Enduring word bible commentary
2020.12.02 17:27 TinyOrca BibleBeginningtoEnd
This is a community for the podcast Bible Beginning to End where we are reading through the Bible from Genesis to Revelation. This podcast is created by a Christian with the intent of presenting the scriptures as they are, with little commentary, so listeners can reflect on the scriptures and answer critical thinking questions to come to conclusions on tough spiritual questions for themselves. The hope is to bring people closer to God and the Holy Spirit through His word.
2012.03.08 00:05 Roberta04 United Church of Canada: for members and/or supporters to share ideas, pictures, and stories.
The United Church of Canada is the largest Protestant church in Canada and, after the Roman Catholic Church, the second-largest Christian church in Canada.
2023.06.04 18:58 Jealous_Leadership76 Some of the pain is unimaginable
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Was browsing YouTube a little bit today and found this heartbreaking story. Even though this sub is the proof for a lot of pain, I still think the most painful stories are still happening in silence. submitted by Jealous_Leadership76 to exjw [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 18:57 Seamoose_Art NoP 2177: Violence 
Credit for the original story goes to u/spacepaladin15
--- Memory transcript subject:
Trish, Venlil civilian Date [Standardized Human Time]:
February 30th, 2177 Location:
Lower sprawl of City 23, Venlil Prime
The blankets haphazardly twisted around Trish felt like steel chains. The Terran grandfather clock on the wall dutifully marked each second of her prison sentence. Her eyes hurt from exhaustion, and it was all she could do to keep herself from lashing her tail hard enough to fracture it in frustration.
Several long, pointless hours had come and gone as she sat, self-immobilized with blankets in an attempt to sleep. But sleep did not come. There was a sick feeling of apprehension balled up in her stomach, a cold weight in her soul which silently sentenced her to sleeplessness.
Her instinct, that feeling of a frigid vice around her waist, could usually be counted on as a guiding star that commanded her to act decisively. Right now, it was commanding her to stay awake and alert even as the hours dragged by. Out of respect for its “wishes”, she had abstained from taking any sleep-inducing medication, but her meager patience was quickly waning. Simply sitting there in silence was nothing short of torturous.
The thought of how exactly they’d feed the Arxur still hung over her head like a guillotine, the evening’s furious debate having brought them little closer to a solution. Acquiring any organ-cloning tech would be a nightmare, not to mention the steep cost of life incurred from stealing rare medical equipment. There wasn’t exactly an abundance of wildlife for it to hunt. Maybe some DIY-biomedical tampering could expand its diet, but accidentally condemning it to an agonizing death was far more likely.
Perhaps their fixer had some advice to share. There were only a couple ways she could’ve gotten her hands on a fertilized Arxur egg, and her constant insistence on keeping hidden in every way pointed towards one obvious possibility. How exactly an Arxur had survived the fall of Wriss and stayed clear of the Federation’s all-seeing eye for so long, Trish couldn’t even begin to guess. But if it was possible for her, it would be possible for them, and she might have useful advice for keeping the hatchling fed that she garnered from personal experience.
That said, she couldn’t be blunt in her questioning. If their encryption was broken, they were most likely dead either way, but better to be cautious anyway. Most likely, this abundance of caution was how someone actively fleeing the Federation had to operate in all aspects of life.
Something in Trish’s chest protested. To hell with caution. She wanted to see their reptilian sponsor face-to-face, even digitally. Look her in the eye. If she was right, at least; if this was truly her own offspring she was entrusting them with. It would be hell to set up, and a completely pointless risk for both of them, but some things couldn’t be justified with—
A sudden crack of thunder tore through her thoughts, a rough noise which echoed from the bar above. She further entombed herself in blankets for comfort, letting the warm weight…
Not thunder. A gunshot. Someone had fired a gun upstairs.
Trish was out of bed and shaking someone else awake before her thoughts could catch up and form a plan of action. With her mind still reeling, instinct had taken hold, dragging her by the pit of her stomach to act. It issued clear, firm commands which she followed unthinkingly while her own conscious mind couldn’t keep pace.
Act quickly. Get everyone awake, and get them to the fire escape at the end of the hallway. It didn’t much matter if their assailants found the entrance to the Den or not; flames would start pouring down the stairs any second. They wouldn’t have time to gather belongings. Except her pad; if they found her pad, there’d be no escaping them even if they got away. Grab it. The fire would cleanse the rest of their tracks well enough to not be worth spending extra time.
Tressa was already up and alert, pistol drawn and taking aim at the door while crouched behind a couch in the living room as cover. Besides him sat the backpack, with the egg and incubator still inside. James stumbled out of his bedroom, being dragged out by a jet-black Venlil two thirds his size with such force that Trish was slightly worried she might hurt something in his arm.
When he saw the bag, he tore himself from her grasp and ran to the living room. After slinging the backpack over his shoulder, he rushed back to the hallway with Tressa in tow. Sasha was slipping her flame jacket over loose sleeping clothing, still blinking sleep out of her eyes. She didn’t see Burai anywhere; apparently, he’d slept straight through the noise. Trish was halfway to his room when she remembered that he hadn’t gone to sleep at all. He was upstairs, cleaning the bar.
He was upstairs, where the gunshot had echoed from.
Trish’s mind screamed in protest, but her body kept moving down the hall toward the fire escape. They were out of time. They needed to run. She tore open the fire escape hatch with force, praying that their assailants didn’t have the neighboring alley locked down too. The ladder swung down, missing her snout by a hair. Her limbs moved with a frantic, manic power, dragging her to the surface and forcing her down the street. Somewhere in the back of her head, she felt a pang of thankfulness that she didn’t feel fire on her back as she ran.
They stopped running by the time Trish was out of breath. She’d never been too fit even for a Venlil, and her endurance was meaningless compared to their human companions. However, in the dense decaying maze of the sprawl, even a few city blocks was plenty to lose anyone chasing. They gathered in the relative privacy of a burned supermarket, breathing heavily through cloth masks to block out the ash that poured from the walls in unrestored buildings.
Nobody spoke a word. There was nothing to say.
In better times, Trish might’ve broken down into tears, but right now adrenaline forced her into a sharp focus. They were still being hunted. Their options were slim, and growing slimmer every second of inaction.
“Tressa, did you bring your pistol?”
The words came out as choked and barely audible beneath the suffocating cloth that protected her lungs, but it was enough to break the silence. The rest of them jolted out of their stupor, minds visibly refocusing to tackle the problem at hand.
“...Yeah, but it won’t be enough to fight them off. I heard multiple sets of boots up there. If these are exterminators, it’s probably a squad of five. I can’t take that many with just a handgun.”
“It doesn’t matter either way. Kill them, and they’ll just send more. We need to run.”
“And run where,
exactly?” James coughed a few times and readjusted his mask before continuing. “There’s nowhere the Federation doesn’t have eyes. Nowhere on Venlil Prime, at least, and we’d have better luck standing our ground than trying to board a ship offworld.”
“Yeah, walking into a spaceport is just asking
to be— Trish?”
“...there’s a ship… there’s a wrecked UN ship on the dark side of Venlil Prime. It’s not too far from here, but far enough that nobody would ever bother checking out there. I’ve been inside it a couple times. There’s still working lights.”
Tressa muttered to himself, considering their prospects. “Working lights… imagine I could get heat working too. It probably has enough water onboard to last until we can dig a well. I… I could maybe even clone meat if they had Zurulian medical tech. You think we’d be safe there?”
“I don’t think there’s anywhere else to go.”
“And you never thought to tell us about this before now?
“It never came up.”
James paced nervously, kicking up plumes of dust. It hung in the air for a brief moment, swirling dramatically in the cold light of a fluorescent lamp, before resettling as he leaned against the wall. “So you want to drag us to the dark side of Venlil Prime… Jesus, Trish. I thought there was a reason nobody bothered settling out there. Or at least a reason they didn’t scavenge those wrecks. Hell, even people like us avoid it.”
“There are settlements on the edge, and scavengers comb the darkness up to about a paw’s travel out. But no light means no farming, scarce power, and unyielding cold. Unless you just happened to find an abandoned ship with backup power still burning, it’s a death sentence. The Federation won’t look for us there.”
“...and you ’just happened’ to find one, huh?”
“A friend of mine— no, I’ll tell you about it later. We need to get moving now
Sasha sat up, brushing a layer of grime off her jacket. “We need to go back for Beast. No way we can make the journey out without her. Unless you think you can hotwire something, Tressa..?”
“Not a chance. Then again, our chances of retaking Beast seem pretty slim too. Do you have a plan for doing this, or is your ‘plan’ to throw me at them and hope I have more bullets than they have flamer fuel?”
“No. We’ll all go together, and try not to pick a fight we can’t win. Slip in, grab Beast, get out.”
“That’s not a plan, and you know it. That’s wishful thinking. If your best plan is ‘walk in and hope they don’t see us’, then we’re walking to our deaths.”
“If you have a better idea, let’s hear it. Until then, walk faster. The longer we’re gone, the more likely they’ll burn our escape to slag before we return.”
Tressa grumbled, but failed to make any coherent objection as he rose to his feet. He checked his pistol over, making sure ash hadn’t wormed its way into anything vital before slipping it back under his coat as the group stepped out into the street.
It was a common work claw, so the more ruined areas of the sprawl were near-empty. The only sign that people lived here in any capacity were the streetlights and a distant hum of life from more central streets and walkways. Not that their little entourage would draw much attention anyway; out here, ragtag herds of misfits were about as common as the burned-out buildings that permeated the land.
Their little ragtag herd of misfits wouldn’t hardly be missed if they went up in flames. Not by anyone important, that is; a few regulars at the Tipped Quill might be disappointed and some exterminator officer’s spreadsheet would need updating. The world would continue on without them. The world was going to continue on without them. Tressa was right; they were marching to their deaths.
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2023.06.04 18:50 Meta_Koncept You Must Die to the Old Self to Live to the New
Have you died to the old man? Have you died to your old self, so you can give life to the new? And what does does it mean?
