Loves truck stop propane

First of all allow me to briefly explain how our relationship went and why she is my ex, then I will go over the date plans.
(Context)
Our love story is a tapestry of highs and lows, laughter and tears. We faced challenges, and I haveunfortunatly made mistakes, I let a web of lies get in between us believing protecting her from the truth would spare us from unnecessary strife. Little did I know that the consequences of my deception would prove far more destructive than any imagined conflict. But I never stopped believing in the power of our connection and the love i have for her is like nothing else, it's been months now since our break up and we stayed in contact through all that time and now she decided to give me a chance to rebuild our relationship and and take her out on a date, i can still sense her being in her shell not wanting to get hurt or deal with any bullshit I used to do back when we were together, but she is using this date I presume to see if i have changed and became a better person for her and that if I am good enough for her (And i have changed immensly for the best in the past months).
(Date plans)
I'm planning a romantic and memorable date in Agadir, Morocco(We're both born and raised here). We'll start by riding a cable car that offers a breathtaking view of Agadir and its beautiful beaches. The cable car will take us to the Agadir Oufella ruins and Kasbah, where we can explore and soak in the historical charm.Afterward, we'll head to a gourmet restaurant with reserved seats that overlook the stunning sunset. We'll indulge in a delicious dinner while enjoying the captivating colors of the sky.Following dinner, we'll take a leisurely stroll along the Agadir beach, appreciating the soothing sounds of the waves. Our walk will lead us to the marina, where we'll visit her favorite ice cream shop. We'll savor our ice creams and continue our walk, creating cherished memories along the way, I hope.
Let me know what you guys and gals think. Thanks :)
(Also i'm new to this whole reddit thing, so I am sorry for anything I may have done wrong I went over some posts here to see how things are and I tried my best)

What is relationship abuse?
^{Relationship abuse is a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner. Abuse can be emotional, financial, sexual or physical and can include threats, isolation, and intimidation. Abuse tends to escalate over time. When someone uses abuse and violence against a partner, it is always part of a larger pattern of control.}
Warning signs of abuse:

• ^{Do you feel nervous around your partner?}
• ^{Do you have to be careful to control your behavior to avoid your partner’s anger?}
• ^{Do you feel pressured by your partner when it comes to sex?}
• ^{Are you scared of disagreeing with your partner?}
• ^{Does your partner criticize you, or humiliate you in front of other people?}
• ^{Is your partner always checking up on you or questioning you about what you do without your partner?}
• ^{Does your partner control where you go or check the mileage on your car?}
• ^{Does your partner repeatedly and wrongfully accuse you of seeing or flirting with other people?}
• ^{Does your partner tell you that if you changed, they wouldn’t treat you like this?}
• ^{Does your partner’s jealousy stop you from seeing friends or family?}
• ^{Does your partner make you feel like you are wrong, stupid, crazy, or inadequate?}
• ^{Has your partner ever scared you with violence or threatening behavior?}
• ^{Does your partner throw or break objects to intimidate you?}
• ^{Does your partner make you feel scared by driving too fast and refusing to slow down when you ask?}
• ^{Does your partner say, “I will kill myself if you break up with me” or “I will hurt/kill you if you break up with me”?}
• ^{Does your partner make excuses for the abusive behavior? For example: saying, “It’s because of alcohol or drugs,” or “I can’t control my temper,” or “I was just joking”?}
• ^{Does your partner brag about bullying or harming others or animals?}
• ^{Has your partner abused or killed your animals?}
• ^{Does your partner impose stereotypical gender roles or invalidate your gender identity?}

​
Types of abuse:
Physical abuse is any intentional, unwanted contact with you or something close to your body, or any behavior that causes or has the intention of causing you injury, disability, or death.
^{Examples of physical abuse include:}

• ^{Scratching, punching, biting, strangling, choking, or kicking.}
• ^{Throwing items at you like a phone, book, shoe, or plate.}
• ^{Pulling your hair.}
• ^{Pushing or pulling you, or forcibly grabbing your clothing.}
• ^{Threatening to use or using a gun, knife, box cutter, bat, mace, or other weapon against you.}
• ^{Touching any part of you without your permission or consent.}
• ^{Forcing you to have sex or perform a sexual act.}
• ^{Grabbing your face to make you look at them.}
• ^{Preventing you from leaving or forcing you to go somewhere.}

Emotional abuse & verbal abuse includes non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring or “checking in,” excessive texting, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, or stalking.
^{Examples of emotional and verbal abuse include:}

• ^{Calling you names or putting you down.}
• ^{Telling you what to do or wear.}
• ^{Yelling or screaming at you.}
• ^{Intentionally embarrassing you in front of others or starting rumors about you.}
• ^{Preventing you from seeing or communicating with friends or family, or threatening to have your children taken away from you.}
• ^{Damaging your property (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.})
• ^{Using online communities or communications to control, intimidate, or humiliate you.}
• ^{Blaming abusive or unhealthy behavior on you or your actions.}
• ^{Being jealous of outside relationships or accusing you of cheating.}
• ^{Stalking you or your loved ones.}
• ^{Threatening to harm you, your pet(s}, or people in your life.)
• ^{Threatening to harm themselves to keep you from ending the relationship.}
• ^{Gaslighting you by pretending not to understand or refusing to listen to you; questioning your recollection of facts, events, or sources; trivializing your needs or feelings; or denying previous statements or promises.}
• ^{Making you feel guilty or immature when you don’t consent to sexual activity.}
• ^{Threatening to expose personal details, such as your sexual orientation or immigration status.}

Sexual abuse refers to any behavior that pressures or coerces someone to do something sexually that they don’t want to do. It can also refer to behavior that impacts a person’s ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity takes place, including oral sex, rape, or controlling reproductive methods and choices.
^{Examples of sexual abuse include:}

• ^{Unwanted kissing or touching.}
• ^{Unwanted rough or violent sexual activity.}
• ^{Refusing to use condoms or restricting someone’s access to birth control.}
• ^{Preventing someone from using protection against sexually transmitted infections (STIs}.)
• ^{Sexual contact with someone intoxicated from drugs or alcohol, unconscious, asleep, or otherwise unable to give clear and informed consent.}
• ^{Threatening, pressuring, or otherwise forcing someone to have sex or perform sexual acts.}
• ^{Using sexual insults toward someone.}

Financial abuse often operates in more subtle ways than other forms of abuse, but it can be just as harmful to those who experience it.
Modern conditions of stark economic inequality mean that financial security is directly tied to our health and wellbeing. No one has the right to use money or how you choose to spend it to control your actions or decisions, and no one should control your ability to work.
^{Examples of financial abuse include:}

• ^{Giving you an allowance or monitoring what you buy.}
• ^{Depositing your paycheck into an account you can’t access.}
• ^{Preventing you from seeing shared bank accounts or records.}
• ^{Forbidding you from working or limiting the hours you do.}
• ^{Preventing you from going to work by taking your car, keys, or other mode of transportation.}
• ^{Getting you fired by harassing you, your employer, or your co-workers.}
• ^{Hiding or stealing your student financial aid check or other financial support.}
• ^{Using your social security number to obtain loans without your permission.}
• ^{Using your child’s social security number to claim an income tax refund without your permission.}
• ^{Maxing out your credit cards without permission.}
• ^{Refusing to provide you with money, food, rent, medicine, or clothing.}
• ^{Using funds from your children’s tuition or a joint savings account without your knowledge.}
• ^{Spending money on themselves while preventing you from doing the same.}
• ^{Giving you presents or paying for things with the expectation of something in return.}
• ^{Using financial circumstances to control you.}

