move to Las Vegas.” Journal, April 27, 2023. https://www.reviewjournal.com/entertainment/entertainment-columns/kats/raiders-owner-rips-oakland-athletics-likely-move-to-las-vegas-2765229/?xxyy.
Lacques, Gabe. “Why A’s Las Vegas Stadium Gambit May Be a Losing Bet: ‘It’s Just Nonsense.’” USA Today, June 1, 2023. https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/mlb/athletics/2023/06/01/oakland-as-move-las-vegas-stadium-gambit-losing-bet/70277528007/.
Lozito, Nick. “‘this Is Not Our Fault:’ Oakland A’s Fans Are Defending Their Image.” The Oaklandside, May 5, 2023. https://oaklandside.org/2023/05/01/oakland-athletics-leaving-las-vegas-john-fisher-dave-kaval-fans/.
“MLB 2023 Payroll Tracker.” Spotrac.com. Accessed June 3, 2023. https://www.spotrac.com/mlb/payroll/.
Oakland Athletics made over $60 million in 2023 - Sports Illustrated ... Accessed June 4, 2023. https://www.si.com/mlb/athletics/news/oakland-athletics-made-over-60-million-in-2023.
Shea, John. “Don’t Believe John Fisher’s Propaganda: A’s Fans Are the Best in Baseball.” San Francisco Chronicle, June 1, 2023. https://www.sfchronicle.com/sports/athletics/article/oakland-a-s-fans-aren-t-reason-team-las-vegas-18126429.php.
Simon, Alex. “Would New Oakland A’s Ballpark Lead to More Spending? John Fisher’s Other Team Shows That May Not Be the Case.” The Mercury News, May 17, 2023. https://www.mercurynews.com/2023/05/16/would-new-oakland-as-ballpark-lead-to-more-spending-john-fishers-other-team-shows-that-may-not-be-the-case/.
Wootton-Greener, Julie. “Las Vegas Area Schools Ranked Second-Worst in Nation for Quality.” Journal, December 9, 2021. https://www.reviewjournal.com/local/education/las-vegas-area-schools-ranked-second-worst-in-nation-for-quality-2493177/.

Hey Everybody!!!
I just want to keep you in the loop on what’s going on with Oakland A’s owner John Fisher’s request to have the Nevada Legislature give him up to $380 million in public funds for a new stadium. The Legislative session ENDS MONDAY, which means that they will ram this through very quickly in the next 48 hours or so or call a special session.
NOW IS THE TIME FOR YOU TO SPEAK OUT!!!! I have put together a fairly well-documented argument below demonstrating that this is a bad deal and Fisher is a terrible partner. Please share this post and information as widely as you can! Most importantly, contact members of the Legislature and BE HEARD!!! Be sure to tell them that you live in Nevada!!!
Contact your Assemblyperson and State Senator!!
Assembly contact info: https://www.leg.state.nv.us/App/LegislatoA/Assembly/Current
State Senate Contact info: https://www.leg.state.nv.us/App/LegislatoA/Senate/Current
If you would like, you could use or modify this sample letter which contains URL links supporting the claims.

Dear Senator or Assemblyperson [Last Name],
I am writing to express my strong opposition to the proposed public funding for John Fisher's baseball stadium in Nevada. I believe this project should be stopped for several reasons:
Lack of transparency: Fisher and his team deliberately released funding details at the last minute and scheduled the only public hearing on Memorial Day evening, during a Golden Knights playoff game, limiting public awareness and participation. This is a shameful subversion of democracy and I hope you had no part in it.
Neglected education system: Nevada ranks 49th out of 50 in educational attainment. Our focus should be on improving public schools, not funding a billionaire's stadium.
Unrealistic economic projections: Expert analysis discredits the claim that the stadium will attract an additional 400,000 tourists, which, even if true, would only be a 1% increase on an annual basis. A Stanford economics professor expressed his belief that Fisher’s Stadium will result in the equivalent of a few hundred, permanent, long-term jobs. Fisher’s economic projections are detached from reality and unreliable.
Fisher's history: His track record with the San Jose Quakes, another publicly funded stadium venture, raises concerns about his commitment to investing in player payroll and creating a competitive team. Fisher owns the Quakes. After he was given a public handout for a stadium, he did not change or competitively fund his soccer team.
Troubled partnerships: Mark Davis of the Raiders, who shared the Oakland Coliseum with the A’s, has expressed frustration with Fisher's management group. MLB owners are also frustrated by doing business with Fisher. Nevada should expect to have the same experience if we proceed.
I urge you to oppose public funding for John Fisher's stadium. Let's prioritize transparency, education, and responsible use of public funds for the benefit of all Nevada residents.
Thank you for your attention to this matter. Please consider my perspective as you make your decision. Should you require further information or have any questions, I am available to discuss this issue.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]

Feel free to modify, expand or use as-is. You can also write your own letter too. I'm just trying to make this as easy as possible for everyone so that we are HEARD!
TLDR Bullet Points For Big Argument Below:

• Oakland A’s owner John Fisher, and team President Dave Kaval, strategically released details about stadium funding to minimize public awareness and participation. They released the legislation on Friday of Memorial Day weekend and the only public hearing was on Memorial Day during the Golden Knights playoff game.
• Fisher and Kaval failed to even show up at the Memorial Day hearing, demonstrating a lack of accountability and a disregard for public concerns. They have never publicly answered any questions.
• The prioritization of funding for a sports stadium over public education in Nevada, particularly the Clark County School District, is concerning.
• Economic projections presented by Fisher's lobbyists are questionable and disconnected from reality, as experts have pointed out.
• Fisher's history with the San Jose Quakes of Major League Soccer raises doubts about his commitment to investing in a competitive team with public funds.
• The low payroll of the A's compared to other MLB teams suggests a strategy of minimizing expenses for greater profitability.
• Mark Davis, owner of the Raiders and A's shared the Oakland Coliseum, expressed personal animosity towards Fisher and his management approach. Other MLB owners have expressed similar frustration about doing business with Fisher.
• Elected leaders should consider these concerns and prioritize the needs of the community over the interests of wealthy individuals.

PUBLIC FUNDING FOR JOHN FISHER’S STADIUM MUST BE STOPPED!!!!
1. They Don’t Want to Hear From You
Fisher and Kaval strategically waited until the 11th hour to release details about the handout. From USA Today:

The A’s, their cadre of lobbyists in Nevada and friendly politicians and tourist officials are doing their best to hide the sausage, introducing, finally, legislation for state funding of myriad projects on the Friday night of a holiday weekend, and then offering public discussion on the evening of Memorial Day.
Pretty slick! And it sounds like Gov. Joe Lombardo’s signature would be waiting.

The only public hearing on giving away hundreds of millions of dollars occurred on Memorial Day. And not just on Memorial Day — it was in the evening during Game Six of the Western Conference Finals where the Golden Knights punched their tickets to the Stanley Cup Finals. A hearing at 4:00 AM on Christmas morning would have received a higher profile and greater public scrutiny.
They didn’t want you to know about the hearing and your opportunity to be heard. And if, by chance you did hear about it, they didn’t want you to be able to show up and be heard. They are not very subtle about their preference to not hear from you, the unwashed masses.
Guess who else wasn’t there? A’s owner John Fisher and President Dave Kaval. I am not making this up. They didn’t bother to show up to the Memorial Day hearing. They want us to give them hundreds of millions of dollars, but couldn’t be bothered to show up at the hearing and answer questions themselves? Where were they Monday night? What was so important they couldn’t be bothered to show up for a public hearing to answer questions in public? Fisher and his army of lobbyists have had weeks to meet privately with lawmakers behind closed doors. Are you telling me Fisher couldn’t give us regular folks two hours in public?
2. What Are Our Priorities?
There’s no way to sugarcoat it. Nevada, and in particular the Clark County School District, fail to provide adequate public education. Nevada ranks 49th out of 50 for educational attainment. Of the 50 largest metropolitan areas in the United States, Las Vegas ranks second worst for schools. This is unacceptable, yet real education reform is never a priority for the same politicians who are willing to pull the Memorial Day/Stanley Cup Playoff hearing shenanigans for Fisher.
If our elected officials can turn on a dime to hand out hundreds of millions of dollars to a billionaire for a sports stadium, why can’t they act with similar urgency for our disastrous public school system?
Our failed public schools, especially CCSD, are the most significant impediment to economic growth and diversification. The number one reason companies and individuals are reluctant to relocate to Las Vegas are our terrible public schools. If we want to create economic growth, we need to fund and fix our public schools, not build another billionaire a sports stadium.
3. The Numbers Don’t Make Sense. They’re Basically Fraud.
Whenever a billionaire asks the public to finance his stadium, the ask is always accompanied by a series of fantastical economic projections. If you watched the Memorial Day/Stanley Cup Playoff hearing, you saw a powerpoint presentation made by Fisher’s hired lobbyists. The numbers presented by Fisher’s lobbyists aren’t simply slightly embellished, they are disconnected from reality.
First, there is the claim that Fisher’s publicly funded stadium will bring an additional 400,000 tourists. John Mehaffey breaks down this non-sensical claim in the Nevada Independent:

The 400,000 number seems inflated to me. The A’s host 81 baseball games per year. This projection assumes 4,938 tourists at each game that would otherwise not be in Las Vegas.
Considering only one American League market is within a reasonable driving distance, most of these tourists would fly to see their home team. Many or most of these tourists would go to two or three games in a series to justify this travel.
If the average number is two games, that puts 9,877 visitors in the stadium per home game. If those fans go to an entire three-game series, that number is 14,815. If the 1.8 million locals attendance prediction is accurate, and visiting fans tend to go to a series as opposed to just one game, the A’s project that they will sell out the stadium's 35,000-seat capacity every home game. If visitors go to only two games, that is 90 percent of capacity.
That is a bold projection for a team that was last in attendance in 2022 and at the bottom so far in 2023, especially since no MLB team comes close to selling out all its home games.
The lack of flights makes 400,000 new visitors seem impossible
Most teams that would visit the Las Vegas A’s stadium are in the American League. Most are in the east where nonstop flights to Las Vegas are scarce. For example, I found five or fewer nonstop flights per day from six of the other 14 American League cities.
Four of those six teams had home stadium attendance below 20,000 per game in 2022. It’s hard to imagine that 10,000 or 15,000 fans will fly across the country for a series when that is around the average attendance for the 81 home games in their own cities.
Some displaced fans may be within driving distance, but the point is one that needs to be considered. Las Vegas would need dozens of flights per series that don’t exist to accommodate this prediction.

Mehaffey also points out that Miami, which recently built a publicly financed stadium, also has 40 million visitors a year, just like Las Vegas. However, the Miami metro is substantially larger than Las Vegas. “In 2022, the Miami Marlins averaged 11,204 per game. A market with a much larger metro population that posts similar tourism numbers does not come close to the A’s projections. There is no reason to think Las Vegas will be different.”
Stanford economics professor Roger Noll agrees with Mehaffey that the attendance numbers Fisher projects are not credible. From USA Today:

“Baseball is different than the NFL,” Roger Noll, professor of economics emeritus at Stanford University, tells USA TODAY Sports. “This notion that of those 162 baseball games, I've got to see those three that are between the A's and the Royals in Las Vegas - it's just nonsense, right? It's not true, it's not going to happen.
“That's the fundamental reason why economists, when they do research on the impact of sports teams, typically find that the effect on local incomes and employment is slightly negative.”

But what about job creation?

Noll says the hours that stadium workers put in – for 81 games a year – computes to roughly 15% of a full-time job.
“So the 500 people who work at the stadium on game day, you got to multiply that by .15 to get the number of full-time equivalent jobs, which means it's less than 100. Wow,” says Noll. “You know, $1.5 billion to create less than 100 jobs, right? Wow.”

4. Grossly Underfunded Payroll
The total payroll for the 2023 A’s is just $59,630,474, just 37% of the MLB average payroll of $116,112,414 and just 17% of the highest-spending New York Mets ($345,474,042). To provide context, the highest paid players in the league, Max Scherzer and Justin Verlander, will each make $43,333,333. Verlander’s salary, by itself, is 72% of the entire A’s roster!
This meager spending is by choice, not necessity. It’s a strategy that works. From Sports Illustrated:

The A's were a top-5 team in 2022.
Not on the field. The A's finished with a 60-102 record, second-worst only ahead of the Washington Nationals. On the spreadsheets though, they netted $62.2 million according to a report from Forbes. The only teams they finished behind were the revamped Seattle Mariners who made the playoffs for the first time in two decades, the San Francisco Giants, the Boston Red Sox, and the Baltimore Orioles who had a Mariners-esque upswing and an A's-esque payroll.

When the A’s do develop talent, they quickly jettison those players to avoid paying them their true worth on the market. As Review-Journal columnist Ed Graney explained, when Fisher’s A’s have experienced success, the response has been to break down the team and sell off the parts. Graney concluded: “John Fisher is an owner with deep, deep pockets who (incredibly) has always acted in a way that he can’t afford to hand out exorbitant contracts to his best players. About him, an overwhelmingly popular opinion is that he simply doesn’t want to.”
Why do this? Wouldn’t a competitive team generate more revenue? In Major League Baseball, there is a revenue sharing agreement among the franchises, intended to help smaller markets field competitive teams. Fisher uses revenue sharing, and dumping talent, to be one of the most profitable owners in baseball. From the New York Post:

At least a few rival MLB club owners are annoyed at the Athletics for conducting a major fire sale to enhance their bottom line soon after being added as a new revenue-sharing recipient in a vote by owners.
“The idea of revenue sharing is not to make money, it’s to field a competitive team,” one rival owner complained Thursday during the owners’ meetings at MLB headquarters in Midtown. “That money is supposed to go toward player salaries. [The A’s] took the money and put it in their pocket.”
Yet another owner, also upset that the A’s didn’t use the money to buy new players, but instead did the opposite and sold three major stars and drastically cut their payroll, referred to the franchise generally as “a mess.”

Fisher will not fund a competitive team in Las Vegas if we give him a stadium handout. That would destroy his very profitable business strategy. Why would he do that? The payroll of the Las Vegas A’s will be 30th out of 30 MLB teams, just like the Oakland A’s.
5. History Repeating: Quakes Publicly Funded Stadium
There seems to be some hopeful thinking that if we give John Fisher a stadium handout, he will increase the A’s payroll to become more competitive. A’s President Dave Kaval stirred excitement when he insinuated that the franchise would bankroll a World Series championship team with a new stadium in Las Vegas. “But with more revenues, we want to turn a playoff team into a World Series team. That’s why we’re fighting so hard for a new stadium, whether it’s in Las Vegas or Oakland,” Kaval told the Review-Journal.
Many people, including our elected officials, want to believe this, in good faith. It would be awesome to have a Las Vegas MLB franchise win a World Series!
This isn’t Fisher’s first rodeo with a publicly funded stadium. Fisher is also the owner of the San Jose Quakes of Major League Soccer. From an Associated Press article in the May 25, 2006 Salinas Californian on public financing for a new Quakes stadium: “The Quakes won MLS championships in 2001 and 2003 led by former star forward Landon Donovan but attendance slid to an average of just 13,037 fans last season.” Sound familiar?
So what happened? Did Fisher increase player payroll once he obtained his publicly financed soccer stadium?
From the San Jose Mercury News:

Out of the 29 MLS teams, the Earthquakes rank 21st in guaranteed player compensation and base salary, both on a per-player and teamwide basis.
The Earthquakes’ average salary came in at $434,079, nearly $100,000 lower than the overall average salary for an MLS player ($530,467). San Jose’s total spending ($13.022 million) comes in at more than $2.8 million below the average team spending across the league (15.822 million).
It’s a continued trend for the Quakes, even after they moved into the state-of-the-art PayPal Park in 2015. The Earthquakes have consistently ranked in the bottom half of the league in spending, per Spotrac, even as the MLS has continued to add new expansion teams over the years.
Earthquakes spending rank in MLS by year
· 2015 (20 teams) — 15th
· 2016 (20 teams) — 11th
· 2017 (22 teams) — 16th
· 2018 (23 teams) — 19th
· 2019 (24 teams) — 19th
· 2020 (26 teams) — 17th
· 2021 (27 teams) — 24th
· 2022 (28 teams) — 22nd
· 2023 (29 teams) — 21st
That has been reflected in on-field results, too. Since the Earthquakes moved into their new home, they have never finished a season with more wins than losses — the closest they came was in that first year, at 13 wins, 13 losses and eight draws.