If you are new to the law, you may not understand what this even means, but if you’ve landed here, my guess is that you are interested in learning about the subjet.
So, this article, I am going to help you understand and digest this, so you can make this knowledge your own and not only manifest your desires, but transform your whole life.
Let the Old Man Go Disengage yourself from the whole vast belief that you formerly entertained, and hold on in your imagination to the concept that you ARE the man that you want to be… For you will RESSURECT and make alive the state that began only as a concept. If you remain faithful to the concept you will be led right into the fulfillment of that state. It is called, in the Bible, re-birth. – Neville Goddard
How engaged are you with your current self? How engaged are you with your current reality? How engaged are you with your current thoughts and the story you are telling to yourself?
If you are still very much engaged with them, you must disengage yourself from all those beliefs because they belong to your old self, and the old self has to die, so you can ressurect and make alive the NEW self.
You have to die to the old self and become the new self before you can see you reality change. This said, I see a lot of people who have not understood this basic truth, wondering why they can’t manifest their desire or transform their lives.
Your world, as it is right now, is the world that you have manifested for yourself based on the sum total of your beliefs and assumptions – your mental diet. In turn, this has created the man within, which is your old man.
The good news is that when you understand states and how to embody a state in imagination, you can let go of the old. Die to the old man, and be re-born to the new.
Don’t Try to “Fix” the Old A very common mistake we can observe, even in the conscious manifesting community, it’s that a lot of people are “trying to fix” their problems. For example, they are trying to fix that relationship they’ve lost. But trying to fix your problem will keep you in the old state. And from that state, by law, you won’t be able to manifest your desire.
If you want to manifest a relationship, even with a specific person that you already know, you don’t want to manifest that same relationship, you want to manifest a brand new one, because if you did manifest the same relationship it would end in the same manner.
I observe this problem quite often when someone wanting to manifest an SP has not killed the old man and is manifesting their SP from the old self. When they succeed in manifesting their person, if they do, soon after, the same old scenario starts unfolding again. This is why you must die to the old before creating the new.
We all have had moments when we felt better here and there, so we were able to manifest our desire at that moment, but unless we completely kill the old self, that old self will come back again sooner or later, and we will lose what we have manifested.
Don’t try to manifest your desire FROM the old self. You need to leave the old man behind for good first. And then, FROM THAT NEW STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS, you can manifest your desire.
You Must Give Up What You are Now I am not speaking about some little magical thing where you can wave a wand and your desire will suddenly appear. This law is based upon a principle. If you want something, you can have it, but YOU MUST BE WILLING TO GIVE UP WHAT YOU ARE NOW in order to be what you want to be. – Neville Goddard
Oftentimes, I hear people say, how come I can manifest everything easily but I can’t manifest that one big desire? This is because they are “trying” to manifest it from the old self, from the state where that desire doesn’t exist.
A very easy way to know if this is what you’re doing it’s by observing your thoughts. Are you thinking from the state of “manifesting your desire?” If your answer is yes, then you are thinking FROM the old man. If the new man already had their desire, they wouldn’t be thinking of manifesting such a desire. Right? You are not “manifesting” what you already have!
Neville said, “I say to everyone: you can be anything you want to be, but you cannot be double-minded. You are told, Let no one believe that – having looked into the mirror, turns away and forgets what he looks like – that he will receive anything from the Lord, for the double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.”
In other words, don’t lie to yourself. If you were married to your specific person right now, would you be “manifesting” them? If you were wealthy right now, would you be wondering how you will pay the rent next month? If you were healthy right now, would you have any thoughts that belong to someone who is not healthy?
You have to leave behind all that is now your present concept of self, and fully embody the NEW you, regardless of the what your current reality says. And you do this FROM WITHIN.
Take your attention away from your old self, which means that you stop talking about it, thinking from it, and reacting from it. And most definitely, stop dwelling in the feeling of being that as well. ALL OF IT AS TO GO!
Start Doing This Everyday! “Ye must be born again for except ye be born again ye cannot enter the kingdom of Heaven.”
That is; except you leave behind you your present conception of yourself and assume the nature of the new birth, you will continue to out-picture your present limitations. – Neville Goddard – The Power of Awareness
Meditate on the I AM statement, and become faceless and body-less. Practice this every day. As you do, take your attention away from your problem.
Your ego-self may “think” that he or she has a problem to “fix” but your God-Self KNOWS that he or she already IS what they want to be.
Sit down, close your eyes, and relax for 10 to 15 minutes a day, and dwell in that FEELING OF BEING. There is nothing and no one that can prevent you to FEEL and BE what you want to feel and who you want to be, right now, but yourself.
So, “go into your room” (your imagination) Matthew 6:6 and BE the NEW VERSION of yourself there. Not from your current problem, not from the old version of yourself, but be the new person/the new state that you want to be and who already has their desire.
Only by reminding yourself of this constantly and going within daily, will you be able to kill the old man for good and be re-born as the new you and, therefore, manifest any desire you might have.
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2023.06.04 18:42 RenaissanceArc "A Minor Bird" Analysis
2023.06.04 18:37 KarthusOrganum Divorce and Peanut Butter Allergies
Here's a somewhat long explanation of how I understand Mark and Matthew's teaching on Divorce:
Suppose Donna has decided that she is going to start hosting brunch every Saturday afternoon. Suppose Kyle and Brook have peanut allergies and want to figure out if it's safe to come.
The situations I will describe will fit in two cases. Case A is a instance of addition which is not dangerous and has no further consequences. Case B is an instance of contradiction which can potentially have bad consequences.
Situation 1: Kyle asks Donna's son, Mark, if he will be safe at the brunch. Mark says "There will be peanuts and walnuts." Brook asks Donna's son, Matthew, if she will be safe. Matthew says "There will be peanuts, walnuts, and cashews."
This situation fits Case A. Matthew gave extra information that did not contradict Mark. There are no serious consequences.
Situation 2: Kyle talks to Mark. Mark says "There will be no nut products there." Brook talks to Matthew. Matthew says "There will be no nut products there except cashews."
This is Case B. Matthew's information effectively contradicts Mark's. Depending on who is right, there could be serious consequences.
Situation 3: Kyle and Brook talk to Donna. Donna says "There will be no nut products there." Later she says "There will be no nut products there except cashews."
This is Case A. These two statements are not seen as contradictions even though they would be so in a vacuum; instead, the second is interpreted as a clarification since it was also said by Donna. But two observations must be made about situation 3:
- This is a suspicious and strange way to talk. The first statement, when not followed by the immediate qualification "except cashews" appears to be a falsehood. We would not expect Donna to talk this way unless if Donna had forgotten that there would be cashews and later remembered it.
- Depending on the amount of time between the two statements, this could actually be case B. If Donna didn't make the qualification until after the first party, she has created a dangerous situation.
How does this relate to the Bible? In the Gospel of Mark, Jesus explicitly condemns divorce, apparently leaving no exceptions (Mark 10: 2-12, "...what God has joined together let no one separate.") But in Matthew, 5:32 the same passage seems to have been taken directly from Mark and slightly altered so that now divorce is permitted in cases of unchastity. Matthew's Jesus reiterates this exception in 19:9.
At face value this seems to match situation 2 and Case B. Either divorce is permitted under certain circumstances or there are no exceptions. And the consequences of this contradiction could be quite dire.
But many Christians interpret the entire Bible as being the word of God. In other words, we are not listening to Mark or Matthew here. They didn't choose the words. God (Donna
) did. So I think these people implicitly understand this issue in terms of situation 3 and Case A. Matthew is clarifying Mark because it's actually all from God.
But there's problems with this. First of all, Matthew is not simply adding to Mark's list of nuts. Mark's list is incomplete, i.e. missing necessary information unlike situation A, where the information Mark gave was sufficient. If Matthew is right then Mark, strictly speaking, is incorrect.
Secondly, as I said, Donna's way of speaking in situation 3 is strange and suspicious. We wouldn't expect God to speak in such a strange way. It makes sense for Donna, because Donna might have forgotten, but God wouldn't make such a mistake. I admit that it takes a lot of hubris to say we understand how God would talk, but Christian mystics have long tried to understand God, the incomprehensible, in terms of what God is not. And I don't think it's too conceited to say that, while we don't know how God would talk, we at least would not expect it to be this way.
Finally, perhaps the biggest problem (which corresponds to observation 2 of situation 3) is the fact that the Bible didn't always exist. There were probably several (many?) Christian communities in the first two centuries that possessed the Gospel of Mark but did not possess the Gospel of Matthew. If God went about it this way, if God expected us to use Matthew to clarify Mark, then he really did those communities dirty that only possessed Mark. Being stuck in a marriage with someone who is cheating on you is a really horrible consequence; it's very serious, like triggering a peanut allergy.
So it seems to me that we are in fact supposed to interpret this as situation 2. The most sensible understanding here is that Matthew possessed a copy of Mark (for which there is ample evidence) and that Matthew was copying Mark's words at this point, but that he was uncomfortable with the idea that divorce was not permitted ever, and so he gave an escape valve. Alternatively, perhaps he knew what Jesus said, knew that Mark got it wrong, and corrected it. In any case we are dealing not with the direct word of God here but with the word of fallible humans- God-fearing humans that deserve our consideration and respect undoubtedly- but fallible humans nonetheless. It's not sensible to say this is the direct word of God.
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2023.06.04 18:07 Back2Faith I wish I could go back to Catholicism
This is more of an off the chest post, but here goes. Two years ago I started going to a Catholic Church. It was 30 minutes from my house, but I would get up 2 hours early every morning and drive there for morning mass every day before work, plus Sundays. I absolutely loved mass.
The richness of the tradition of mass and what it stood for. The solemnity of the hymns. The reading of the Bible followed by a short, albeit poignant sermon. And the reverence for the Eucharist. I found God and built a deep relationship with Him in a Catholic Church, but then I couldn't get past some of my issues with mortal and venial sins, the adoration of Mary and the Saints that I felt was bordering on idolatry, and the idea of purgatory.