Digital dating abuse is the use of technologies like texting and social media to bully, harass, stalk, or intimidate a partner. This behavior is often a form of verbal or emotional abuse, conducted online.
^{Examples of digital abuse include:}

• ^{Telling you who you can or can’t follow or be friends with on social media.}
• ^{Sending you negative, insulting, or threatening messages or emails.}
• ^{Using social media to track your activities.}
• ^{Insulting or humiliating you in their posts online, including posting unflattering photos or videos.}
• ^{Sending, requesting, or pressuring you to send unwanted explicit photos or videos, sexts, or otherwise compromising messages.}
• ^{Stealing or pressuring your to share your account passwords.}
• ^{Constantly texting you or making you feel like you can’t be separated from your phone.}
• ^{Looking through your phone or checking up on your pictures, texts, and phone records.}
• ^{Using any kind of technology (such as spyware or GPS in a car or phone to monitor your activities.})

Stalking occurs when someone watches, follows, or harasses you repeatedly, making you feel afraid or unsafe.
^{While the legal definition of stalking varies from state to state, examples of stalking behavior include:}

• ^{Showing up at your home or workplace unannounced or uninvited.}
• ^{Sending you unwanted texts, messages, letters, emails, or voicemails.}
• ^{Leaving you unwanted items, gifts, or flowers.}
• ^{Calling you and hanging up repeatedly or making unwanted phone calls to you, your employer, a professor, or a loved one.}
• ^{Using social media or technology to track your activities.}
• ^{Spreading rumors about you online or in person.}
• ^{Manipulating other people to investigate your life, including using someone else’s social media account to look at your profile or befriending your friends in order to get information about you.}
• ^{Waiting around at places you spend time.}
• ^{Damaging your home, car, or other property.}
• ^{Hiring a private investigator to follow or find you as a way of knowing your location or movements.}

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Avoid victim blaming
Why is it dangerous?
^{Victim-blaming attitudes marginalize the victim/survivor and make it harder to come forward and report the abuse. If the victim/survivor knows that you or society blames survivors for abuse, they will not feel safe or comfortable coming forward and talking to you.
Victim-blaming attitudes also reinforce the manipulative tactics that abusers use to control their partner; abusers tell survivors that it is their fault this is happening. Committing violence is always the choice of the person who is abusing. It is NOT the victim/survivor’s fault or responsibility to fix the violence that an abuser is committing against them. By engaging in victim-blaming attitudes, society allows abusive people to perpetrate relationship abuse or sexual assault while avoiding accountability for those actions.
Victim-blaming attitudes prevent society from acknowledging and changing toxic masculinity and rape culture.}
Where does it come from?
^{In order to stop victim-blaming, it is helpful to understand why it occurs in the first place. One reason that people blame a victim/survivor is to distance themselves from an unpleasant occurrence. This gives a false sense that this could not happen to them. By labeling or accusing the victim/survivor, others can see the victim/survivor as different from themselves. People use the Just World theory, Invulnerability theory, and Assumptive World theory in an attempt to feel like they have control over situations where they do not have control. People reassure themselves by thinking, “Because I am not like the victim/survivor, because I do not do XYZ, this would never happen to me.” We need to help people understand that a survivor’s actions do not contribute to a perpetrator’s (those that choose to harm decision to commit relationship abuse and sexual violence. It is our responsibility as members of society to support survivors and hold abusers accountable.})
What does victim blaming look like?
^{Common Victim Blaming Statements:}

• ^{“The victim provoked him”}
• ^{“They both have problems”}
• ^{“The victim shouldn’t have married him after”}
• ^{“The victim was drunk”}
• ^{“They can’t be abused, because they are in an LGBTQI+ relationship”}

^{Example of Victim-Blaming Attitude:}

• ^{“She must have provoked him into being abusive. They both need to change.”}

^{Reality: This statement assumes that the victim is equally to blame for the abuse, when in reality, abuse is a conscious choice made by the abuser. Abusers have a choice in how they react to their partner’s actions. Options besides abuse include: walking away, talking in the moment, respectfully explaining why an action is frustrating, breaking up, etc. Additionally, abuse is not about individual actions that incite the abuser to hurt the victim/survivor, but rather about the abuser’s feelings of entitlement to do whatever the abuser wants to their partner. When friends and family remain neutral about the abuse and say that both people need to change, they are taking away responsibility from the perpetrator (those that choose to harm}, thereby colluding with/supporting the abusive partner and making it less likely that the survivor will seek support.)
^{Victim Blaming in Language:One of the biggest sources of victim blaming is the way we talk about it. Language surrounding abuse and sexual assault immediately puts our attention on the victim instead of the perpetrator. This is a demonstration developed by Julia Penelope and frequently used by Jackson Katz to show how language can be victim blaming:}

• ^{John beat Mary; This sentence is written in active voice. It is clear who is committing the violence.}
• ^{Mary was beaten by John; The sentence has been changed to passive voice, so Mary comes first.}
• ^{Mary was beaten; Notice that John is removed from the sentence completely. Our attention is completely focused on Mary.}
• ^{Mary is a battered woman; Being a battered woman is now part of Mary’s identity. John is not a part of the statement, and he will not be held accountable for his choice to abuse.}

^{As you can see, the focus has shifted entirely to Mary instead of John, encouraging the audience to focus on the survivor’s actions instead of the perpetrator’s actions. The solutions regarding prevention become focused on what Mary can do differently, not on what John can do differently, and not on how society creates a culture that supports John’s behavior.}
What can I do about it?

• ^{Challenge victim-blaming statements when you hear them}
• ^{Do not agree with abusers’ excuses for why they abuse}
• ^{Let survivors know that it is not their fault}
• ^{Hold abusers accountable for their actions: do not let them make excuses like blaming the victim, alcohol, or drugs for their behavior}
• ^{Acknowledge that survivors are their own best experts and provide them with resources and support}
• ^{Recognize that victim-blaming can take on many forms and manifest in unique ways, which can be rooted in racist, sexist, and/or homophobic attitudes present in society.}
• ^{Avoid victim blaming in the media}
• ^{Reframe the question “Why does the victim stay?” to “Why does the perpetrator (those that choose to harm} abuse?” See) ^{Barriers to Leaving an Abusive Relationship}
• ^{Understand the frequently asked questions that often interrupt accountability.}
• ^{See Tips for Media Professionals for information on how you can re-frame victim-blaming language.}

^{Remember if you are aware of abusive behavior and do not speak out against it, your silence communicates implicitly that you see nothing unacceptable taking place.\})
---
Additional resources for those experiencing abuse in relationships:

• Plan for safety if you are experiencing abuse.
• Learn more about how to support a loved one who is experiencing abuse.
• Educate yourself about barriers to leaving abusive relationships.

https://www.loveisrespect.org/ / Call 1-866-331-9474 / Text LOVEIS to 22522
https://www.thehotline.org/ / Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) / Text START to 88788
https://stoprelationshipabuse.org/