Nevada should expect Fisher to act in the future as he has in the past. His business strategy is clear: spend as little as possible on player payroll regardless of venue. If Nevada gives Fisher a handout, nobody — nobody — can act surprised when his miserly payroll does not change.
The Raiders and A’s shared the Oakland Coliseum for decades. Aces and Raiders owner Mark Davis is very familiar with what it means to “partner” with John Fisher. Davis did not hold back when he spoke with the Review-Journal:

“I won’t forget what they did to us in Oakland. They squatted on a lease for 10 years and made it impossible for us to build on that stadium,” the Raiders owner said in a phone chat Thursday afternoon, referring to the stadium the A’s and Raiders once shared, the Oakland Coliseum.
“They were looking for a stadium. We were looking for a stadium. They didn’t want to build a stadium, and then went ahead and signed a 10-year lease with the city of Oakland and said, ‘We’re the base team.’”
…
Davis was asked if he could envision an environment where the Silver and Black would cross-promote with the green-and-gold Las Vegas Athletics.
“Not with that management group,” Davis said. “I just have, again, a lot of personal animosity toward the front office. But with a new management group? Absolutely.”

Mark Davis did business with John Fisher for decades. Davis knows Fisher. Nobody in Nevada has done business with Fisher as much as Davis. Davis’ reaction to Fisher, basically unfiltered instinctual revulsion, should be a massive red flag to our elected leaders who are being plied with sweet nothings by Fisher’s hired guns.
Sources:
“A’s Stadium Math Doesn’t Add Up.” The Nevada Independent, May 30, 2023. https://thenevadaindependent.com/article/as-stadium-math-doesnt-add-up.
Graney, Ed. “Graney: A’s Penny-Pinching a Reason for Las Vegas to Reassess.” Journal, March 18, 2022. https://www.reviewjournal.com/sports/sports-columns/ed-graney/graney-as-penny-pinching-a-reason-for-las-vegas-to-reassess-2547852/.
Gutierrez, Ana. “Nevada Ranks as the Second Least Educated State in America.” KLAS, February 17, 2022. https://www.8newsnow.com/news/local-news/nevada-ranks-as-the-second-least-educated-state-in-america/.
Jenkins, Bruce. “MLB Has Punished Other Owners. Why Is A’s John Fisher Getting a Pass?” San Francisco Chronicle, June 3, 2023. https://www.sfchronicle.com/sports/jenkins/article/john-fisher-mlb-oakland-18130516.php.
Katsilometes, John. “Raiders Owner Rips Oakland Athletics’ Likely Move to Las Vegas.” Journal, April 27, 2023. https://www.reviewjournal.com/entertainment/entertainment-columns/kats/raiders-owner-rips-oakland-athletics-likely-move-to-las-vegas-2765229/?xxyy.
Lacques, Gabe. “Why A’s Las Vegas Stadium Gambit May Be a Losing Bet: ‘It’s Just Nonsense.’” USA Today, June 1, 2023. https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/mlb/athletics/2023/06/01/oakland-as-move-las-vegas-stadium-gambit-losing-bet/70277528007/.
Lozito, Nick. “‘this Is Not Our Fault:’ Oakland A’s Fans Are Defending Their Image.” The Oaklandside, May 5, 2023. https://oaklandside.org/2023/05/01/oakland-athletics-leaving-las-vegas-john-fisher-dave-kaval-fans/.
“MLB 2023 Payroll Tracker.” Spotrac.com. Accessed June 3, 2023. https://www.spotrac.com/mlb/payroll/.
Oakland Athletics made over $60 million in 2023 - Sports Illustrated ... Accessed June 4, 2023. https://www.si.com/mlb/athletics/news/oakland-athletics-made-over-60-million-in-2023.
Shea, John. “Don’t Believe John Fisher’s Propaganda: A’s Fans Are the Best in Baseball.” San Francisco Chronicle, June 1, 2023. https://www.sfchronicle.com/sports/athletics/article/oakland-a-s-fans-aren-t-reason-team-las-vegas-18126429.php.
Simon, Alex. “Would New Oakland A’s Ballpark Lead to More Spending? John Fisher’s Other Team Shows That May Not Be the Case.” The Mercury News, May 17, 2023. https://www.mercurynews.com/2023/05/16/would-new-oakland-as-ballpark-lead-to-more-spending-john-fishers-other-team-shows-that-may-not-be-the-case/.
Wootton-Greener, Julie. “Las Vegas Area Schools Ranked Second-Worst in Nation for Quality.” Journal, December 9, 2021. https://www.reviewjournal.com/local/education/las-vegas-area-schools-ranked-second-worst-in-nation-for-quality-2493177/.

ChocoPro 314: GanPro Returns Need something to do tomorrow morning (or to check out after you wake up!)? Ichigaya has you covered! The Special Early Morning Episode features Akki teaming up with “May” Suruga once again to take on the Showa Era shooters, Mei Suruga (classic) taking on Smiling Violence Sayaka, and EGG TART welcomes Shota (teaming with Ichigaya’s Lucky Charm, Miya!) for his first official appearance on the regular show. Let’s Go, ChocoPro!
🍫 CLICK HERE FOR THE LINK! ChocoPro 314 🍫 Ken Ohka & Baliyan Akki VS Tokiko Kirihara & Cherry, Mei Suruga VS Sayaka, and EGG TART (Hagane Shinno & Chie Koishikawa) VS GanPro’s Shota & Miya Yotsuba! It airs TOMORROW at 4 am EDT / 1 am PDT / 9 am BST / 5 pm JST. Live and Free on YouTube!
This link will be updated with a direct one when available

Don't forget to Adjust Your Volume, Wrestling is Loud!

Change the stage, escape the normal! ChocoPro is built different. Find out why wrestlers like it so much: Find a new home on the bleeding edge. (This is not your regular wrestling show.) Join us for this episode, or check out the back catalog of 17 wonderful Seasons on the Gatoh Move ChocoPro YouTube channel...260+ episodes with stories and pro-wrestling like you've never seen. New to the promotion? It features a roster of skilled veterans, rising stars, and wonderful guests fighting in the ChocoPro Arena: Ichigaya Chocolate Square. Subscribe for more content than just the live matches! (AEW Watch Alongs, Discussions, Interviews, Food Challenges, etc) Even if you can't catch it live, don't sweat it! It will still be available on the channel.

Ken Ohka 🤠 (as May Suruga) & Baliyan Akki ♠️

VS

Tokiko “Otoki” Kirihara 💃 & Cherry 🍒

Best Bros?

Ken Ohka, the hero of Ganbare Pro-wrestling, is basically a regular part of ChocoPro as well at this point. When he’s not working with food at DDT’s restaurant Ebisco Sakaba with Obi or getting the crowd roaring at GanPro, he’s spearing someone out of their boots in Ichigaya! This man is enthusiastic about everything he does, even when he is occasionally pretending to be Mei Suruga. Now that “May Suruga” has been officially recognized, be careful not to be overwhelmed by his charm. Baliyan Akki & Mei, the regular Best Bros, are one of the greatest Tag Teams out there. Baliyan Akki keeps a serene attitude while dealing out some of the most devastating strike combo’s you’ll ever witness. The “Zephyr of Ichigaya” is among the best when it comes to in ring quality, but how well will he handle this replacement Mei? Ken & Akki have teamed together in the past (especially in GanPro!), but this false version of the beloved tag team is still untested. How will the Apple Substitution go? Can the Ace find that awesome synergy with a different “Mei”?
Cherry Comaneci returns!? The Showa Era Shooters Tokiko “Otoki” Kirihara & Cherry are two of a kind! Will these two show the boys the power of their physical perfection? Otoki is a very down to earth fighter for the most part, bringing a vicious realism that is a bit more visceral than a lot of the high characters of ChocoPro! Though the Iron Claw user might occasionally pull off a Comaneci Taunt or torturous twist, she's known for her ungodly kicks and throws...She was a champion Kickboxer, after all! Mischievous Fortune Teller Cherry also brings a lot of ground work and technical prowess, being able to slickly roll into pins and armbars. Cherry is one of the scariest grapplers to grace Ichigaya, considering she even gives a rough time to a lot of the power fighters! Can the False Best Bros bring down these dynamic pair?

Mei Suruga 🍎

VS

Sayaka 👗

Apple Violence

Whether you know her as the Apple Goblin or the Big Apple Girl, Mei Suruga is a vast sea of charisma. The real Red Fairy of Ichigaya tends to convert new viewers into her “dummies” quite quickly, even the coldest heart finding it hard to resist her charm and explosive wrestling ability...despite her being so utterly rotten most of the time! She is undeniably a rising star of the Joshi world...making appearances for STARDOM, TJPW, DPW, AEW, Evolution Girls, DDT, and many more! Though the Goblin tends to appear mostly in tags at Ichigaya these days, singles are a rare tasty treat for her: Mei loves getting an opportunity to be a goblin the entire match! With her 5th Anniversary in the rear view, the Apple Road continues...with a pit stop in violence city.
“I'm gonna kill you! Yayyyyy!” While she has become infamous for her unsettling quotes, “Smiling Violence” Sayaka is known more for her ungodly striking power. Those explosive forearms and pinpoint dropkicks stagger even the toughest opponents! Sayaka’s unnerving cheerfulness while she does brutal things provides her with a big presence in the square. That unattached joy will eventually be the stuff of legends! (After all, she’s “happy to beat someone”!) Don't forget, Sayaka hangs out around Minoru Suzuki and survives to tell the tale...This photogenic phenom is on the rise, keep an eye on her! After the Lucky Violence team managed to deliver some brutality during the Birthday Gauntlet, Sayaka will be delighted to bring more pain to the Apple Goblin.

EGG TART (Chie Koishikawa 🏵️ & Hagane Shinno ⚔️)

VS

GanPro’s Shota ⚾ & Miya Yotsuba 🍀

Mr. SHOWTIME

Chie Koishikawa & Hagane Shinno, the combination known as EGG TART, are a hot and cold team. Opposites definitely attract, and the polar attraction results in some of the craziest team attacks you will ever witness! “Too Much Energy” Chie brings an uncontrollable excitement wherever she goes (including to the recently rebooted GanJo), sprinting around the Square and delivering lightning quick striking...often from the air! Her tightly locked Stretch Mufflers and eye catching arm drags will have you shouting as much as she does. The Frantic Fencer is one of the most popular characters in all of ChocoPro! Her Wintery partner on the other hand is a remorseless killing machine...and the Super Asia Champion. Hagane’s icy ferocity usually brings about ugly thuds via heavy striking and brutal slams. The “Cold Killer” earned his epithet by easily dispatching some of the best the promotion has to offer. This ageless assassin only shows emotion around his chaotic partner...and together they amplify each others personalities. These two have limitless potential, and now that Hagane has the Big Blue Belt they will also have limitless enemies looking for an opportunity! Speaking of which...
Shota, GanPro’s charismatic underdog technician, finally makes his official ChocoPro Debut! He might give off some of the same vibes as “Generic Masa” from long ago, but there is nothing generic about Shota! This world traveling jump suit enthusiast impresses everywhere he goes, so expect Ichigaya to be no different. Anticipate a lot of flowing transitions and crisp technique! With an unbeatable in ring IQ and a talent for complex pinning skills, “Mr. SHOWTIME” is going to be a great support for his Rookie partner: The Avatar of the Fifth Generation, Miya Yotsuba! “Ichigaya’s Lucky Charm” Miya brings a strength empowered style that is quite flashy (especially that Miya Hammer)! Our new powerhouse has begun a series of difficult matches against her seniors (joining gangs and facing clowns, fortune tellers, drunks, cannibals, and the truly wild), in order to speed up her adjustment to Ichigaya’s strange (and vicious) world. Teaming up with guests is a common theme in ChocoPro, so this will be a great test for the Mint-Green Bruiser...especially with a guest this good! Good Luck, Miya!
Let’s Go ChocoPro, Let’s Go GanPro!
Come and see the wild creativity that produced Two of the Seven AEW Women's World Champions! (Both of which have appeared on ChocoPro!) You'll be wondering if you're seeing future champs, as well. ChocoPro is the Frontier of Pro Wrestling! Match after match of hard hitting, chaotic, fun bouts with a friendly online audience. We're quickly growing, and you're welcome to come along!
Here are some Frequently Asked Questions:

“What is this?”

ChocoPro is a free online promotion run by AEW's Emi Sakura, that takes place in the legendary Ichigaya Chocolate Square! It features a steady pace of live Episode releases, fan interaction, season long story arcs, and much more! A place where the turnbuckles are replaced with 14th floor windows, the ropes are often replaced with fans, unforgiving walls provide creative avenues for skills otherwise unthinkable, and you can take solace in knowing that the referees usually do nothing. While it might be a shocking change at first, the intensity and storytelling will leave you wanting more.

“Why are they fighting in ____?”

Short answer is that it is a cost effective, unique venue with a better availability schedule and allows the roster access for training. Emi Sakura has been using this place for a long time, and you might be surprised at some of the names that have used it (even outside of ChocoPro!). There are a few in-ring Episodes and Gatoh Move has in ring shows with crowds on the YouTube channel. Think of it like the Hart Dungeon but as a promotion, if that helps!

”What are the rules?”

While special match stipulations will usually be explained before the respective matches, the general rules of ChocoPro are simple. Pins only count on the Chocolate Mat and are not broken by the edge or Wall. Submissions usually only count on the Chocolate Mat, and ARE broken by reaching the edge or wall (sometimes ceiling...). Double pins and Double submissions are legal (and encouraged) in ChocoPro Tag matches, meaning cohesive teams will always have the advantage! Count Outs only exist if specified, since many matches stray from the comfort of the Chocolate Square into the streets (and the rest of the building itself!) There is a Time Limit for each bout (based on card placement and importance) and the Referee has discretion (even if they tend to do nothing most of the time!). Every Ref is different, some have different levels of bias and speed.

“How can I support them?”

Watch the show! Even if you can't see it live, the views matter! Like & Subscribe! You can join the Channel's membership for different tiers of perks...but also, you can buy single episode Sponsorship, Digital autographed photos, and more on their shop site as well as purchase shirts from PWTees (which features some great options!) If you'd like to donate or purchase a main wall sponsorship, you can via Paypal or Patreon...and don't forget to cheer for your favorites! (especially if you want to do a superchat!)

”How come there aren’t a lot of comments on the threads?”

ChocoPro is a YouTube show, meaning the discourse happens live...in the chat! Those that comment in the threads on here tend to do so in order to help new viewers that might be intimidated by the fast moving chat. Don’t be afraid to just dive in though, the community is friendly.

“Why are you posting this here? / Are you paid for this?”

This is a wrestling forum, and I'm trying to broaden the horizons of others! There is a lot of good wrestling out there...Plus growing the fan base means more people for me to joke around with! I honestly do believe this is what a lot of fans are looking for, even if it is too different for some! But different tastes are good. Variety is the spice of life. This is a labor of love (it really doesn't take that long) considering how much work they do to put on so many shows...for free!
If you have any other questions, feel free to ask me on here or on Twitter, where I’m everywhere! ChocoPro is going to the UK!
Season Tracker: We're 14/18 into Season 18! (Each Season is usually around 18 episodes)

Hi,
Here's what I can offer for trades. CIB unless noted otherwise. List may get updated after initial posting.