So I left and started attending my husband's non denominational church that is down the road from our house. One year later and I've lost my zeal because I hate his church. The songs lack substance to me. The sermons usually tip toe around the meat of the Word because it's like the pastor doesn't want to offend anyone. And communion is once a month and feels more like a friendly potluck of stale bread and grape juice than the solemn act of thanking our Lord for what he did for us on the cross.
I really wish I could go back to Catholicism. I miss the deep meditation on Jesus sacrifice when I prayed the Hail Mary and the Jesus prayer. I miss actually wanting to go to church and not skipping it 3 weeks in a row because I feel like I don't get anything out of it when I attend. Aye. I'm going to go pray now.
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2023.06.04 17:48 Garionreturns2 Its sad that people really believe this crap
2023.06.04 17:20 Sathyae Convergence of Worlds: Chapter 1
Through the vast expanse of space, a formidable fleet glides silently, its imposing presence a stark contrast to the empty void they traverse. Cloaked in the deepest hue of black, the fleet's ships blend seamlessly with the abyss, as if the darkness itself has birthed these vessels. Their purpose: the relentless pursuit of a singular objective—to locate a planet of utmost significance, meticulously charted by their skilled cartographers within the labyrinthine star system.
As the fleet advances, the celestial ballet of stars reveals a celestial body in their sights. An ethereal pause permeates the ranks as the ships come to a gradual halt, a symphony of anticipation humming through their synchronised movements. From the depths of the armada emerges a colossal capital class ship, its thunderous reverberations echoing through the void as smaller vessels dutifully yield, granting passage to their sovereign.
Positioned at the forefront of this celestial armada, each occupant within the grand vessel fixates their gaze upon the planetary jewel before them. It is a sight that awakens a myriad of emotions, particularly for one individual whose fascination is palpable. The planet, a tapestry of lushness and vibrancy, teems with vibrant life, mirroring the homeland from which the majority of the ship's occupants hail.
"Magnificent, isn't it?" the individual exclaims with unrestrained enthusiasm as the reflection of the planet is seen on his azure blue eyes, sharing the marvel with a companion by his side. "It bears an uncanny resemblance to our beloved Xyranthia. Yet, there are subtle nuances that set it apart, veiling it in an enigmatic allure..."
The figure standing alongside him, a stoic presence known for their brevity, offered a silent nod of affirmation. Their shared fascination with the planet would have endured, had it not been for an urgent proclamation that shattered the tranquillity.
"Lord Cythralis ! One of our on-ship cameras detected a surge of activity near the portal! I'm streaming the visuals this instant!"
Cythralis snapped his head upward, fixing its gaze upon a colossal screen that flickered with static before swiftly resolving into a coherent live feed. The image swiftly zoomed in, capturing the attention of all present. And then, they beheld it.
A massive army was seen gathering near the portal. All of them were adorned in shiny, metallic armour and holding onto well-stoned swords and spears, all horribly outdated weapons. Some of them hoisted colourful war banners showcasing detailed designs of coat-of-arms while others had decorations on their armour.
A figure on a horse then rode to the front of the army and gave a fiery speech. A speech about looting, enslavement and riches…the same old stereotypical speech that leaders used to give to bolster up troop morale.
“Imbeciles. They’ve just made our job a whole lot easier by gathering their strike force in the damn open.” The individual murmured. Turning to one of the crew members, it gave him an order. “Inform the carriers to deploy drop pods directly on that army of primitives. Tell them to ready their fighters and drones just in case the dropped troops need additional firepower.”
“Yes my liege !” Pressing a button on his console, the crew member began to relay his emperor’s commands to the carriers.
“All carriers, this is the Stygian Leviathan. Deploy all drop pods directly on these coordinates…”
The crew member’s voice resonated through the communication channels, conveying a sense of authority and urgency from the emperor. As the transmission reached the carriers, a flurry of activity ensued. The vast fleet of ships adjusted their positions, aligning themselves for optimal deployment. In a synchronised display of precision and power, the carriers prepared to unleash their payload upon the unsuspecting army below.
Within the massive hangars of each carrier, the atmosphere crackled with anticipation. Rows of sleek drop pods, coated with advanced shielding meant to protect against the void of space and heat of re-entry, stood ready for launch. The crew members swiftly carried out the emperor's orders, ensuring every pod was meticulously armed and calibrated.
A sense of purpose and determination permeated the air as the drop pods were sealed and locked into position. The carriers rumbled with energy, engines humming with intensity. The countdown began, each second ticking away with mounting tension.
"Launch sequence initiated," announced each carrier's AI, their voice resonating throughout the hangar. "Stand by for deployment."
Airlocks beneath the pods slowly opened up and soon, the clamps holding the pods released with a resounding clang.
In the blink of an eye, the pods shot out from the carriers and activated their built-in rockets, hurtling through the cold abyss of space. Like a swarm of deadly projectiles, they descended towards the planet's surface, streaks of fire trailing behind them. With pinpoint precision, the drop pods breached the atmosphere, piercing through the dense layers and hurtling towards their designated target—the unsuspecting army below.
The primitive army prepared to enter the portal, oblivious to the impending doom hurtling towards them. In a sudden, thunderous descent, multiple pods pierced the sky, crashing with devastating impact among the unsuspecting souls below. Chaos erupted as bodies were flung aside, helpless against the overwhelming force. The pods' doors burst open, unleashing a horde of infantry units draped in obsidian-coloured armour.
With swift precision, the soldiers emerged from the pods and unleashed a hailstorm of gunfire upon the bewildered enemy. The metallic rounds tore through the primitive troops without mercy, rending flesh and shattering bones. Their feeble armour and shields, however well-crafted they may have been, proved futile against the unrelenting assault. The projectiles penetrated with brutal efficiency, as if a searing knife slicing through butter.
Some of the primitives, driven by sheer numerical advantage, closed the gap, their primitive weapons in hand. Blades slashed against the obsidian-coloured armour, the clash of metal reverberating through the battlefield. Yet, to their dismay, their weapons proved utterly ineffectual against the impenetrable fortress of sleek black plating. Swords and spears struck with impotent force, their blows deflected as if striking an impervious barrier.
In the face of this merciless onslaught, the primitive army faltered. Their ranks rapidly dwindled as the relentless barrage from the technologically advanced forces decimated their numbers. Fear and desperation took hold, their initial confidence shattered. The Xyranthian military had made their presence known, and with each bullet unleashed, they etched their mark of destruction upon the battlefield.
On the Stygian Leviathan, Emperor Cythralis stood transfixed, his eyes locked on the satellite feed revealing the chaos unfolding below. The remnants of the primitive army scattered, their fear palpable as they fled from the relentless assault of the infantry units. The crew member who had relayed the emperor's initial orders approached, his voice hushed and respectful.
"Emperor Cythralis, the units are inquiring whether they should pursue and exterminate the stragglers."
Cythralis shook his head slowly, his gaze still fixed on the unfolding battle.
"No, bring them back. They have proven their mettle today. Leave those stragglers alive... they shall serve as a message to the leader of these primitives."
"Affirmative, my lord," the crew member acknowledged, swiftly relaying the command to the carriers. "Carriers, this is the Stygian Leviathan. Recall your troops and order them to disengage from the enemy."
As Cythralis watched the withdrawal of his forces, a deep chuckle escaped his form. The sight of his troops decimating the enemy filled him with an immeasurable joy.
"Sir," a figure standing at his side spoke, capturing Cythralis' attention.
Cythralis turned his gaze towards the figure, his curiosity piqued.
"What shall we do next?" Bryan asked, his voice tinged with a mix of anticipation and loyalty.
"Now, my dear friend ?" Cythralis replied, a hint of excitement coursing through his words, "Now we head for a meeting with some friends."
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2023.06.04 17:08 Big_Statistician3845 My terminal cancer has left me full of hatred and jealousy for other recovering patients
Please bear with my English because this is hard to write properly. I was diagnosed pancreatic cancer 2 years ago. In the past few months, I am in the hospital, mostly staying here but sometimes I will go home for few days only. My family has sacrificed alot and I sometimes feel maybe its better I die but I cannot say it to them because it is too painful to speak the words. Probably in 3 to 4 months time I will lost my life. I am extremely grateful for my family and my friends and my doctors and my nurses and everyone who is helped me. I spend most of my time in the ward and I have watched other patients making recoveries. It is bittersweet. I genuinely feel happy for them. To beat cancer, I am happy for them. But, on the other hand, I can't help but feel a deep sense of jealousy, anger, and even hatred at their fortunate turn of events. Each time I hear the sound of that bell ringing, announcing another patient's recovery. I'm overwhelmed with anger. Hatred. Jealously.. It's as if the universe is taunting me, reminding me of what I will never have - a chance to ring that bell and celebrate triumph over my cancer. I despise myself for feeling this way. I know it's unfair to those patients who fought their battles, endured unbearable pain, and finally emerged victorious. They deserve every bit of joy and relief that comes with recovery. I don't wish any harm upon them, but at times, I can't help but resent their good fortune. To those patients who have rung that bell, I want to apologize. Please understand that my resentment comes from a place of immense pain, grief, and regret. I know it's irrational and unfair, and I hope that one day I can find peace within myself. Thank you for taking the time to read my confession. It feels like a weight off my chest to finally put these emotions into words, even if they are painful.
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2023.06.04 17:01 superdad9999 Embracing Love's Resilience
Disclaimer: I want to share my experience and help those who are going through what I went through. I'm not promoting or selling anything. If you want to know more, feel free to send me a direct message. I'm here to help! 😊
In the depths of my life, where despair threatened to extinguish the love that once bloomed, a glimmer of hope emerged. This is a tale of resilience, transformation, and the enduring power of love—a story that will touch your heartstrings and leave you yearning for the triumph of the human spirit.
A Challenging Path:
When faced with the suffocating grip of erectile dysfunction, my marriage felt the strain. Laughter turned into silence, and the once vibrant connection between my wife and me faded away. In the midst of my despair, I knew I had to break free from the chains that held me captive and find a way back to the love we had lost.