So this morning we got into an argument again, but I think I have made her too upset. She started saying that we have disrespectful against her the whole time, that we didn't listen to her and didn't want to change. She said she was done with us and that she wouldn't argue with us anymore. That also meant that she would leave us alone by not cooking, not bringing us to school, not cleaning the house and things like that.
The thing about my mother is that she could say things like that, but the next day she would keep doing it even though she said she would stop with cooking and cleaning and that she didn't care anymore for what we would do with our clothing or body. These things actually happen a few times, where she says she's done with cleaning around the house. This time it felt different, because I just then felt bad that I made her this upset because of our different opinions.
​
I wanted to talk to her for one last time about this. The whole day she's been inside her bedroom and she's been quiet the whole time against everyone. I wanted to apologize to her so that hopefully we could put this behind our backs and we could never talk about these things again.
She ended up saying that everything was fine because I didn't have to worry about her anymore. She said that she had enough of being treated like a reliability. So she decided she wouldn't care anymore. She would let us do everything we wanted and she wouldn't care. She said that I could do whatever I want with my body and eat and do whatever I want. She just wouldn't clean around the house anymore. Almost in all of these arguments she got tears in her eyes and in this one aswell. I feel horrible that I've pushed her this far. I love her because she's my mother and I wanted to make sure that she wouldn't be angry if I ever came out or wore more feminine clothing.
I didn't want her to accept me like this. She was just done and she didn't care anymore. She said to me that I've won, that I can finally do whatever I want and that I didn't need to worry anymore and that I could make a joke of myself by dressing the way that I wanted.
​
I've made it so much worse. I tried to make it better but it backfired completely. I feel so horrible that I could do this to my own mother. Now I don't even know if I really will be a femboy because I don't wanna dissapoint her even more. I will try to do more around the house because I really don't do a lot and that makes me feel even more horrible. I'm at least that my father was there so he could hug me because I just cried a bit on his shoulder. I tried to make things better but I've only made it worse. I made my mother not care anymore and I feel so horrible about that. I don't really wanna talk about myself anymore because I just think I'm that one that went too far.
​
I'm sorry that I post these type of depressing posts. I really wanna stay positive and talk with people in this community. I hope that my mother will feel better after a few days(I will still post and stuff just hopefully more positive.)
I wish you all the best, thank you for reading, bye

I’m almost 30 y o and even tough my work/love life is ok, I have never feel so lonely before.
I can never be myself, at work (which is normal I guess), with my partner, my family or my friends. If I am, I’ll get comments like in too intense, or too crazy, or too talkative or I should stop overthink. Or I’m too funny = too cynical.
I’ve been trying to be a different person : less joking, not saying my opinion unless asked, trying to be colder (not to be intense). And every time that happens my circle will make comments like “we had such a good time, was so nice seeing you”…..
This makes me feel so lonely, and to cope I’ve had conversations in my own head for like more than 10 min or so. And that’s pathetic. I feel like I have so much to offer but can’t because no one is interested.
Thanks for reading my rant.

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Higher frequency energy is all about love, happiness, peace, bliss, abundance...etc
Lower frequency energies are anger, hatred, frustration, hopelessness...etc
Our current way of living or the system we live in, is designed to keep you in lower state of frequency so you're easily controlled and kept in the cage.
When you're in low vibration, you life is often difficult and you're not in touch with your higher self and also not in the way to realize your life's potential and purpose.
​
Good news is that if you find yourself in a lower frequency, you can easily shift yourself into higher frequency using this 3 easy steps.
1) Be aware of how you're feeling. Whether you're in low frequency or high.
2) Gain control of your nervous system by box breathing/square breathing technique
3) Use the power of affirmation to stop the negative thought patterns and rewire your brain to positive patterns
​
You can do this technique from anywhere and anytime. You can do it on a train or a bus, when you're stuck in traffic and just about anywhere else.
You will take control of your nervous system within 2-3 box breaths.
​
And from there you can use any affirmations to empower yourself.
​
I am followed by something positive you want to program.
​
For example,
I am in abundance
I am love
I am bliss
...etc
​
Next time you catch yourself in a negative or low vibrational state, use this technique and let abundance come to you. Thanks for watching!
Watch the full video here 👉 https://youtu.be/x8hBckxKuuw
​
AFFIRMATIONS USED IN THIS VIDEO
1) I AM IN CONTROL
2) I LIVE MY LIFE WITH PURPOSE
3) I DESERVE HAPPINESS
4) I AM AT PEACE
5) I AM LOVING
6) I AM OPEN TO UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
7) I FORGIVE MYSELF AND FORGIVE OTHERS
8) I AM GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE
9) I AM GRATEFUL FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL DAY
10) I AM HAPPY
11) I AM AT PEACE
12) I AM IN CONTROL
13) I ATTRACT ABUNDANCE
14) I AM THE CREATOR OF MY LIFE
15) I CAN GET ANYTHING I DESIRE IF IT'S FOR HIGHEST GOOD
16) I AM IN FLOW WITH THE UNIVERSE
17) I AM AT PEACE
18) I AM LOVING
19) I AM KIND
20) I AM IN ABUNDANCE
21) I AM BLISS
22) I AM HAPPY
23) I AM GRATEFUL
24) I AM AT PEACE
25) I APPRECIATE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE
26) I AM THANKFUL FOR ALL THE LESSONS
27) I GROW EVERYDAY
28) I ATTRACT ABUNDANCE
29) I AM PEACEFUL
30) I AM LOVING
31) I AM KIND
32) I AM WORTHY
33) I AM GRATEFUL
34) I AM SUCESSFUL
35) I AM CONFIDENT
36) I AM LOVING
37) I AM AT PEACE
38) I AM BRAVE
39) I AM FEARLESS
40) I AM COURAGEOUS
41) I AM A WARRIOR
42) I CAN GET THROUGH ANYTHING
43) I HAVE UNBREAKABLE SPIRIT
44) I AM BRAVE
45) I AM COURAGEOUS
46) EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR MY HIGHEST GOOD
47) I AM GRATEFUL
48) I AM HAPPY
​
BONUS:
I LIVE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT

My 8 month old and I have had such an easy breastfeeding journey (unlike my first child) but every day I go back and forth with stopping. Some times I love our nursing sessions and other times I feel tired of being the sole provider of milk.
Even if my husband give a bottle, I still need to pump.
Why am I having such a hard time making a decision to stop or not? I don’t want to regret my choice. I’m so close to a year but it also feels so far.
Any advice on combo feeding? Did you successfully cut back on nursing but still maintains some time of milk supply?

I’m 20 and have been wanting to buy a nice boat for years. I’ve been fishing in a tiny boat for 8 years and love going out on the lake very often.
I want to get a nicer, bigger boat to take friends/family out fishing, cruising, skiing. But this will slow down my saving for a home, so I’m trying to determine if this is a bad decision or not.
The boats I’m looking at cost $6,000-$8,000. I have that set aside in cash to pay for it. I’d also sell my current boat for about $2,000-$3,000.

• I have a $10,000 emergency fund
  
• I gross $60k and have a contract for pay increase every six months up to $85k/year. ($45k to $65k after taxes)
  
• I’m investing for retirement into a Roth IRA ($500/month). I also have a pension and an additional $1,800/month in union benefits.
  