Have

PS1
Breath of Fire 3	Manual damaged. Missing first page. Disc plays okay.
Breath of Fire 4
Parasite Eve	Small crack in the case
Tactics Ogre
Alundra	missing map
Dragon Warrior 7
Legend of Legaia
Metal Gear Solid	missing manual
Lunar Silver Star Story Complete	some damage in outer box
Suikoden	small rip in first page of manual
Wild Arms 2	loose disc only
Final Fantasy Tactics
Revelations: Persona	box only
Star Ocean: The Second Story
Gran Turismo	Brand new. Plastic wrap is gone but seal at the top is still intact.
A bug's life
Black Dawn
Formula1 98
Small soldiers
The next tetris
Star wars: Episode 1 The phantom menace
Twisted metal III
Wu-Tang: Shaolin Style
Apocalypse
Playstation Underground Jampack
NHL FaceOff 99
NFL Xtreme
NFL GameDay 2001	Sealed. Small rip in the plastic wrap
NFL GameDay 2000
MLB 2000
3Xtreme
Contender
Jampack Summer 99
Jampack Winter 98
Interactive CD Sampler Pack Volume 3
Spyro
Bust A Groove

​

PS2
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 [Limited Edition]	outer box showing some wear
.Hack Quarantine	Missing anime DVD, Case may not be original
Front mission 4
Katamari Damacy
Silent Hill 3
Silent Hill 4
Suikoden 3
Final Fantasy XII Limited Edition (steelbook)
Xenosaga Episode 1
Xenosaga Episode 3
Guitar Hero
Guitar Hero Metallica
Guitar Hero III Legend of Rock
Rockband AC/DC Track Pack
Grandia II
Grandia III
Yakuza 2
Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne
Kingdom Hearts	GH
Dragon Ball Z Budokai Tenkaichi 3

​

PSP
Untold Legends Brotherhood Of The Blade
Prince Of Persia: The Forgotten Sands
Legend Of Heroes III Song Of The Ocean	loose umd only
Grand Theft Auto Liberty City Stories	GH
Robots	UMD Movie

​

Vita
Killzone Mercenary	loose

​

PS3
Metal Gear Solid: The Legacy Collection [Artbook Bundle]	Sealed with artbook
Dante's Inferno Divine Edition	with slipcover, missing manual
Yakuza 3
BlazBlue: Continuum Shift Extend
Batman: Arkham City
Blazing Angels: Squadrons of WWII
Disney Infinity starter pack	Sealed
Record of Agarest War 2	Sealed, One corner of box is dinged
Dead Island Riptide [Rigor Mortis Edition]	Sealed
Dead Space 3 Dev-team Edition	Sealed, 4004/5000
Battlefield 3
Battlefield 4
Far Cry 2
Far Cry 4
Cabela's Big Game Hunter 2010
Heavy Fire: Afghanistan
Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Vegas
Little Big Planet Karting
Batman: Arkham Asylum - GoTY edition
Medal of Honor: Warfighter
Need for Speed: The Run LE
Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit LE
Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit	loose, GH
Need for Speed: Rivals	missing manual
Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection
Duke Nukem Forever
Lego Batman 2: DC Super Heroes	GH
Lego Star Wars: The Force Awakens	loose
Destiny
Lost Planet 3	Sealed
God of War Collection	GH

​

PS4
Fallout 4 Pipboy edition	Sealed
Elder Scrolls Online Tamriel Unlimited Imperial Edition	Sealed
Wolfenstein II: The new Colossus Collector's Edition	Sealed
Final fantasy vii remake
Final fantasy vii remake deluxe edition	Sealed
Neptunia x SENRAN KAGURA: Ninja Wars	digital code
Sekiro: Shadows die twice
Kingdom Hearts All-in-one	sealed
Fifa 14
Battlefield 4
INSIDE / LIMBO double pack
WWE 2K15 Hulkamania Edition	sealed
Dying Light
Fallout 4
Borderlands: The Handsome Collection

​

PS5
Tales of Arise	Sealed
Elden Ring Collector's Edition	Sealed
Elden Ring preorder code x3	Willing to throw this in free with any trade
Elden Ring with steelbook bundle	Bundle seems to be Bestbuy Canada exclusive
Scarlet Nexus	Sealed
Evil Dead	digital code
Horizon Forbidden West Collector's Edition	Sealed

​

Xbox
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines	gamestop sticker on manual

​

Xbox360
Ace Combat 6: Fires of Liberation
Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts
Fallout 3
Halo 4 LE	Sealed
Lost Odyssey
Silent Hill: Homecoming
Otomedius Excellent

​

GameCube
Resident Evil
Donkey Konga 2	Sealed

​

Wii
Super Mario All-Stars: 25th Anniversary Edition	Sealed
The Last Story LE
Sin & Punishment: Star Successor	Sealed

​

Switch
Xenoblade Chronicles 2
Xenoblade Chronicles 2: Torna the Golden Country	Sealed
Xenoblade Chronicles 3	Sealed
Metroid Dread Special Edition	Sealed
Shin Megami Tensei V Fall of Men Premium Edition	Sealed
Hoa	Sealed
Story of Seasons: Pioneers of Olive Town Premium Edition	Sealed
Prinny Presents NIS Classics Volume 1 [Deluxe Edition]	Sealed
AI: THE SOMNIUM FILES – nirvanA Initiative Collectors Edition	Sealed
Legend of Zelda the tears of the kingdom Collector's edition	Sealed

​

GBA
Crash Bandicoot Purple: Ripto's Rampage	loose
Avatar: The Last Airbender	loose
SpongeBob SquarePants Movie	loose
American Dragon Jake Long Rise Of The Huntsclan	loose
Ty The Tasmanian Tiger 3	loose
Pokemon LeafGreen	loose
Pokemon Sapphire	loose, dry battery replaced
Chronicles Of Narnia Lion Witch And The Wardrobe	loose
Super Mario Advance 4: Super Mario Bros. 3	loose
Tales of Phantasia	loose
Shining Soul 2	loose
Kirby and the Amazing Mirror	loose
Kirby Nightmare in Dreamland	loose

​

DS
Coral Pink DS Lite	Excellent cosmetic condition, charger included
White DSi	no charger, stylus
TMNT
Lego Harry Potter Year 1-4
Phantasy Star 0	missing manual
Flash Focus
Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia	loose
Valkyrie Profile: Covenant of the Plume	loose
Final Fantasy: The 4 Heroes of Light	loose
Pokemon HeartGold	loose, small damage on label
Pokemon HeartGold	Complete minus Pokewalker
Pokemon SoulSilver	box only
Pokemon Diamond
Pokemon Diamond	loose
Pokemon Platinum	loose
Pokemon Black
Pokemon Black	missing manual
Pokemon Black	box only
Hoppie	no manual, some water damage in cover arts
Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days
Metroid Prime: Hunters - First Hunt	loose
Diddy Kong Racing
Fossil Fighters
Professor Layton And The Curious Village

​

3DS
3DS XL Black+Red	CIB, Cave Story digital installed
New 3DS XL Galaxy	loose. Charger included. Missing stylus, Dual IPS screen
Pokemon X
Rune Factory 4
Bravely Second: End Layer	Warning booklet missing
Kingdom Hearts 3D Dream Drop Distance LE	Missing AR cards
Pokemon Sun	loose
Pokemon Ultra Sun	loose
Pokemon X	loose, have 2
Pokemon Alpha Sapphire	loose
Kirby Triple Deluxe	loose
LEGO Star Wars The Force Awakens	Case in rough shape. Missing manual
Etrian Odyssey V: Beyond The Myth [Launch Edition]	sealed
Sonic: Lost World
Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS
Mario Kart 7
Kirby: Triple Deluxe	Nintendo Selects
Donkey Kong Country Returns 3D	Nintendo Selects
Tales of the Abyss	sealed
Fantasy Life

​

Amiibo (all SSB except noted otherwise)	All sealed in original box
Peach (Super Mario)	025W1
Yoshi (Super Mario)	524W2
Mario	434W2
Bowser	464S1
Diddy Kong	424S1
Luigi	434S1
Pikachu	474W2
Squirtle	279W5
Ivysaur	299W5
Snake	2559G1
Sonic	494W2
Peach	444W3
Link (Link's awakening)	2079G1
Link	524S1
Link (Majora's mask)	187S1

​

Guides
Tales of Vesperia	BradyGames
Dark Souls	FuturePress, Sealed
Dark Souls II CE	FuturePress, Sealed
Dragon Warrior VII	Prima
Breath of Fire IV	Prima
Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch	Prima, Hard Cover
Wild Arms 4	Prima
God of War III	BradyGames
Resident Evil 6	BradyGames, Hard Cover, Sealed
Legend of Zelda Collector's Box Set	Prima, sealed

​

Manuals
https://imgur.com/a/DLa5yM4	Too many to list. Some 360/PS3 ones may be in French. Please ask. Harvest Moon (GC) is traded.

​

Steelbooks	G1 size unless noted. No games included.
Assassin's Creed 3	in shrink wrap
Assassin's Creed Collection
Batman Arkham City Armored Edition
Batman Arkham City	G2
Call of Duty Black Ops II
Dead Space 3	in shrink wrap
Devil May Cry	G2
Dishonored
Duke Nukem Forever	in shrink wrap
Epic Mickey 2
Farcry 3	in shrink wrap
FF XIII Lightning Returns	in shrink wrap
Hitman Absolution
Injustice Gods Among Us
Medal of Honor Warfighter	G2
New Super Mario Bros U
NHL 12
Prototype 2	in shrink wrap
Sleeping Dogs
Thief
World of Warcraft Mist of Pandara

​

Misc
FF X Play Arts Tidus	Still in original box, never displayed out of box
FF X Play Arts Yuna	Still in original box, never displayed out of box
FF X Play Arts Auron	Still in original box, never displayed out of box
FFVII Advent Children Play Arts Sephiroth	Still in original box, never displayed out of box
FFVII Advent Children Play Arts Vincent	Still in original box, never displayed out of box
FFVII Advent Children Play Arts Cloud with Fenrir	Still in original box, never displayed out of box
Steer 'n win jr racing wheel/pedal	compatible with PS1/N64
Diablo III Collector's Edition PC	Sealed
Diablo III Reaper of Souls Collector's Edition PC	Sealed
Homeworld Collector's Edition PC	Sealed

Want:

Mostly interested in JRPGs and horrors. Working design, Enix, Falcom, NIS, Atlus, etc. Must be CIB unless noted otherwise.
​

PS1
Adventures of Lomax
Deception III: Dark Delusion
Echo Night
King's Field (Long box)
King's Field II
Klonoa: Door to Phantomile
Koudelka
Misadventures of Tron Bonne
RayCrisis: Series Termination
RayStorm
Shadow Tower
Tail Concerto
Thunder Force V
Torneko: The Last Hope
Resident evil survivor

​

PS2
Blood Will Tell
Echo Night: Beyond
Forever Kingdom
Haunting Ground
ObsCure
Shadow Heart
Silent Hill 2 (Greatest Hits)
Silent Hill: Shattered Memories
Tsugunai: Atonement

​

PS4
Atelier Ryza LE
Atelier Sophie LE
Tales of Berseria CE

​

PS5
The Last of us Part 1 Firefly edition (sealed)

​

Vita
Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Brith 1 LE

​

GBC
Dragon Warrior Monsters
Dragon Warrior Monsters 2: Cobi's Journey
Dragon Warrior Monsters 2: Tara's Adventure
Dragon Warrior I & II
Revelations: The Demon Slayer

​

GBA
Klonoa 2: Dream Champ Tournament
Klonoa: Empire of Dreams
Lunar Legend

​

GameCube
Star Fox: Assault	Manual only
Jet Black GameCube box and cardboard inserts
Indigo wired OEM controller	low want

​

Switch
Dragon quest xi	sealed preferred

​

DS
Commando: Steel Disaster
Dragon Quest V
Dragon Quest IV	Box and manual only
Etrian Odyssey
Izuna: Legend of the Unemployed Ninja
Lunar: Dragon Song	Manual only
Resident Evil: Deadly Silence
Sands of Destruction
Super Robot Taisen OG Saga Endless Frontier

​

3DS
Corpse Party: Back to School Edition
Dragon Quest VII
Dragon Quest VIII
Etrian Mystery Dungeon (Launch soundtrack bundle preferred)
Etrian Odyssey Nexus (launch edition)
Fire Emblem Fates SE
Radiant Historia: Perfect Chronology (launch edition)
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner: Soul Hackers (with soundtrack)
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor 2 Record Breaker (launch edition)
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor Overclocked
Shin Megami Tensei IV Apocalypse Launch Edition

​

Others
Turbografx-16 Console (CIB) and CIB games
Dragon Quest Slime controller for Switch
All Uncharted Waters games (SNES and Genesis, CIB)

Notes.

• Prefer to trade within Canada, but will consider cross border too if offers are attractive.
• Will provide pics upon request.
• I have not listed everything in haves/wants. I will gladly check your list and work something out.

Got scolded by the SO, need to get rid of all my backups, especially for stuff still in production…
Going on vacation on Tuesday so everything will be shipped on Monday morning and then we can revisit in two weeks.
Shipping is free over $60
Bundle discounts for multiple items. 10 dollars off each additional bundle through saved shipping.
Accept PayPal, Venmo, or Zelle. Buyer covers 3% GS if they’d like.
https://imgur.com/a/1uy82uU
For trades looking for the following only
Loewe 001 EDP
Givenchy Gentlemen Cologne
Rogue Perfumery Mousse Illuminee
Etat You or Someone Like You
————————————————-
Bottles
Whichever viking sells gets the cap. Keeping the other. Whichever Royal Oud sells gets the cap.
Creed Aventus ‘22 full presentation 90/100ml - 205
Viking ‘19 (tester, red plastic peeling) 95/100ml - 175
Viking ‘18 (tester, chipped glass) 97/100ml - 180
Virgin Island Water ‘19 (bottle only) 99/100ml - 220
Silver Mountain Water ‘19 45/50 ml (bottle only) - 120
Green Irish tweed ‘22 tester (no cap with box) 100/100ml - 180
GIT ‘19 full presentation 90/100ml - 185
Royal Oud ‘20 bottle only - 100/100ml - 280
Royal Oud ‘21 bottle only 99/100ml - 275
Angels Share (full presentation) 35/50 Ml - 110
Chanel Allure Homme EDT (full presentation) 98/100ml - 90
Chanel Bleu De Channel Parfum (tester) - 97/100ml - 140
Prada L’Homme intense (with box) 90/100ml - 95
Dior Eau Sauvage Cologne 99/100ml (tester with box) - 75
Tom Ford Tobacco Vanille (full presentation) 35/50ml 115
MFK Grand Soir (full presentation) 68/70ml - 165
MFK Gentle Fluidity Silver (new) 200/200ml - 375
Frapin L’humaniste (full presentation) 99/100ml - 120
Nishane Hacivat (full presentation) 85/100ml - 125
————————————————-
Feminine Bottles
YSL Mon Paris EDP 90ml sealed - 85
—————————————————
Decants
Creed Aventus ‘20 70/75ml - 135
Creed Aventus ‘20 50/100ml - 100
Creed Aventus ‘22 60/100ml - 115
Creed Aventus F batch 7ml - 20
Creed Aventus Cologne 7ml - 20
Royal Water 29/30ml - 50
PDM Godolphin 8ml - 18
PDM Kalan 9ml - 20
Luna Rossa Carbon 7ml - 12
MFK Grand Soir 8ml - 22
Angels Share 10ml - 30
Terre D’Hermes Parfum 5ml - 12
Terre D’Hermes Parfum 10ml - 20

For sale, for Steam gift cards (or gifted Steam Wallet balance):
​

• Dark Souls™: Prepare To Die™ Edition (removed from Steam Store; $350 $400 or best offer)
• Fall Guys (removed from Steam Store)
• Fall Guys - Dragon Hugger Pack (removed from Steam Store)
• Fall Guys - Icy Adventure Pack (removed from Steam Store)

​

• Humble Hunie Sakura Bundle (can also trade for a full "charity" bundle (Australia Fire Relief Bundle or similar))
• Humble Sekai Project Bundle (can also trade for a full "charity" bundle (Stand with Ukraine Bundle or similar))