An Unexpected Solution:
Through the maze of my pain, I stumbled upon a remarkable discovery—a solution known to a select few who dared to challenge the norm. It was a secret whispered among those who embarked on a transformative journey—a quest to reclaim their passion, intimacy, and essence. Intrigued, I embarked on my own quest for salvation.
The Path to Rediscovery:
Along this path, I encountered a remarkable system—an enigmatic key to unlock the dormant power within. It defied conventional wisdom and shed light on the intricate mind-body connection. This extraordinary system promised to reignite desire, rekindle passion, and invite us to explore a realm where love knew no boundaries.
A Journey of Self-Transformation:
Immersing myself in a tapestry of audio treasures, I followed the advice of those who had walked this path before me. Within these carefully crafted audios, I discovered a symphony of healing vibrations—a chorus that resonated with my deepest desires. Each note that echoed through me carried tears of release, mingling with tears of hope, gradually dissolving the barriers that confined my spirit.
A Love Rekindled:
Empowered by this hidden gem's transformative effects, my beloved wife and I embarked on a sacred journey to reignite the love that once flourished. Through whispered words of devotion and tender gestures, we ventured into uncharted territory, embracing vulnerability and trust. Day by day, our hearts entwined, and the symphony of our love reached new heights, transcending the limitations of the physical realm.
The Call of the Human Spirit:
Reflecting on this arduous yet extraordinary expedition, tears of gratitude cascade down my face—a testament to the triumph of the human spirit. The path I walked wasn't just a collection of audios and bonuses; it was an anthem of hope for those yearning to break free from the chains of erectile dysfunction. I invite you to take the first step towards reclaiming the love that resides within your grasp.
In the tapestry of life, love remains the most profound force capable of piercing through darkness. This is a call to all who have tasted the bitterness of despair—to those seeking solace in the arms of their beloved. The key to liberation lies within reach. Take a leap of faith, and let the symphony of love guide your way. If you want to know more, feel free to send me a direct message. I'm here to help! 😊
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2023.06.04 17:00 HoloNews HoloNews Info Gathering Thread August 08 - August 14 (CW_32)
This post is to collect all news regarding Hololive and this is the only place where news will be posted. Rules:
- Post the stream links, tweets or etc. of your news as sources.
- If you have special playthroughs, milestones, collabs, songs or upcomming events that you think are under the radar please inform us on our discord or directly chat to our Community account u/holonews.
- Make sure you submit your article before Sunday in Japan (24:00 JST), but we will still be accepting articles on Sunday in Japan. This is just to prevent our editors from an influx of news that could have came in earlier in the week.
- Please specify also the branch, gen, and name of the talent focused on in the article
- When reporting, please refrain from reporting on content hidden behind a paywall or with no archive. However, exceptions can be made after edits are made and if there's still a credible source to trace back that the content did exist (ex: Tweet announcing the stream).
- The editorial Team decide which post gets in and the article writers will not be credited to minimize drama
- And most importantly, have fun participating in this FAN project. We are all unpaid, unprofessional and running out of free time but we have a lot of motivation and get a lot more enjoyment out of bringing HoloNews to Hololive on any given Tuesday
Article Format Guides / Limits Article Length Limits
Articles are limited on how many words they can have. The maximum word count is dependent on the content of the article. For example, articles about anniversaries will have the "Feature" word limit, but "Iofi is cute"-type articles will have the "Short" word limit. We probably won't be strictly
enforcing these limits, but if you're over it, don't be surprised if it gets cut down. Feature - 230 words
These are articles covering the big events of the week. Examples: • Anniversaries • Birthdays • New outfits • ConcertsImportant - 140 words
Articles covering abnormal/important information. This is very much so a judgement call by the reporter and editors. If you claim an article is important and it's not obvious why, be prepared to explain. Examples: • Announcements (including breaks & returns) • Misc smaller celebrations/events • Merch with many details • Information that's personally important for a talent or fanbaseRegular - 100 words
Regular articles that cover a reasonable amount of normal activity. Examples: • Stream summaries/highlights • Funny moments • Business-y announcements • Twitter interactionsShort - 35 words
Short articles with very little substance/content. Examples: • "Kusa" articles • Funny twitter messages • A single short funny moment
Space Saving Tips
If you find you're having a hard time keeping your articles within the word count limits, here's a few tips for things you can try.1. Cut out or summarize details
They can make an article more interesting, but often they can be removed or explained with fewer words. This is an extreme example, but the principle can be applied on a smaller scale.
Together with Uyu, Fuma decided that he wanted to build a house in Minecraft. First they had to get materials from the forest, but they both died to creepers three times. Next, they adventured to the mines to gather stone. They got sidetracked for an hour in an abandoned mine while doing this. During the building process, Astel swooped in with flint and steel and tried to set everything on fire! Together, Fuma and Uyu were able to drive him away and save a majority of the house. They happened to die to creepers one more time after that, but they ended up with a very nice looking Japanese-style house. 2. Remove/shorten unnecessary descriptions
Fuma built a Japanese-styled house with Uyu in Minecraft. Astel was opposed to this and tried to burn it down while they were working, but they finished despite the setback.
Ina gave Calli an illustration of her for her birthday. It features a chibi version of Calli in a spaceship flying to an unknown dimension. On the dashboard, doll versions of all of holoEN could be seen. Farther back in the cabin, Calli's scythe and alternate outfits were present. 3. Remove opinions/funny commentary
For her birthday, Ina gave Calli an illustration of Chibi Calli flying a spaceship.
This example could be completely removed, and the article it's in wouldn't lose any real
She looked very cute in her new outfit. Many deadbeats died (again) when it was revealed. 4. Check for duplicate information
For her Anniversary Fubuki went to the office ... she met A-chan at the office.
Throughout the event, she performed with Bae, Fubuki, and AkiRose. ... She performed Kirameki Rider with Bae, Fubuki, and AkiRose. 5. Use simple words
It's better to sound like you're talking to 5-year-olds than a walking thesaurus.
Calli extracted the confection from the adjacent pastry shop to an undisclosed location. She has prepared appropriate arrangements to consume the delicacy in the evening. Report Format Example
Calli bought a donut and brought it home. She's going to eat it tonight.
Finished: Pekora ER stream
Gen 3: Pekora
Pekora joins the rank of Flare, Miko, and Shishiron to slay the Tree Sentinel as soon as they leave the tutorial area in Elden Ring. It took her over 6 hours and countless attempts to defeat such a strong foe. With her new gained levels, she took on a dragon on the very next stream and annihilated both Margit and Godrick.
Source: https://youtu.be/aEop9s9urX4 Note:
Holonews_bot is a bot we've created to push news from our Discord server to the Info Gathering Threads
Be aware that we are reworking the Reporting workflow at the moment. So changes in the Workflow can be expected.
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2023.06.04 16:49 Andoni95 N5 from zero in 30 days (Reflections, methodologies, and pedagogy)
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I started learning Japanese on March 22 2023. At the time of writing, It has been about 70-80 days since. Currently I would place myself at N4 level (now studying N3). I became very inspired to study Japanese after (a) visiting Niseko (Hokkaido) and (b) reading a post on Reddit about someone
who claims to pass N1 from zero in 8.5 months.
The purpose of this post is to offer (a) alternative perspectives to learning Japanese, (b) prove that it is possible to learn quickly, (c) challenge some of the existing recommendations. This post is part one out of eight articles detailing my journey to N1 from zero in 8 months. Disclaimer, this post will be very long and ranty!
This post will cover some of the study techniques and experiments I’ve conducted for the first month, as well as the results of my experimentation and insights. As for the elephant in the room, I’m currently studying N3 after 60+ days into my Japanese learning journey. I’m sure many are skeptical or might presume that I have bad mastery of N5 and N4 content, but by the end of the post, I’m confident that I would have responded to them. This post is not created to discouarge anyone >< I just wanted to see if my studying tips can inspire or resonate with other people.
I started watching anime since Naruto. I think that was 15 years ago. I’m not particularly obsessed with Japanese culture but I do follow the mainstream anime like Bleach, Tokyo Ghoul, My Hero Academia, Attack on Titan, and most recently Demon Slayer. So I do possess 15 years of acclimatising to the sound of Japanese anime speech. However my Vocab is very limited. I know how to count from 1-99, konnichiwa and itadakemasu, and a couple more words that I might remember if I was prompted. I also know the hand signs from Naruto. Apart from that, I consider myself truly zero in Japanese knowledge.
While your brain can only hold 7-9 items in the short term memory at once, it does not mean you cannot study more than 9 items in a day.
I see most people on Reddit recommending 15-20 new cards on Anki. Personally I think this pace is way too slow, especially for the beginner. Most typical N5 vocab deck would have about 600-700 cards. 15cards/day means that it would take 40-50 days just to see all the cards. I also came across a study that says our short term brain cannot store more than 9 items at a time. This would seem to support support the recommendation of 15-20 vocabulary cards a day. While reading Moonwalking with Einstein, a book on the capabilities of the human memory, I read about a story of a guy who could draw the landscape of New York with shocking precision after flying pass the city on a helicopter once. The book also hinted at the idea that we possess some form of photographic memory.
And so, i tried to do about 50-100 new cards a day. Within 10 days, I’ve seen all the N5 Vocab. Around day 15 or so, i became concerned that cramming so many words in a day would mean that the retention rate will be low. So I tested myself on those 700 words and I think I got about 85% correct.
Personally i was very happy with that score. I thought I could do a lot worse. So clearly, trying to learn 100 new cards a day wasn’t detrimental to retention rate (I will address my thoughts on burnout on a later point). What is happening?
My hypothesis is that while we can’t store more 6-9 items in our short term memory, it doesn’t mean that when we study our 10th,11th, 20th or 100th item, our brain would completely reject the input. You are still imprinting something
onto the brain. What this means is that while you should not expect to see a word once and remember it forever, it says nothing about the upper limit of how many words you can simultaneously start on the first stage of the SRS system. We all know that SRS takes time to turn short term memory into long term memory. It could take weeks or a few months. But if we can start 100 words on the SRS system vs 15-20 words, and there is no significant cost to doing more words, then starting 100 new cards a day will bring us to our destination much faster.