• I have zero debt of any kind
  
• I have an $18k truck I paid cash for a few years ago to pull it.
  

I am currently living with my grandfather in exchange for helping him with things around the house. I also have a place to store this boat free of charge as my father has many storage buildings on his farm and said I’m welcome to store it there.
So, can I afford this boat? Is a bad financial decision? Any input it appreciated, thanks!

Hey all, this may be more of a "personalfinance" question, but my wife and I are looking at some houses and we've been crunching numbers inside of some mortgage calculators to figure out how much we'll be paying and how that will affect our finances.
After looking at a house we really loved and crunching some numbers, it turns out that at the end of the month we'll be about +$300 to $400 positive income flow at the end of each month.
Just some context, I'm a single provider with 2 kids and bring in $4700 AFTER TAX.
Our total household expenditures every month is around $3550
Monthly Rent is $620 Utilities and bills average: $600
New Mortgage is gonna be around $1,650
I realize that my rent is insanely low, and I'm apprehensive to jump into home ownership especially since my "living space" payment is going to jump close to 2.5x the amount that it is now. I'm just tired of renting and want to own my own home to start building equity and stop paying my land lord's mortgage.
After my last post here, I realized that we're spending far too much money on other things we don't need such as eating out, amazon, and random small purchases when we're out and about. So it's possible that once we tighten the budget up a little bit our positive cash flow may be around +$500 each month. I haven't had time to really get into the specifics with our budget since life has been so busy.
After closing on this house we should have around 20k left in the bank. Am I reaching too high, or being too cautious? Is 20k a good "emergency fund" if we're adding around $400-$500 each month to it? Thanks for the advice all.

So i identified as a lesbian for years but lately i’ve been going unlabeled. Whenever i find men attractive it’s always a celebrity or a character, never men i see irl. Last time i found a guy relatively attractive was at a concert maybe a year ago but honestly i was just checking out his girlfriend most of the time. I don’t really find men attractive without clothes on, really i only find their faces attractive. The only guys i like have long hair. facial hair or chest hair really grosses me out. No hate towards any guys that look like that but i just don’t find it attractive almost always. My two favorite movies are both straight romance movies so i thought maybe i was into men because i want what they have yanno? But like when watching Titanic and Dirty dancing i literally only look at the women, they’re so beautiful and i would kill to be the guys in the movies. I’m not trans, i’ve kinda questioned that but i just want to be with these women. When i started questioning if i liked men i stopped consuming sapphic content all together, only straight content. I find it kinda gross a lot of the time. I started reading a book that SO many girls have told me they loved and i just found the romance with the man to be honestly kinda disgusting and degrading. I’ve had fantasies about men, sometimes i’ll watch straight adult videos but i still just end up looking at the women and listening to their voices. I find men with long hair very attractive, like they’re gorgeous but i just don’t think i could be happy marrying or dating a man. I want to though. I want to like men but i just don’t even know if i do or what. Some advice would be nice <3

So me and my bf have been in a LDR for 3 years. We live in the same country but in different parts. Since where I live is harder to find a better paid job, and I’ve always wanted to move in a different city, from the beginning we knew that I was the one who had to move.
He has always seen his friends a couple of times a week and I’ve always been fine with it, but in the latest months he has started to hang out with them a lot more, like 5/6 times a week. This has been an issue for me: he’s always at work or with his friends and there are weeks where we barely talk.
I tried to talk to him about it, though I never asked him to hang out less with them, because that would have meant “stay at home alone so you can talk with me” and it didn’t feel right, I asked if everything was ok, that I felt something was off. He assured me that everything was ok between us, that he loved me more than anything and things like this, but nothing has really changed. Eventually I stopped asking.
Now, having here my friends and family, I can keep myself busy, but I can’t stop thinking about the future, when I won’t be able to do so. I can’t stop thinking that I will be alone in a city where I don’t know anybody except a bf that prioritise his friends over me. I’m not even good a socialising, so “make new friends” it’s not an option, at least not at the beginning.
I know that not moving means break up, and I really love him, so I don’t want to. But I don’t want to be left alone most of the time by my bf because he has better things to do. On the other half, I think that it’s better to break up now than after moving.
What can I do? Talk to him knowing that he will dismiss this problem again? Break up now? Any advice will be appreciated

A lot happened before my father passed my sisters both demanded accounts and signed on the way they owned our father and her to the lot of large amount of money before he retired one sister had full control to put one account and because her husband had knowledge of how to control people with these accounts and how to sign them to where you own them and could walk away with all that one dollar unless my dad wanted to press charges felony and he did not he lived with that for several years the thing was my brother-in-law demanded I didn't no help and no cash from my father who bought me a vehicle and he also demanded who bought from him so he could have his own cash that started a bad thing but on the other note my other sister and brother planned a long time ago to steal all on the end and one sister her whole name go in life was to still everything in the end to work as a librarian in order to mingle with authorities with a plan of cutting me out because mother made her hate me when we were children she told her she was a real oldest daughter I was adopted by my father in the state of Missouri because I had no father my mother was abusive to me and she got her words she cut me out she got threw me out of the family they had me abused I had a death threat at one time when my memories came back I have an appointment to talk to a trusted her recovery attorney next week but it's well down to now it's a dirty stuff but they're still a very large amount of money missing that was too preachers one being a bad lawyer who was elected to prosecutor because of his name the state of Missouri couldn't help me with that because he was elected. There's no protection for heirs even though there's laws in Missouri. And when did in-laws with hating their heart and greed they come errors assets were never reported I never got anything from my dad as far as I had property stored there I finally got my camper but it cost me a lot my brother forced me to sign titles and soon tops and my sister would use them on something I told her it would be fraud because they couldn't Court can tell immediately that the paper was added to after the signature landlords can't get away with that anymore unless the person can't take them to court then they do cuz it happened to me before my thoughts are I was abused my life was certain all this Northwest Missouri it's very corrupt a bank account was moved when I was dying in another state and the prosecutor won't even let me look because it's been a few years back I need prosecutor the bank was concerned like there was a criminal and that prosecutor said get a lawyer well that's all I was told by a person well when they have more money and they've used pictures to launder money they use the prosecutor to get their way to not probate a larger state and they turn their back on me that goes to me like I am a disease because I know what they did my life was in dangerous I still don't feel safe I'm in this town I'm working on getting away from here so I can take care of the rest of this but my children didn't deserve to be cut out my father did not do this they did what they wanted for very large amount of money who got a very large attack right before he died and then I don't know who got the money I'm not money doesn't drive me but the fact that they did what they did has me irritated because my children did not deserve this my brother was supposed to probate and help me get all this done so my sister's got their way so far but my mother was in the background she was the first ex-wife and he was single but my one sister control freak controlled dad never move after his last divorce and he couldn't trust her she stole tooth imagine that grave sold them a year later without telling him to make banked on that but she did that because my other sister would find onto his largest inheritance account and controlling him with it he didn't press start his own either one but he did turn him in before he died after he got that last check he was bullied that's why they wanted my memory is gone I hired somebody to come into my life I found Love with a narcissist who was there for hire St Joe Missouri is very corrupt Andrew county was where the prosecutor fake probate attorney was they're still a fake casing at the judge refused to move it off but my brother is no longer represented who paid it to get it stopped to get those two titles back my father bought way more local than that my brother and said he was doing his own probate he bullied me to sign in 15 titles two were property I can't find out where those went except for I know they were laundered through his church his Titan picture who greedy preacher but also was involved and getting money off the top that's I'm in the assets it's all a mess it's a very big mess I'm talking to Tony next week another one thing is only have one chance that they got more money than they're counting you know I they laundered money they did it's on public 300 vehicles cars and trucks at dad bought for probate my brother promised to do with me that sisters pays him to do with that program that month is already had the prosecuting attorney as a lawyer he's not even a probate lawyer and now he's not a prosecutor attorney who knows he did wrong he's also a preacher but he's one of those tithing pictures like the other one putting printers lying their own pockets with other people's money they don't give it to the floor they're legal things in my eyes but I'm opinionated