​
For trade:
*tentatively up for trade, assuming I buy the bundle
​

• Behind the Frame: The Finest Scenery
• Spiritfarer®: Farewell Edition

​

• Bionic Commando: Rearmed
• Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen
• Lost Planet 3 - Complete
• Mega Man Legacy Collection
• STRIDER™ / ストライダー飛竜®

​

• Aground
• Calico
• Evan's Remains
• Lake
• StarCrossed
• Teacup

​

• Into the Radius VR

​

• Aliens: Fireteam Elite
• Founders' Fortune
• Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp

​

• Nomad Survival
• Scarlet Tower

​

• The Citadel
• Forgive Me Father
• Viscerafest
• WRATH: Aeon of Ruin

​

• The Blackout Club

​

• BIOMUTANT
• Edge Of Eternity
• Golden Light

​

• Call of the Sea
• Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice

​

• 112 Operator
• 911 Operator
• The Amazing American Circus
• Armello
• Backbone
• Calico
• Cris Tales
• Euro Truck Simulator 2
• Farming Simulator 17
• Ghostrunner
• Gotham Knights
• Guilty Gear X2 #Reload
• Lust from Beyond: M Edition
• Monaco: What's Yours Is Mine
• Orbital Racer
• Pathfinder: Kingmaker - Enhanced Plus Edition
• PAYDAY 2
• Pilgrims
• Soulblight
• Space Crew: Legendary Edition
• Starfinder Core Rulebook (Paizo key) and Starfinder Adventure: Junker's Delight (Paizo key)
• Strange Brigade
• Stygian: Reign of the Old Ones
• System Shock 2
• System Shock: Enhanced Edition
• Ticket to Ride
• XCOM® 2
• X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack

​

• Fallout: A Post Nuclear Role Playing Game
• Fallout 76
• Fobia - St. Dinfna Hotel
• Othercide
• Shady Part of Me

​

• The Last Campfire

​

• Sakura Swim Club

​

• Summer in Mara
• Townscaper

​

• The Long Dark: Survival Edition

​

• Stranded Sails - Explorers of the Cursed Islands

​

• Conan Chop Chop
• Grow: Song of the Evertree

​

• Styx: Shards of Darkness

​

• Hard West
• John Wick Hex
• Phantom Doctrine
• Red Solstice 2: Survivors

​

• Arizona Sunshine

​

• Backbone
• Blade Assault
• First Class Trouble
• Super Magbot

​

• Golf Gang
• Maid of Sker

​

• Vampire: The Masquerade - Coteries of New York
• Vampire: The Masquerade - Shadows of New York
• Werewolf: The Apocalypse — Heart of the Forest

​

• Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl

​

• Baldur's Gate: Faces of Good and Evil
• Baldur's Gate: Siege of Dragonspear
• Icewind Dale: Enhanced Edition

​

• Crown Trick

​

• Guts and Glory
• Hello Neighbor

​

• Day of the Tentacle Remastered
• Grim Fandango Remastered
• Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
• STAR WARS®: Knights of the Old Republic™ II

​

• Duke Nukem Forever
• PGA TOUR 2K21
• WWE 2K Battlegrounds

​

• Emily is Away <3
• In Sound Mind

​

• Little Big Workshop
• Not Tonight

​

• Brigador Deluxe Edition
• Verdun

​

• Resident Evil 0
• Resident Evil 6
• Resident Evil
• Resident Evil Revelations

​

• EVERSPACE™

​

• Dreamfall Chapters

​

• Cultist Simulator
• GWENT: The Witcher Card Game - Ultimate Starter Pack (GOG key)

​

• The LEGO® NINJAGO® Movie Video Game

​

• 2064: Read Only Memories

​

• Legend of Keepers: Career of a Dungeon Manager
• Legion TD 2 - Multiplayer Tower Defense

​

• STAR WARS™: Squadrons (Origin key)(?)

​

• Bionic Commando
• Street Fighter V

​

• As Far As The Eye
• Impulsion

​

• Command & Conquer Remastered Collection (Origin key)

​

• Orcs Must Die! 2 - Complete Pack

​

• Bartlow's Dread Machine

​

• Blaston

​

• White Day: A Labyrinth Named School

​

• The Walking Dead

​

• Total Tank Simulator

​

• Archangel: Hellfire - Fully Loaded

​

• XCOM® 2

​

• Black The Fall
• Goetia

​

• Highway Blossoms

​

• Among the Sleep - Enhanced Edition

​

• Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
• This War of Mine

​

• Tom Clancy's The Division™ (Uplay key)
• Tom Clancy's The Division™ - Survival (Uplay key)

​

• Highway Blossoms
• HunieCam Studio
• KARAKARA
• Sunrider Academy
• Sunrider: Liberation Day - Captain's Edition

​

• Civilization VI - Australia Civilization & Scenario Pack
• Civilization VI - Vikings Scenario Pack

​

• A Kiss For the Petals - Remembering How We Met

​

• Hacknet
• Satellite Reign

​

• The Incredible Adventures of Van Helsing: Final Cut

​

• The Elder Scrolls: Legends: 2 Card Packs (Skyrim) 1 Event Ticket 100 Gold 100 Souls
• ESO Vanity Pet: Bristlegut Piglet and 15 Days of ESO Plus

​

• Ame no Marginal -Rain Marginal-
• KARAKARA
• Memory's Dogma CODE:01
• Narcissu 10th Anniversary Anthology Project
• Narcissu 10th Anniversary Anthology Project - Season Pass

​

• A Kiss For the Petals - Remembering How We Met
• Sakura Angels
• Beach Bounce
• Beach Bounce - Soundtrack
• Blue Rose

​

• Lionessy Story
• My Personal Angel
• Natural - Beyond Nature -
• Postmen Of Horizon (removed from Steam Store)

​

• The Reject Demon: Toko Chapter 0 — Prelude

​

• Koi-Koi Japan [Hanafuda playing cards]
• Mahjong Pretty Girls Battle
• Mahjong Pretty Girls Battle : School Girls Edition
• Poker Pretty Girls Battle: Texas Hold'em
• Pretty Girls Mahjong Solitaire

​

• Guns of Icarus Alliance
• Guns of Icarus Online
• Impossible Creatures Steam Edition
• Lethal League
• Tempest: Pirate Action RPG
• Tempest - Treasure Lands
• Tempest - Original Soundtrack
• Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf
• Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide

​

• For The King
• Book of Demons
• PlateUp!
• Spiritfarer®: Farewell Edition
• Kingdom Two Crowns
• White Day: A Labyrinth Named School
• Warhammer 40,000: Gladius - Relics of War
• Chivalry: Medieval Warfare
• Steel Rats™
• Hue
• Sifu Deluxe Edition Upgrade Bundle (Epic key)
• Gal*Gun: Double Peace
• The Invisible Hours
• Synergia
• ROCKETRON
• Project Nimbus: Complete Edition
• Dead Age
• Dusk Diver 酉閃町
• Spirit Hunter: NG
• Slain: Back from Hell(?)
• Cook, Serve, Delicious!
• Tower of Time
• Danger Scavenger
• Survive the Nights
• The Beast Inside
• Valfaris
• Nongunz: Doppelganger Edition
• This War of Mine
• My Time At Portia

​

• Knights of Pen and Paper +1 Edition
• Knights of Pen and Paper 2 - Here Be Dragons

​

• 112 Operator
• 911 Operator
• Book of Demons
• Broken Age
• Brothers - A Tale of Two Sons
• Crying Suns
• Crying Suns
• Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
• Driftland: The Magic Revival
• Liberated (GOG key)
• Moon Hunters
• Out of Reach: Treasure Royale
• Rustler (Grand Theft Horse)
• Wanderlust: Travel Stories (GOG key)
• WARSAW
• X-Morph: Defense + European Assault, Survival of the Fittest, and Last Bastion DLC (I believe this redeems as the linked Complete Pack, minus the soundtrack)
• ΔV: Rings of Saturn(?)

​

• Fallout: A Post Nuclear Role Playing Game
• Fobia - St. Dinfna Hotel
• Phoenix Point: Year One Edition
• Deliver Us The Moon
• Morkredd
• Rogue Heroes: Ruins of Tasos
• Space Crew: Legendary Edition
• Spirit Hunter: NG
• Survivalist: Invisible Strain
• Warhammer: Vermintide 2
• ENDLESS™ Space 2
• Surviving the Aftermath
• The Long Dark

​

• Blade Assault
• Founders' Fortune
• Hokko Life
• Monster Crown
• Fallout 76
• Othercide
• Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous - Enhanced Edition
• ScourgeBringer
• Ancestors: The Humankind Odyssey
• HOT WHEELS UNLEASHED™
• Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor Game of the Year Edition
• Sonic CD (removed from Steam Store)
• LEGO® Harry Potter: Years 1-4
• LEGO® Harry Potter: Years 5-7
• STRIDER™ / ストライダー飛竜®
• Bionic Commando
• Full Metal Furies
• Ultra Street Fighter® IV
• Starbound
• Mafia III: Sign of the Times
• Outlast 2
• BioShock 2
• Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor Game of the Year Edition
• Sherlock Holmes: The Devil's Daughter
• The Mean Greens - Plastic Warfare
• Crusaders of the Lost Idols Legendary Starter Pack
• Project CARS (removed from Steam Store)

​
WANT:
​

• 5D Chess With Multiverse Time Travel
• A Hat in Time
• Avernum: Escape from the Pit
• Bendy and the Ink Machine
• CrossCode
• Dead Rising 4
• Dungreed
• Mortal Kombat Komplete Edition
• NBA 2K Playgrounds 2
• NECROPOLIS: BRUTAL EDITION
• Omensight: Definitive Edition
• Submerged
• Tower Unite
• Wonder Boy: The Dragon's Trap
• Zombie Army 4: Dead War

​
IGS Rep Page: https://www.reddit.com/IGSRep/comments/ti26nz/mizznos_igs_rep_page/

Post here and/or PM me with any questions. Shipping is $5. International is available, please discuss. Free samples with every purchase! Payment is by Venmo, CashApp or Zelle; PayPal must inquire.
All of my contact info as well as all of my bottles for sale, are available in my spreadsheet which you should bookmark and look at for a more updated inventory
Spreadsheet