When you read about many people agreeing that 15-20 new Anki card a day is a good pace, or that it takes 300-500 hours to pass N5, then it sets the expectation of what is normal. The reason I was able to Master N5 in approximately 150-200 hours and learn all its vocab a couple of weeks is because I did not pay attention to what other people can achieve.
How I use Anki https://preview.redd.it/wdwqgc0ok04b1.png?width=3840&format=png&auto=webp&s=89548a0e0972cfd2cde0c48a58515bfb9fef829b
From my survey on Reddit, it seems that people get overwhelm by the amount of reviews on Anki. And I think this reveals that the are doing reviews differently from how I do it.
When I do my Anki reviews, I only entertain two state of minds when marking the flash cards. The first is I know the answer (the answer pops into my brain instantaneously) and the second is I don’t know the answer (mind is blank). I do not try to recall the answer. Recalling takes time. If I try to recall the answer, it might take me upwards of a minute or two to remember it (and even then, I might still be wrong). Instead i like my Anki reviews to be snappy. It feels like I take about a fraction of a second to answer my Anki cards, although the Anki statistics tells me that I take 4second per card. Still fast either way. At 4s/card I can do 900 reviews in one hour.
Next is how I use Easy, Good, Again and Hard. The rule of thumb is to be more liberal than strict. I try to use Easy, instead of Good as much as I can because I don’t want my reviews to pile up. I almost never use Hard even if I get the card completely wrong. Speaking of reviews pilling up, we need to define what marking an Anki item as Good or Easy means to me.
For a lot of people it means aiming for perfection. That means that the person only click Easy or Good if his answer exactly matches the back side of the card. For myself I set an extremely low bar, as long the vague feeling of what I think the answer is somewhat matches the answer on the back side, I’m happy to give it a Good at least. Why? Because it’s the nature of Anki or SRS system to return cards you previously click Easy and Good. I don’t have to worry about being too forgiving on myself and being ignorant about the fact because I can always count on the card to return eventually. And if I a card I previously marked as Good, came back, and feels difficult, I would then make a mental note to study it in greater detail. Secondly, a lot of the 700 words in a typical N5 vocab deck are so common that you will encounter them all the time in the wild. This is called organic or natural
SRS. If you are strict on your Anki at this stage, it can be quite an overkill in hindsight. Of course it may not feel like an overkill in the beginning because you are still gettting cards wrong.
Burnt out https://preview.redd.it/14138x4yk04b1.png?width=3840&format=png&auto=webp&s=f4fcb57dc6279850cc5debec8871dbbb8aabbf90 https://preview.redd.it/yo4br6nyk04b1.png?width=3840&format=png&auto=webp&s=c15be37671fe334cb577a8e9ac33974933f00689 https://preview.redd.it/vnsx0umzk04b1.png?width=3840&format=png&auto=webp&s=c69555aa237a3e6bcf538db3014ef410aee3f34b
Okay what about burnout. Surely I might be overdoing it, and wouldn’t burnout eventually catch up to me. Yes and no. I think the phenomenon of burnout is highly exaggerated. I don’t like to use the word burnt out whenever I’m feeling “burnt out” because it has a lot of negative connotations and because negative connotations can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies. Instead, I prefer to use the phrase, “I’m tired now”. I kind of compare myself to Shonen protagonists where there’s this big villain coming up and then some special training to level up. The special training is usually quite intense, and sometimes dangerous, and they will eventually be quite tired by the end of the training. But these protagonists always reemerge stronger with new abilities and can now overcome stronger foes.
Similarly, whenever I study too much, I would just acknowledge that I’m tired, watch some anime and something different. I’m usually okay by the next morning. I attribute my ability to resist burn out my thoughts and attitude.
Consistency, multimodality learning, and resourcefulness Okay the N1 tango book is really too difficult for me. I bought it thinking i could get a headstart on N1 while concurrently studying N3. Its just too much at this point.
I only believe in one kind of consistency, and that is that you have to show up almost every day. But I don’t believe in the kind of consistency that requires me to be on a 365-day Anki/wanikani/immersion streak. This is also one factor that helps to protect burn out. When I feel like doing textbook learning, that’s what I’m going to do. If want to do pure Bunpro and Anki for the next 3 days without reading any textbook, that’s what I’ll do.
I also believe in the idea of multimodality learning. I use everything at my disposal:
All the textbooks (Genki, Minna no nihongo, Tae Kim)
YouTube videos (Misa ammo, game gengo, tokiniandy)
Doing active immersion with anime
Changing my phone language to Japanese (this one unfortunately is a bad advice. I recommend to stay away from this if you are still at N5)
Instagram and TikTok accounts of Japanese tutors
Websites (tofugu, human Japanese, Japanese tutors’ blogs)
Apps (wanikani, language reactor, bunpro)
Japanese grammar dictionaries
Discord or Reddit or forums
There’s often this debate on which is better, Genki vs Minna vs Tae kim. If cost or ability to procure them is not an issue, why not use all of them? It’s okay to have one source as your primary source. Mine was Genki 1. But when I wanted to understand a nuance that Genki does not explain well enough, I’ll usually consult my other sources. And if I’m bored of Genki, I can easily switch to Tae Kim, for a change of scenery. If I don’t feel like reading, Misa or Tokiniandy is there for me.
My observation is that many people are usually only using one modality to acquire a new skill. This is causing their journey to be unnecessarily monotonous.
Sloppy learning and conjugations
One very integral component of the Japanese language is conjugation. It’s especially important for the N5. Conjugations can allow you to express many meaning in Japanese. Learning how to conjugate accurately is going to be a struggle for any beginner(think godan and ichidan verbs and conjugating to masu, te, negative forms, etc).
A lot of Japanese textbook and assessment will make you do drills. I skipped all of them. Rather than trying to brute force your way to memorizing conjugations I employ a technique called sloppy learning(this phrase is borrowed from “Japan Like A Breeze” on patreon). I define sloppy learning as learning just enough to acquire the essence of the concept.
For example, ,whether the verbs is in its polite form, short form, negative form or past tense form etc, can be easily recognised by looking at the last few syllabus of a word. If a words end on a “ta”, it must be past tense form. If it ends on a “masu” it must be the polite/long form. This concept can literally be understood in 5 mins.
Thus for me. When conjugating oyogu (泳ぐ）into past tense form, I just conjugate it as oyogu-ta (oyogu +ta) Or sometimes oyota. Now oyota is wrong of course. But that’s all I need at this stage. I desire to understand Japanese, not to get full marks on conjugation drill table. You must always try to look at the big picture. Trying to do well on conjugation drills is an opportunity cost. Ultimately one needs to judge what is worth spending effort on. Hence the idea of sloppy learning is to be deliberate about what to focus on.
Once I can consistently remember that masu means polite and ta meant past, this is where I try to conjugate them correctly. Conjugations is difficult because they all don’t behave like ru verbs. You cannot simply drop the ru at the end of a word and append ta or masu to them. Oyogu for example doesn’t even have a ru ending.
The path I chose was to hope that I can organically (I like this word a lot, but it also sometimes means magically) , know how to conjugate correctly one day. And to a certain extent I acquired some intuition on conjugations without any active involvement from my part. I soon became aware that if a word ends in a gu or a ku, then instead of a ta, it might be ita or ida.
The break through came on day 35. When I couldn’t endure the fact that I wasn’t able to magically acquire conjugation intuition for free. So i goggled “why are godan verbs conjugate the way they are”. And Tofugu came to the rescue.
Essentially they introduced three concepts (a) double consanent with small tsu, (b) assimilation with n, and (c)consonant removal. After that article, conjugating became a breeze. In hindsight, my ability to conjugate only costed me the time to read one tofugu article (and one month of passively intuiting the conjugation patterns) Because I did not spend time on conjugation drills, i was able to progress to the other grammatical points in Genki 1. I didn’t remain stuck in one place for too long.And this is another aspect of sloppy learning. You learn just enough to move on to the next level, you don’t aim for perfection.
Your brain can’t do everything at once. Your brain cannot remember that masu means polite form, and all the rules for conjugating verbs to masu in one sitting. If you try to do that, you can remain stuck, despite already understanding the general idea of conjugation. Better to move on and let the intuition develop. If you judge that the intuition is not going to progress or progress quickly enough, you can always intervene later by supplementing with new knowledge.
Mnemonics when I get something wrong too often
Often there will be a vocab or grammar point that I always can’t seem to latch on. No vague feelings, no guesses, just an empty mind. When this happens, it can be a scary feeling. It may feel like you are not good enough.
Really the solution is very simple. Just add one more inferential step. When I first encountered the word bengoshi（弁護士） , my mind does not produce any intuition or pictures or feelings. What I did was to create a mnemonic, a story. How to relate a lawyer to the sound ben go shi? I managed to came up with “when the judge announces his judgement, the bench(jury) goes “shhhh””Sorry, I know it’s really bad. But when I created that story, bengoshi never stumped me again.I’ve seen a lot of criticism of mnemonics that I don’t agree with
- ‘they are not for me”>>I’ve seen people said that Anki is not for me. Srs is not for me. While I believe in individual differences and effectiveness in different methodologies, I feel that sometimes people decide too quickly what is or isn’t for them. What is optimal may first have a learning curve in the beginning. And instead of saying that something is not for me and moving on to the next thing, we need to consider if it isn’t we ourselves that should change to make it fit for us.
- “If I’m trying to memorize something, how does adding more things to remember help. Now I not only have to remember the word, but I need to remember the story to remember the word.”>> Between a story and a random string of number “89779012879” , the brain can remember the short story more easily than the string of number despite the story consisting of more words. It’s just how our brain works.