I (17 F) am in a almost 1 year relationship with my bf (16 M) when we first started everything was great until we were a month in I loved this one game but he hated it when he finally downloaded it he only played with me three times he said that he didn’t want to play with me anymore in that game because I made him feel insecure because I was better than him at it. I brushed it off and said okay but a couple of weeks after that me and him and his friends were playing that game and I played my favorite character and his friends were mad at me because I skill diffed them and his friends was disrespectful to me and because he doesn’t like my character that I was playing he went along with them. After that incident we stopped playing that game together and moved on to a different one that one I wasn’t good at and I played a lot just couldn’t get used to it and I started playing with his friends again and he has this one friend that is super rude to me even though it was a quick play match and his friend was calling me names and yelling at me and my boyfriend was in the background just laughing and he proceeded to say I can’t control my friends not my fault just ignore it. After that I stopped playing games with him now every time I ask him to do something with me it’s always a no or idk I asked him to watch shows that he likes he always says no I asked him to watch shows that I like he says no to that to I asked him to come with me and my friends to eat he says no to that I told him that we don’t do anything together and he said “well your not trying in this relationship” and that I he is the only one trying and how it’s my fault because I don’t want to play games with him anymore

What is the scariest movie. that made you paranoid?. Kept you up all night? .Scared you to point that . Still on your mind can’t stop thinking about? it love to know thanks!

Hello people of Reddit, I need some help.
This is my first time here personally, but I have been listening to reddit stories for almost 2 years whether on Youtube, Insta, or any other platform. I made this account specifically because of this and I despratly need others' opinions as it has been eating at me for the past day.
​
*TW for talk of blood, illnesses, and implied pedophilia*
​
Some backstory first:
I am a high school student (so think in the age range of 15-18). I volunteer at a hospital every weekend: helping patients and nurses and showing visitors to their friends and loved ones. It can sometimes be a very sad job as I have met parents who children were dying, mentally ill patients who were being schedualed to be tranfered into mental hospitals, and watching bloody patients come out of ambulances.
One highlight of my job, however, is an older coworker who was being paid at the hospital, let's call him "G". G was a graduating college student (think in his mid 20s) who had been working at the hospital for a few years now. We worked together at the front of the hospital to greet and direct visitors. He was great, we had a lot of fun conversations, joked around, and he helped me become more confident when speaking with others. We became really good friends and I looked forward to seeing him every weekend for a few hours before I went to another part of the hospital to help out there.
Now to the actual story:
About 6 months into me volunteering around the hospital, G had told me he was quitting to find another higher paying job closer to his home. Of course, I was happy for him and supported him, wanting my now close friend to seceed. We exchanged numbers on his last day of the job and I never saw him again after that. I currently still work at hospital, but now with new people who I'm usually in charge of teaching because G is gone.
At first, we would talk once a week, mainly on my break at the hospital, as I had a small phase of hating the changes and wanting things to go back to normal. Of course, I soon got over that and stopping starting conversation a lot less as I had grown more busy with my daily life and wanted him to focus on his new job. He started texting me once or twice through the week, almost always texting first with a "hey" or "whats up". At first, I didn't think much of it until he started texting me even more. Of course I didn't mind, he was a good friend of mine and it seemed like he really cared about our friendship. The only problem is that he had and still currently has a girlfriend of three+ years (I'll call her "F"). I had known about G and F's relationship since G and I had started working together in the hospital. He talked about her pretty often.
I began to feel was possibly over stepping unknown boundries by talking with G too much. So, I started pushing back a bit to try and subtly force those boundries and respect their relationship, telling him things like "you've been talking to me a lot lol" and "Go check on your girlfriend, I'm sure she misses you rn". Keep in mind, this is all over text messages.
For a bit of context, I wasn't sure if F knew I was talking to G. over the phone, he never really mentioned her until I brought her up and asked about her.
Flash forward a few weeks until yesterday. Earlier in the day (around noon), G had texted me mention he was going out to celebrate his Dad's birthday. I tell him to have fun and go on with my day. later, I was going to a family event, both parents and my siblings in the car and we're driving to this event an hour away from our home.
I get a text from G around 6:30pm:
G: Yeah I'm drunk
Me [not completely sure if he's being serious or not]: Pfttt what
G: I'm drunk we went to a drinking festival [for his dad's birthday, he meant]
Me [laughing about it lightly to my family as I'm texting]: Lol you better not be driving home
G: I'm not
Me: okay good lol stay safe :>
G: I will don't worry
Me: Okayyy is you gf with you???
G: Yeah well she was with me but she went home, she was with us all day
Me [confused]: Oop- how come? Why did she leave early?
G: She was tired and it was getting late and she was drinking
Me in my head: huh........
Me on text [wanting to end the conversation]: Ooo well it sounds like you guys are having fun :)
G: It was
I was talking about it with my parents (I basically tell them everything) and they felt kind of off about it all. Like I had stated above, I am a minor, this dude is not. It especially didn't sit well with my dad who had implied that MANY older men had crushes on minors. Of course, because G is my friend, I defended him, but that comment had stuck with me and I'm now over thinking things.
To continue the story, after the conversation I had put down my phone for the event. When I got home around 9:30pm, I realized he had texted me again. I'll spare the finer details, but we had asked about each others' events, what we were both doing the next day, then our birthday came up (we have the same birthday). He asked how old I was turning. I got a weird vibe from that, but I told him and said "why do you ask?". His response was "Just asking", which I'm getting weird vibes from as I'm going through the texts again...
After that we spoke about things we want to do for our birthday, and then he asked if I wanted to hang out at some point.
For some more context, my parents are extreme planners, we practically already had the rest of the year planned out on your giant family callender. This mean I'm of course WAY to busy to make a 30 minute drive to his area so we can hang out for a few hours.
I told him this and our conversation was pretty normal after that.
It was around around 10pm when I really just wanted to end the conversation and told him: "Text your gf, make sure she's doing okay, I gtg to bed :P"
He didnt respond after that.
​
Knowing all of this information, what do you think is going on here? Is G just overly confortable with me??? Or was my dad right about something?? I don't freaking know and I need help. I not going to try and deny it, I'm not muture enough for these kinds of things. I just need help to figure out if I should cut him off or if I'm over reacting. All opinions are valid and will be looked over by me.
​
Thank you <3

Writing this in a fit of rage so bare w me. I have a 7 month old dachshund puppy who is FULL of energy. I live in an apartment, so walks are essential for her to burn this energy/use the bathroom/experience the world/etc. As her owner, I LOVE walking & of course want to bring my baby every time I decide to go outside, because she is my best friend and deserves to experience the world outside the 4 walls of my apartment. HOWEVER, she is the WORST walker on planet earth. I’m not sure if she has ever taken more than 10 steps without completely stopping and REFUSING to move forward (no matter how hard I yank her).
I understand she is still young and learning and I live in a city, so the sounds and scents are probably a lot too. But I have been taking her on walks since she was weeks old, and it has been the same every time. Idk if she just doesn’t like walks? Or if I’M soing something wrong, but my patience is gone. I end up just carrying her the whole time bc I still want to be ourside and go on a walk and I can’t deal with the stopping and staring and yanking. Do I get a trainer to help with this? Is it just her age? Help😭

Tired of chasing. Love, success, expectations. Just tired. I make a promise tonight.
It is what it is. I am gonna stop chasing and let things come to me.