	HOUSE	FRAGRANCE	SIZE	REMAINING	Notes/Condition	Price	Type
1	Amouage	Incense Rori Attar	12mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$439	Niche
2	Amouage	Material (Woman)	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; Tester Cap	$145	Niche
3	Amouage	Orris Wakan Attar	12mL	99% Full	Full Presentation	$419	Niche
4	Amouage	Rose Aqor Attar	12mL	99% Full	Full Presentation	$419	Niche
5	Amouage	Vanilla Barka Attar	12mL	99% Full	Full Presentation	$419	Niche
6	Andy Tauer	Cologne du Maghreb	50mL	99% Full	First Release, Rectangular Clear Bottle; With box	$95	Niche
7	Bond No. 9	Madison Square Park	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box, No Cap	$135	Niche
8	By Kilian	Apple Brandy on the Rocks	50mL	99% Full	Full Presentation, Box has some wear.	$160	Niche
9	By Kilian	Bamboo Harmony	100mL	100% Full	Tester Refill (No Spray)	$209	Niche
10	By Kilian	Black Phantom	100mL	100% Full	Tester Refill (No Spray)	$215	Niche
11	By Kilian	Gold Knight	100mL	100% Full	Tester Refill (No Spray)	$209	Niche
12	By Kilian	Good Girl Gone Bad	250mL	99% Full	Decanter; No Box	$800	Niche
13	By Kilian	Intoxicated	100mL	100% Full	Tester Refill (No Spray)	$209	Niche
14	By Kilian	Love Don't Be Shy	50mL	99% Full	Full Presentation, Box has some wear.	$160	Niche
15	Byredo	Infloresence	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$135	Niche
16	Byredo	Lil Fleur	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$135	Niche
17	Byredo	Mixed Emotions	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$135	Niche
18	Byredo	Mumbai Noise	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$135	Niche
19	Byredo	Sunday Cologne	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$135	Niche
20	Chanel Exclusif	Cuir de Russie EdT	200mL	95% Full	No Box; Tester	$725	Niche
21	Chanel Exclusif	Misia EdT	200mL	98% Full	Vintage Discontinued Formula; No Box	$380	Niche
22	Chanel Exclusif	No. 22 EdT	200mL	97% Full		$550	Niche
23	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	Bois D'Argent	7.5mL	100% Full	Official Mini	$30	Niche
24	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	Bois D'Argent	5mL	100% Full	Official Mini - Batch Code 0V01 (2010 Production Date) - Price includes shipping	$35	Niche
25	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	Cologne Royale	5mL	100% Full	Official Mini - Batch Code 1X01 (2011 Production Date) - Price includes shipping	$30	Niche
26	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	Diorissima	7.5mL	100% Full	Official Mini; No Cannister - Price includes shipping	$30	Niche
27	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	Eau Noire	5mL	100% Full	Official Mini - Batch Code 1R01 (2011 Production Date) - Price includes shipping	$35	Niche
28	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	Eden Roc	7.5mL	100% Full	Official Mini - Price includes shipping	$30	Niche
29	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	Granville	5mL	100% Full	Official Mini - Batch Code 0V01 (2010 Production Date) - Price includes shipping	$35	Niche
30	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	Milly-La-Foret	5mL	100% Full	Official Mini - Batch Code 0W01 (2010 Production Date) - Price includes shipping	$30	Niche
31	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	Mitzah	5mL	100% Full	Official Mini - Batch Code 1W01 (2011 Production Date) - Price includes shipping	$35	Niche
32	Christian Dior / Dior Privee	New Look 1947	5mL	100% Full	Official Mini - Batch Code 1R01 (2011 Production Date) - Price includes shipping	$30	Niche
33	Clive Christian	I Pour Femme (Woody Floral with Vintage Rose)	50mL	99% Full	No Box	$180	Niche
34	Clive Christian	Rock Rose	50mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$289	Niche
35	Creed	Acqua Florentina - F Batch	75mL	95% Full	Box, Can add a Creed Cap as well	$175	Niche
36	Creed	Aventus - 22A11A	100mL	100% Full	Full Presentation	$250	Niche
37	Creed	Aventus Cologne - 2022 Batch	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$234	Niche
38	Creed	Aventus Cologne - F Batch (Plastic Cap)	100mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed in Box	$239	Niche
39	Creed	Aventus for Her - F567	75mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$190	Niche
40	Creed	Erolfa - 15X01	120mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$369	Niche
41	Creed	Erolfa - F Batch	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box, No Cap	$160	Niche
42	Creed	Green Irish Tweed - 19U11	50mL	99% Full	Full presentation with Box	$160	Niche
43	Creed	Green Irish Tweed - 2022 Batch	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$195	Niche
44	Creed	Himalaya - 22B01A	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Square Style Cap	$175	Niche
45	Creed	Jardin D'Amalfi	75mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; No Cap	$199	Niche
46	Creed	Millesime Imperial - F Batch	100mL	100% Full	Comes with Box and SQUARE Older Style Cap.	$180	Niche
47	Creed	Neroli Sauvage - F241	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; No Cap	$160	Niche
48	Creed	Original Santal - F511	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; No Cap	$160	Niche
49	Creed	Royal Mayfair - 15R01	120mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$229	Niche
50	Creed	Royal Oud - F BATCH	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$275	Niche
51	Creed	Royal Water - 20C01N	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Square Style Cap	$175	Niche
52	Creed	Silver Mountain Water - 21V01A	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Square Style Cap	$180	Niche
53	Creed	Spring Flowers 2023	75mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$225	Niche
54	Creed	Tabarome - 21Y01A	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; No Cap	$160	Niche
55	Creed	Viking - F512	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$205	Niche
56	Creed	Virgin Island Water - F473	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$195	Niche
57	Creed	White Amber - 17W01	75mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; No Cap	$149	Niche
58	Creed	Wind Flowers - 22C01B	75mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap	$199	Niche
59	Diptyque	Do Son Eau de Toilette	100mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$99	Niche
60	DS & DURGA	Amber Kiso	100mL	100% Full	New, No Box	$125	Niche
61	Frederic Malle	Eau de Magnolia	10mL	100% Full	Official Travel Spray	$55	Niche
62	Gallagher	Bergamot Silk	100mL	99% Full		$84	Niche
63	Giorgio Armani / Armani Prive	Gardenia Antigua	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$155	Niche
64	Giorgio Armani / Armani Prive	Pierre de Lune	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$155	Niche
65	Giorgio Armani / Armani Prive	Rose Alexandrie	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$155	Niche
66	Guerlain	Angelique Noire	30mL	100% Full	Mini Bee Bottle Decant	$215	Niche
67	Guerlain	Angelique Noire	10mL	100% Full	Tall Glass Decant	$55	Niche
68	Guerlain	Cherry Oud	100mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$279	Niche
69	Guerlain	Cruel Gardenia	200mL	100% Full	Brand new tester without box	$329	Niche
70	Guerlain	Embruns D'Ylang	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$339	Niche
71	Guerlain	Epices Volee	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$339	Niche
72	Guerlain	Gourmand Coquin	10mL	100% Full	Tall Glass Decant	$60	Niche
73	Guerlain	Herbes Troublantes	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$339	Niche
74	Guerlain	Joyeuse Tuberuese	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$349	Niche
75	Guerlain	Musc Outreblanc	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$349	Niche
76	Guerlain	Oeillet Pourpre	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$339	Niche
77	Guerlain	Oud Nude	200mL	95% Full	Tester; No Box	$369	Niche
78	Guerlain	Rose Barbare	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$339	Niche
79	Guerlain	Rose Barbare	200mL	90% Full	DECANTED - NO ORIGINAL BOTTLE	$250	Niche
80	Guerlain	Santal Pao Rosa	200mL	100% Full	Tester (No Box)	$349	Niche
81	Guerlain	Tonka Imperiale	30mL	100% Full	Mini Bee Bottle Decant	$199	Niche
82	Guerlain	Tonka Imperiale	10mL	100% Full	Tall Glass Decant	$55	Niche
83	Hermes / Hermessence	Agar Ebene	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box, No Cap	$150	Niche
84	Hermes / Hermessence	Brin de Reglisse	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$165	Niche
85	Hermes / Hermessence	Cedre Sambac	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$165	Niche
86	Hermes / Hermessence	Epice Marine	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$170	Niche
87	Hermes / Hermessence	Iris Ukiyoe	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box, No Cap	$150	Niche
88	Hermes / Hermessence	Muguet Porcelaine	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$165	Niche
89	Hermes / Hermessence	Myrrhe Eglantine	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$185	Niche
90	Hermes / Hermessence	Osmanthe Yunnan	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box, No Cap	$150	Niche
91	Hermes / Hermessence	Paprika Brasil	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box.	$170	Niche
92	Hermes / Hermessence	Santal Massoia	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box.	$170	Niche
93	Hermes / Hermessence	Vanille Galante	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box, No Cap	$150	Niche
94	Hermes / Hermessence	Vetiver Tonka	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box, No Cap	$150	Niche
95	Hermes / Hermessence	Vetiver Tonka	200mL	100% Full	Full Presentation, Brand New.	$399	Niche
96	Hermes / Hermessence	Violette Volynka	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$185	Niche
97	Hiram Green	Vetiver	50mL	95% Full	Full Presentation	$130	Niche
98	House of Sillage	Hufflepuff	75mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$325	Niche
99	House of Sillage	Nouez Moi	75mL	99% Full	Tester	$120	Niche
100	I Profumi di Firenze	Caterina De Medici	50mL	99% Full	No Box	$35	Niche
101	Initio	Musk Therapy	90mL	99% Full	Full presentation with Box	$200	Niche
102	Initio	Side Effect	10mL	100% Full	Official Travel Atomizer	$75	Niche
103	Knize	Knize Ten	125mL	99% Full	No Box	$110	Niche
104	Le Labo	Another 13	50mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$189	Niche
105	Le Labo	Baie 19	100mL	99% Full	Sprayed Once to Test / Brand New; No Box	$225	Niche
106	Le Labo	Cedrat 37 – Berlin City Exclusive	100mL	99% Full	Sprayed Once to Test / Brand New; No Box	$275	Niche
107	Le Labo	Cedrat 37 – Berlin City Exclusive	50mL	99% Full	Sprayed Once to Test / Brand New; No Box	$225	Niche
108	Le Labo	Gaiac 10 – Tokyo City Exclusive	100mL	99% Full	Sprayed Once to Test / Brand New; No Box	$400	Niche
109	Le Labo	Mousse de Chene 30 - Amsterdam City Exclusive	50mL	99% Full	Sprayed Once to Test / Brand New; No Box	$300	Niche
110	Le Labo	Musc 25 – Los Angeles City Exclusive	50mL	99% Full	Sprayed Once to Test / Brand New; No Box	$250	Niche
111	Le Labo	Rose 31	50mL	99% Full	Sprayed Once to Test / Brand New; No Box	$175	Niche
112	Le Labo	Tabac 28 – Miami City Exclusive	50mL	99% Full	Sprayed Once to Test / Brand New; No Box	$250	Niche
113	Le Labo	The Noir 29	50mL	99% Full	Sprayed Once to Test / Brand New; No Box	$175	Niche
114	Maison Crivelli	Bois Datchai	100mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$169	Niche
115	Maison Crivelli	Rose Saltifolia	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$159	Niche
116	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	724	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$365	Niche
117	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	724	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$165	Niche
118	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Amyris Femme	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$139	Niche
119	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Amyris Femme Extrait	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$165	Niche
120	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Amyris Femme Extrait Special Edition Bottle	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$245	Niche
121	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Aqua Celestia	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$115	Niche
122	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Aqua Celestia Cologne Forte	200mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$279	Niche
123	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Aqua Celestia Cologne Forte	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$149	Niche
124	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Aqua Celestia Forte	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$159	Niche
125	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Aqua Universalis Cologne Forte	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$119	Niche
126	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Aqua Universalis EdT	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$219	Niche
127	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Aqua Vitae	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$219	Niche
128	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Aqua Vitae Cologne Forte	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$119	Niche
129	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Aqua Vitae Forte EdP	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$159	Niche
130	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Baccarat Rouge 540 EdP	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$205	Niche
131	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Baccarat Rouge 540 EdP	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$409	Niche
132	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Baccarat Rouge 540 Extrait	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$295	Niche
133	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Gentle Fluidity Gold	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$165	Niche
134	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Grand Soir	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$170	Niche
135	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	L'eau a La Rose	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$129	Niche
136	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	L'eau a la Rose	35mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box.	$90	Niche
137	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	L'homme A la Rose	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$159	Niche
138	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Oud EdP	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$170	Niche
139	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Oud Extrait	10mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$35	Niche
140	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Oud Satin Mood EdP	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box.	$190	Niche
141	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Petit Matin	70mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$145	Niche
142	Maison Francis Kurkdjian	Petit Matin	200mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$350	Niche
143	Maison Lancome	Orange Bigarades	100mL	100% Full	Full presentation with Box	$229	Niche
144	Mark Birley	Charles Street	75mL	97% Full	Travel Version	$90	Niche
145	Masque Milano	Tango	35mL	99% Full		$90	Niche
146	Memo Paris	French Leather	75mL	100% Full	Tester; No Cap	$135	Niche
147	Memo Paris	Inle	75mL	100% Full	Tester; No Cap	$135	Niche
148	Memo Paris	Italian Leather	75mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box or Cap	$135	Niche
149	Memo Paris	Lailabella	75mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; No Cap	$135	Niche
150	Memo Paris	Marfa	75mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; No Cap	$135	Niche
151	Memo Paris	Moon Fever	75mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; No Cap	$135	Niche
152	Memo Paris	Oriental Leather	75mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box; No Cap	$135	Niche
153	Mind Games	Caissa	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$250	Niche
154	Mind Games	Gardez (Black Queen)	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$225	Niche
155	Mind Games	J'Adoube	100mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$299	Niche
156	Mind Games	Scholar's Mate	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$225	Niche
157	Mizensir	Cologne de Figuer	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box.	$175	Niche
158	Mizensir	Cologne de Matte	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box.	$175	Niche
159	Mizensir	Ideal Oud	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$165	Niche
160	Mizensir	Mythique Vetiver	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box.	$175	Niche
161	Mizensir	Sweet Prailine	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$165	Niche
162	Mizensir	Bois de Mysore	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$165	Niche
163	Mona di Orio	Cuir	75mL	99% Full	No Box	$120	Niche
164	Oliver and Co.	M.O.U.S.S.E.	50mL	99% Full	Limited Edition 87/133	$110	Niche
165	Parfums de Nicolai	Patchouli Intense	100mL	98% Full	Full Presentation	$119	Niche
166	Perris Monte Carlo	Tuberuese Absolue	100mL	99% Full	No Box	$99	Niche
167	Pomare's Stolen Perfume	Angel's Share	9mL	70% Full	No Box	$40	Niche
168	Roja Dove	Apex Discovery Atomizer	7.5mL	99% Full		$50	Niche
169	Roja Dove	Creation-E Essence de Parfum	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$165	Niche
170	Roja Dove	Scandal Essence de Parfum	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$165	Niche
171	Roman Monegal	L'eau de Rose	50mL	97% Full		$70	Niche
172	Santa Maria Novella	Sandalo	100mL	95% Full	No Box	$80	Niche
173	The Harmonist	Desired Earth Eau de Parfum	50mL	100% Full	Brand new, Sealed	$219	Niche
174	The Harmonist	Magnetic Wood Parfum	50mL	100% Full	BNIB Sealed	$229	Niche
175	Tom Ford	Beau de Jour	1000mL	100% Full	Sealed Dramming Bottle	$1,000	Niche
176	Tom Ford	Ebene Fume	250mL	99% Full	Decanter; No Box	$750	Niche
177	Tom Ford	Ebene Fume	50mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$170	Niche
178	Tom Ford	Fougere Platine	250mL	90% Full	Decanter; No Box	$625	Niche
179	Tom Ford	Fougere Platine	1000mL	100% Full	Sealed Dramming Bottle	$1,000	Niche
180	Tom Ford	Fucking Fabulous	250mL	99% Full	Decanter; No Box	$750	Niche
181	Tom Ford	Fucking Fabulous	50mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$180	Niche
182	Tom Ford	Grey Vetiver Parfum	100mL	100% Full	Sealed, New in Box	$170	Niche
183	Tom Ford	Oud Fleur	1000mL	100% Full	Sealed Dramming Bottle	$1,000	Niche
184	Tom Ford	Oud Wood	250mL	99% Full	Decanter; No Box	$750	Niche
185	Tom Ford	Rose de Chine	50mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$175	Niche
186	Tom Ford	Rose Prick	100mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$269	Niche
187	Tom Ford	Soleil Blanc EdP	50mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$140	Niche
188	Tom Ford	Soleil Brulant	50mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$145	Niche
189	Tom Ford	Soleil Neige	1000mL	100% Full	Sealed Dramming Bottle	$850	Niche
190	Tom Ford	Tobacco Oud	50mL	95% Full	No Box	$180	Niche
191	Tom Ford	Tobacco Vanille	50mL	90% Full	Full Presentation with Box	$155	Niche
192	Tom Ford	Tuscan Leather	50mL	100% Full	Magnetic Cap Decant	$115	Niche
193	Tom Ford	Vert des Bois	1000mL	100% Full	Sealed Dramming Bottle	$900	Niche
194	Tom Ford	White Suede	1000mL	100% Full	Sealed Dramming Bottle	$850	Niche
195	TVGA	Milestones Extrait	9mL	90% Full	No Box	$40	Niche
196	Washington Tremlett	Black Tie	100mL	95% Full		$125	Niche
197	Yves Saint Laurent	Tuxedo	250mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$375	Niche
198	Acqua di Parma	Arancia Di Capri	150mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$65	Designer
199	Acqua di Parma	Colonia EdC	100mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$75	Designer
200	Acqua di Parma	Colonia Intensa	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$65	Designer
201	Aqua di Parma	Magnolia Nobile	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$115	Designer
202	Caron	Pour un Homme de Caron Le Matin	125mL	100% Full	Opened to test, sprayed once	$69	Designer
203	Caron	Pour un Homme de Caron Le Soir	125mL	100% Full	Opened to test, sprayed once	$69	Designer
204	Caron	Pour Un Homme Impact Parfum	75mL	97% Full	No Box	$175	Designer
205	Chanel	Allure Homme Sport - Aftershave Balm	100mL	99% Full	No Box	$65	Designer
206	Chanel	Allure Pour Femme EdT	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$65	Designer
207	Chanel	Antaeus	100mL	85% Full	Silver Sprayer	$125	Designer
208	Chanel	Bleu de Chanel - Aftershave Balm	100mL	99% Full	No Box, Minor Cosmetic Damage	$55	Designer
209	Chanel	Bleu de Chanel - Aftershave Lotion	100mL	99% Full	No Box, Minor Cosmetic Damage	$55	Designer
210	Chanel	Bleu de Chanel Parfum	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$130	Designer
211	Chanel	Chance Eau Tendre EdP	50mL	90% Full	Tester; No Box	$90	Designer
212	Chanel	Chance Eau Tendre EdT	150mL	99% Full	Tester; No Box	$120	Designer
213	Chanel	Coco EdP	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$85	Designer
214	Chanel	Coco Mademoiselle - Moisturizing Body Lotion	200mL	99% Full	No Box	$55	Designer
215	Chanel	Coco Mademoiselle EdP	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$90	Designer
216	Chanel	Coco Mademoiselle EdT	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$65	Designer
217	Chanel	Coco Mademoiselle L'eau Privee	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$90	Designer
218	Chanel	Cristalle Eau Vert EdT Concentree	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$135	Designer
219	Chanel	Cristalle EdP	50mL	95% Full	Tester; No Box	$135	Designer
220	Chanel	No. 19	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$115	Designer
221	Chanel	No. 5 Eau Premiere	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$85	Designer
222	Chanel	No. 5 EdP	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$85	Designer
223	Chanel	Platinum Egoiste	75mL	99% Full	SPLASH, NOT SPRAY Older Formulation	$125	Designer
224	Christian Dior	Dior Homme Sport - 2017 Version	125mL	99% Full	Tester; No Box Batch Code is 6Y02	$89	Designer
225	Christian Dior	J'adore in Joy EdT	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap, No Box	$60	Designer
226	Floris	007	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap, No Box	$100	Designer
227	Floris	A Rose For...	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box.	$65	Designer
228	Floris	Cefiro	100mL	100% Full	Tester with Cap, No Box	$59	Designer
229	Floris	Lily of the Valley	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box.	$65	Designer
230	Gucci	Gucci Guilty Absolute	90mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$70	Designer
231	Guerlain	Habit Rouge L'instinct	100mL	99% Full	Sprayed once	$84	Designer
232	Guerlain	L'instant de Guerlain Pour Homme EXTREME	10mL	100% Full	VINTAGE BLACK RIM - DECANT	$50	Designer
233	Hermes	Twilly	80mL	100% Full	Tester; No Box	$65	Designer
234	Jo Malone	Amber & Lavender	30mL	90% Full	No Box	$52	Designer
235	Jo Malone	English Oak & Redcurrant	30mL	80% Full	No Box	$49	Designer
236	Jo Malone	English Pear & Freesia	100mL	100% Full	Brand New with Gift Box and Gift Set (Body Wash, Body Lotion)	$180	Designer
237	Jo Malone	Rose & White Musk Absolu	100mL	100% Full	No Box	$180	Designer
238	Jo Malone	Velvet Rose and Oud Cologne Intense	50mL	99% Full	Tester; No Box	$90	Designer
239	Thierry Mugler	A*MEN	100mL	99% Full	Rubber Flask; No Box	$75	Designer
240	Thierry Mugler	A*MEN Ultra Zest	100mL	85-90% Full	Rubber Flask; No Box	$250	Designer
241	Tom Ford	Costa Azzura Parfum	50mL	100% Full	Brand New, Sealed	$130	Designer
242	Amouage	Cristal and Gold Ladies	50mL	95% Full	Vintage, Incredibly hard to find. Full presentation in nice condition	$399	Vintage
243	Cartier	Santos EdT	100mL	60% Full	Splash; Refillable; Original Formulation; No Box; Some Wear on Case	$149	Vintage
244	Chanel	Egoiste Cologne Concentree	100mL	97% Full	Bottle Only	$399	Vintage
245	Chanel	Gardenia EdT	100mL	100% Full	Vintage; Sealed	$390	Vintage
246	Crabtree & Evelyn	Crabtree & Evelyn Extract of West Indian and Sicilian Limes	125mL	100% Full	Full presentation with Box	$209	Vintage
247	Dunhill	Cologne	125mL	99% Full	Vintage; Splash	$100	Vintage
248	Escada	Pour Homme Aftershave	75mL	100% Full	BNIB Sealed	$165	Vintage
249	Escada	Pour Homme Aftershave	125mL	100% Full	BNIB Sealed	$240	Vintage
250	Floris	Bay Rum	3.5 Oz	97% Full	Vintage; Splash. "Use as a cologne, after shave lotion, or hair lotion."	$84	Vintage
251	Floris	Special 127	100mL	98% Full	Vintage; Dark Blue Box., 2 Royal Warrants, Vintage Version	$70	Vintage
252	Fragonard	Zizanie	240mL	80% Full	Shaker bottle (Splash, not spray) no box. At least 80% Full.	$240	Vintage
253	Geo F Trumper	Ajaccio Violets	100mL	99% Full		$40	Vintage
254	Gucci	Envy Aftershave	50mL	100% Full	BNIB Sealed	$140	Vintage
255	Gucci	Envy Aftershave	100mL	100% Full	BNIB Sealed	$215	Vintage
256	Gucci	Rush for Men	50mL	100% Full	Full Presentation; These do not come fully filled	$190	Vintage
257	Gucci	Rush for Men Aftershave	100mL	100% Full	BNIB Sealed	$140	Vintage
258	Guerlain	Heritage EdT	200mL	100% Full	New; Vintage; Splash. 1991 Bottle.	$225	Vintage
259	Guerlain	Samrasa EdP	50mL	100% Full	No Box	$109	Vintage
260	Guerlain	Samsara EdT 1992-1993 Formulation	100mL	100% Full	Tester; No Cap; No Box	$109	Vintage
261	Jean Desprez	Bal a Versailles	9 Oz	70% Full	Vintage; Splash; No Box Open to offers on this enormous bottle.	$135	Vintage
262	Lacoste	Eau de Sport Vivifiante	100mL	99% Full	No Box	$110	Vintage
263	Lacoste	Land	100mL	99% Full		$130	Vintage
264	Nino Cerruti	Fair Play Pour Homme	100mL	99% Full	Full presentation with Box	$275	Vintage
265	Paco Rabanne	Eau de Metal	20mL	100% Full	Vintage; Mini	$15	Vintage
266	Ralph Lauren	Silver Romance for Men	100mL	80% Full	No Box, No Cap	$145	Vintage
267	Revillon	Pour Homme Eau de Toilette Super Concentrate	60mL	99% Full	Atomizer	$190	Vintage
268	Revillon	Pour Homme Eau de Toilette Super Concentrate	90mL	99% Full	Atomizer	$290	Vintage​