On active immersion
Active immersion means trying to pick up words or trying to understand what is being said in Japanese media like anime or novels. Passive immersion means enjoying the content without really worrying about improving your Japanese.
On day 21 I tried active immersion with Weathering with You. I came to the conclusion that active immersion is not efficient for the new learner. I can imagine myself doing a lot of sentence mining and active immersion in the future (spoiler, I’m now on day 70-80 and I’m immersing a lot more now). But definitely a hard no for me to recommend new comers as the only and primary form of learning Japanese.
Why textbook learning and structural learning is important for fast gains.
Textbook learning is great for fast gains because it prioritises for you. Textbooks are not prepared by a random person. They are usually prepared while respecting certain pedagogical principles in mind by a team of qualified academics. While appealing to authority doesn’t make it correct, we should at least be cognisant that the textbooks might be doing a few things right.
One of those pedagogical principles is incremental or progressive learning. Building knowledge upon what was previously learnt.
Another principle is foundational concepts. A textbook will usually introduce foundational concepts that act as a scaffold for everything else as early as possible. And because textbook learning is progressive, it means that the difficulty is always going to feel just about right. In active immersion the difficulty can be wild because it does not respect your level of Japanese proficiency.
Completing N5 in 30 days.
In this 30 days, I was not only learning Japanese, but also learning how to learn. They call it building a plane while flying it hahahah. The principles outlined here helped me to finish N5 content at an insane rate. I was spending about 6-8 hours a day on Japanese (in chunks). So one point not stated here is time. There's no way around time investment.
On the 30th day I did a lot of mock tests and I performed quite well (80-90% correct).When I started on N4 on day 31, I was really surprised by the bump in difficulty. I gave myself 30 days to clear N4. That was the hardest 30 days in my Japanese learning journey. I’m fact I had a better time when I was studying for N3 on day 65 onwards. In my next post I’ll share why N4 was harder than N5 and N3 for me and share some more insights. Hope this has been helpful in offering new perspectives. Thank you for reading this long rant of mine.
2023.06.04 16:28 lifeb2023 Ecclesiastes 3:13
2023.06.04 16:18 phillysense Usage of ἕως
This words is translated as till/until in the Bible and I’m wondering if any Greek speaker knows if it just has that meaning.
Could it for example also mean up until a point and after? Or is it just used to describe something that reaches a point and then stops?
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2023.06.04 16:04 TarotLessTraveled Two Kinds of Thinking (repost)
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Six of Swords from Conver-Ben-Dov TdM and painting in the Cave of the Trois-Frères.
Etteilla associated the suit of Swords with the classical element Air; Air, in the majority of commentaries I have read, is conflated with thinking, as stated by Clive Barret in his companion guide to his Ancient Egyptian Tarot
, “The element of air relates to the mind, thinking and communication – language both written and spoken. This is the domain of the intellect, reason and clarity of thought, giving rise to inquisitiveness and idealism. There is a love of the precision of mathematics, logic rules the imagination,” which leads to such statements as Karen Hamaker-Zondag’s summary that Swords “represent the power of discrimination as expressed in thinking and logic.” If A=B and B=C, then A=C. It’s the most fundamental form of logic, and it tends to be accepted pretty much without question. Yoav Ben-Dov, who was one of the finest teachers of the TdM I have read, wrote, “The suit of swords expresses ideas and thoughts, an ability to focus, decision-making… In common language we often use the image of the rational mind as a blade which cuts and separates things.”
These quotes (and many others scattered through countless tarot books) identify but a single kind of thinking, thinking which is the result of conscious effort and is outwardly directed: thinking which begins with a leading idea, follows a clearly defined train of thought and generates, when “successful,” a logical conclusion. Clarity is of paramount importance; and when we are intensely engaged in this purposive activity, we begin to think in words, especially when we are trying very hard to figure things out. We may refer to this as “sword thinking,” using the sharply honed mind to slice through the most tangled and difficult of problems. The mytho-historical tale that best embodies this idea, and which we find in numerous commentaries, is the story of Alexander and the Gordian knot.
Sometime in the 2nd millennium B.C.E., a poor farmer from Macedonia named Gordius drove his ox cart into a Phrygian city where he was proclaimed king, in accordance with a prophesy from the oracle at Telmissus. (They did things a little differently back then.) Out of gratitude, Gordius dedicated his cart to the Phrygian sky father Sabazios and tied it to the acropolis at Gordium, the city he founded, with a knot so complex in its structure, being made up of dozens of smaller knots so intricately interwoven together, as to make it impossible for anyone to unravel it. It was a kind of ancient world Rubik’s Cube. A legend grew up around the Gordian knot that only a man destined to rule all of Asia would be able to solve it. We can imagine that over the centuries, the knot did not lack for attention, as ambitious men, fired by visions of grandeur, sat before that rotting peasant’s wagon, working first one frayed strand of cornel bark then another, only tightening and further entangling the lesser constituent knots, so that over time the already irreparably convoluted cipher became ever more impenetrable until in 333 B.C.E., Alexander the Great led his army into Gordium (in what is today Turkey) and came upon Gordius’ ancient wagon. He might have tried to unravel the knot, as so many others before him had, but Alexander was not a patient man: he was twenty-three years old, on his way to making himself ruler of the known world, but he would live for only another ten years. Perhaps he had some sense of this within him, that he could not squander what little precious time he had, for, according to mythical accounts, he drew his blade and sliced the knot open.
The way Alexander the Great “solved” the Gordian knot is an extreme form of reality thinking. It is thinking which is adapted to the outer world: it mimics the external world and is aimed at working within (perhaps extending) the limits that world. Reality thinking makes sense to us, particularly since it makes sense – far more sense in a perilous world than sitting before an ancient cart for days, weeks, or months, trying to unravel an impossible knot. We can speculate how such thinking came about: our earliest ancestors, living in small groups, depending for their survival on their capacity to function together, needed a means by which they could communicate to one another an approaching danger or where food was to be found. As their cognitive abilities developed, their languages became increasingly complex, and that complexity stimulated ever greater advancements in their cognitive range and proficiency, leading to the development of tools, philosophy, the rudiments of science and technology, always drawing us out of ourselves and into a more objectively-oriented existence.
However, there is another kind of thinking in which we engage, a non-directed “dream-thinking,” which manifests itself in a highly subjective symbolic language that frequently makes no sense when outwardly (and literally) applied and which guides us into our own depths and has exercised a powerful influence over us since the arrival of Homo sapiens on the scene, some 100,000 years ago; it led early man to ritually bury the dead with flowers, food, and the tools they would need in the next life, and 70,000 years later, impelled him into pitch black crawlways, literally risking life and limb, to paint images of animals on the cave walls, as well as other magical figures that have never existed anywhere but in the imaginations of these shamanic artists. Even today, though we devalue this non-linear, non-rational “dream thinking” in our Western world, we remain in thrall of its symbols – religious, nationalistic, and otherwise – to such an extent that we willingly, even enthusiastically, go to war over them; they are, as Robinson Jeffers wrote in his 1925 poem Roan Stallion
“the phantom rulers of humanity that without being are yet more real than what they are born of, and without shape, shape that which makes them.”
Two forces are constantly at work within us. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe referred to them as systole
– the heart contracts and pumps oxygen-rich blood out into the arteries to be dispersed throughout the body – and diastole
– the heart relaxes and is filled with oxygen-poor blood from the veins which is then sent to the lungs to be reinfused with oxygen, to be sent by the heart once again throughout the body. The Swiss psychologist Carl Jung called these mechanisms within us extraversion
– the flowing of interest from the individual outward into the world – and introversion
– “movement of interest away from the object to the subject and his own psychological processes” (C. G. Jung, Psychological Types
, par. 4).
“Ars totum requirit hominem
,” is the alchemist’s admonition to any who would pursue his secrets: “the art requires the whole man.” Systole and diastole function together to make life possible. Extraversion and introversion, reality thinking and dream thinking function together to elevate us from hominid to Human. When systole, extraversion, reality-thinking become preeminent, such values as diastole, introversion, dream-thinking are diminished; the result is an overriding focus on details, an emphasis on delineations and distinctions, while the greater pattern, of which these particulars are but expressions, is lost.
And this brings me to the Tarot de Marseille suit of Swords. If this suit is indeed related to the thinking function, if this was the idea in the aether, even though it was not consciously declared, then it is possible that in this suit both types of thinking are represented. The traditional swords refer to the reality thinking that must be sharp, clear, linear; and the arched swords represent the dream-thinking which the rational mind cannot make any sense of – cannot even find the grips with which to wield these symbols.
When our primal ancestors crawled deep into the bowels of the earth, they were reentering the womb, not so they could be born again when they reemerged but to impregnate the earth with spiritual visions. The cave walls are magnificently painted, but there are very few images of men. The image at the top of this post, from Les Trois-Frères, a cave in southwestern France, shows a shaman in a trance state; he is not nearly as meticulously drawn as the animals, but the artist included an erection, making the figure’s purpose clear.
We read in multiple commentaries about a simplistic kind of balance that runs through the tarot; it is simplistic because it is based solely on numerical symmetry: if there are four suits, then two must be masculine (Wands and Swords), for they are phallic, and two must be feminine (Cups and Coins) for they are round and receptive. Nothing, however, is this cut-and-dry. The arched swords are not merely symbolic representations of dream- or non-linear thinking, they also form a vulvic opening where the mysteries of transformation occur.
2023.06.04 16:04 deverbovitae Challenges With Oral, Written, and Digital Knowledge
Humans, especially in the Western world, very much prize knowledge: its acquisition, its exercise, and its advancement and development.
Our relationship with knowledge, however, is fraught with many problems. We are finite, created beings; thus, there is only so much we can know and understand (cf. Isaiah 55:8-9
). We have all sinned and fallen short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23
): our faculties for knowledge have been thus corrupted. Such corruption is manifest in the reasoning and exercise of knowledge as well as in our ability to retain knowledge. In our corruption we are prone to misremember, consciously and unconsciously, promoting and advancing what is truly error in our limitations or with nefarious motivations.