We broke up 6 months ago (he's a DA and I'm an AP) but have been seeing each other on and off ever since. Ocassionaly slept together too. 2 months ago, I accidentally got pregnant. He seemed excited about becoming a father and started being more loving towards me again, we planned a trip overseas together and I was over the moon, so happy about us becoming a family. I lost our baby 2 weeks ago. He didn't show it very much but I could tell he was devestated too. He told me we would still talk and be there for each other, and said we would meet up the week after that. He would think about if there's still a chance for us. One week later I still hadn't heard from him so I texted him how he was holding up. He didn't respond. So I texted him if he wanted to still meet up and he responded a day later, very short. 'Maybe'. After that he stopped responding to my texts and declined my call. Yesterday, he texted me saying 'I know you want peace of mind but I just want to be alone. I feel like every time we see each other we go down again cause I don't want a relationship now or anything'. I replied that I know he doesn't want a relationship right now but that I don't understand why he would tell me we would be there for each other and see each other soon if that was not what he wanted. Then finally I told him I would respect his wish to be alone but I feel hurt. And that if he ever wants to talk I'm there. Am I being an asshole here? I just feel so abandoned right now. I feel devestated that he would treat me in such a cold manner after just losing our baby.

All of these comments are from Tiktok.
They are all in simplified Chinese except two, meaning very likely the ppl who left them are Chinese mainlanders.
They account for about 70-80% of all simplified Chinese comments based on my experience.
They can represent the real Chinese people.
Stop imagining they desire for democracy. They love the communist party, they really do.
Don't need to have any sympathy for its ppl when sactioning this country.
They deserve it all.
https://preview.redd.it/8svxg1po914b1.png?width=1875&format=png&auto=webp&s=b14bacd934a8c2b9b5536baed2716612d3d013d0
https://preview.redd.it/4is4c1po914b1.png?width=1709&format=png&auto=webp&s=a0715740a87202cac38ea836d2a28c4a2d33169c
https://preview.redd.it/vyjkc1po914b1.png?width=1663&format=png&auto=webp&s=e25f039fba5d8bf098c64dcc0a61d613eeea8bb3
https://preview.redd.it/cxait0po914b1.png?width=1780&format=png&auto=webp&s=c91f449139ee15290eaa8efd5d63d673e787a054