Updating this again based on the last roster update and current as of 6/3
If you don’t know, if you pick your third starter (as listed on pitcher select screen, not roster screen), you’ll face the conquest team’s third best starter (always the same slot as you pick).
This guide then can help you set lefty / righty lineups or just make sure you pick a pitcher you can tee off against and avoid ones you hate.
Fair number of changes from the last roster update. I believe what is below to be accurate, but if anyone catches mistakes let me know and I’ll fix / update.
AL East
Orioles

1. Wells - R
2. Rodriguez - R
3. Gibson - R
4. Irvin - L
5. Kremer - R

Red Sox 1. Sale - L 2. Whitlock - R 3. Houck - R 4. Paxton - L 5. Kluber - R
Yankees 1. Cole - R 2. Rodon - L 3. Severino - R 4. Cortes Jr - L 5. German - R
Rays 1. Mcclanahan - L 2. Glasnow - R 3. Efflin - R 4. Bradley - R 5. Chirinos - R
Blue Jays 1. Gausman - R 2. Bassitt - R 3. Berrios - R 4. Manoah - R 5. Kikuchi - L
AL Central
White Sox 1. Cease - R 2. Giolito - R 3. Lynn - R 4. Kopech - R 5. Clevinger - R
Guardians 1. Bieber - R 2. Civale - R 3. Quantrill - R 4. Bibee - R 5. Plesac - R
Tigers 1. Rodriguez - L 2. Lorenzen - R 3. Turnbull - R 4. Boyd - L 5. Faedo - R
Royals 1. Singer - R 2. Greinke - R 3. Lyles - R 4. Keller - R 5. Marsh - R
Twins 1. Ryan - R 2. Lopez - R 3. Gray - R 4. Ober - R 5. Maeda - R
AL West
Astros 1. Valdez - L 2. Javier - R 3. Mccullers Jr. - R 4. Brown - R 5. Garcia - R
Angels 1. Ohtani - R 2. Sandoval - L 3. Detmers - L 4. Canning - R 5. Anderson - L
Athletics 1. Blackburn - R 2. Kaprielian - R 3. Miller - R 4. Rucinski - R 5. Muller - L
Mariners 1. Castillo - R 2. Gilbert - R 3. Kirby - R 4. Ray - L 5. Miller - R
Rangers 1. Degrom - R 2. Eovaldi - R 3. Heaney - L 4. Gray - R 5. Perez - L
NL East
Braves 1. Strider - R 2. Fried - L 3. Elder - R 4. Morton - R 5. Soroka - R
Marlins 1. Alcantara - R 2. Luzardo - L 3. Garrett - L 4. Rogers - L 5. Cabrera - R
Mets 1. Verlander - R 2. Scherzer - R 3. Senga - R 4. Megill - R (probably still in 4 slot like last update despite lower stamina than Carrasco and both 73s — not sure why) 5. Carrasco - R
Phillies 1. Wheeler - R 2. Nola - R 3. Strahm - L 4. Walker - R 5. Suarez - L
Nationals 1. Gray - R 2. Gore - L 3. Corbin - L 4. Williams - R 5. Espino - R
NL Central
Cubs 1. Stroman - R 2. Steele - L 3. Smyly - L 4. Taillon - R 5. Thompson - R
Reds 1. Greene - R 2. Lodolo - L 3. Ashcraft - R 4. Weaver - R 5. Williamson - L
Brewers 1. Burnes - R 2. Peralta - R 3. Lauer - L 4. Miley - L 5. Howser - R
Pirates 1. Keller - R 2. Oviedo —R 3. Hill - L 4. Contreras - R 5. Velasquez - R
Cardinals 1. Mikolas - R 2. Montgomery - L 3. Flaherty - R 4. Wainwright - R 5. Matz - L
NL West
Diamondbacks 1. Gallen - R 2. Kelly - R 3. Nelson - R 4. PFaadt - R 5. Vargas - R
Rockies 1. Marquez - R 2. Freeland - L 3. Gomber - L 4. Feltner - R 5. Seabold - R
Dodgers 1. Kershaw - L 2. Urias - L 3. Gonsolin - R 4. Syndergaard - R 5. Miller - R
Padres 1. Darvish - R 2. Musgrove - R 3. Snell - L 4. Wacha -R 5. Lugo - R
Giants 1. Webb - R 2. Desclafani - R 3. Stripling - R 4. Cobb - R 5. Manaea - L

Jerry Carl, Barry Moore, Mike Rogers, Robert Aderholt, Dale Strong, Gary Palmer, Steve Marshall, Kay Ivey, Katie Britt, Debbie Lesko, Paul Gosar, Rick Crawford, Bruce Westerman, Leslie Rutledge, Doug LaMalfa, Tom McClintock, Kevin McCarthy, Darrell Issa, Doug Lamborn, Matt Gaetz, Neal Dunn, Kaat Cammack, Michael Waltz, Cory Mills, Bill Posey, Daniel Webster, Gus M. Bilirakis, Greg Steube, Scott Franklin, Bryon Donalds, Brian Mast, Mario Diaz-Balart, Carlos Gimenez, Buddy Carter, Drew Ferguson, Rich McCormick, Austin Scott, Andrew Clyde, Mike Collins, Barry Loudermilk, Rick Allen, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Russ Fulcher, Mike Simpson, Brad Little, Mike Bost, Mary Miller, Darin LaHood, Jim Bank, Jim Bair, Greg Pence, Diego Morales, Kim Reynolds, Tracey Mann, Jake LaTurner, Ron Estes, Hal Rogers, Rand Paul, Andy Harris, Jack Bergman, John Moolenaar, Bill Huizenga, Tim Walberg, Lisa McClain, Tom Emmer, Michelle Fischbach, Pete Stauber, Trent Kelly, Michael Guest, Ann Wagner, Blaine Luetkemeyer, Mark Alford, Sam Graves, Eric Burlison, Jason Smith, Eric Schmitt, Matt Rosendale, Adrian Smith, Jeff Van Drew, Elise Stefanik, Claudia Tenney, Gregory Murphy, Virginia Foxx, Daivd Rouzer, Dan Bishop, Richard Hudson, Brad Wenstrup, Jim Jordan, Bob Latta, Bill Johnson, Max Miller, Warren Davidson, Kevin Hern, Frank Lucas, Tom Cole, Stephanie Bic, Markwayne Mullin, Cliff Bentz, Dan Meuser, Scott Perry, Lloyd Smucker, John Joyce, Guy Reschenthaler, Glenn Thompson, Mike Kelly, Joe Wilson, Jeff Duncan, William Timmons, Ralph Norman, Russell Fry, Alan Wilson, Kristi Noem, Diana Harshbanger, Tim Burchett, Chuck Fleischmann, Scott DesJarlais, John Rose, Mark Green, David Kustoff, Dan Crenshaw, Keith Self, Pat Fallon, Lauce Gooden, Jake Ellzey, Morgan Luttrell, August Pfuger, Ronny Jackson, Randy Weber, Pete Sessions, Jodey Arrington, Troy Nehls, Beth Van Duyne, Roger Williams, Michael C. Burgess, Michael Cloud, John Carter, Brian Babin, Chris Stewart, Burgess Owens, Rob Wittman, Bob Good, Ben Cline, Morgan Griffith, Dan Newhouse, Cathy McMorris Rodgers, Carol Miller, Alexander Mooney, Scott Fitzgerald, Tom Tiffany, Harriet Hageman, Chuck Gray, Anna Paulina Luna, Ashley Moody, Ron DeSantis, Nicole Malliotakis, Dave Yost, Andy Ogles, Monica de la Cruz, Ken Paxton, Greg Abbott, Dan Patrick, Derrick Van Orden, Maria Elvira Salazar, Burt Jones, Tedd Budd, J.D. Vance, and Jen Kiggans