We would like to imagine our brains as supercomputers, able to process memories and knowledge and to retain them for instantaneous recall when needed. Yet such is not how God has designed the human brain, nor is it how the human brain, in its current corruption, functions. Various aspects of memories are stored in different parts of the brain; it would seem every recall of our memory is in its own way a refabrication of what we are remembering. This function is by necessity, and in many ways, preservation: if we could remember every sense impression we ever received, we would get lost in details and not remember anything substantive; furthermore, we have plenty of memories we do best to forget or remember in a different light on account of the trauma we have experienced.
And yet all these factors mean our memory is not as reliable as we imagine it to be. The way we understand what has happened in our lives is not infallible, let alone the way we understand what has happened to others or the state of the knowledge we have thought we have obtained.
All such things reflect the challenges of life in a society in which knowledge is primarily maintained in oral transmission. It is not as if information cannot be transmitted throughout generations by means of oral transmission; but the information communicated by oral transmission will often go through various changes, often unintentionally and unconsciously, and all while the transmitters of oral knowledge insist they tell the same story. Furthermore, oral knowledge endures only as long as the information is transmitted: plague, pestilence, and/or violence can easily lead to the extinguishing of information about a given people or culture. Such is why we continue to categorize the past in terms of “historical” and “pre-historical” periods: there is only so much we can know about a culture or a people who have not preserved written records or have not communicated to others who have written it down.
For various reasons people began to develop systems by which thoughts and words could be recorded through signs on various media and could be preserved for later retrieval by the writers themselves or by those of a later time. The first of these seem to originate 6000 or so years ago in Mesopotamia and Egypt and endure to this day.
The strength of written knowledge is the creation of a fixed standard which can be maintained and referred to over time. Humans can memorize information and retain it well as long as they have a written standard to which they can make reference. Today we have far greater understanding about many aspects of ancient life in cultures which wrote down such information.
Yet written knowledge comes with its own set of challenges as recognized even in antiquity. In many respects the whole point of written knowledge is to replace “knowing something” with “knowing where to learn about something”: it fosters a “card catalog” approach to knowledge, in which the thing itself is less known but we know where to go to learn about it. Such a challenge was not entirely foreign to primarily oral cultures; we can consider how many Israelites would have made an appeal to a prophet or one trained in the Torah to figure out information about how to serve God as opposed to themselves knowing how to thus serve. But it is a challenge exacerbated by written knowledge. In terms of the Christian faith we must always insist on not just knowing about Scripture, or knowing where to find things in Scripture, but the actual knowing of Scripture, to allow the Word of God to be within a person (e.g. 2 Peter 3:18
). No one has ever been transformed by God in Christ through the Spirit merely by knowing where to learn; they must actually learn the thing itself and be transformed by it.
Written knowledge is also only as good as the writings are preserved, and such was a major difficulty in the world before the printing press. Wet clay can be re-formed and thus writing on it can be erased; papyrus and paper easily decay or fall apart. We are aware of all kinds of written works which are no longer extant, most likely lost in the ravages of time; we are probably ignorant of far more. Just because something is written down does not make it true: plenty of people have written things to distort or manipulate intentionally, and far more have written with the best of intentions but ultimately in ways which did not maintain full integrity. Many arguments and disputes about doctrines in Christianity were generated or made worse by the existence of “pseudepigraphal” works, in which someone later wrote in the name of a famous ancestor, and people in later generations accepted the “pseudepigraphal” works as authentic, and drew conclusions. And even if something is written and true, errors intentional and unintentional can creep in through the copying process. Furthermore, all written language, by necessity, is interpretive: we all have to interpret what the signs written actually mean. We have some written documents from the past which we cannot read because we have not deciphered the writing system. Many English Bible translations will frequently note how “the Hebrew is uncertain” in many passages: many words in the Hebrew Bible show up once or only a few times and we do not have strong confidence in their specific likeness in English because what those terms originally meant have not been handed down. Even when we have written words well preserved through the copying process and a decent understanding of the original language, no two languages have exact equivalence in terms and thoughts; the multiplicity of Bible translations testify to the various layers of understanding which we can obtain from the text. Interpretation and application of texts also are places in which we can easily distort the original purpose of the author.
From the beginning of writing until the modern age the great barrier for people has been one of access. Written knowledge is only valuable if you know how to read and write and you have access to sources of written knowledge. Such access was often jealously guarded as the prerogative of the literate elite. As Christians we do well to remember how challenging access to the knowledge of the Scriptures proved for the first 1500 years of Christianity: only a few could read, and even then, to read would require texts available to read. Therefore, most Christians who have ever lived most likely did not read much or any of the Scriptures. Their experience with the Scriptures was mediated by those who read it and explained it to them (cf. 1 Timothy 4:13
). We can find many benefits to our personal study of Scripture, and we do well to come to understand God’s purposes in Christ better through our study of Scripture; nevertheless, we never have a right to assume the only way a person can be a Christian is by means of studying the Scriptures, and should be on the lookout for how the reading and studying of Scripture can itself prove idolatrous. Far too many have confused the Author of Scripture with the Scriptures themselves; far too many have confused learning about God in Christ with the actual practices of following God in Christ.
Current generations are living through the third great revolution in knowledge: the prevalence of digital knowledge. By means of computers and the Internet the challenge of access is significantly reduced. We have instant access to a wealth of knowledge beyond anything any individual can well understand. Information is now everywhere.
The great challenge of digital knowledge involves trust. We can all easily and quickly search for information: but how can we know the information is any good? Search engines are monetized to direct you to the sources of information which pay the search engines money to that end. On almost every issue and matter we will easily find highly contradictory explanations and understandings of almost anything and everything. “I found it on the Internet” as a source is now a running joke.
Digital knowledge, therefore, is only as good as the integrity of those who post it; and our understanding of digital knowledge must be well informed with critical perspectives watching out for confirmation bias. Digital knowledge is simultaneously expansive and siloed: you can learn just about anything on the Internet, but you can also find specific and epistemically closed communities on the Internet. Such is how many people have “done their research” and believe certain things very strongly, even though others have also “done their research,” believe in certain things very strongly, and have come to radically different conclusions. With digital knowledge we must cultivate healthy self-skepticism in our critical thinking, subjecting what we want to believe and the claims of those who we deem are like us to the same critical standard to which we subject that which we do not want to believe and the claims of those we deem are not like us.
Thus no form of knowledge is a panacea; challenges persist regardless of how we know things and seek to retain knowledge. We cannot dismiss the existence of the challenges, nor can we despair of knowing anything because of the challenges. Instead we do well to navigate the challenges with the wisdom expressed by God in Christ through the Spirit and focus primarily on that which leads to greater trust in God in Christ so we are living more consistently with the witness of what God has accomplished in Christ through His Spirit!
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2023.06.04 16:01 ImprovementIll3062 The Truth In This Art: Unveiling the Intersection of Art, Culture, and Marketing with Tonya R. Miller Hall
Hey, fellow art enthusiasts!
I wanted to share an exciting new episode of "The Truth In This Art" podcast hosted by the amazing Rob Lee. In this episode, Rob sits down with the incredible Tonya R. Miller Hall, the Senior Advisor of Art & Culture for the City of Baltimore.
Tonya brings a wealth of experience to the table, having collaborated with renowned companies in the fashion, social justice, and lifestyle brand sectors. Her comprehensive approach to brand development is truly inspiring, as she transforms fundamental concepts into strategic programs that drive key priorities and accelerate business objectives.
Previously serving as the Chief Marketing & Programs Officer of the Baltimore Office of Promotion and the Arts, Tonya's insights into the world of art, culture, and marketing are invaluable. She shares her expertise and experiences, unveiling the secrets behind her successful career. From brand development to marketing strategies, Tonya provides valuable insights that can benefit professionals in any industry.
But Tonya's story doesn't end there! Beyond her professional endeavors, she's also a competitive endurance athlete. Whether it's boxing or road cycling, Tonya finds joy in physical challenges that mirror her drive in the professional realm. Her unique perspective on achieving goals and pushing boundaries adds an exciting dimension to the conversation.
If you're passionate about art, culture, marketing, or simply love a great podcast episode, you won't want to miss this. Tune in to "The Truth In This Art" and embark on a captivating journey with Tonya R. Miller Hall. Her captivating story and expertise will leave you inspired and motivated.
You can listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts using the following link: The Truth In This Art: Conversations with Creatives - Episode with Tonya R. Miller Hall
Make sure to give it a listen, and don't forget to share your thoughts and comments with Rob and Tonya. Let's spread the word and support amazing creatives like Tonya who are making a difference in the world of art, culture, and marketing!
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2023.06.04 16:01 brickfaced901 How to stop these voices?
I never believed this remark of my parents when I was a toddler that " I am dumb, have no IQ, no common sense and that I act like a tubelight". But as days went by and I turned to a teenager they still said those same things to me and openly made fun of me infront of people and it hurt me so bad. I was desperate to prove them wrong but I couldn't, cause in most situations I acted exactly as they described. I was wrapped in fear that their comment was becoming true. That fear gave me so much anxiety, so many silent panic attacks that I endured , so many sleepless nights where I just cried silently on my pillow. All I ever wanted was to prove them wrong that I was smart and intelligent. I tried in all my possibilities to prove them, to please them but they still said those hurtful things to me. I thought despite all of my efforts I couldn't change a single bit of myself?? Those words engraved in my mind so deep that even when I am an adult into my 20s now and whenever I do something or make mistakes I constantly hear those words,their voices shouting at me, looking at me as if I am their biggest dissapointment. All I hear that , " I am what they told me and they are right, they are absolutely right."
My hands shake , my throat immediately clumps up when I see myself making a wrong decision and those words rush through me. I stop completely, numbed by the thoughts , I can no longer function everything around me feels moving too fast or too slow to process.