Trigger warnings: depression, emotional, mental and physical abuse, child abuse, abortions, suicide idealations and attempts.
Backstory: I was diagnosed with epilepsy when I was 13 years old, although some doctors believe I'd been having seizures since I was as young as 6 or 7. I was also diagnosed with manic depression/bipolar disorder when I was 16.
At 21 I gave birth to my first daughter, M. A little under two years later I had my second daughter, A. The first pregnancy wasn't easy and I had a lot of seizures during the course of the pregnancy. Many trips to the hospital to make sure baby was safe. But after I gave birth I jumped straight into motherhood. I lived roughly 4 hours away from my parents and struggled with feeling homesick frequently. I called my dad daily for parenting advice, to vent, to update him, and also to help subside that homesick feeling. Regardless though, I was a very attentive and active mom. I spent all of my time with M. She was my best friend. I LOVED being a mom and I was THRIVING. After M turned 1, I moved back "home" and moved back in with my parents. My second pregnancy was much the same. Uncomfortable pregnancy, many seizures. However with this pregnancy I had some complications that caused A to be born 10 weeks early. This caused A to spend the first several months of her life in the nicu and even had to have gastral intestinal surgery before she was even 4 months old. Due to my epilepsy I do not drive, but I did everything I could in my power to see my A as frequently and for as long as I could. Visiting hours were somewhat restricting though.
At some point in time I started displaying symptoms of postpartum depression that was heavily exasperated by my manic depression. I was at an all time low. The physical pain of a depression that immense had crippled me. I felt like I had concrete in my veins. Just getting up and going to the bathroom was an exhausting task. I spent most of my days sleeping as an escape from the pain and exhaustion. Thankfully I lived with my parents, my younger daughters father (J), and some of my sisters. I would say I had plenty of help and support, but a more accurate statement would be "the children were looked after". I on the other hand was mocked, teased and belittled at every opportunity. At the time I thought nothing of it. I thought "that's just how my family is" I was raised with the motto "the more I tease you, the more I love you". Before my dad knew I was pregnant (I kept it a secret for 18 weeks because J was pressuring me to get an unwanted abortion.) my dad pointed to my stomach one morning and said "you know, some situps would help with that" I was devastated, already feeling fat and disgusting, and went to my room to cry.
Without me even realizing it, the negative comments and belittling nature of my family took a toll on me and I was getting deeper and deeper into my depression without a light at the end of the tunnel. I HATED myself for not being able to get up and play with my children. I couldn't understand how I could be so active and attentive with M at that age but I just didn't have it in me for A. I felt like I'd failed her in so many ways. I tried my best to find solutions to the problem. Often times I'd try to find games to play with them that involved me lying or at least sitting on the couch. Puzzles, coloring, movies, cars. Anything low impact, but kids want to run and play and be active.. I felt like the worst mom of all times and I wasn't being told differently by those around me. In fact my greatest fears were being confirmed daily. One day I finally broke and had a full mental breakdown in front of my mom. I had confessed to my mom that I was having suicidal idealations. I knew deep down I didn't want to end my life, but I wanted the pain to stop. I couldn't breathe under the weight of my depression and I desperately needed help. I sat on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, confessing all of my deepest darkest thoughts and feelings at that time. My mom, in my opinion, brushed me off and said "well look into counseling or something" and then walked away, while I stayed sitting against our front door, crying my heart out. I felt devastated. All I wanted was a hug and some comfort but it was clear I was barking up the wrong tree. I got myself together, went upstairs, and went to sleep in order to escape the heartbreak and numb myself again. This entire timeline is a blur to me, so I'm not sure how much time passed between my melt down and this next conversation, but I feel like it was less than a week when my mom sat me down to have a conversation about the girls.
She suggested to me that my parents take temporary custody of the girls until I was able to "get on my feet". She kept pushing this narrative that it was what was best for the girls and their safety. She used my epilepsy as an excuse. Telling me that it was unsafe for the girls to be under my care when my epilepsy was so unpredictable. She also used my mental health, feeding into all of my fears and my own perceived shortcomings. A decent way into the conversation, my dad joined us. His whole demeanor radiated "this is a waste of my time. Just do what we say so I can go do other things" but maybe that was me reading too deeply into his behavior. Once he sat down it felt like my mom leaned even deeper into this narrative that they were clearly the better option for the girls wellbeing, but it would only be for a short time and that they were mainly concerned with the girls quality of life. I really struggled with what to do. I already felt like I was failing my children because I was so mentally and emotionally drained and detached. I didn't want to abandon them or lose them, but I also didn't want to harm them in the ways I had been harmed growing up. I figured my mom knew best because she had been in my shoes for all of my childhood. The vast majority of memories I have of my mom are of her sleeping on the couch, or raging out over the most minuscule things. I didn't want my children raised like that... So reluctantly, I agreed, truly believing I was doing a selfless thing and putting my children first. (This would later be used against me at every opportunity) I signed a piece of computer paper that my mom had scribbled an agreement on, stating that I was signing over temporary custody of my kids to my parents, with the understanding that I would get full custody back at an undisclosed time.
One day while I was down the road at a friend's house, my mom called me frantic, demanding I get home immediately. I rushed up to the house to find out that A's dad, J, had her wrapped in three blankets, in her car seat (it's the only place she would sleep). She was drenched in sweat (apparently new borns aren't supposed to sweat, especially not that much) and she was crying hysterically due to discomfort. J was irate, screaming at her and aggressively shaking the car seat. My mom said she heard him scream "shut the fck up or I'm going to *unalive you". She was under the impression that him and I were arguing again, and had come to break up the fight. (This always seemed odd to me seeing as how she never once intervened in our arguments before) When she realized I wasn't home and he was talking to A, she grabbed A and went downstairs. As she walked down the hall, j punched a hole in the wall near her head. He claimed he was "only trying to scare her" because she was "stealing his child from him" I was outraged and mortified. I tried multiple times to leave him and kick him out, but I had no support from my family. At one point I even resorted to packing up all of his belongings and throwing them out on the lawn. I'm not proud of that but I felt I had no other choice, and rushed to lock the doors when he went to get his things. My sister promptly unlocked the door and let him back in, claiming I was "acting psychotic" I felt trapped... But I had grown up around this behavior. My dad was an angry drunk and I had grown up believing that those behaviors were "passion" rather than aggression. So I accepted my fait and went on as if nothing had happened, certain that this would be the rest of my life.
One day when J was driving me to work we got into an argument and he repeatedly told me "your dad was right. You should do the world a favor and just unalive yourself. Everyone would be a lot happier" he kept repeating it over and over until I finally had it. He pulled up to a stop sign and I got out of the car and started walking down the road. He immediately started freaking out, begging me to get back in the car, using everything he could think of to manipulate me into getting back into the car. I finally caved and got back in. J dropped me off at work and as I got out of the car I told him "we're over. I'm breaking up with you". I closed the door before he could say a word and walked into work feeling like I was on cloud 9. It felt like all of my troubles had been wiped away. When I got inside, I told a friend what happened and explained that I didn't want to go home that night because I knew a guilt trip was waiting for me when I got there. I knew there would be an argument that would last hours and I would finally break due to exhaustion and would inevitably take him back. My coworker seemed to understand and let me stay at his house as long as I needed.
I called my mom and told her what had happened. I begged and pleaded with her to kick J out, but she refused. She was concerned that he'd try to take A if she kicked him out. I told her I was certain he wouldn't. He only ever cared about himself and his own self preservation. A baby would only make things harder for him and it was a responsibility and a role he didn't even want in the first place. I told her J had spent 18 weeks pressuring me to abort A and was evening willing to drive me out of state to get the procedure done, until I finally put my foot down and told him no, I was keeping my baby. I stayed away for 2 full weeks, the entire time begging and pleading with my family. Pointing out his abusive tendencies and his history with verbal and physical abuse and outbursts. My mom held her ground and refused to help me in any capacity. Every time M asked where I was, my mom would say "your mom's at work" rather than have her call me and talk to me. This created a lot of psychological trauma for M. She had severe seperstion anxiety, having panic attacks any time someone had to leave the house, convinced that if they left they'd never return. Still to this day she has abandonment issues as well as severe panic attacks.
After two weeks, I started coming over for visits but I never moved back in. During this time, J informed me that he was talking to another girl. He made it abundantly clear that she was 16. He was roughly 25 or 26 at the time. I later found out that they weren't talking. In fact, she had a boyfriend who was age appropriate, but J had been going and telling their entire friend group that they had been messing around together. I was then informed by my younger sibling L, that J had made advances on her that she quickly shut down. I think she was roughly 18 at the time. When this didn't pan out and J didn't get the reactions he expected from myself or L, he moved on. Years later I was told the same time xact story by both J and my oldest sister Al. "We had been hanging out, drinking, smoking. Ya know, the usual. And then well... Because I was so inebriated, they took advantage of me and we slept together" Knowing the both of them well enough, I knew it was consensual and they were just embarrassed and scared of my reaction. I laughed and told them they deserved one another.