First Chapter
Chapter Fifteen
“Thank you, Ms. President, and Mr. Secretary-General. It’s my privilege to come and speak to everyone present during such a momentous time in human history. One which, I hope, will lead to a brighter future for us all…”
US President Correa’s boilerplate beginning flowed out as she scanned the room. Behind her rostrum sat a larger dais tiled with green marble, behind which sat the UN President, Secretary-General, and Under-Secretary-General. Two huge screens flanked the dais, and those screens now showed Correa’s face as she continued.
“…and we are committed to our country’s pledge to finding a peaceful and just way for Coalition technology to be incorporated worldwide, and to not attempt any reverse-engineering of our own. Make no mistake; we do not do this out of any sense of altruism or fairness, as pleasant as that may sound. We will hold this pledge sacred for the simple reason that, if the United States were to attempt such efforts the rest of the world would, without a doubt, find out. That, of course, would lead to a great instability.”
‘Great instability’ was diplomatic-speak for ‘the rest of the world then gangs up on the USA and then everything goes to hell’.
“I know there has already been a great deal of debate in this august hall as to the best way to proceed forward, in a fair and impartial manner. We believe that we have found what one might call a ‘trial run’ which will allow us to work out such matters.”
The general murmuring from the many semi-circular rows of desks in front of her increased.
“To begin with, during the first weeks after first contact we wanted to make sure our guests from the Coalition would not starve to death. Much like humanity’s own ships during the Age of Sail, Coalition exploration vessels store enough provisions for years…but such provisions never last. They have very advanced recycling, but mostly for water and even that is only a stop-gap measure. It is unknown even at this time as to how long it will take to repair the Exultant Finger of Rithro, and we did not want to risk the crew running out of food.
“Therefore, we undertook an emergency effort to have their ship’s medic examine various Earth foods to determine their compatibility with our guests’ varied biochemistries. I am pleased to report that there are quite a few Earth foodstuffs which are indeed compatible, although there are some specific items which act as allergens amongst some of the Coalition species. During these efforts, we did learn a bit about how their alien biochemistries work…information which has been duly published and is now openly available. We also began to get glimpses of something wonderful, and asked the Coalition crew for more details. They supplied us with some general ideas of what their medical technology can accomplish; I must emphasize that we do not possess any knowledge of how they can perform such miracles.”
Now the murmuring got quite a bit higher, but not quite to the point where they’d have to call for order.
“Yes, I use the word ‘miracles’ advisedly. For example, take Captain Sadaf. You have all seen her, and how she moves like a person in the prime of their life. Now. What if I told you that she is a little over four hundred years old?”
The murmuring died down into a shocked silence.
“Her species, the auhn, is no more long-lived than we are…but they are able to regenerate and remove the effects of aging. I hope the esteemed ambassadors can see what I am driving at. I propose that we set up a research institute, international in scope, to be placed at a neutral location which is still to be determined. The purpose of that institute will be to study and adapt Coalition medical technology for use in humans.”
Now the murmuring started again; she hoped they were actually listening instead of hatching side-deals with each other.
“You all have families and friends. I’m sure you have at least one family member, one good friend, who died of some horrible and unnecessary affliction. Think of what this means to the world, to us. It is also an excellent way to determine the inevitable issues and frictions which will arise from such a concerted international effort, and that, in turn, will inform our efforts in mutual reverse-engineering of other Coalition technology.
“I know this is, in many ways, a frightening time. Change can be frightening. But I am convinced that you will all know the right way forward, and that you will all see the need for us to unite in this matter, even if others may not be so clear-cut. I thank you for the opportunity to speak.”
As she stepped away from the rostrum, the UN President cleared his throat.
“We will now begin the debate on Madame President Correa’s proposal. Paper copies, with specifics of the proposal, are now being distributed to you all. We’ll now begin the debate period…yes, the gentleman from Portugal…?”
__________
Correa’s Chief of Staff was a shorter, tubby man with an olive complexion by the name of Pablo Rosas. He and Correa sat in a White House conference room, staring at a big screen which now showed the results of the UN vote. “Well, I suppose that went about as well as we could expect,” said Rosas.
“Yep. I was surprised they even agreed with our asking them to kick in some money.”
Rosas chuckled. “Keep in mind that all of this new medical tech will be available for anyone patent-free. Should be air-tight legally, since nobody here on Earth invented it; we’re merely adapting it. I think that was the sweetener we needed to get it passed.”
The president gave a brief nod, then tapped a few keys on the controls in front of her. The screen now showed a world map. “Now we just have to figure out where to put the damn thing without everyone getting butt-mad about it.”
“Hmm.” Rosas laced his fingers over his substantial gut as he regarded the map. “Someplace not ‘the usual’, then.”
Correa growled in frustration. “I keep thinking Switzerland, but I know there’s gonna be a lot of shit flung about that it’s too European-centric. Taiwan would be great; they’ve got both a good tech base and excellent transport infrastructure.”
“But way too controversial, for obvious reasons,” replied Rosas. “Japan?”
“China will, again, kick up a fuss. Huh. New Zealand?”
“That might work. They tend to be more neutral…but then again some might say they’re in too close with Australia, and that this whole effort is too Western-centric.” His eyes flicked back to north on the map. He was about to move his gaze elsewhere, but then he paused. “What about Iceland?”
“Iceland?” Correa almost scoffed, then looked more thoughtfully at the map. “Okay, they’re a NATO member which is a minus. But they tend to remain mostly neutral, which is a plus. Decent transportation infrastructure…don’t we have a naval air base there?”
“I think so, let me check…” Rosas tapped at his phone. “Hey, Jack? What can you tell me about any US naval air bases in Iceland? Just the highlights.” After a couple of minutes, he responded with a curt, “Okay, that’s enough, thanks.”
He put his phone away. “We kinda-sorta have one, at a place called Keflavik. The base there used to be a lot bigger during the Cold War. Then we shut it down after the Soviets were no longer a going concern. Iceland uses it now, and they allow us to fly submarine-search aircraft out of there, but a few years ago they nixed the DOD’s request to rebuild it into a more permanent base.”
“That does work in their favor. It makes for better optics if they’re known for keeping NATO at arm’s length.”
Rosas sat up. “Think the UN will go for it?”
“We can only try. I’ll have our ambassador in Reykjavik make some discreet inquiries, let’s see if they’d be okay with our proposing them as a candidate.”
The Chief of Staff smiled. “If it goes through, this institute will be pumping well north of a billion dollars per year into their economy. That should make it more than ‘okay’.
__________
Agent Cécile Savoie sat in a secure-location breakroom, silently grumbling as she held an as-yet un-drunk mug of coffee in her hands. As the agent-in-charge of the security detail during the Camp David incident, she’d been put on administrative leave, right alongside every other agent who’d been there. But it wasn’t like she had much down time; the inquiry board into that incident now summoned her damn near every other day for yet another round of tedious questioning.
“Hey,” said Hanson as he strolled in, looking just as sour as she felt.
She looked up in surprise. “Hey yourself. I thought you were assigned to the alien detail.”
“I was,” he said as he seated himself across the circular table from her. “Guess being in Alabama when the shitshow went down wasn’t far enough away to be completely out of suspicion. I just finished running my own gauntlet. But the rumor is, I’m getting it easy compared to everyone who was at Camp David, including the special forces people. Especially you.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty much a colonoscopy every day,” she muttered. “Going over the timeline, where I was at which times, who I had direct line of sight on, who I was in radio contact with.” She finally sipped her coffee.
Hanson’s sour expression deepened. “Do you really think it was one of us?”
She sighed. “It has to be. My gut tells me that there’s more than one mole and I told the inquiry board as much. The fuckers who got in knew too much about our patrol patterns, where everyone was, when they’d have a clear shot at an infil. That means someone with access to our methods and comms, and as to the latter we don’t use CB radios.”
The other agent leaned back. “Fuck. I wish I knew why any of us would do that. We’re supposed to be quiet professionals, not frothing radicals.”
Savoie turned the mug in her hands. “Not to tell tales out of school but, through the whisper network, they’ve been leaning hard on the captured dudes from the attack. Apparently one of their main ‘objections’,” and here she made some one-handed air quotes, “is that they think the whole Breaker thing is a ruse. It’s all smoke and mirrors, so that we’ll beg the Coalition to come and save us. And then…well, it gets vague after that but I guess they claim that at best we’ll get turned into the galactic equivalent of a Native American reservation. Worst case, we all get harvested for our precious bodily fluids.”
Hanson stared at her for a moment in disbelief. “That is, if you will forgive the uncouth term, utterly retarded. For chrissake, the Hubble got some beautiful shots of their ship once they’d spun that shield around to reveal it to us. I mean, I’m no spacecraft expert but even I could tell it had gotten the shit pounded out of it.”
She responded with a shrug. “Hey, Flat Earthers are still a thing.”
“Flat Earthers don’t stage FUCKING mortar attacks in our nation’s capital,” snapped Hanson. Then he subsided and spoke more softly. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be so on edge. This whole thing just pisses me off.”
“Join the club,” said Savoie as she sipped more coffee. “I just don’t get it, though.”
Hanson made a gentle ‘continue’ wave of his hand.
She leaned forward. “Okay. Our comrades in the CIA managed to identify the four who made it into the compound. They were all mercenaries, each with at least ten or fifteen years of experience in kicking ass around some of the worst hot spots in the world. Syria, Burma, bunch of places in Africa. One of ‘em even turned out to be ex-Wagner group.”
“Okay?” It was a leading single-word question, but not an unkind one.
“So why was the rest of the attack made up of nothing but a bunch of goddamn shit-kickers? And that includes the aborted attempt in Decatur. I’ve seen the files of those we rounded up in the Camp David attack. They were all low-life idiots just banging around, maybe they might have once held a gun in their lives. Hell, from what I’ve heard, the shootings that triggered the alarm at Camp David were an accident; those intruders were supposed to sneak around that patrol, not kill them. They all had the same top-of-the-line kit, so we know whoever is behind this has deep pockets. Why not hire an entire bunch of competent people instead of doing it onesy-twoseys?”
“It is a puzzle.” Hanson got up and set a styrofoam cup of water into the nearby microwave. As the cup turned within its electromagnetic prison, he leaned against the nearby counter and pondered her question. “Maybe the team in the woods was intended just as a distraction?”
“That’s what I thought at first, but then I reconsidered. I mean, what if the four who went in failed? You’d still need a proper backup plan. Same thing with the Decatur bunch. By the way, did they ever catch them?”
Hanson let out a dark chuckle. “Decatur PD found a pile of vests and rifles, hastily wiped down. They were able to pull a few partial prints off of ‘em. My guess is they’ve fled to the proverbial four winds, hoping to lay low for the rest of their lives. We’ll nab ‘em eventually.”
The microwave dinged and he retrieved his hot water, then pulled a tea bag out of his jacket pocket as he re-seated himself.
Savoie smiled. “I never figured you for a tea guy.”
He unwrapped the bag and with a bit of ceremony dunked it into his cup. “Well, I used to be a coffee guy, but my gut doesn’t agree with the acidity.”
“We do have tea here, you know.” She pointed to the storage bins behind him.
“Yeah, but it’s cheap-ass stuff. The brand I like is expensive, but worth it…” Hanson’s eyes widened as he trailed off.
She raised an eyebrow. “Hanson? Do you smell burnt toast?”
“They couldn’t afford it,” he said in a near-whisper.
Savoie was about to tell him to stop being overly dramatic, then she realized he might be on to something and that she didn’t dare distract him. “Keep talking.”
He leaned forward, his forearms on the table. “Okay. Imagine you’re a hard-bitten mercenary. You’ve been in the literal shit, in every nasty conflict anyone cares to name. Somehow, someone finds you and comes to you. They say ‘hey, these aliens are bad news, do you want to kill them?’ Even if you, as the hypothetical mercenary, are down with the cause…”
“From what the intruders were yelling, they were,” said Savoie.
“Yeah but even then, our mystery financier is asking you to infil and exfil out of one of the most heavily guarded pieces of real estate on the planet. Oh, and kill a bunch of special-forces-maybe and aliens-definitely in between. What do you do then?”
She replied with a grim smile. “If I’m that mercenary, then I ask for a metric fuck-ton of money. And there were four of them, they would have all done the same. Hell, they must have been doing collective bargaining.”
Hanson dunked his tea bag as he thought it through. “Okay, so our mystery mastermind has a lot of money, but not billions on hand to hire a literal army of hard cases. Huh. So those other dipshits might indeed have been a distraction.”
“Maybe. They must have also spent quite a bit on the mortar attack. That wasn’t made by some hobbyist in their bedroom, they knew what they were doing. Given that nobody saw them set up the launcher or leave, they were more pro.” Savoie hoped that the FBI’s efforts to track the various mortar components turned up something soon. Thus far, those efforts were bogged down; as it turned out, quite a few companies had ordered the identified components, and tracking the subsequent second-hand purchases was time-consuming.
“And those mortar-making pros would be more expensive.” Hanson sipped a bit of tea. “Did they ever get anything off of the launcher itself?”
“Sadly, no. Turns out the whole damned thing was homemade, constructed out of tubing and other off-the-shelf components. It was also wiped down thoroughly, no prints. Like I said, pros.”
“But limited in resources,” said Hanson. “Which explains one of the things that’s bugged me. Namely, that our OPFOR didn’t use some proper artillery. If they have a couple of moles in the Secret Service, then it should be easy to recruit and pay some military dudes to slip ‘em some gear and alter the logs. They could stow a howitzer inside a semi-tractor-trailer. You could park that thing anywhere up to 25 miles away. Use a single 155mm Excalibur GPS-guided munition, boom. That would have pretty much obliterated the stage and everyone on it. Then you just re-stow the howitzer and toodle off all innocent-like, right when everyone is freaking the hell out.”
“So they couldn’t afford that type of arty strike,” she said. “Or they simply didn’t have the contacts to pull that off. Hmm. I wonder if our moles are getting paid at all?”
Hanson resumed his thousand-yard stare. “The mortar attack must have been planned first. The other two attacks feel much more like rush jobs.”
“Eh? Oh, I get it. Sadaf’s speech was known well in advance. It was going to be one of her first big public appearances since the initial presidential speech. They were broadcasting it online to the world. Having her get turned into chunky red salsa, in real time, would be one helluva statement. So that’s what they focused on.” She drank a bit more coffee, and now it was time for her eyes to widen. “Our mole or moles didn’t arrive at Camp David until after Sadaf’s speech was announced.”
“That…oh, yeah, that makes sense. Originally the mortar attack is the OPFORs’ only focus, but yet somehow they’ve suborned one or two Secret Service agents and they have ‘em in their back pocket. Then one, or better yet both, of the moles gets assigned to the Camp David detail, and they realize that now that they have a golden opportunity to get at the other aliens as well. So they go off and hire four pros for the actual attack inside, plus a bunch of chucklefucks to act as a distraction, because that’s all they can afford since the four pros are asking for some serious money.”
Savoie leaned forward. “When did Chao and Grakosh leave Camp David?”
“It was, ah, three? No, four days after we got everyone settled, both the aliens and the special forces types.”
“Okay, so then the OPFOR gets word, courtesy of our moles, that one of the aliens is now heading to Alabama. But now they’re stretched so thin that they can’t afford anything other than to hire another bunch of dipshits to make a run at them and hope for the best.”
“And then the second bunch lets the FNG drive.”
They both laughed, but that humor settled down as they both thought through the chain of inference.
“It is pretty thin,” said Savoie at last. “There’s a lot of assumptions in there.”
“Yeah. But I do like the idea of our moles getting assigned at the last minute.”
She rubbed her forehead. “We had a bunch of new people come in when they decided to stow the Rithro crew there. Seven, no eight in all.”
“It’s a place to start,” said Hanson. He finished his tea. “C’mon, let’s see if we can get a meeting with the inquiry board.”
__________
A little while later and not very far away, three people sat in a well-lit but otherwise deadly dull room. At least the chairs were somewhat comfortable. Matt and Martinez sat at two chairs against one wall, while across from them McCoy sat sprawled sideways on another with a foul look on her face. She glowered at the far beige-painted wall. “This completely sucks. Why can’t we have our phones? I could at least play some mahjong.”
“This is a secure location, Corporal,” replied Matt. “Ixnay on the onephays.”
Martinez’s leg jittered. “How long are we gonna sit here? They said they’d call us in, like, an hour ago!”
“Dunno, it’s some kind of last-minute interview thing,” replied Matt with Zen-like calm.
The corporal looked over at Matt. “I don’t get you, man.”
Matt grinned. “Nobody gets me. I’m like the wind, baby!”
“That’s not…I mean, I watched you open up a dude like he was a bag of fuckin’ Doritos using nothing but a fuckin’ knife. Now you’re being all Caine from ‘Kung Fu’.”
“It’s good to know that the classics are still appreciated,” said Matt.
Martinez pointed at him. “If you start calling me ‘Grasshopper’ I will shoot you.”
McCoy turned her glare to the ceiling. “Maybe it’s a psychological test. They want to see if we crack under pressure and start yakking secrets.”
“I mean, I’m sure they’re recording us right now,” replied Matt. “But it’s merely as a precaution. I am also five-nines certain that none of us are suspects. We weren’t integrated into the compound’s overall security, and thus it would be unlikely that we could have let our four attackers in.”
“Not to mention, we were the ones to kill ‘em,” added Martinez. “Well, except for the one that Takh took care of.”
“Yep. This is…I won’t call it a formality, but the board just wants to know where you were and what you saw. Walk them through your personal timelines, understand? Tell them only what you know. If you don’t know something, then say so.”
McCoy turned herself around so that she now sprawled the other way. “This whole bullshit just bugs me. Takh and the others are off with a bunch of strangers and I…I mean, we aren't there to help protect them.”
Matt and Martinez shared a meaningful glance. “From what I heard, Takh is quite capable of taking care of himself,” said the latter with a grin. “You told me he pitched that one dude across the room like he was throwing a softball.”
For once, the petite corporal looked a bit flustered. “Yeah, but, I mean, what if some other potential bad guy gets the drop on him with a gun? I don’t like not being there. I just wanna know that he’s okay. I should be there, just to make sure.”
The smaller man snapped his fingers in the face of the taller, who sighed and took out his wallet. With great ceremony, Matt pulled out a five-dollar bill and placed it upon the now-upraised palm of Martinez.
“Told ya,” said Martinez with a grin.
She sat up and glared at them both. “That doesn’t mean anything! Takh is a good guy!”
“Nobody said he wasn’t,” replied Matt as he stowed his wallet. “He is indeed a good guy.”
“Yeah, seriously, we’re glad you two hooked up,” added Martinez. “Takh’s solid. Hell, I’d let him date my sister.”
“I. Am. Not. Hooked Up. With ANYONE.” McCoy now looked furious enough to chew nails.
Martinez stroked his chin. “Kissing might be a problem, though.”
Matt performed a similar chin-stroking action. “Hmm, indeed, Corporal, I do believe it might be a serious issue. One has all of those mandibles to contend with.” He hooked his fingers next to his mouth in an approximation of an udhyr’s face. “Still, I think that, with enough will and effort, one could figure it out. Like the man said, life finds a way.”
“But how much tongue is he packing?” posed Martinez. “You know what the man also says. Big dude, big tongue. Could make things more interesting, all around.”
The woman did not look amused. “Martinez, Toke? You are now both officially gigantic flatulating assholes.”
“C’mon, McCoy!” protested Martinez. “Think of it this way. A few years from now, let’s say we filthy humans are now part of the Coalition and I’m at some meet ‘n greet, and I just so happen to spy me an oh-so-very-fiiine udhyr mamacita from across the room. Now, I wanna do my bit for my species and approach her, and get some good old inter-species cultural interaction going on. But there’s all sorts of questions. How do I compliment her without insulting her culture? How am I supposed to get in good with her? How do the mechanics work? How do the various bits line up? We need details! You’re at the tip of the spear, we all need good intel!”
McCoy slumped back into her seat. “Over seven hundred billion Dimmadollars of defense spending, and yet somehow I wind up stuck in a room with you two fuckos…oh, by the way, Toke,” she added, pointing a finger at Matt, “why the hell can you and Sarge never go back to Okinawa?”
“Nice distraction, McCoy,” said Martinez. “My guess is some sort of wet-work shit.”
Matt just smiled. “Oh for fuck’s sake, I don’t kill everyone I meet. I was a Second LT at the time, managed to somehow leapfrog my way into officer ranks all the way from enlisted. Anyways, the Okinawa affair was merely a case of, well, one particular case of rye whiskey. The good sergeant…was he a sergeant then? Oh yeah, we had done some other stuff I can’t tell you about in someplace I can’t tell you where, and we were celebrating Shaw getting his third stripe. We’d got ahold of the previously-mentioned case of whiskey and then we began toasting to each other’s good health. We did a lot of toasting. Quite a lot of toasting. As you can imagine, the toasting went on and on until we, um, well we did some unwise things. It started out with us sparring-for-fun with each other in public and escalated from there. No locals were harmed, and nothing we did was hella illegal, or I would’ve never made Captain. Buuut the local government would definitely throw a shitfit if me or, God forbid, both of us set foot back on the island.” He chuckled. “Hell, the Okinawan customs people probably still have both of our pictures taped up inside their booths with a big old sign saying ‘DO NOT ADMIT THIS PERSON, YOU FOOL’ written above them.”
“What did you do?” asked Martinez. His eyes were big and soulful, like a kid asking for yet one more story before bedtime.
Matt shrugged. “I mean, I don’t remember much for obvious reasons. I’m almost sure we didn’t piss on any monuments, that would have definitely been cause for a serious demotion. We did do a number on some shrubbery, that I do remember. We decided it needed to be trimmed back, and so we did so. Using our bare hands. Seemed like a good idea at the time.”
A fearsome light came into McCoy’s eyes. “Martinez, do you know what this means?”
He looked at her all uncertain. “Um, Toke and Sarge have cast-iron livers?”
“No, you fool. Blackmail material.”
Matt pointed back at her. “Hey, now, I told you that in confidence. Besides, Shaw has a lot more to contend with right now.”
The reminder of the sergeant’s current crippled state brought the elevated atmosphere of the room back down. McCoy nodded as her smile faded. “Right. Hey, did you see the Prez’s speech at the UN?”
“Yep,” said Matt. “From what I’ve read, the political wrangling after it seems pretty tame compared to the usual.”
Martinez snorted. “No shit. Did either of you see the laundry list of shit that we might be able to do? Anti-aging, limb regrowth, cancer treatments which work well and which don’t half-kill the patient…hell, maybe even Alzheimer’s could be in our rear-view mirror. The grand high muckity-mucks are falling all over themselves to get that out into the world, for themselves if nobody else.”
“You’re way too cynical, Martinez,” said Matt.
“Oh fuck off. What if…okay, I know this sounds like a cheesy sci-fi concept, but what if they hoard all of the good shit for themselves and we peons get just the crumbs?”
Matt lapsed back into his meditative demeanor. “In that case, my dear corporal, you or I or McCoy or someone like us will show those hypothetical elites that, while they are indeed long-lived, they are not in fact immortal.”
The trio fell into silence for a few minutes. Then Martinez leaned over towards Matt. “Ah, a little birdie told me you were involved in questioning the prisoners we nabbed at Camp David.”
“I merely facilitated certain conversations,” replied Matt.
Martinez sighed. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“Ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies…Corporal.”
McCoy let out a growl. “Well, I heard these terrorist assholes are saying that the Breakers aren’t real, that it’s all fake videos from the Coalition.”
“Just to play devil’s advocate,” said Matt, “our AI image and video generation is already getting to the point where, soon, we puny humans could manufacture such evidence.”
“What?” Martinez looked as if he was about to launch himself at Matt.
Matt held up a calming hand. “I’m not saying it is fake. The Hubble pics are damned convincing.”
Martinez hiked up one foot to place it on his seat, then rested his chin on his knee. “Fuck. I guess it didn’t convince everyone.” He mused for a few moments. “Wait. What if we made it even more convincing?”
“How?” asked Matt.
“We send some humans up to the Rithro. Two or three at least. The boats can still make it up to the ship, right?”
For once Matt looked uncertain. “I think so? Dunno how many times they can come and go without recharging, we’ll have to ask ‘em.”
“Right, so we set up an even better publicity stunt than the Hubble pics. Choose a few people, from all over the world. We have ‘em travel up to the Rithro, take pics and video up close showing the damage. Even take ‘em inside the ship and get a full tour, maybe…if the crew is okay with that, of course.”
“Huh.” Matt sat back and pondered the idea. “That’s a really good idea, Martinez. I guess you aren’t as dumb as you look.”
The corporal responded with a slight smile at the verbal jab. “We’d need to choose the right people, though.”
“They’d have to be trustworthy…or at least someone that the entire world will consider trustworthy,” said Matt.
“Well known,” added McCoy. She no longer looked vengeful. “With recognizable faces and voices, and then they can go on all the talk shows after and say that, yes indeed, I got a tour of the ship and it is indeed quite banged up.”
Martinez stared at the far wall. “Some kind of celebrity? Heh. You think Tom Cruise would be up for it?”
Matt laughed. “That beautiful maniac? Hell, he’d insist on shooting an entire movie up there, with at least one action scene where he’s hanging off of the outside of the ship.”
They all smiled at the resulting mental image.
“Chao could work,” said McCoy into the silence. “She’s kind of a celebrity now. After all, she was the first human to come into contact with aliens, eh?” She gave Matt a big and very un-subtle wink.
To skirt the rather…unconventional methods used to achieve a positive First Contact, Matt’s role had been very much demoted in the official story. Now every recounting of the tale included a bit of ‘…oh, and there was also another person who stumbled across our brave woman in the midst of her attempts at informational exchange with the aliens…” His exact identity was also not published, under the screen of ‘he wishes to remain anonymous’.
“Oh bite me, McCoy, it’s fun,” replied Matt. He waggled his eyebrows. “Besides, I work better in the shadows!” He threw his forearm across his face like a half-assed Count Dracula trying to hide behind his cape.
Then he dropped his arm. “Yeah, Chao would be good as a current social-media darling. Of course, she might not want that. She strikes me as more of the wallflower type, for the most part.”
“We need more people,” said Martinez, as he stared at the floor. “Chao might be good on her own, but she’s got that motor-mouth talking thing when you get her going. It’s one or the other. Either she’s trying to shrink into a corner and take up as little space as possible, or suddenly you’re getting pulled into another corner for a doctoral dissertation on how minimal-energy transfer-orbits work.”
Matt pondered for a moment. “Wait, when did she do that? I never sat through one of those lectures.”
Martinez looked away and…well, Matt hoped that their supposed overlords were indeed recording this particular moment in time because the hard-bitten Hispanic special-forces corporal actually blushed.
McCoy, of course, realized a golden opportunity for payback and immediately pounced. “Why, Corporal Martinez,” she purred. “Doooo tell us. When did Chao Me Chu, heh, pull you into a corner? Hmmm?”
“She’s…she’s just real nice, that’s all,” replied Martinez. “I asked her a couple of questions, and she answered them. That’s all. We both love classic sci-fi, like Asimov and shit. I guess we bonded over that.”
Matt cleared his throat. “Aaaaand may I remind you two and everyone listening in that we have all been cooped up nuts-to-butts for awhile? Don’t mistake familiarity for romantic bullshit.” He pointed over at Martinez. “But you. If you can follow at least half of what she talks about, then you are absolutely without-a-single-fucking-doubt wasted as a corporal, even if you’re in a low-drag high-speed outfit like this. You hear me?”
“Um, yes sir.” It was the first time in McCoy’s memory that anyone had addressed Matt as befitting his perhaps-former rank.
“Good. You get your ass into college, somehow. You’re a smart guy, you’ll figure all that shit out. And as for Chao? Just give it room to breathe. Let her know you’re interested, but don’t press the matter.”
“Let her know?” For once Martinez looked completely lost. “How do I…” he trailed off. “I mean, I like her…and yeah, I mean I like her in that way, but she’s so damn smart and pretty and I’m just some dipshit meathead.”
“Hey, don’t sell yourself short,” said Matt. “You’re our dipshit meathead.”
McCoy’s vengeful smile faded. “Martinez…no, Luca.”
Martinez looked up in surprise at her use of his first name.
She continued. “Just talk to her. Neither of you have any clue as to what ‘normal’ social interactions look like. In your case, it’s because you’ve been a soldier for all of your adult life. In her case, it’s because she’s, well, because she’s Chao. So just walk up to her and be straightforward. Trust me, it’ll be like a breath of fresh air for her to not have to navigate social cues. Just say something like ‘Hey, I really like you, do you like me and do you want to go get a coffee sometime’? Start with that. Chao’s good people, the worst thing she’ll do is say no. She won’t yell at you or talk shit about you online. Buuuut, some sixth sense is telling me she won’t say no to getting some coffee with ya.”
Matt smiled. “McCoy, I think you might have a calling after you leave the military.”
She snorted. “Oh yeah, I’ll hang up my match-making shingle on the internet and start raking in the big bucks. Martinez is right, though. If we try to do a publicity stunt up at the Rithro, then we’ll need somebody alongside Chao to win the world over. Somebody well-known, but preferably someone not in the traditional Western pop-culture sphere. That’ll make it more palatable…”
Her voice trailed off and she stared into space. The two men now looked at each other in genuine concern until she spoke again a few moments later.
“Guys? I think I just had the best idea ever.”