This feeling still haunts me so much, sad part is I cannot confess neither can I seek therapy because they will start making those comments again
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2023.06.04 15:58 Elem3ntalSh00tingBee Your House
You opened the front door and welcomed me in with open arms
I collapsed into them and wept tears of joy
You hung your coat on the broken rack
I took off my shoes so as not to get your house dirty
You made me dinner
I ate it with glee
You refilled my cup
I drank every last drop
You washed the dishes
I placed them back into the drawers
You tucked me into bed with you and kissed me goodnight
I saw thy absence of Hell
You sheathed me in your armour of serenity
I slid inside deeper ever
You awoke me in the morning
I shed tears of relief
You touched me like no one else did
I moulded into it and abstained to let go
You ravished me and disposed of the poison
I kissed you deeply
You returned it and soothed me post aftermath
I always salivated for more
You actually kept me around
I piggybacked off the euphoria
You were too pure to see the cracks
I did my best to conceal the growth
You wondered why I behaved so strangely
I wasn’t sure of thy cause either
You became less enthusiastic
I desperately connected my lips to yours
You returned it with endurance
I noticed the grimace of pity
You bore the eyes of a wrinkled page
I tried to smooth you out
You opened the front door and disinvited me out with folded arms
I collapsed onto the porch and wept tears of tribulation
You shrugged on your coat and kicked down the broken rack
I slipped on my shoes so as not to step on shattered glass
You peered at me like I was delusional
I gripped the blade in my hands and sobbed with culpability
You spilled words of coercion and radiated apprehension
I singe my throat with epiphanies
You lack understanding
I run my mouth with amends
You despair with offers of discussion
I bite my tongue with farewells
You reach out
I end the world around me in the blink of an eye
You don’t say anything that will reach my deaf ears
I apologise, my love
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2023.06.04 15:52 Extreme_Translator74 Morfeus(sueFROM) And His Siblings(Spoilers)
Since last week and idea got stuck in my head when somebody on this sub asked about what the title means.
My idea was that the title "FROM" might be an anagram for the word MORF(Morph) which means form or shape.
Little did I know that the etymology goes a bit deeper to the name of the god of dreams Morpheus, information which didn´t click until yesterday when I watched the first two episodes of Sandman on Netflix when I began searching about the myth of Morpheus.
The next few paragraphs will be pasted in Bold
from this link
with my annotations in Italic
regarding this theory.
Morpheus was the God of Dreams, the one with the amazing ability of appearing in dreams of mortals in any form. As his name implies – the Greek word “morphe” means “form” – he was the one who shaped and formed the dreams. Morpheus himself had a talent in mimicking any human in the dreams, and was able to take any form he wanted. Morpheus was part of the Oneiroi, who were dream spirits and also brothers. Morpheus was their leader as only he had the skill to influence the dreams of gods and kings. His brothers would visit the rest of mankind.
Family Tree Of Morpheus Father: Hypnos, God of Sleep. Descendant of Erebus and Nyx . Unknown Mother: Pasithea(Tillie) – Goddess of relaxation and rest. Given the actions of this character since she first appeared this season and her relaxed but intriguing vibe could be a good candidate for this position, as well as the fact that she gave away that bottle of Morphine to Kristi. Uncle: Thanatos – God of Death . Unknown, might be the red creature on the walls of the cave, or "They" , the entities that Sara was talking about in season 1. Brothers:
- Phobetor(The Monsters): He was the one who created the scary dreams. He was the personification of nightmare, taking the form of huge and scary animals. Given the underlying idea of the first part of the season 2 that fear is what the monsters are feeding on and their reaction when Randal was facing the monsters, showing them that he wasn´t afraid, as well as Boyd confronting the monsters before passing the worms to Smiley.
- Phantasos(The Worms): He was the one creating the fake and illusional dreams, and had no animus form. The initial manifestation of the worms in Boyd´s mind was an inanimate object, the ballerina music box.
- Ikelos(The Boy in White and the Dog and possibly the Children from the Caves): He was the one creating the true dreams, making them more realistic. The only purpose of the Boy in White and His Dog until now was to guide the characters through the Faraway Trees.
After reading all of this, it begs the question WHO IS Morpheus in the context of the series?
Another fun fact that I stumbled upon when I went the rabbit hole of From Mythology is the symbol(the raven) that was given to Elgin as well as his name.. It might be too far fetched but I find it funny, here´s how it goes. Leaving aside the fact that Elgin is a real name,it could have been chosen on purpose by the writers because it is composed of two essential parts.
The first part "EL" comes from the name of the prophet "Elijah" in the Christian Bible who was fed by ravens
. Elijah Fed by Ravens 2 Then the word of the Lord came to Elijah: 3 “Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan. 4 You will drink from the brook, and I have directed the ravens to supply you with food there.”
The second part "IN" comes from the names of the Norse god "Odin" and his ravens "Hugin" and "Munin".
In Norse mythology, ravens hold a special place as powerful symbols. Odin, the chief god of the Norse pantheon, had two ravens, Huginn and Muninn, who flew all over the world and brought him information about everything that was happening. The symbolism of the raven in Norse mythology is complex and multifaceted, and it has been the subject of much discussion and debate among scholars and enthusiasts alike. Knowing the symbolism of ravens in Christianity and Norse mythology as well the information we have about him until now , we might speculate that Elgin´s impact on the story will be great.
I didn´t expect this post to be so long and I hope it will be exciting to some.
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2023.06.04 15:49 MountainIncident7425 Looking for accounts of exorcisms where the demons were driven out instantly with a single word — like the one's Jesus and his disciples did
Have you ever heard of any accounts of exorcisms where the demons were driven out instantly with a single word of command? This is what happened when Jesus and his disciples drove out demons. Most exorcisms today, like those done in the Catholic Church, have set procedures on how to do them and definitely take a whole lot longer than how it happened in the Bible, by comparison. (I'm implying that I think this is the biblical — the correct — manner in how demons would be driven out.)
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2023.06.04 15:12 still_breathing24 Baptized... regret?
Hello all, I need advice really badly. I feel horrible inside, cut to the very core of my soul. I was invited to a church healing service by a friend and the church itself is Pentecostal. I'd never been to a Pentecostal church before and I figured, why not? Church is church, worshiping God is always a good thing, right?
Things got... chaotic, is the only word I can use to describe it. I myself am a very quiet, reserved person, and it's not that I don't love the Lord, I do, I was just unused to how passionate things were. People shouting into the microphone to the point of a headache, music so loud you can't hear yourself think... But again, everyone worships in their own way.
Towards the end of the service, when they were praying over people who needed healing (I needed healing badly), a few people came to pray on me which I was fine with. Lots of "hallelujah"s and "praise God"s and people screaming and shouting... again, okay, everyone has their way. And then at some point, the pastor came up to me, I forget what happened, but one moment we're talking and then he asks about whether I've been baptized (I was, in 2017; I was baptized in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit--some of you probably saw my post last month), and I told him yes, in the Holy Trinity, and then he asked if I'd like to be baptized in the name of Jesus, and I guess I got caught up in everything or felt like I needed to, I don't really know, everything felt so confused and chaotic, and I just nodded and said yes. Then he laid his hand on my head and told me to worship, worship, worship, and that I needed to speak in tongues, and I'm like ??? um, alright. I didn't speak in tongues the whole time. It felt like forever, standing there with this guy's hand on my head, telling me to thank God, praise Him, praise Him, yes, keep doing that, Holy Spirit let her speak in tongues and again... I didn't speak in tongues?
Then they're leading me into a bathroom, give me clothes to change into, and the whole time, I was shaking horribly, I didn't realize I was going into a panic attack. I don't even know what I was thinking, I just was like, Jesus, if You want me to do this, I'll do it, but if not, please stop me. Next thing I know, they're helping me get in the tub, the water was so cold, strangers surrounding me on all corners, shouting and spittle flying and screams, and then I was dunked under, and then they kept trying to get me to pray in tongues (I didn't). I couldn't get out of that tub fast enough to get my clothes and get out of there. I felt sick, I felt so violated and grieved, like I'd just made a big mistake and there was no way to fix it, not even with God, not even in death. The person who invited me there didn't understand why I felt so grieved and was like, hey, this is a good thing! You were baptized correctly this time! Rejoice!
How do I rejoice when I feel like I've just done a horrible, horrible thing? Whereas other people were getting baptized and screaming "hallelujah" and whatnot, I raced to get to my car and I couldn't stop shaking or crying. It took calling my mother for me to calm down enough to make the long drive back home. I was going into a full-blown panic attack and asking God repeatedly to please forgive me, I am so sorry.
When I got home, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I still can't. I couldn't look at any online posts about the bible or God or anything because I felt so guilty. I felt utterly violated inside and all I kept thinking was, "this is my own fault, I shouldn't have jumped the gun, I should've given it more thought before deciding to do this, I was already baptized, God must hate me now for what I've just done." I felt like no matter how hard I scrubbed myself in the shower, I was filthy. And... I don't know why. I really don't. The first time I got baptized, I was excited and my family was with me, but this time around, it was the complete opposite.
I felt like, prior to this service, I was OK with God; I study my bible each morning, I talk to Him throughout the day, I try to walk in a way that is pleasing to Him. Yet after last night, I feel sick. I feel like I've done something so horrible and unforgiveable that I'm disgusting in God's eyes. Baptism is not a light choice, it's supposed to be this beautiful thing, an outward expression to the world of an inward faith, but I feel like my soul was violated. I feel like my heart wasn't in the right place and I did this holy thing, and by not doing it with my heart in the right place, I feel like I just majorly disgusted God. I don't think my heart was in the right place, and when you get baptized, you're supposed to have the right mindset and heart to do it. I think I screwed up majorly. I've asked God to forgive me, but I wonder if maybe I crossed a line where God is like nope, I'm done with you. Depart from Me.
I don't really know what advice I'm looking for, I just feel so grieved inside, and I've asked God to forgive me, but I feel like I really messed up this time... I just wanted to have a relationship with Jesus, and now I feel like now I've gone and screwed it all up because fellow human beings are like "nope you have to do it THIS way."
I don't know who to talk to and I don't know where to turn...
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