As you can imagine, J's questionable life choices caught up with him and he was rejected from every friend group he had, to the point where he left the state and broke all contact with myself, and my family. It was a weight off my shoulders when he was finally gone. At that point I had gotten my own apartment but it was the first time I lived alone, paying my own bills, and I was not good at it. I was missing bill payments left and right. My power was shut off in the middle of winter and before long I was evicted. I was homeless and asked my parents if I could move home. They said no, that it would be too confusing for the girls if I moved back in with them. I ended up staying with friends on the couch in a one bedroom. It was extremely uncomfortable, but I had a roof over my head. When their lease was up, they invited me to get a new place with them. I agreed and I started learning about finances and how to be a functioning part of society.
My parents said I was welcome to visit the girls any time I wanted, but when I'd ask, it was a whole ordeal and guilt trip because they had to come pick me up and refused to bring my kids to my place. They said the car ride was too much for the girls to handle. Mind you, Ms dad B, still lives 4 hours away. My parents regularly drive both of my daughters up to see B and his parents whenever Bs parents request it. However, a 30 minute drive was asking far too much of such young and fragile children. When I argued that point they would use other excuses why they would not be bringing my children to see me. Once again I felt powerless and like a bad mom, being paraded by my parents for not being more active in my kids lives, but when I tried to make the effort it was scorned and met with negativity.
I self isolated for awhile, but still tried to be apart of my children's lives.
Over the years I've brought up the custody agreement, pointing out that it was supposed to only be temporary. I think my parents got frustrated with this because once the girls started school, my mom pressured me to sign over full custody, claiming it would make filling out paperwork a lot easier on my parents. But it was still only temporary, supposedly. Again, I continued to press for custody back and I would be met with argument after argument, bombarded with all of my shortcomings. On multiple occasions my mom told me "if you take custody of the girls back it will destroy mine and your father's marriage. Some days the girls are the only thing keeping us together" I was also told "if you take custody back it will literally kill your father. He won't survive." A year or so ago I told my mom we needed to go to therapy because I could not speak to her without a mediator. She finally agreed and we had two sessions. The first of which she cried her eyes out, telling the therapist that she's always done her absolute best for us kids and that we never appreciate anything she's done for us. She said "I took on the responsibility of raising two young children while she was out there f*cking anyone and everyone she wanted" mind you, during the time frame she was talking about, I had one intimate partner. When I confronted her about it outside of the session she said "I said that to highlight the poor life choices you were making at the time"
Fast-forward to now, A and I have a good relationship, but she's closest to my dad over everyone. M and I still have an incredibly tight bond though. She tells me everything. I'm her best friend.
The things she's been telling me the last couple of years are bringing up a lot of PTSD and trauma for me from my childhood. It's been opening my eyes to the level of mental abuse I suffered at the hands of my parents.
At this point you're probably thinking what I thought for most of my life. "This girl's mom sounds like a monster" It wasn't until recently that my father's facade was irreversibly shattered in my eyes. M had come to me and asked "what would you say if I asked to be called unisex name". I told her "I wouldn't say anything. I'd just call you by the name you chose. I love you no matter what I call you. I will always love you no matter what. There's nothing in this world that will change that, especially not a name." In time M came to me and said "how would you react if I told you I like girls" I said "the same way I reacted when you wanted to change your name. I will always accept, support and love you, no matter what"
She had gone to my mom with the same questions and my mom had roughly the same response. My dad on the other hand had a much more viseral response. When the name was brought up, he hit the roof, yelling "I'm not having another kid try and change their name. That's stupid. You have a name." (L changed their name when they were in school and my father always hated it and still refuses to call L by their chosen name) When the topic of sexual preference was broached he'd just roll his eyes, huff and act like M was being stupid and childish. As I touched up on previously, M has severe panic attacks. I can relate because I also suffer from them and they were extremely bad around the same age that M is now. From things M had told me in passing I'm under the impression that she was being bullied at school. Every morning was a struggle. She would beg my parents to let her stay home. If it was up to my mom, she'd get frustrated and give in, saying "whatever. Do whatever you want. You do anyway. None of you ever listen to me or respect anything I say" and M would go lie in bed and call me crying that she "upset nana" If it were my dad however, he'd yell at her to get her @$$ in the car and that he wasn't dealing with her $ht. She would have full fledged panic attacks in the car to which he would yell and scream at her to knock off the teenage bllsh*t and to suck it up. One day he even threatened to institutionalize her if this behavior continued. She called me, mid breakdown, telling me everything that had happened and asked me "what even does that mean? Is he gonna lock me up in a psych ward because I'm having panic attacks?" I assured her that no one was doing any such thing. I then called my parents and tore into them for treating her like that. My skin was crawling, I was so appalled at his behavior.
He tries his best to mask his negativity and what I consider to be narcissistic tendencies. He went from being an angry alcoholic to being a sober helpful part of the church he attends. I told my mom recently that I believe he swapped one addiction for another. He portrays this happy healthy life and family all over social media, showing my kids off to the people at his church, claiming they're his kids. So much so to the point that I had attended a few services and people thought I was their sister, not their mom, because my dad refuses to refer to them as his grandchildren. He's even taken it so far as to claim that he BIRTHED them. I don't know what level of psychosis it takes for a man to claim that he carried two children in his womb, but that's besides the point.
Also to Ms detriment, he will tease her about her weight, her eating habits, her sleeping habits. He will also make snide comments about LGBTQ+ related and adjacent topics.
L, had also suffered this same emotional and mental abuse for years from our dad and subsequently my mom who is too scared of my dad to stand up for her own beliefs. L finally made the difficult decision to go no contact for their mental health. This was extra difficult for them because that meant they had less access to their nieces and nephew, but they had to do what was best for their mental state and they took a step back. At one point my dad had brought L up, calling them by their dead name and misgendering them. When M corrected my dad he scoffed and said "people who change their names and gender are just people who weren't loved enough as a child" M responded with "k.." and went to her room to call me, explaining how incredibly offensive that statement was, especially seeing as how that's his own child. She said "who's fault is it if L wasn't loved enough as a child?" (She's extremely aware for her age)
I got a phone call from A one afternoon. She was crying and told me "I'm just sad because I'm never going to see L again because she abandoned us." I asked who told her that and she said "papa said dead name abandoned us because she doesn't care about the family anymore" I explained that none of that was true and that L missed them very much, and wanted to see them very much.
I spoke to L regularly about the situation at hand, being as supportive as possible while trying to stay out of the family drama. After months of distancing themselves from our parents, they came to me for help and guidance. They wanted to have dinner with our parents to try and mend their relationships. However they were scared of the response they would receive, so I offered to be the buffer and reach out on their behalf.
My mom's response was perfect. She said "I would love to have dinner with them. Tell me when and where" My dad's response was less ideal. He said "we would love to have dinner with her. If she's ready to respect our family and our beliefs we would be happy to have dinner with her" I lost it on him. I told him that I was sick and tired of his behavior. He puts on a holier than thou facade but he doesn't actually act very christ like in reality. I pointed out that when the prodigal son returned he wasn't met with "are you ready to ahere to our rules and regulations now? Are you prepared to act the way that we want you to? If you are then you can come home, but if not, get out" he was welcomed home with open arms, regardless of anything he had done or said. He replied with "I had a gut feeling that I shouldn't have responded to that text. I should've listened to that gut instinct"
I've gone no contact with him since that argument, but as you can imagine, that was just the straw that broke the camel's back.
On mother's day, my dad was out of town but my girls went to church with my mom. There was a guest speaker who had an extremely antitrans message. The way my mom explained it was "if your kid comes out as trans, you're a failure as a mom" I was dumbfounded to hear that they'd have a message like that at all, but especially on mother's day, shaming parents, but specifically mom's, into rejecting their children's self identification, as if one person has control over another person's identity. M told me she didn't ever want to go back. I told her I understood and I'd do my best to make sure she didn't have to.
Today is my birthday and my girls are coming over. M texted me this morning saying "I'm getting ready for church. I was told that if I wanted to go to my mom's house, I had to go to church first" This used to be a place that she felt safe and happy in and now it's become a place of contention for her. She'll ask my mom if she can stay home (never my dad) and although my mom usually caves and lets her stay home, it's always with some stipulation.
My dad is a controlling, manipulative, homophobic, close minded fraud of a Christian who is emotionally and mentally harming and abusing my children, and my mom isn't much safer for either of them, always siding with my dad out of fear and exhaustion.
I desperately want to remove them from this situation and regain full custody but I don't know where to start. I work two jobs in order to make ends meet. I'm behind on my rent. I have to take buses and Ubers everywhere I go. I have a very small two bedroom apartment (the girls each have their own rooms at my parents house). They have friends and a sense of community where they are, with a nice sized backyard, a trampoline, two of my three siblings are close by so they get to see their cousins daily. I don't want to rip them away from the only home they've known for years. I don't want to uproot them and disrupt the little amount of structure they do have. I don't even know how I would manage two jobs as well as a 10 and a 12 year old, but I also don't want to leave them in this toxic suffocating and damaging environment when all along I thought it was a better and safer environment for them than what I had to offer.
I feel like I'm still brainwashed to some extent by my parents, second guessing my abilities as a mom. Telling myself I'm not capable of the things I need to do for these girls. I'm at a loss for what to do at this point. Do I fight for custody back? Do I leave them as they are? Do I continue to try and advocate for them even though it either falls on deaf ears or makes matters so much worse, because that frustration is then taken out on my kids?