at lake travis on a party boat and i swear to god i just saw tom sandavol on a boat. i was leaving the dock and saw a man that looked like him, whiteish top green patterned trunks and a fedora lookin hat. couldn’t make out if he had a stache. i yelled “TOM” and he turned and waved and i started to wave and then flipped him off. he dropped his hand immediately lol. lemme know if anyone has heard anything???
edit: i’ve been at a bachelorette party and haven’t been on social media; if he’s in michigan then it obvi wasn’t him and i don’t like that i flipped off a random person that responded to Tom BUT i took a chance n honestly it’s not the end of the world. met some girls that know the influencer in austin that has been seen with him. they said they saw him on soco. love y’all xoxox

Christian organizations are calling on pastors across the country to stand up against the rise of Christian nationalism during their church services next weekend.
"Toxic Christian nationalism is the single biggest threat to both democracy and the church, and we pastors have a moral obligation to loudly oppose it as a dangerous hijacking of our faith," Reverend Nathan Empsall , Director of ‘Faithful America’ preached. "Unless we as Christians challenge this dangerous political ideology, its leaders will continue to twist our faith as they try to justify an agenda that is in actuality the antithesis of what Jesus taught: To love our neighbor and to care for the least among us.”
As reported in LGBQTNation, The "Preach and Pray to Confront Christian Nationalism" initiative is the latest event sponsored by Faithful America, an online community of progressive Christians that aim to combat the use of their faith being "hijacked" by the political right. The group recently protested a high-profile conservative speaker event in Miami, Florida, and has taken a public stand against several Republican politicians, including Georgia Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, who previously defended Christian nationalism, and Florida Governor Ron DeSantis.
DeSantis’ own religious counselor, Tom Ascoll, of Grace Baptist Church, has preached the depravity of Leviticus by calling for the murder of gays.
(In that the Southern Baptist Convention has not condemned he and his words; one can only speculate they are in accord.)
White nationalism has been embraced by American fascists to appeal to the least among us. Street trash talking so-called pastors, hate-filled dullards so low on the social totem pole of polite society they will grasp at any message that makes them feel better about being the failures they’ve become, pandering politicians who are able stir up hatred among the loners and losers because of the prejudice and ignorance of the streets and back alleys, and hypocritical evangelicals who profess to love Jesus, but do the work of the devil, are all looking for validation of their hatred, and under the guise of patriotism spew their venom -- mostly for personal gain.
It been said, when tyranny comes it will be marching behind a cross.
Faithful America's newest initiative is aimed at taking a stand within the church, calling on pastors to "warn against effort to conflate Christian and American identities" while leading service on June 11.
What will your Priest, Pastor, or Reverend, have to say about the subject? Will the message be one of tolerance and love, or the gleeful acceptance of the sins of heresy and denial of true Christian belief?
While contemplating this, consider exactly which message you want to hear.

Christian organizations are calling on pastors across the country to stand up against the rise of Christian nationalism during their church services next weekend.
"Toxic Christian nationalism is the single biggest threat to both democracy and the church, and we pastors have a moral obligation to loudly oppose it as a dangerous hijacking of our faith," Reverend Nathan Empsall , Director of ‘Faithful America’ preached. "Unless we as Christians challenge this dangerous political ideology, its leaders will continue to twist our faith as they try to justify an agenda that is in actuality the antithesis of what Jesus taught: To love our neighbor and to care for the least among us.”
As reported in LGBQTNation, The "Preach and Pray to Confront Christian Nationalism" initiative is the latest event sponsored by Faithful America, an online community of progressive Christians that aim to combat the use of their faith being "hijacked" by the political right. The group recently protested a high-profile conservative speaker event in Miami, Florida, and has taken a public stand against several Republican politicians, including Georgia Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, who previously defended Christian nationalism, and Florida Governor Ron DeSantis.
DeSantis’ own religious counselor, Tom Ascoll, of Grace Baptist Church, has preached the depravity of Leviticus by calling for the murder of gays.
(In that the Southern Baptist Convention has not condemned he and his words; one can only speculate they are in accord.)
White nationalism has been embraced by American fascists to appeal to the least among us. Street trash talking so-called pastors, hate-filled dullards so low on the social totem pole of polite society they will grasp at any message that makes them feel better about being the failures they’ve become, pandering politicians who are able stir up hatred among the loners and losers because of the prejudice and ignorance of the streets and back alleys, and hypocritical evangelicals who profess to love Jesus, but do the work of the devil, are all looking for validation of their hatred, and under the guise of patriotism spew their venom -- mostly for personal gain.
It been said, when tyranny comes it will be marching behind a cross.
Faithful America's newest initiative is aimed at taking a stand within the church, calling on pastors to "warn against effort to conflate Christian and American identities" while leading service on June 11.
What will your Priest, Pastor, or Reverend, have to say about the subject? Will the message be one of tolerance and love, or the gleeful acceptance of the sins of heresy and denial of true Christian belief?
While contemplating this, consider exactly which message you want to hear.

Christian organizations are calling on pastors across the country to stand up against the rise of Christian nationalism during their church services next weekend.
"Toxic Christian nationalism is the single biggest threat to both democracy and the church, and we pastors have a moral obligation to loudly oppose it as a dangerous hijacking of our faith," Reverend Nathan Empsall , Director of ‘Faithful America’ preached. "Unless we as Christians challenge this dangerous political ideology, its leaders will continue to twist our faith as they try to justify an agenda that is in actuality the antithesis of what Jesus taught: To love our neighbor and to care for the least among us.”
As reported in LGBQTNation, The "Preach and Pray to Confront Christian Nationalism" initiative is the latest event sponsored by Faithful America, an online community of progressive Christians that aim to combat the use of their faith being "hijacked" by the political right. The group recently protested a high-profile conservative speaker event in Miami, Florida, and has taken a public stand against several Republican politicians, including Georgia Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, who previously defended Christian nationalism, and Florida Governor Ron DeSantis.
DeSantis’ own religious counselor, Tom Ascoll, of Grace Baptist Church, has preached the depravity of Leviticus by calling for the murder of gays.
(In that the Southern Baptist Convention has not condemned he and his words; one can only speculate they are in accord.)
White nationalism has been embraced by American fascists to appeal to the least among us. Street trash talking so-called pastors, hate-filled dullards so low on the social totem pole of polite society they will grasp at any message that makes them feel better about being the failures they’ve become, pandering politicians who are able stir up hatred among the loners and losers because of the prejudice and ignorance of the streets and back alleys, and hypocritical evangelicals who profess to love Jesus, but do the work of the devil, are all looking for validation of their hatred, and under the guise of patriotism spew their venom -- mostly for personal gain.
It been said, when tyranny comes it will be marching behind a cross.
Faithful America's newest initiative is aimed at taking a stand within the church, calling on pastors to "warn against effort to conflate Christian and American identities" while leading service on June 11.
What will your Priest, Pastor, or Reverend, have to say about the subject? Will the message be one of tolerance and love, or the gleeful acceptance of the sins of heresy and denial of true Christian belief?
While contemplating this, consider exactly which message you want to hear.